Reddit reviews Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families

The systems theory perspective holds that addictions are kept in place by the family system, rather than simply being the sole responsibility of the addict. Essentially, the family is like a cell, seeking some degree of homeostasis. For dysfunctional families, addiction may serve to maintain the balance of the system, so in order to change the addiction certain other factors in the family need to change as well. The addiction is serving a function, and as long as the system is reliant on that function (whatever it may be) then it will be very hard for the addict to successfully change within the system.


In terms of more academic reading, Substance Abuse and The Family is a helpful text. It gives a good overview of systems theory and how addiction functions in families.

In terms of books for family members looking for support, Codependent No More is a classic. Another book that is more general but which I just finished reading and loved is Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families.

Only because you let it work. Your child is in no way related to the relationship you have with your sisters. In fact, you may have some issues there, as your sister didn't check with YOU to take your daughter on the gator. When I play with my sibling's kids, I ask THEM if it's okay. Always.

I would head over to RBN and start reading up on narcissism. You have a narcissist on your hands, and she's trained you well to jump when she pushes the buttons. You need to find your Momma Bear inside, lay down the law when it comes to your kids - and override them when it comes to having contact with your siblings. You think they have control over everything, but it's an illusion, they've just trained you to think that.

The way this should go is "My kids, my rules - respect them, or you don't get to see them, or me." Boundaries, and consequences. Your sisters can come to your house - one will be 18 soon and can do whatever she wants. Don't JADE - justify, argue, defend, or explain. YOUR RULES. YOUR KIDS. If they don't like it? Tough. Them's the rules.

Breaking dysfunctional family behavior is tough - i know you won't be able to turn the tables overnight, but you can get started on it. Otherwise, this is going to escalate, and your kids will know "When I'm with grandma and grandpa, I can do anything I want" - and then the call that they're in the emergency room happens. And, of course, it won't be THEIR fault, it will be your bad parenting.

Break the chain of abuse. There are great books on it. I highly recommend:
http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Secrets-Dysfunctional-Families/dp/0932194532/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458158461&sr=8-1&keywords=dysfunctional+families
As a place to start - and there are plenty more books like that. They're alcoholism-centred, but dysfunction is dysfunction, and families ruled by a narcissist or any personality disorder act exactly like families ruled by an alcoholic.

Break the chain. Your mom is textbook when it comes to her behavior. I guarantee if you read that book, or hang out in RBN, you'll go "I'm not alone!!!!"

Wow! Thanks everyone I really appreciate the feedback.

I also found this book when searching earlier today : Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0932194532/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ZB2oDbEWHMQ73

This is a really good book that I recommend all the time

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Adult-Children-Secrets-Dysfunctional-Families/dp/0932194532/ref=nodl_

Psychedelics are absolutely a great help if you’re very introspective and can wade through your subconscious mind, but if you’ve never done them before, I recommend finding a trip-sitter. An ayahuasca retreat would be even better as it lasts longer than dmt (typically only 15-30 mins) and with someone that has a lot of psychological baggage to unpack, I would suggest something longer to start with, but only under supervision.

Please excuse me for pointing out the obvious, but your first relationship really is with yourself.

You might gain a great deal by researching codependence. Often people who were born into & raised in less-than-stellar family systems (violence, fear, coldness, rejection) end up strongly codependent & reliant upon external validation instead of being able to comfort & strengthen themselves.

Codependence is (in my opinion) an unhealthy extension or exaggeration of the natural human need for connection. If you've been put through difficulties during your infancy & childhood, that will likely add some level of difficulty to your quest to establish a strong sense of self, because the natural human need for connection was flawed or denied when & where it counted most - when you were a helpless infant or small child.

But such a strong sense of self can be developed. There are many good books out there on the subject of overcoming difficult or neglected childhoods:

You can get a free preview here: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=VKAVXZ806G14AQ7GYFFT

And you can purchase that book & the next one from used-book sites for a fairly cheap price:

https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Secrets-Dysfunctional-Families/dp/0932194532

Don't talk to anyone in your family. It will only create problems.

There are many people in the world who understand how you feel. You are not alone.

If you are old enough to write this post, then you might as well start learning the truth.

I encourage you to start with this book:

Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0932194532/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_z5MYDbBWZZNEZ

Good luck friend.