Reddit reviews Being the Other One: Growing Up with a Brother or Sister Who Has Special Needs

NAH, it's okay and normal to feel frustrated about this kind of thing. There are books and support groups out there for people like you. I know more about support for children with disabled siblings, but it's a similar principle -- it's very normal to love your disabled parent AND sometimes feel frustrated, sad, and even angry that you're missing out on some parts of a "normal" life. There's an excellent book called "Being the Other One" that's about being the typical sibling of a disabled child; it's not directly on point for you, but the discussions of the complex emotions you feel will be very familiar.

This is something you can definitely talk to a therapist about, who can help you come to terms with your emotions -- these are not bad or wrong things to feel, they are normal and justified and you feel what you feel. You aren't an asshole or a bad person, because you haven't acted on them. But talking with a therapist and exploring these feelings more completely can help you work through them and feel more comfortable with them and understand better how to cope with them without worrying that you're a bad person -- because you're not, we all have complicated feelings about things like this! You can love your mother with all your heart and still sometimes be sad or angry about the situation -- that's normal, and human, and if you can treat yourself with compassion and care when you feel those feelings, you can become a more empathetic and kind human being that others will turn to for support because of your compassion and understanding.

Well since you're cousins maybe make a special effort to make the "normal" sibling feel appreciated. Play games with him, hang out with him, let him know he's loved and appreciated too. Also you could read the book The Other One about being the normal sibling in a family with a physically/mentally/emotionally damaged sibling. Parents sometimes don't have a choice but to give the "needy" child a lot of attention, but if they aren't cognizant of the needs of their other children, they could wind up feeling the way I described in my post. 0/10 would not recommend.

I'd also suggest maybe buying small gifts the "normal" kid would enjoy but I can see that leading to parents being pissy about both kids not getting things. I dunno how old you are but I would just say take some time and spend it with the cousin you see struggling. He probably feels resentment and anger at always seeming to come in second, despite being the one without the problem. Taking some time out of your day to take him to the park, or play a game with him, or go for ice cream or something once in awhile, just you two, will make him feel special and like someone is paying attention to his needs too.

You sound like a very caring person and your cousin is lucky to have you.