We found 101 Reddit comments about A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
I know exactly how you feel. I still get upset about reflect on my college experience on a regular basis. "Why didn't anyone tell me about what was really important in life!?" "How come everyone tells you to study what you love, and that you can do anything, and you'll be building the future, when in reality there is a 90% chance you'll be working in a cubicle?"
I allow myself these little pity parties so I can dismiss them quickly and get back to my current goals: FI, Music, my marriage, and my fitness (Anyone seen Don Jon?, something like that). Honestly, reading about stoicism helped A LOT. I was pleased to see MMM encounter Stoicism eventually too, although I don't think he's the best intro to it. I liked William B. Irvine's Guide to the Good Life (which you'll find at the library and NOT buy from Amazon if you really want FI :) )
I went to undergrad for Physics and then and M.S. in biotechnology. My 2.5 year program started with promises of "85% of graduates find work with an intro salary of $85k/yr or higher". When I finished, I was un-employed for 6 months and then a fellow Physics major got me a job at a software company doing implementations at ~$40k/yr. $40k still felt great compared to grad school stipends but after a few months I realized that I had all the toys I could want, I could afford vacations, I had a nice apartment, I didn't need more money, what I needed was more time to enjoy those things and to get the hell out of a cubicle. Discovering FI was the thing that finally motivated me to try to get better at my cube job. 3 years later I've doubled my salary and am ~40% of the way to FI.
Like I said, I still get pissed off about college. Enterprise level software implementation is a far cry from biotechnology, but I'd rather be getting paid than pumping pipettes for a temp contract (must have PhD to run a lab).
I really enjoyed this one: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614
Other than that, Meditations and Enchiridion are must read as well.
It's not optimism: It's choice. It isn't about religion either. Lots of it is mental adjustment (changing what you value, etc, thereby enabling different choices), so people are like WTF no, that's brainwashing. And many of those people who "make it" had to try really f-ing hard to get to a certain place you're envying.
So baby steps. Buy this book (non-affiliate link): http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1310302737&amp;sr=8-1
It's not about religion, it's not about the presence or lack of God, or anything, it's about making your life happier. That's is. It's easy, it's all thinking, and it's not a gimmick. It won't turn you into a robot (the common definition of stoic as some emotionless whatever is wrong). You'll be happier just with some outlook changes with no life changes (but you'll also do some life changes most likely as you realize the pain you see for no useful gain). It's also a good way to gain some courage. I've rarely seen more courage make someone's life worse.
You sound a lot like me a couple years ago
Okay, let's get your mental health in order
What is your money situation? Got health insurance?
Sounds like you need a philosophy of life...especially since you already have a doctor of philosophy degree :)..
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195374614/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_LmVADb2ZYTREF
Did anyone else enjoy the amusing coincidence that her name is one letter from the Internet-word for "unwitting follower"?
>developed a script for masculinity that I was comfortable performing
Would you mind elaborating on this a bit? Or pointing towards a source that might help me make sense of the "everything is performative" mindset in less than 10,000 pages of overblown prose? Perhaps there's some factor to it that is fundamentally impossible to communicate, but I've long found that phrasing strange and uncomfortable, likely because I associate it with performing-as-acting, and thus as-lying.
>I wonder if there's some kind of body or gender dysmorphia that leaves certain people uncomfortable with whatever body they find themselves in
Almost definitely. I think a dose of Haidt's Happiness Hypothesis or maybe even Irvine's Guide to Stoicism would do people with this "generalized discomfort" much more good than the solutions they're finding (and regretting) now. Or since you mentioned the title phrase, John Kabat-Zinn's famed guide to mindfulness meditation. I say that as someone who found these books quite helpful over the years, dealing with my own concerns, and retrospectively quite glad of the culture in which I was raised rather than one more "do as thou wilt."
Edit: Thank you for sharing your story.
I was you, about two years ago. I had fully committed to being a great dad and a great husband, but had stopped developing as an individual. Figuring that out is an excellent first step to, as you said, getting your life back in balance.
Here are two books that helped me:
Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl: It's a short book by a Holocaust survivor that deals with controlling your attitude at all times, and having perspective on where you are compared to where you want to be.
A Guide to the Good Life, by William Irvine: A good modern take on Stoicism, or the philosophy of taking life in stride. Contrary to common belief, it's not about eschewing all emotions and being joyless; it's about embracing joy in all things, acknowledging and preparing for grief but not letting them overwhelm you, and being mentally present in day-to-day life. Plan for the future, but don't forget to take joy in the small moments of the present.
Edited in links.
It's a common misconception that the Stoics and stoic characters are devoid of emotions while in fact it's their ability to control how they express them.
I know it's outside of the scope of the discussion but if anyone's interested to learn more about Stoicism you can look for "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius (yes, the Roman Emperor) or a more friendlier to beginners "The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". In fact, I would encourage you to read either of the mentioned even if you're not personally interested to apply Stoicism in your life just so you can understand Stoics better.
Quoting a reply below me:
>We have little to no indication that Inaho is being stoic though. The only times we're supposed to be led to believe he actually feels anything is when he cracks a feint smile or when his sister says that he has different moods (as a totally unbiased judge of character I'm sure /s).
There's just as much reason to believe he's clinically psychopathic as anything else.
There is one major difference between competent stoicism and psychopathy: the choice to care.
In practice, a psychopath’s empathy switch is constantly set to “off” and cannot be turned on via conscious or subconscious choice, it’s a neurological defect (or improvement, depending on your world view.) A stoic’s empathy switch is set to “off” consciously but can be turned “on” or vice versa, the empathy switch is “on” by default and can be consciously switched “off.” The characterization of this is of course dependent on the stoic in question and their level of competency in the endeavor.
The existentialism is real in the wake of losing your worldview. All the pep-talks in the world about "go live your life, the world is amazing!" meant nothing to me. I didn't know how to move forward. For some of us, the loss is huge and the existential dread (with its accompanying anxiety and depression) is absolutely consuming.
Ultimately, the study of philosophy and the nature of existence was the way out and the door to a meaningful post-Mormon life for me. I read and studied a bunch of stuff, but the below list was some of the most helpful. I ultimately chose to go with a personalized form of stoicism to fill the void left by Mormonism. Others prefer secular Buddhism, etc. If you still like Jesus as a moral guide (like I do in a lot of ways), this is a great short podcast about Jesus as a moral philosopher.
Anyway, I found the below very helpful in my transition:
I’m speaking solely from observing your interaction in this thread, so take this with a grain of salt. I’m also a layman simply speaking his opinion and giving his advice, so I don’t claim any particular expertise.
You have a tremendous amount of anger within you, and I think it informs the way you are dealing with people. At the very least, it informs the way you’re dealing with people in this thread, and from the anecdotes you’ve told us (and I’ve read most of your posts), I think it probably informs the way you’re dealing with other people and problems in your life as well.
The reason, I think, you’re being downvoted to hell all over this thread (which, as an aside to everyone else, is not exactly helping this guy’s problems with anger and feeling persecuted) is that you are blasting that anger out in concentrated bursts at everyone.
Now, mind you, I’m not saying that some of that anger isn’t merited. It sounds like you were physically attacked when you were young, and it sounds like that, combined with other things in your life, has generated a lot of anger.
I didn’t have your childhood, but I had some phenomenally unpleasant things happen to me during my childhood that gave me my own problems with anger at times. So I recognize some of that in how you’re reacting.
I think you’re fooling yourself, though, in a way. Our brains have a way of finding cognitive justification to support whatever feeling we’re feeling. I’ve seen it in three-year-olds and I’ve seen it in my 75-year-old father. I think you’re angry already, intrinsically, sort of a “burning sun” core thing going on, and you’re perpetually finding reasons for it after the fact throughout your life.
I think you could see real benefit from seeing a therapist. Many therapists bill using a sliding scale, so you may find them to be of a much lower cost than you think. As a supplement – not as a replacement – I also suggest you seek your own therapy through good books out there. I think you might find this book and this book of particular interest.
As for the hair loss, I’m not happy with my own loss, either. However, the entirely bald look is pretty cool. I’ve experimented with it once or twice. As others have suggested, the HeadBlade is a useful device for keeping your head nice and smooth. If you’re not ready to take the leap without seeing what you’d look like, there’s this guy who does “virtual head shaves.”
To summarize, my primary suggestions would be to find a therapist, to borrow the two books I mentioned from the library (or buy them), and to consider adopting the shaved-head look.
For your job issues, a temp agency may be an option to consider.
For your issues seeking socialization, I’m not the most social person myself, but I find people who share interests of mine on meetup.com, and I will also just go to public events without the express purpose of socialization, so I'm not stewing alone inside a dark apartment. Here’s a St. Louis-specific meetup.com link, and here’s a rather comprehensive St. Louis events calendar. Find stuff that interests you and go to it, and take it from there. Just because you’ve had a few doors closed on you doesn’t mean that the entire 318,172-strong population of St. Louis is dead to you.
I honestly wish you luck.
I recommend this book if you are interested in stoicism and how to apply it to today's life:
Quoting a recent comment of mine:
>You might want to look into cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), if that isn't what you already did.
The Philosophy of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and
>Also: Recommended Post.
>Philosophy and Stoicism
Apart from the Enchiridion and the Meditations, the primary reading list includes letters and essays from Seneca as well as Cicero or the fragments from Musonius Rufus. Modern books include How to be a Stoic, A guide to the good life and Stoicism and the art of happiness. The FAQ has a nice list which is worth checking out.
>Books about changing the way you think (false thoughts vs. truths)
This might not be Stoic, but you might be interested in Thinking fast and slow.
Might not be exactly what you were looking for, but reading The mind illuminated and implementing meditation as a practice, changed the way I think about myself and my thoughts on a daily basis.
A favourite of mine is the eight page-long article by urbanmonk.
A good starting point for thought provoking and self-help books is the sub /r/BettermentBookClub. If you search for thought provoking articles, /r/Foodforthought or /r/philosophy is the way to go.
William Irvine's take on stoicism in modern world helped me tremendously. It's such an practical philosophy.
I really recommend this book.
This book might spark the interest back on.
"Just stop giving a fuck" is something that gets parroted around here quite a bit. It's not bad advice, but it's a bit like telling someone who aspires to be a guitarist to just start learning guitar. It's not wrong, but it's not very useful advice on it's own.
In the context of seduction, not giving a fuck really boils down to not caring about the outcome of a given interaction, or overcoming the fear of rejection. If you think about it, if you didn't fear rejection, picking up women would be a walk in the park.
So yeah, it sounds great, but it's not something you can just decide to start doing on a whim. The fear of rejection is pretty deeply rooted in a lot of guy's minds, and the usual way to get over it is by doing. Going out there, hitting on women, getting rejected, and going through a lot of pain and discomfort.
Another option is to adopt a philosophy at a core level. That is, adopting the core belief that shit like picking up women is insignificant compared to some other big belief you have, be it spiritual or otherwise. For example, believing that your existence is a result of endless random things going perfectly right, and the very fact that you're alive is a god damn fucking miracle. You live your life in fucking AWE, thankful for every moment that you're able to breathe air and live a life. If you adopt this at a core, fundamental level in your mind, you open yourself up to endless joy, bliss, happiness, and you better believe that being rejected by a woman won't faze you in the slightest.
Obviously it takes time to get to that point, but that's essentially the philosophy of Stoicism for you. There are exercises (much like meditation, which in it's own right is extremely useful for not giving a fuck) that will help bring you to that point. If you're interested in the stoic philosophy, I would be happy to recommend some great books. This is seriously life-changing stuff, but it's not something that happens overnight.
Edit: Here are a couple great books to get started with:
This one? A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195374614/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_4OjrDbTCS2ZEE
First i want to clarify that this is not a direct quote of Epictetus, it is from a book on Stoicism called A guide to the good life and it is a somewhat altered version (but more accurate i believe) of Epictetus' own "dichotomy of control". However, i think that this version better represents what Epictetus was trying to say.
The closest quote we have that relates to this is from the Enchiridion and it is as follows (note that the Enchiridion was not written by Epictetus, he never wrote anything, but compiled from notes by his pupil Arrian).
"Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions."
Now to answer your question, Stoicism was a complex philosophy with a long history and with branches in metaphysics, ethics and logic. This illustrates one of the main ideas of the ethics of stoicism, which strove to be "free of the (negative) passions" through the use of a variety of exercises (askesis). The core of this is illustrated in the image, though of course, it is not the whole story. To see how stoics practiced these ideas, one must look at Arrians notes of Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius' meditations (a hypomnema, a type of philosophical diary was another form of stoic practice), and Seneca's letters.
Hope this helps
Nicely written, you've hit the nail on the head. Have you read this:
Over the past several years I've personally gravitated toward a blend of stoicism and "secular Christianity." I know many others go the route of secular Buddhism (Noah Rasheta, who is also an exMo runs secularbuddhism.com which you might want to check out) and others (most?) simply go the route of ethical hedonism.
I personally gravitated toward stoicism because it isn't a religion and has no real religious underpinning. Instead, it's normally referred to as just a "philosophy of life." It has worked well for me as a backfill to religion. You'll also find that different people have different views of what it means to "practice" stoicism, so it's nice in that you can kind of adapt it to fit your personal preferences.
Here are some recommendations if you want to look into it:
Not sure what to say but I think that a lot of people feel the way you do. I don't think you're too old to make friends. Plenty of people out there want more friends at any age. Being fat has nothing to do with it. I'm fat. Fat people are usually very fun and nice. Open yourself up to love, love yourself and find the love in others.
This book helped me out of a depression
It's still far from a sure thing.
Leaving aside the financial aspect for a second... It's amazing how much 23andme can make you think about your mortality in a pretty stark light. It's something I've been thinking about a lot since having my genes tested and found some not so great things.
One thing that has really helped me has been developing a coherent philosophy of life. Once you put some serious thought into why you're alive and what you're looking to do, death (or dementia) seem a lot less scary. This is a great place to start if you're looking to get started on that front.
My sympathies. I've not burnt out from sex work, but I have burnt out from other kinds of work, and I've found these two books to be helpfu:
>But I've recently come to the realization that the world is a terrible, AWFUL place. That people are terrible. And that nothing anyone does sparks any sort of hope in me. Not all the 'donate/play for charity' or 'i helped out a stranger in need' or 'i sent a little girl a present' posts in the world could get me to think that the world is not a terrible place. Politicians, corporations, millionaires, the supposed 'top 2%'...they are what run this world. They are the ones that make the decisions. They have the money, and therefore the power. It's mostly true.
Buddha, Nietzsche, and the Stoics all had a similar realization. Nietzsche's phrasing: "experiences are fictions". From the Stoic Epictetus: "His son is dead. What happened? His son is dead. Nothing else? Not a thing. His ship is lost. What happened? His ship is lost. He was carried off to prison. What happened? He was carried off to prison. But the observation: ‘He has fared ill,’ is an addition that each man makes on his own responsibility." On first acquaintance with these ideas, they seem insane -- but there truly is no objective way to interpret the world anymore than there is an objective way to interpret a poem. Free yourself from the notion that what you think is bad must be interpreted bad. Realize you are in fact the source of this interpretation.
If there is no right or wrong interpretation, and you have freed yourself from the false idea of objectiveness there, you should clearly choose a more beneficial interpretation. Is the glass half full or half empty? I agree with the Stoic perspective: it's wonderful there is even a glass at all. Essentially, you can compare the world with something better and be unhappy, or you can compare it with something worse and be happy. These comparisons are responsible for most of your emotions -- you are unhappy that friend or family member dies because you expected them to live longer. If you had expected them to die at precisely that time all along and you had always known it that way, it would be of little consequence.
As such, I would advise some negative visualization; imagine the numerous ways the world could be worse and compare them to how the world is. If you do this correctly, you will gain a large amount of gratitude for the world as it actually exists.
None of this is to say you should be complacent with the world, but that is a different topic. For more on Stoicism, I recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195374614/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d4_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;pf_rd_s=center-2&amp;pf_rd_r=0F8SY1KJJ7JJWFKQQMST&amp;pf_rd_t=101&amp;pf_rd_p=470938631&amp;pf_rd_i=507846
> I don't really even want to socialize. I just don't know how I matter in this world in which everyone is out to do things only for themselves. They're selfish. Everyone is, to an extent. How do I stop believing that everyone is selfish?
You've defined selfish in such broad strokes. It is true that people do things to benefit themselves, but they also do things to benefit others. How much of what people do is solely to benefit themselves?
Do you see yourself as selfish? Would it help you to go and do things that are unselfish? Or to keep track of unselfish acts from everyone around you?
>Nothing motivates or propels me.
You are disillusioned with the world and people. I have given you some advice to turn your perspective upside-down. Given that, it seems if your focus remains on society, you should do something to improve it. At the very least, make yourself into an example for other people. Courage, humility, honesty, love, and ambition. Memorize them and practice them.
It's actually not that ironic; the Stoics were all about joy. It was negative emotions they wanted to cast off, not all emotions.
I'm glad I deconverted every day. When I was in the process I read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art Of Stoic Joy. It helped me an incredible amount, to focus on truly enjoying what I've got in this moment, even if it's only for this moment.
If you spent even an hour today dreading your eventual death, did you really live for that hour? What was the point in being alive? What good did you do for yourself or others? Your dread is killing the very thing you are worried about losing. But it's natural to have these feelings, and it takes practice to move past them.
Being raised as a Christian is kind of like Chinese foot binding. A part of us that might have developed normally (acceptance of death) is prevented from growing ("you will live forever!"). You've taken off the bindings and now you are doing the hard work of rehabbing, building those atrophied muscles. It's worth doing. You deserve to enjoy the life you are living, and a true life, not one in blissful ignorance, passing down your bindings to your children as well.
That image is a figure (p 97) from "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy" by William B. Irvine.
Personal research, mostly. I'm a big history nerd with a slant toward religion and other macabre subject matter. I'm actually not as well read as I'd like to be on these subjects, and I basically blend different sources into a knowledge smoothie and pour it out onto a page and see what works for me and what doesn't.
I'll list a few books I've read that I enjoyed. There are certainly more here and there, but these are the "big ones" I was citing when writing all the comments in this thread. I typically know more about Christianity than the other major faiths because of the culture around me.
Christianity: The First Three Thousand Years - Diarmaid MacCulloch
A History of God: The 4,000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam - Karen Armstrong
The next two balance each other out quite well. Hardline anti-theism contrasted with "You know, maybe we can make this work".
The Case for God - Karen Armstrong
The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins
Lately, I have been reading the Stoics, which like Buddhism, I find to be one of the more personally palatable philosophies of mind I have come across, although I find rational contemplation a bit more accessible to my Westernized nature.
Stoic Philosophy of Seneca: Essays and Letters - Translated by Moses Hadas
Discourses and Selected Writings (of Epictetus) - Translated by Robert Dobbin
The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius - Translated by George Long
I'm still waiting on Fed Ex to deliver this one:
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy - William B. Irvine
Also, if you're into history in general, a nice primer for what sorts of things to dive into when poking around history is this fun series on YouTube. I usually watch a video then spend a while reading more in depth about whatever subject is covered that week in order to fill the gaps. Plus, John and Hank are super awesome. The writing is superb and I think, most importantly, he presents an overall argument for why studying history is so important because of its relevance to current events.
Crash Course: World History - John Green
Schedule the minimum number of days, get good sleep/nutrition/workouts, practice mindfulness meditation (https://www.samharris.org/blog/item/how-to-meditate), remind yourself each day of the best parts of your job and the learning opportunities you'll encounter. Remember that even though you have these negative feelings, they are FEELINGS, not reality. Watch them as they come and don't try to suppress them, simply resolve to do your job to the best of your ability and know that they will pass in time. We all go through these rough spots (the dark night of the nurse's soul, perhaps?), and it feels like the worst when you're in the midst of it, but hang tight! I highly recommend reading up on stoicism, a brand of philosophy that emphasizes inner contentment regardless of external circumstances. This book is a great primer: https://smile.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1478483075&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=stoicism
The Guide to the Good Life for a practical approach with a little discussion of history.
Stoicism in the classic sense (not the modern definition of emotionlessness) is actually a joyful practice because you realize how simple it is to enjoy the life you were made to live. I don't believe it contradicts RP necessarily, though I doubt many of the TRPers are anywhere close to being stoic. But the ability to address your own shit rather than blame and find the joy in life are very "RP" skills.
One of the best books for modern stoicism is A Guide To The Good Life. For those reading, check it out if you haven't already.
Owning your shit is the essence of Stoicism.
Also, the serenity prayer.
You must watch Cosmos (and Connections if you're into science, history, or engineering)!
Also, last month I read this book about Stoicism and I've noticed I've been jumping out of bed ready to go in the mornings lately. I also ready the Myth of Sisyphus around the same time. Maybe it's both.
I have been there. That really sucks, I'm sorry.
If our brains are similar then you may find some solace in stoicism. Listen to this on audio book "http://www.amazon.ca/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614".
This too shall pass.
Sorta, until I read this book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0195374614
Changed my entire perspective on life. Now I'm not afraid of much. Except pain, but that's natural and healthy. End aggressive feminists, because they're just unnatural and evil.
I do recommend it. It's a great little book by Professor William B. Irvine called "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy". Find it here.
Thus is an absolutely fantastic modern examination of Stoicism: http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614
Tengo muchos pensamientos similares a los tuyos, algo que aprendi es que ir a terapia no es "de locos", y realmente ayuda MUCHO mas de lo que crees que la necesitas. Todavia me falta recorrer mas de mi camino pero ahora al menos puedo reconocer y entender mis emociones un poco mas.
Este libro me ha ayudado en momentos dificiles: A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
> How do you get comfortable being uncomfortable?
Stoicism recommends going on about how it could be worse. You've got it bad? It could be even worse. You couldn't have a MRP-sub to whine on. You couldn't have WiFi. You might not be able to read and write. You could be living in shittier places. Your situation could be way worse. You could be blind or deaf. You could be lonelier, that nobody cared about telling you to shut up and go lift. Your woman could be worse. And so on.
Where does it say that your life is supposed to be comfortable?
When you feel like whining, list how it could be worse, notice how good you've got it, and when you've stopped bitching, go to fucking work.
The ideas are from 'A guide to the good life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy'.
Is also a great read on Stoicism
Check out the philosophy of Stoicism (the ancient philosophy, not the recent definition of not feeling things). Great book I read is http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1421395654&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=stoicism&amp;pebp=1421395657967&amp;peasin=195374614
off the top of my head:
Meditations, with The Inner Citadel as a reader
Letters from a Stoic
A Guide to the Good Life by Irvine
Do The Work by Pressfield as well as The War of Art by Pressfield
Managing Oneself by Ducker
Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl
What Predicts Divorce by Gottman
Models by Manson seems to be popular on reddit
So Good They Can't Ignore You by Newport, as well
I'm currently reading Triumphs of Experience by Vaillant and find it insightful.
Here are a few I can recommend:
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
Mindfulness in Plain English
Basically the entire premise of Stoicism.
Here's a good book on it. https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614
Stoicism might be better defined as trying to rid one's self of negative emotion, not all emotion. Joy is perfectly fine.
Source: I'm reading A Guide to the Good Life right now. I highly recommend it.
What I like about stoicism is that it is the philosophical basis for a number of evidence-based psychological therapies that go under the general rubric of cognitive behavioral therapy (C.B.T.).
This New York Times article provides a broad overview of modern stoicism.
I thought this book was pretty good if you're interested in a more in depth explanation of stoicism.
I don't want to be that guy but this book, Guide to the Good Life, as well as Harry Browne's "How I found Freedom in an Unfree World" are excellent for dealing with the insanity.
As far as real life applicability you should check out A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. I try to use Stoicism as my personal philosophy and I find it quite useful. I also enjoy Epictetus and Seneca. Oh, and I'm a lay person - just some uneducated dude who found value in Stoicism - for what it's worth.
Seems everyone else chimed in, but I have no doubt that being an ugly person, slave, infirmed or oppressed person should not impede on happiness. The classic - we worry about that which we can control - type mindset. It's also interesting that the most powerful man in the world at the time (or one of them), Marcus Aurelius also find immense value in it. Works both ways.
The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy has a ton of excellent exercises for doing exactly that! It's written for the modern reader, and while it has some of the history, it's more about the day to day use of the techniques of the stoic to achieve their mental state (calm joy)
I would personally start with the William Irvine book:
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195374614/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_YduuDbEW3T11Z
I don’t necessarily agree with him on everything in the book, but it gives a good view of stoicism. It’s easier to read since its in modern English.
I would also recommend “The Daily Stoic.”
The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01HNJIJB2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_IguuDbHAQG82S
It is a good book that you can get into if you only have brief periods of time to read. Ryan Holiday books are all pretty good. He mostly uses stoicism in his books, but also a little from other philosophies.
The reason I would start with these books is because the language is a little easier to understand, unless you are used to reading older English. Though “Meditations” does have pretty good translations.
No More Mr Nice Guy was the book I was referring to - hopefully other commenters can offer more examples.
I've been reading A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy & Enchiridion by Epicurus for some easy-to-digest MGTOW philosophy which has crossed nicely into the mainstream. For fiction I'd hugely recommend Whatever by Michel Houellebecq & Lights Out in Wonderland by DBC Pierre (one of my all-time favourites.)
To be fair, Bukowski can be read to help with the "Don't Give A Fuck" attitude that can help build your confidence. He tends to see women without the rose-tinted glasses, to put it delicately. He's written lots of poetry but his novels are the best. Bluebird is one of my favourite poems by him. Post Office is one of his great novels.
That's all I can think of for now.
Welcome to the family!
Awhile ago I read "A Guide to the Good life". http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0195374614/
I took some notes on things that I felt were good/memorable. Your post reminded me of one:
"When we interact with an annoying person, we keep in mind that there are doubtless people who find us to be annoying. More generally, when we find ourselves irritated by someoneʼs shortcomings, we should pause to reflect on our own shortcomings."
I would recommend looking into the practice of stoic philosophy. It has a great deal of valuable things to say about preparing for and dealing with the types of events you describe. A great guide on how to incorporate stoic principles into a 21st century life is the book A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Braxton Irvine. I wish you the best and hope this helps.
Hey bud, I feel you. Sometimes the hardships in life can overwhelm us so much that it becomes very difficult to focus on the good things we have. And trust me, you have more good things going for you than you realize. As one comment above mentioned, love yourself. Take a moment to identify the things you like about yourself and the things you have in life. We all have things that are solely ours that nobody else could understand or value. The importance of those things are that they are your values you are fulfilling and not someone else's construct. I hope that helps and, it's a shitty cliché to refer someone to a book, but I'm gonna do it. This book on stoic philosophy has helped me greatly to enjoy my life by being thankful for the things that I have and to stop worrying so much about how things could be different and whether my life would even be better if circumstances I face were different.
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
The Stoics, like other Greek and Roman philosophical schools, believed in a pantheon of gods. They also believed that the universe was governed by a well ordered, divine logos. Christianity adopted some of this language and concepts.
Ancient Stoicism has been fine-tuned for our modern world and was the inspiration for cognitive based therapy. Recently there has been a spate of books published advocating a Stoic life for modern times, minus the Greek pantheon of course.
Oh, another big difference. Some of the Stoics took their ideas to it's extreme, or logical conclusion. If a situation was unbearable, with no way out, instead of whining and complaining, they would commit suicide. That included the founder Zeno. Buddhism would probably have a problem with that.
I refer to this emotion as stoic joy.
This book changed my entire life. It is by no means a relationship book, but it will help you through your mental thought processes guaranteed.
I'm a practicing stoic. I regularly practice negative visualization where I meditate on horrible things happening, like a car accident where my kids are thrown around in the car, then crying and bleeding out while I'm trapped and can't help them.
It puts all the other trivial shit in my life into perspective. If you want peace of mind and outcome independence, it is a great tool. And without fear clouding your thinking you make better decisions too.
I strongly recommend this book http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614
When you can please read this book
at least chpt on grief, this framework really helped me
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
Go grab this book from your local library.
It's a great read helps you appreciate life in a different way and enjoy the ride.
I definitely enjoy the process as I go. I have no need to stress out about the process because I don't need expensive things. Since I don't need a lot of material/expensive items I no longer have to worry about making a lot of money.
I enjoy the job that I have, but I have no doubts that I'll be laid off randomly one day. It really doesn't matter because I only need 10 dollars an hour(this keeps going down as we save money) to meet my obligations. So might as well enjoy the ride.
While you're at it, get familiar with stoicism
I'll also suggest books on Stoicism and Philosophy. However, before you jump right into the ancient/classical wisdom I'd recommend a modern introduction to introduce and help digest the principles.
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Irvine.
Then - Move onto Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and the rest. A great way to embrace stoic ideas daily is The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
Also, strong recommendations for:
You might like this book. You can torrent the audiobook.
With philosophy, it's often a good idea to read a modern author's summary and explanation first, instead of going straight for the source material.
I recommend you read A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph or Stoicism and the Art of Happiness: A Teach Yourself Guide and see if you want to move on to the actual Stoics.
That said, Stoicism is one of the most useful and applicable schools of philosophy and well worth educating yourself about, even if you're not that interested in philosophy in general.
This is a very detailed working out of a kind of stoicism/epicureanism. I appreciate the thought you've put into this. Some books I've enjoyed on stoicism and philosophy of life:
Read [this] (https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614). You'll find the answer to your question.
Presently reading A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine
Music: Recently I found Georgian music on Reddit few weeks back.
/u/tuckermalc and /u/pizzzahero both have great comments. I'll add a bit. Go to /r/stoicism, read [William Irvine's book] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195374614?keywords=william%20irvine&amp;qid=1456992251&amp;ref_=sr_1_1&amp;sr=8-1), then read [Epictetus's Enchiridion] (http://www.amazon.com/Enchiridion-Dover-Thrift-Editions-Epictetus/dp/0486433595/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1456992275&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=enchiridion). follow their guidelines. Also check out /r/theXeffect. The most important thing is controlling your habits. If you're in the habit of eating healthy, getting enough sleep, going to the gym, etc. then you're set.
Now for stuff that's harder to do. Go see a therapist. Or a psychiatrist. Try to find a [therapist who can do EMDR] (http://www.emdr.com/find-a-clinician/) with you, it's a very effective technique (I saw a clinician who uses EMDR for two years, and it changed my life-- and, importantly, it's supported by strong scientific evidence, it's not quackery stuff like homeopathy or acupuncture). If you decide to go to a psychiatrist, tell them you don't want SSRIs. Look at other drugs: Wellbutrin, tricyclics, SNRIs, etc (check out selegiline in patch form, called EMSAM, as well). Seriously, go see a professional and talk to them. I have no doubt that you're wrestling with mental illness. I have been there. For me, it just felt normal. I didn't understand that other people didn't feel like I did...so it took me a long time to go get help. But it's so important to just start working through these things and getting support. That's really the most important thing you can do. It will make your life so much better. If you aren't able to get to a therapist, do Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) on yourself! [This is a brilliant program] (https://moodgym.anu.edu.au) that's widely respected. Do it over and over. Also read [Feeling Good by David Burns] (http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1456992639&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=feeling+good+david+burns). It's a book on CBT, and can help you get started. There are lots of other resources out there, but you have to begin by realizing that something is wrong.
Finally, I'll talk about college. Don't try to go to fricking Harvard or MIT. You won't get in, and those aren't even the right schools for you. There are many excellent schools out there that aren't the super super famous Ivies. Look at reputable state schools, like UMich, UMinnesota, the UC system, etc. get ["Colleges that Change Lives"] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143122304?keywords=colleges%20that%20change%20lives&amp;qid=1456992746&amp;ref_=sr_1_1&amp;sr=8-1), the [Fiske Guide to Colleges] (http://www.amazon.com/Fiske-Guide-Colleges-2016-Edward/dp/1402260660/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1456992768&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=fiske+guide), and [Debt-Free U] (http://www.amazon.com/Debt-Free-Outstanding-Education-Scholarships-Mooching/dp/1591842980/ref=pd_sim_14_15?ie=UTF8&amp;dpID=515MwKBIpzL&amp;dpSrc=sims&amp;preST=_AC_UL160_SR104%2C160_&amp;refRID=1VC3C23RJP6ZMXGG5QBA). One thing I realized after college was that I would've been happy at any of the school I looked at. People are fed such a line of BS about school, like you have to go to the top Ivies or something. No way. Find a good place at which you can function, learn as much as possible, and have a good social life. Like another person said, also look at going to a community college for a year and then transferring-- my relative did this and ended up at Harvard for grad school in the end.
Sounds like you'd benefit from Stoicism. This isn't fiction but a guide to wanting what you have. A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195374614/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_nhM4wbXH2GV1R
You got dealt a bad hand at birth. But not the worst hand. I would take my stutter over being blind, deaf, missing a limb, being paralysed, autism, and every terminal illness. I would take a stutter in the first world over being an urchin in India or any other poverty stricken place, if which there is a plethora in this world.
Have trouble attracting a mate? Work out like a fiend and be the best physical you that you can be. Have trouble finding a well-paying career? Study lots and be the best technically and try a profession where communication is not as critical, like computer programming or other IT related job. Having a hard time at parties? Maybe parties are not going to be your thing.
There are many pleasures this world has to experience, and you can enjoy them, you just have to work harder. You get one life, and this one is yours. You will not get another. Don't focus on who has it better than you, as you cannot control this
You should probably get some speech therapy, if you can afford it. If not, focus on free resources
For your general mental health, study some philosophy. The Stoic philosophy might help you. This book helped me - Guide to the Good Life: Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
Based on your favorites Sophie's World and Siddhartha you may like this recent book on practicing the Stoic philosophy:
Stoicism has given me some interesting insight. I'd recommend reading A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy.
I haven't read it but I hear a lot of good things about 'The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy'.
I mainly read the classics by guys like Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, but I'm sure there are easier digestible stuff out now.
Maybe ask in /r/stoicism.
Highly recommend this book on how not to sweat the small stuff: https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614/
It's a great intro on a philosophy that's about mastering negative emotions. :) Hope you feel better.
YFSK that life is full of risks: for us as individuals, for anyone in our families, for any of our friends. These risks include an infinity of terrible things that can happen during conception, during pregnancy, during childhood and during adulthood. Tell her that while we can be mindful of the potential catastrophes that can befall us and our loved ones, we shouldn't allow our fear of these things to prevent us from fulfilling our goals, whether we aspire to cross the street (and face the risk of being hit by a bus, notwithstanding the pleasures awaiting us on the other side) or start a family (and face the risk of any number of misfortunes, notwithstanding the spectacular pleasure and fulfillment associated with bringing a new and unique being into the world, regardless of its abilities or limitations).
See also A Guide to the Good Life, by Bill Irvine.
tl/dr: feel the fear and do it anyway
Regarding #4, one or both of you should read this:
Even if you don't agree with it, it may give you some good perspective on how much your mindset establishes your happiness.
The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
I read it once a year just to be sure I still have in mind the values/techniques from it.
Links n' such!
> If you admitted that you are, I would perk up, send you some PM's and pick your brain a bit to get some pointers on things and your opinion would be valued above all the other imaginary wanking bullock circle jerkers
So you value the opinions of people who claim enlightenment over others? O tempora, o mores!
I could be a complete fraud. How would you know? How, now knowing the mind-boggling extent of your gullibility, could I now claim enlightenment in good conscience? That'd just be encouraging blind faith!
> Cause then you are a zen master.
Eh. Then why don't you proclaim enlightenment, thus are a Zen master, and can listen to your own sermons?
If you don't like it here because there's too much pointing and not enough, well, explicit instructions but "shut up and face the wall", try the stoics. Really do. Have a teaser article, a handbook and... well, you also have google. This one is good if you don't like talk about Zeus, generally, need hand-holding transposing things into modern times.
Also, Yiquan (enable subtitles or know polish). Go further down that path, but only once you got why a martial art of all starts with such stuff.
The basic trick on that path is "a clear head is the best drug". That sentence has multiple meanings. Yes, I'm throwing kind of a koan at you, but it should be simple given the other information and some initial experience. Its potential risk (no path is without risk, there is no "good good") involves invoking fake emotions, that then turn you towards mania, or depression, or both. The one you linked risks psychosis, instead... and needs much, much, much more self-flagellating discipline.
Are you going to follow those links even though I didn't claim enlightenment? Having or not having done that, how does your perception of those change? Is that change warranted?
I'm not /u/bradiation but got here Ctrl+F'ing for Stoicism.
Try https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0195374614/ as a starting point. It wasn't actually mine; https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0865479410/ was which is also really good, though not specifically about Stoicism.
A Guide to the Good Life has a nice section about controlling our actions. Irvine suggests there are three types, things we have full control (thoughts), things we have partial control (games, work), things we have no control (the sunrise).
So you actually did hit the kid then? Why? Just wondering. By the way, this book is an excellent source on Stoicism. It is a philosophy that will help you cope with life by adjusting your value system.
I will try to help:
I hope you find a way in life that fits you.(assuming the question was for you personally)
Your question got me thinking where the end is of bettering disabilities.
Getting fit? Getting strong?
Stoicism is about becoming mentally invincible and applying that to become the best version of yourself that you can realise.
This is not limited to your own body, but extends to family, friends and society (if you are able)
Thanks for getting me thinking ;)
I'd recommend reading "a guide to the good life" by william irvine ( http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614 )
That is a relatively easy introduction that helped me a lot.(I must've read it half a dozen times)
You should read this book if you get the chance:
You can find a torrent for it on IsoHunt (w/ the Oxford press) or track it down at your local library.
Edit: Why? You seem to have a lot of negativity in your mind, and replacing that negativity with other emotions can do great things.
I'm going to try to be honest with you, and I hope it doesn't come off as offensive, because my intention is to give you some ideas for a path forward.
You seem smart enough to recognize that a lot of the things society does are superficial, and this is true. Society is full of behavior and activity that doesn't mean anything, or that serves to obscure people's true motivations or thoughts. Many people are concerned with their immediate physical comfort or social status, which leads to a lot of shallow interactions.
Partly this is just for efficiency's sake, if everyone sat around discussing their deepest inner desires and the profound nature of reality, nothing would ever get done. We need to be friendly to strangers because we don't have time to form a meaningful relationship with everyone around us. It's a simple, social fiction that makes life easier in large population centers.
I don't know how old you are, but I get the impression that you're fairly young. At the stage in your life where you're starting to recognize the silly-seeming things that humans do, but not experienced enough to understand that most of it is necessary "theater" for being a functioning part of human civilization.
I think you would probably benefit from reading some good philosophy books. You aren't the first person to grapple with these ideas, a lot of very smart people over the last three thousand or so years have spent a lot of time thinking about the same things. You might find a connection with Stoicism, and a fairly popular book called A Guide to the Good Life is a pretty solid introduction.
If you enjoyed that book, you should look into more books on Stoicism. I really enjoyed this one and this one
In the philosophical direction I would recommend A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, which really helped me think about things in a way that made it easier to control my emotions.
Here are some thoughts on the topic, since I know the problem.
After giving this a lot of thought over the years I've come to the conclusion that the key to what we call "confidence" is really satisfaction. Now, what I mean by satisfaction is a complete acceptance and embrace of all the things that are outside of your control, this is a very hard thing to do because it means that you MUST abandon ALL hope that you can ever change these.
Epictetus said it best:
>Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.
You can ONLY find "confidence" through complete acceptance of these things! you MUST abandon ALL hope, hope that you will grow taller, hope that other people will like you, hope that you will have good fortune. Relinquish this hope from your mind, recognize that you are powerless and thus there is no point in "hoping" or grieving about these thing. Put your mind and efforts into the things you can fully control and be the best you can be, embrace the discipline to be true to yourself! you owe it to yourself, consider this your purpose in life, to be in absolute control of all the things you can control.
Once you realize this you will find satisfaction because you are no longer bound by the things you have no control over!.
I absolutely hate the common fake it till you make it advice! I say do not fake anything, be true to yourself, because only you can and you owe it to yourself, it is your purpose.
Do not waste effort and time being envious of the fortune of others, they may have been blessed by the gods, the universe, whatever, It doesn't matter you have no control over it!. Do not waste effort and time being angry at your misfortune, recognize that the world is not "fair" or "unfair", that the world has no concept of "owing" someone anything, but that the world is absurd and that you must not give up the struggle! you MUST face it because its the only way to live life to the fullest.
Camus says that we must accept that life is devoid of meaning and purpose, but I challenge that assertion. Our purpose is to recognize that which we can control and be masters of everything in our domain, by striving for greatness in these things we will find satisfaction, and no one or anything will ever be able to take that away from you.
Keep in mind that all of this is definitely more easily said that done. This is an incredibly hard thing to do, it will take a lot from you, believe me I am still going through it. There will be relapses and moments of weakness but you must embrace this and keep going.
As a side note I recommend everyone here to read up on stoicism and taoism.
http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614 (I cannot recommend this book enough!)
Then move on to the classics: Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Lao Zhu.
And finally, whenever you feel like giving up read this: http://www.amazon.com/The-Myth-Sisyphus-Other-Essays/dp/0679733736
Set yourself a goal and then follow up on it mercilessly. Easier said than done.
Man I wish someone told me to read these three books when I was 17:
(Edit: I didn't read the whole post and didn't know you weren't looking for self help books. Maybe these will change your mind though.)
Here are two fantastic books that can help you deal with depression and the fickle human mind. One focuses on mindfulness and the other focuses on reason. Enjoy!
The Happiness Trap (mindfulness)
A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy (reason)
I hope these help, I can answer any questions you have about them as well.
You'll probably think this is stupid, but pessimism and focusing on what could go wrong is the key to happiness.
I highly suggest reading this book on stoic "joy". I know it may sound funny, but it explains why so many people have apathy for no apparent reason. We are all subject to hedonic adaptation, where our happiness level remains more or less at the same level during our life. We might desire a 57" tv for 5 years, finally buy it, and then be bored of it in 2 months, and back to our previous state of happiness. People who win the lottery are universally no happier than they were than before after the initial excitement fades. We basically desire all things that we do not have, while we fail to recognize the things that we already do have.
It's a very deep book, and it has helped me, I recommend it strongly to anyone. Please read it and spread the word, personal philosophy needs to be taught in primary schools; kids grow up with no foundation of lifes' meaning, and no understanding of how to life their life. The book covers in detail methods to go about doing this, one being negative visualization.
Já pensou em estudar os estoicos? Esta percepção da finitude da vida é, entre muitas outras coisas, o que separa o ser humano dos outros animais. E é com base nesta questão da finitude que se desenvolve o estoicismo.
O subreddit /r/stoicism é muito bom, pode ser um bom começo para tu estudares uma filosofia prática.
E, além de sempre ler as fontes primárias, este é um livro que recomendo profundamente:
I cannot recommend Stoicism enough and here is a great place to get started: http://www.amazon.ca/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614
I purchased the book and it was delivered yesterday. I began reading this book last night for about 4 hours. Thank You!! What a great recommendation.
The 2nd chapter about negative visualization was quite validating. I've done this and beaten myself up for it for years. It turns out that the reason I did it (what I thought was a mental weakness) was justified in this book. Thinking of worst case scenarios takes the sting away if that or another negative thing happens. I've thought this and my daughter instinctively does it (with a little influence from me, I'm sure) and with great benefit.
Also just in the second chapter how it can allow you to appreciate life more than the person that NEVER thinks anything negative will ever happen... and then they are devastated.
Great read so far. For those that get the book... the intro and 1st chapter are painful - Philosophical History, but the rest of the book is written just as one would expect.
Thanks again! Chapter 3 and 4 coming up tonight.
> You are even too soft: " It's a viable option if your personal ethics allow such a behavior." (at least for my not so light tastes).
Keep in mind which sub you're in. Sure you are certainly allowed to talk more brashly anywhere you so damn well please, but here it encourages more conversation when you present things from an objective perspective. I agree even moreso with you, but I also enjoy the discussions here so somewhat cater my tone towards that.
> The problems can rise when people try to fit the data with the hypothesis, it happen when they are not aware they are biased.
This is a common problem in all of science. Confirmation bias. If you hypothesize that "all girls are __" then you'll tend to either only look for girls who are that, or only remember ones which fit you. Which is something we have to be extra aware of when we try to make sweeping generalizations which categorize a significant amount of people.
> BTW, the question in the post is pure nonsense, he makes a connection between Stoicism and EQ based on a lack of knowledge about the topics. Does he know his lack of knowledge? Does he know he is biased?
Yes, that was a weak link between stoicism if you actually read what stoicism is (I love the book "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy").
Which is why I only addressed the part of his post which I quoted, which was a good question to ask (forgetting the stoicism part).
However, in his/her defense, I believe the word stoic was used in a more personality description as "masculine and emotionally unmoving" rather than the philosophy of Stoicism.
Most people here also tend to ask leading questions. This OP was nowhere as leading as others so this one doesn't really bother me.
Sounds like you need some "meta" - thinking about your overview of life, making some mental maps.
>If you were to live your life diametrically opposed to outrage culture, how would you do it?
Shameless book plug(s), Meditations and The Art of Stoic Joy
The Stoics (Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, etc.) addressed negative emotions and other psychological issues in a way that is still very relevant for modern life. See, for example, A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy.
Stiff upper lip was never the design of stoicism you realize?
If you want to know what stoicism is really about, I recommend this book. Technically im a stoic haha but I dont think we would agree on what that really means.