Reddit Reddit reviews 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2–12

We found 13 Reddit comments about 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2–12. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Parenting & Relationships
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Parenting
1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2–12
The gold standard of parenting books and a 2016 Family Choice Award winner!
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13 Reddit comments about 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2–12:

u/suddenly_ponies · 14 pointsr/Parenting

1 2 3 magic

Spoilers: You teach them that there is consequence for their actions.

u/enderjaca · 7 pointsr/Parenting

My wife is a first-grade teacher, and our own kids are now ages 6 & 9. We've been using 1-2-3 Magic as the basis for our discipline. There's a fair amount that you need to understand, so borrowing the book from the library or Audible would be helpful. But to break it down to you simply, it's like this:

0) Kid does is doing something unsafe/mean/rude. You tell them to stop.

  1. Kid continues doing that action. You say "That's one".
  2. Kid continues. "That's two." Hopefully by now you have the child's attention. Many times, they'll stop what they're doing and ask "wait what? why am I at two?" You can simply explain you told them to stop, and they didn't stop.
  3. Kid continues. "That's three. Go take a timeout (and the timeout is generally proportional to their age. 2 minutes for a 2 year old, 10 minutes for a ten year old). Or, implement natural consequences. If they were being rough with an electronic device, you take away the device for a period of time.

    One important thing is that you don't go into long, drawn-out explanations of what they're doing wrong while they're doing the behavior. You keep it very simple. "That's one. Stop".

    AFTER the timeout and/or consequences are done, THEN you can try and talk with the kid once they've calmed down. Time-out doesn't begin until the tantrum is over. Edit: The "official" 1-2-3- method says don't even bother reviewing the behavior with the kid after the timeout is over. Just go back to whatever you were previously doing. If the kid really doesn't understand, I feel it's ok to talk about it. But start with the kid: "Why do you think you got this time-out?" Let them tell you.

    You also need to make sure both parents are on-board with this system. If one parent is saying "That's one" and the other is saying "Now now little Susie, we don't swing the belt around in the house, you could hurt someone or damage something" --- you're going to fail big-time. Is this system perfect? Not necessarily, but it works pretty good for us.

    Oh, and for very serious behavior like hitting or hurting, you can jump straight to "That's 3 - timeout".

    https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430
u/rocktop · 3 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Congrats on soon becoming a mom! Since you're already self aware of your pessimism/narc fleas, you'll be able to avoid doing what was done to you. I have two kids but didn't realize my parents were narcs until after they were both born. I've always feared that I would become my father and for the first few years of my first child's life, I basically was. I found myself getting irrationally frustrated at his normal child behavior and yelling at him. My wife, much like your husband, came from a loving family and told me my behavior wasn't healthy. Long story short, I sought out therapy and have made significant changes in the way I parent. My kids are much happier now, my wife is much happier and so am I.

I can offer you a couple of pieces of advice:

• As a parent your goal should be to raise a health, happy human being. The way you do that is by teaching your child how to conduct themselves in the world, how to socialize, how to interact with others, how to apply themselves and so forth. What your parents probably did to you was yell, threaten and use emotional manipulation to control your behaviors. You basically want to do the opposite of this. You want to teach your child how to control themselves so they can make the correct decisions on their own. Let's take your greens example. Instead of yelling at them, you should offer them the greens and explain why eating greens is important. You should also model for them the behavior you want by eating the greens yourself. If they tell you they don't like greens, then offer them several other healthy options and let them decided which one they like. Here is a great video that talks about this and offers more advice on effective, healthy discipline.

• Pickup a copy of 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. My therapist suggested this book to me and it really is magic. It sounds too good to be true when you read but it actually works! It's changed the entire dynamic of how I interact with my children.

• Don't react to your kids. When they act out or do something you don't like, stay calm, think about what you should do, then respond appropriately. There is a difference. Your child will need to learn how to regulate and control their emotions. They learn that from watching their parents. If they see mom blowing up and losing her cool after they do something you don't like, they will learn that is how they are supposed to respond when something is done to them that they don't like. By staying calm you show them how to appropriately respond to stressful situations.

• Take responsibility for your actions. If you mess up, or you yell at your child for something, admit you were wrong and apologize to them. Explain to them that what you did was not acceptable and that you are working on changing your behavior. Show them you were wrong but that you are working towards fixing it. This will build huge amounts of trust with your child. No one is perfect. They will see that you mess up sometimes too but you take responsibility and do your best to make it better. Part of this is also learning from your own mistakes. You do actually have to take responsibility and make sure you learn from your own mistakes so you don't do them again. If you tell your child you won't do it again, but then you do it again 3 more times, they will get the message that you say one thing but do another. Don't let this happen!

• Kids change every day. What works for you one day will eventually change and you'll have to figure out a new way to do it. That's totally normal and part of process of parenting. As much as your kids will be learning from you, you'll also be learning how to be a parent from them. I know that sounds strange but it's true. Your kids will present you with different challenges and you'll have to figure out how to overcome them.

• Give them praise. Tell them your proud of them. Tell them they're brave. Prop them up every chance you can. They need your love and support through their entire lives. Love them, support them and be there for them. This will mean you'll have put your interests aside at times but do it for them. Build up their self esteem with positive messages, kind words and healthy role modeling. Be the person you want them to be. Be the person you always wished your parents would be.

• Make sure you take care of your needs. You need proper rest, nutrition, exercise, socialization, relaxation and so forth. Take the time to recharge your batteries once in awhile. This will help you stay calm and help you be a better parent. You can't fill another person's bucket if yours is empty.

• Communicate with your husband everyday. Talk about the challenges your facing, the things you find helpful, the small wins you get. Listen to him, talk about his life and his concerns. Be partners in parenting. Talk things through and find solutions to problems together.

• Be present with your kids. Put away the distractions (phone, TV, internet) and enjoy them. They will grow up faster than you ever though possible. Enjoy the happy moments. Take lots of pictures and videos.

• Listen to them. Listen to their needs and desires and help them grow as humans. They will need your guidance as they reach certain milestones in their life (first day at school, first time a friend is mean to them, etc). Be there for them.

• When in doubt, show them love. You won't have all the answers all the time and that's okay. What your child wants more than anything, especially when they're young, is your unconditional love. Even if you're upset with them, tell them you love them. It will mean a lot to them.

One last thing I would say is keep an open mind and work on being the best you can be. No one really knows how to be a parent until they become one. We all learn how to do it as we go. Stay positive, be a good role model and love your child. You'll do great!

u/geekerjoy1 · 3 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

Wow! You are certainly a generous friend!

As soon as Grandpa left after Christmas, I wrote a thankyou card for the gifts he gave, and asked my twins to draw him a picture.

We've also taught them that Santa Clause is a glorified delivery man who just picks up the presents from our friends and relatives and delivers them to us, so they can understand presents were a gift of love and not just careless gestures from an unfathomably rich guy that can give them anything.

But I don't like the way they treat their toys. I wish they could be more respectful and grateful for the things they have.

They like to watch YouTube vids that are made by other little girls, and normally I don't mind, but the episodes after Christmas were sickening! The little girls on the vid were just bragging about the piles of presents they had gotten. So not my kids are not allowed to watch that particular display of greed, but damage is done a bit, I think.

When I was their age, I was lucky enough to get a charity box for Christmas from a local church group. Of course, they gave me one for the wrong gender and instead of a barbie doll, I had a GI Joe with military uniform, and a Planet of the Apes action figure, but at least it was something. And some of my classmates had so many nice toys that they took for granted. I'd just marvel enviously whenever I went over for a playdate, wishing we could play with some of those things, but they were so blase' about it.

Things they took for granted, like being able to eat candy, take-out, spaghettios and even breakfast cereal with the little marshmallows, were an almost unheard-of luxury in my family.

It's not just in third-world countries where people sometimes don't get enough to eat.

Sometimes when the kids are being finicky about their food, I have to put my foot down and either they eat it or be excused from the table. It's hard sometimes doing that, but if I cave, they won't respect my word or understand that consequences actually happen.

My husband would sometimes cave and undermine me and that was a real struggle, trying to get him on board. Still struggle with it sometimes. I've taken to writing rules on the walls of our home in washable crayon: "Rule#1: Meals must be eaten 100% or there will be NO dessert!" and I make everyone repeat it before mealtimes, sometimes.

It makes me feel like such a b---h sometimes, and I hate that.

Maternal overcompensation is something I really struggle with. I feel so guilty sometimes for my own perceived shortcomings as a parent, and I find myself trying to make up for that by buying them stuff. I've tried to restrict myself to thriftstore stuff, but it's not a good habit, so I've constantly got to talk myself out of it.

We've done attachment parenting until they were about 5, and now we're trying to detach a bit and let them be a bit more independant. Two books we found helpful in disciplining them were:

1-2-3 Magic

and

If I have to tell you one more time...

and we do a point system for them to earn prizes/allowance with this reward/chore chart which also has behaviors on it as well as chores.

But even with all that, it's an uphill battle sometimes. Especially since we don't use physical discipline. My mother had no trouble at all in getting me to be obedient because she had a helluva backhand. But I don't want to be doing that with my own kids, so it's harder work. And sometimes I am SO tempted to 'use my hands', so I have to take some 'mommy time-out space' for myself sometime.

u/themagicman1986 · 3 pointsr/Parenting

Check out 1-2-3 Magic it helped with our 2 oldest when they were in the 2-4 range.

Hang in there I know it can be rough at times and me and my wife are constantly having to pick each other(and ourselves) out of what feels like our own personal mental hospital(when the walls are smeared with feces it really helps complete that image).

Sanity is not easy to come by with little ones in the house. Hang in there though and you will make it through!

u/PrincessCBHammock · 2 pointsr/parentsofmultiples

I know you don't have a ton of spare time to read up on this but when I was a nanny for children with similar issues, I had a ton of luck with 1-2-3 Magic. I first learned of it when my mom actually used it on my twin brothers when they got so defiant she was having trouble getting them out the door to school andher towork. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1889140430?pc_redir=1413880689&robot_redir=1

u/libertao · 2 pointsr/Parenting

Everyone has different opinions, but mine are

Sleep: Ferber

Discipline: 1-2-3 Magic

Like a lot of things with kids, routine and consistency are paramount. Unfortunately, he is a little too young for the Discipline and might be a little too old for the Ferber sleep method, but they might be worth looking into. You can find summaries on the internet too. It can be a tough age.

u/embryonic_journey · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

I was a walking anger bomb for the first couple months. I'm more in control now. You've got lots of good suggestions in the replies. Here are some specifics that helped me:

  • The ABCs from SMART Recovery. They can be adapted easily for anger. Burn's "Feeling Good" has a good chapter on anger, and the ABCs are a more recent version of the tools he outlines. Feeling Good was the best $5 I've spent on Amazon.

  • The Headspace meditation app works for me. There are lots of good guided meditations, but I like having the app on my phone, with reminders and other features. Let me know if you like it, because I have coupons.

  • Breathe2Relax was another useful app.

  • 123 Magic is the parenting/discipline book we've read more than once. But my oldest is only 5. The book is a lot about focusing on YOUR behavior.
u/veth9000 · 1 pointr/Parenting

I highly recommend 1-2-3 Magic. You have to be calm and consistent about it, but it's worked really well with our eldest daughter (now 4, started at 2.5).

http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430

u/c2reason · 1 pointr/AskReddit

I'd highly recommend getting the book "1-2-3 Magic" (http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430/) for learning about disciplining a 2-year-old. He's going to need rules and structure and so are you. 2-year-olds are amazing, but can be hugely challenging. Consistency from the start will go a long way.

Heck, if you PM me I'd be happy to just send you a copy (it's recently saving my sanity with my 3-year-old).

u/th3r31t1s · 1 pointr/Parenting

123 Magic has really helped my husband and I with our three-anger. Implementing the strategy was easy and has brought so much peace to our home. How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Parenting with Love and Logic are the other 2 we have referenced lots of times. But if you are looking for more of a story Bringing Up Bebe was a fun read.

u/unstuckbilly · -1 pointsr/Parenting

You need to establish that you mean what you say every single time. This book is good for starting fresh with an effective routine:

http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377518080&sr=8-1&keywords=1+2+3+magic