Reddit reviews A Guide to Rational Living
We found 31 Reddit comments about A Guide to Rational Living. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Reddit reviews A Guide to Rational LivingWe found 31 Reddit comments about A Guide to Rational Living. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
A book that may help.
>When I can't do something correctly
Doing something incorrectly is still doing something, which is preferable to doing nothing. No one sits at a piano for the first time and plays tchaikovsky.
Definitely consider cognitive behavioral therapy. I had serious issues as a repressed closet case who'd never had a real relationship until the age of 30. Just reading a book about it helped tremendously, though I don't think I was facing as much of a struggle as you are. For what it's worth, this is the book that helped me. http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-Living-Albert-Ellis/dp/0879800429/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265489005&sr=8-1
> I'm miserable because my circumstances suck.
No, you are miserable because you tell yourself that your circumstances suck. A part of your brain attached a label to your circumstances (not as good as you would like) and then another part of your brain took that label and decided it was the sort of thing it ought to produce misery over.
There are essentially 2 possible paths for you to stop being miserable in such a situation:
(1) is probably possible, but if you set the bar at becoming a multimillionaire before you allow yourself to stop being miserable, I think you are in for a rough ride. The way your mind is presently, I think even if you made it to being a millionaire you would find new reasons why you ought to be miserable. Hence better option...
Option (2) can be difficult until you realize that there is nothing objectively true about the suckiness of your circumstances. Sure, in some respects you may be worse off than some other people but that is actual true for everyone except maybe one person. Are we all supposed to be miserable unless we stand at the literal apex of our species? You are probably better off than most humans, you just chose to compare yourself against a highly unusual sample.
I hope you can see there is a certain irrationality at the root of what you are currently feeling. Someone with positively oriented thinking might have come out of the meetup thinking "What great luck! I got to meet all these successful people and hangout in this awesome house!"
I find negative emotions are much easier to deal with if you find they lack validity in any objective sense. The subjective labels are arbitrary, so the instrumentally rational thing is to choose different labels make you feel good (or at least, don't make you feel bad). Obviously your conscious mind doesn't have absolute control all the time, and this sort of thing takes practice, but if you push yourself in the direction of being positive, over time I think you will see significant benefits as the rest of your brain starts to get with the program.
This isn't to say you shouldn't be trying to improve your circumstances. Personally I would recommend pursuing both options—try to improve your life both in external reality and at the same to create habits of positivity in your own mind. There is also a bit of synergy between the two—optimists tend to be more successful.
Your life is good just as it is and nothing you say could possibly disprove that.
(For further reading I recommend Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman and the classic A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis.)
Dude, you need a therapist. I would specifically recommend checking out cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Find a therapist who specializes in CBT, but also do some studying outside of that.
Check out the following:
CBT is based on the foundation that you can change your actions and feelings through your thougts and beliefs. It is irrational beliefs that lead to neurotic and unhealthy emotions and behavior. Other principles are that you need to separate your past actions from your perception of yourself and not let it define you, e.g., you've failed in the past, but that does not make you a failure.
Ellis' work is beyond amazing and has saved my life. I had been on the track to death being uttlerly depressed and anxious, codependent beyond belief, for over a decade which lead to me being a hopeless heroin/opiate addict for the past 4 years. I just recently went into rehab for the first time where I learned about CBT and it's been a life-changer.
Since learning about CBT and applying it to my life, I have finally become a mature, sane, and most importantly happy individual. Trust me when I say that if I can do it, anyone can.
No therapy is probably going to make this harder. Have you looked into anti anxiety medication with your GP? Even if it's to get the edge off while you try to work things out?
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Anyways, fellow depression/anxiety/lashes out when stressed sufferer here. There's a couple of things that have helped for me:
- Build alternative communication skills. One of my biggest problems was that I didn't know how to properly voice my issues with my SO or anybody else for that matter. My first method of action was being passive aggressive or snide. When I realized what I was doing, I jumped to the other extreme and bottled it all up. Can't ruin things if you're not saying anything, amiright?! But then that would just explode later and cause more problems. A book that helped me very much is Crucial Conversations. It speaks about the thinking fallacies people tend to have (choosing between being honest and being nice), common communication mistakes and a step by step plan on how you can bring hard topics to the table. I use these basics in normal conversations too, when the "stakes" aren't as high. Having an alternative method for me to switch to, instead of my old ones, really helped.
- Change your internal narrative. Another thing that has been absolutely exhausting to deal with is the constant internal monologue about not being good enough, nice enough, kind enough. I should, I need to, if I was a great person I would... If you constantly beat yourself down, you stay down and words have meaning and a certain weight on their own. If I keep telling myself that I suck and I was an idiot for doing xyz, that feeling will stay. I would strongly advice reading A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis. It's a bit of an old book, but I felt like they guy described perfectly what goes on inside my head. By telling yourself that you did something "less than ideal" instead of "incredibly stupid" you kind of take the edge off the situation. I know it sounds stupid, but I've been trying to get into the habit of this and found that after a while I went from having a meltdown of "OMG HOW COULD I BE SUCH AN IDIOT, I WILL NEVER LEARN?!" to facepalming, sighing at myself and be very firm in doing better next time. The energy I save with that, that I would otherwise have wasted, is very useful for other things.
- Change your external narrative. Words have a meaning and interpretations. Sometimes we're raised with ways of phrasing things and don't even realize what exactly it is we're saying. I found that I had a tendency of trying to subconsciously manipulate those around me through language. Basically shoving my feelings onto someone else, so they would make me feel better. Obviously things like bullying are big, clear markers, but there's a lot more subtle ways that people do it and don't even realize. The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Elgin discusses how one would use language against others without being overly aggressive. It made me realize how people were actually manipulating me, but also how I was manipulating them. Have you ever used something like "Well, if you really loved me you would..." or "Even someone like you would understand...". Big communication nono's, but because they're not as aggressive like "You're a bitch" or "Get fucked", people tend to not notice them. By recognizing these patterns being used on you and you using themselves, you can stop using them but also learn tools on how to deal when someone uses them on you.
- Self reflect, self reflect, self reflect. Through my education I was forced to constantly look at my strong and weak points. I had to write assessments twice a year on what I did right and wrong, with proof. And believe me, if you either had an assessment that was all negative or all positive the teachers would have a talk with you about how well you were reflecting. Then after college I landed in a job where every year I had to do the exact darn thing. What had I learned this year? What did I improve since last year? What are my goals for next year? How do I plan to achieve those goals and why did I have those goals? What are reasonable, doable steps to not only achieve the goals, but to also improve some weaknesses? Again, and again, and again. It's hard to say you suck and can't do anything write and you don't have any good qualities when you're forced to look at yourself and point out what your good qualities are. You start usually with small or general things like "well... I'm always on time to work" or "well... I don't maim animals." While I learned this through circumstances, a friend recommended Acceptance: Time to Self-Reflect for Personal Growth by Dr. Olivia Miller as a good starting point. Where are you at now and where do you want to be next year around this time? How are you planning on getting there? What are small, reasonable steps to get there?
- Get to know yourself. Last tip I can give you is that YOU focus on YOU first. Do you have a clear self image of who you are? What do you want in life? What are your likes and dislikes? What would your ideal self and world be 2, 5, 10 years from now? Would you want to be a successful writer? Would you rather have traveled the globe? Or be a doctor, communication expert at a company, mother of 2 kids, have 2 dogs and a cat? People who don't have a clear outline of who they are, tend to be less secure and more often to lash out to others. Having a relationship with someone, while you don't like or know yourself tends to be a disaster. Because people will tend to try and get an identity or validation through the other person to feel good. Then when that other person does something away from the partner (like go on an outing with friends, talk to another person of the opposite gender or just not pick up the phone) the partner become insecure and might lash out because of it. This combines with the self reflecting, who ARE you? What do YOU want? Things like self confidence and high self esteem are nice and dandy, but they can't exist if you don't have a good idea of who you are. Start with looking at yourself first, before looking at your SO. Start small: what food do you like and dislike? What's your favorite color? Favorite way of eating an egg? Then build up the scale: Do you want a pet? Cat or a dog or something completely different? How many? Go higher again: Do you want kids? If so, why and how many? Would you like to be married? Why or why not? And higher again: What do you look for in a spouse? What would your ideal career look like? Until you've got a clear picture of who you are.
Obviously there's a lot of other stuff you can do, but I'd start with those five and go from there.
Thank you for sharing this..The interesting this about this is that we often think people are watching us and thinking about us, when in fact they aren't at all. They're thinking about themselves.. My suspicion is that you blend in just fine, and that a lot of this perception that you stand out exists almost exclusively in your own mind. This is not to say I don't empathize with you. I do. Very much.. I actually wish we could work together as you would be an excellent candidate for cognitive-behavioral therapy. Check this book out.. It's kind of old, but I think it may be of help to you..
http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-Living-Albert-Ellis/dp/0879800429
http://www.truthtree.com/rat.shtml
also I highly recommend the book by Dr. Ellis
http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-Living-Albert-Ellis/dp/0879800429
This sounds trite, but I always tell people that, if people ate decent diets of relatively unprocessed food, went outside and ran a couple of times a week, and made efforts to stay connected with their social circle, we could obliterate 75% of all of our mental illness in a month. I hope the therapist-finding stuff helps, but as far as I-can't-give-you-therapy-but-I-can-mention-general-advice stuff over the internet, this is the best stuff I've got.
Good luck!
That book sounds really interesting. Thanks for the lead.
Does anyone here do any daily readings of anything not explicitly Stoic?
(To answer for my own case: I occasionally read A Guide to Rational Living.)
I highly recommend Ellis' best seller. Enjoy the book but i also recommend to listen to his audio seminars on youtube. Hear the theory explained from the man himself.
Well I think this may possibly be more complex than Feeling Good as I think Feeling Good is really palatable. I think the Feeling Good Handbook is better to keep and look up tidbits from the table of contents.
But my one suggestion is "A Guide to Rational Living" by Albert Ellis. This is REBT which is like the progenitor of CBT.
It basically hammers home one concept, one exercise, and that's ABC(DE).
In this book many of the chapters and concepts are taught through a conversation between client and therapist.
It's simpler as it focuses on one thing, ABCDE. However, goes deeper because of the narrowed scope.
It's pretty logical, clean, and elegant system. Though, seems quite opposite from ‘Your Erroneous Zones’ from what I see from the pages on Amazon, more rigid.
Check out the table of contents and pages I've linked from Amazon and see if you're interested.
I too had seen several shitty therapists, only one or two had any brains or critical thinking skills but where religious which is big no-no for me.
Lucky for me, an acquaintance recommended this book: A Guide To Rational Living which introduced me to REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy). After reading the book I looked up REBT and found one therapist nearby who I've been seeing for over a year and I am now in maintenance mode where I only have monthly sessions.
Albert Ellis developed this form of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and he was an atheist, I think that it is evident in REBT. There are REBT therapists all over the country, the Albert Ellis institute website Ellis wrote some books with unfortunate feel good titles, but full of good techniques.
Hopefully, there's an REBT therapist in your area.
Good luck
Many people here seem to take your assertion in the context of logic, and I think your example made it clear that that's not the right context.
Ellis and Harper expand in your idea in A Guide to Rational Living. I think you might enjoy it (if you haven't already read it :).
she won't do it, you need to get out of that situation. I had a boyfriend threaten me with suicide if I didn't come over and visit him. I called the police to check on him. He was very cross with me, but no way was he actually going to kill himself. It's her beliefs about herself and the world that make her upset... check this author out....http://www.amazon.co.uk/Guide-Rational-Living-Melvin-Powers/dp/0879800429/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1452195746&sr=8-1&keywords=albert+ellis
It stopped a couple years ago when I really confronted my social anxiety and corresponding lethargy/apathy/depression. I got a book on Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy by Albert Ellis (link) and studied it closely. It's kinda dated, but it really helped me.
I also began to figure out what career I wanted, and worked very hard towards it. This gave me a feeling of worth independent of my social/romantic life. I cared less what people thought of me because I knew I was going to achieve what I wanted regardless.
I still deal with a lot of social anxiety and anxiety in general, but I got over the very worst of it then.
Beginner/Self-help level:
A New Guide to Rational Living
Therapist/Clinical level: Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy
Probably because you've been conditioned to think in an ineffective manner.
If you really have a problem with feeling unhappy, check out one or both of these books. They might be the best money you ever spend.
Make yourself Happy and Remarkably less Disturbable by Albert Ellis
Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis
I have to warn you though, Dr. Ellis lays it out without a lot of hand-wrining. He's compassionate, but to the point.
OP,
Unfortunately until and unless your husband decides to stop drinking, nothing will improve.
Despite what some are saying on this board, your husband is an alcoholic. He has no control when alcohol is involved.
I have lived your life. There was a mental illness component in there as well with my SO, but I absolutely understand the hidden drinking. The lies about stopping. The promises to stop. The drunk driving. The no sex. I have been there and done that. He had every excuse in the book why there was no sex. I was picking on him with the drinking. I didn't dress up/down/sexy enough for him. He was tired. I just needed to do ... whatever.
The problem wasn't me. The problem was him. And the primary issue was the alcohol. It was all-consuming. Everything else was a side-effect of the drinking.
You need to make arrangements to get out. Yes, you love him with all your heart. And he loves his alcohol with all his heart. I know the pain and tears and threats and lost dreams and incredible pain. I have been there and lived it for six years. Al-Anon was suggested to me. I went once, but I'm not a believer and don't subscribe to the give your life to a higher power, so it wasn't for me. Not to say it's bad, just wasn't for me. I got more out of REBT.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You may not be ready to hear this and you may choose to react to this post with incredible anger. Again, I've been there. it took me six years before I finally said enough.
Hugs. It was an incredibly difficult time.
As a fellow panic-attack sufferer, I feel that pain. My anxiety is androphobia though, not general, but I imagine the solutions are similar. Medication to get you through the worst parts, then talk yourself out of your fear with logic. I suggest the book A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis. Extremely helpful book.
Work out as much as you can with your condition, the hormones released from exercise can't be replaced any other way and are necessary for humans. Hence why people who don't exercise get depressed easier and become overweight, etc. Watch some TED talks on the subject. The healthier your body is, the healthier your mind will be.
Keep trying to find a therapist. Very little helps as much as good therapy, except useful medication. I can't even imagine how my life would be if I'd not had either of those at crucial junctures.
My favorite book by Ellis:
https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-Living-Albert-Ellis/dp/0879800429/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=0879800429&qid=1556565519&s=gateway&sr=8-1
https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-Living-Albert-Ellis/dp/0879800429
Related;
The Best Self-Help Book of All Time
Excerpt (with an Ellis reference, though there are a few other people mentioned worth tracking down);
> Chris: Have you read anything by Albert Ellis? Check out:
> http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-Living-Albert-Ellis/dp/0879800429
>Chris: [re: Epictetus’ Enchiridion] And Epictetus was a big influence on Albert Ellis, one of the founders of cognitive therapy. See here: http://www.politicsofwellbeing.com/2008/06/stoicism-founder-of-cognitive-therapy.html
> Patrick: The best self-help author of all time you ask? Albert Ellis. Not even close. (Arnold Lazarus was a student of Ellis’). You have to be willing to work your ass off but if you are this books can help anyone lead a more fulfilling life.
> Luke Muehlhauser (blog author): Totally agree about Ellis. The science in it is of course dated now, but his were certainly the best available at the time.
Read the link for a few extra people and specific books to examine.
I've never been on meds, so I can't say whether they are always good or bad, but I've heard they work for some people and don't work for others and that might be something you should consult with your psychiatrist about.
>s cannibis because I cannot smoke it at my house for my family is against it
Be wary about pot, if you have psychotic symptoms. My girlfriend's dad is a social worker who has dealt with tons of cases of marijuana-caused psychosis. That is partly where my psychosis comes from. Some people think that pot is a harmless drug, but it can have really negative side-effects for people with predispositions towards psychosis.
> it didn't release shit.
Yes! I really disagree with the idea that emotions get "bottled up" and need to be released. In my view, our beliefs and thoughts are generators of our emotions, and if you have beliefs which generate anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. then you will continue to feel those feelings consistently until you deal with the thoughts and beliefs behind them.
I would strongly encourage you reading an old book by the psychologist Albert Ellis: A Guide to Rational Living. It changed my life. He's the grandfather of modern thought-based therapy like CBT.
The basic idea is that our negative emotions come from our irrational thoughts. Psychosis is littered with irrational thoughts like "this MUST be God speaking to me" (when it might not be), or "I MUST be enlightened" (when you don't have to be). Even non-psychotic people have lots of irrational thoughts like "I MUST not die" or "I MUST be loved by everyone I meet".
http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-Living-Albert-Ellis/dp/0879800429
Hey, sorry I took a while getting back to you. I haven't been on reddit for a while.
It's hard to recommend a single book because Ellis wrote on such a broad range of issues, from dealing with anger, sexual shame, anxiety, depression, relationships, procrastination etc etc.
Probably the best all-rounder book from Ellis is:
A Guide to Rational Living, which can be picked up pretty cheap second hand, and covers:
>1. Overcoming the influences of your past
>2. Refusing to be desperately unhappy
>3. Tackling dire needs for approval
>4. Eradicating dire fears of failure
>5. How to feel undepressed though frustrated
>6. Conquering anxiety
>7. Acquiring self-discipline
amongst other things.
CBT has probably developed techniques and protocols for dealing with eating disorders, so I would highly recommend trying to talk to a school counsellor or check out a local library about that, but for having a mental toolset that will help you with anything, I haven't come across anything better than REBT.
The Myth of Self Esteem and How to Control your Anxiety before It controls you might also be of use.
Overcoming Destructive Beliefs, Feelings, and Behaviors: New Directions for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy and Overcoming resistance: a rational emotive behavior therapy integrated approach are two of the most recent books from Ellis, though they are more expensive so I'd recommend starting with A Guide to Rational Living, and if it seems worthwhile to you then perhaps the newer books will have some extra insight for you.
There also seems to be a book on REBT specifically about eating disorders called The Art & Science of Rational Eating though I have not read it so I can't speak to its quality. Regardless of the ad-speak on the cover it claims to have specific focus on Bulimia and Anorexia so it may be worth checking out amongst others, but will likely not give you as full a overview of REBT as some of the other books I've mentioned.
you would probably be feeling worse if you weren't exercising. it's a big positive in your life. taking care of yourself shows healthy self respect
but you have to put work and discipline into improving your mental health just as you do your physical. learn and start exercising better ways of thinking.
i recommend this book
I've heard good things about CBT and two books: rational living and feeling good
Good luck to you!
That's a really bad idea to just avoid every little thing that gives you anxiety. This will only make things worse. If its really bad you should see a therapist. If it's something you think you can overcome on your own then try reading a book about some kind of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This book can be of excellent help: http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-Living-Albert-Ellis/dp/0879800429
Din domeniul ăsta, vezi A Guide to Rational Living. Mi-a plăcut că folosește exemple concrete pentru a sublinia mai bine ideile prezentate.
So heres the book I was going to reccomend. It's an oldy, but the ideas within have guided psychotherapy for quite a while. It's not the easiest read and the author is a touch full of himself but the ideas are sound and because its so old you can buy it for a song (or find the pdf online)