Reddit reviews Bipolar and Pregnant: How to Manage and Succeed in Planning and Parenting While Living with Manic Depression

I hope you don't mind a long story and that it somehow answers your question, because I'm not sure how to answer it.

Although I was officially diagnosed with Bipolar Type II at age 25, I've been told that I may really have cyclothymic disorder, which is an even lesser form of bipolar than Bipolar Type II. I've been told by more than one doctor and therapist that I'm one of the most high functioning bipolar people they've ever seen - I have always held down high paying steady jobs, I've never had any drug/alcohol issues, I've never had issues with money, I've never had an incident where I had to go to a mental facility, I've gone to therapy steadily for years, etc. The few people I told I was bipolar after I was diagnosed were surprised, because they knew me before I was diagnosed and they thought I was fairly "normal." When I was diagnosed, I had a discussion with myself and figured I was going to be on the meds for the rest of my life, that I was mostly OK with not having children naturally, that I could just adopt. Hindsight is 20/20 and it seems pretty stupid now, but when I married my husband at age 27, a real discussion on children never came about, we just both knew we nebulously wanted kids.

At age 31 my husband says he's ready to have kids. We discussed my mental illness and how I was OK with adopting, but he wanted kids naturally, and honestly I still wanted to have kids naturally too. I talked with my psychiatrist at the time about having kids naturally, and he said that he had other female patients who had kids naturally while being bipolar, but that it took work - I'd be seeing him and my therapist more than usual to have them monitor me, plus my psych wanted to switch me to Geodon during the pregnancy. I didn't want to be on any medicines while trying to have a kid, which didn't please my psych, but he said OK, we can try that, but if things get to be too much, I was going to take the Geodon.

For six months I was off all bipolar meds - frankly it sucked but I was dealing with it fairly well. However, I was not getting pregnant. Even though most literature says wait a year before you go see a fertility specialist if you are under 35, I told my ob/gyn that because I was off my bipolar meds I really wanted to see a fertility specialist NOW because I didn't think I could handle another six months being off the meds. So we go off to see three fertility specialists over 2.5 years (long story), get all sorts of tests done and find out both my husband and I have fertility issues - I don't ovulate hard enough (which is fixable), but my husband's testosterone and sperm count is really low and that's not-so-fixable. The last fertility specialist said that his sperm count was so low that even IVF wouldn't work and that it would be best to use donor sperm, which my husband was not in favor of. During those 2-2.5 years I finally got on the Geodon (which REALLY wasn't a good fit for me - hello sleeping 20 hours a day and sky high anxiety), then finally gave up on the Geodon and went back to Lamictal and Abilify.

For another six months my husband and I just sort of took an unofficial break from the whole fertility process. I finally told him in a discussion that I just couldn't do the IVF even if his sperm count was higher, that being off my meds for awhile and then being on Geodon was bad enough, but that IVF makes normal women go nuts with the hormonal changes, thus it would probably be 10X worse for me. I was perfectly fine with fostering or adopting. He still wanted to think things through some more to figure out what he wanted.

We had been told that with both our fertility issues, we had a better chance of winning the lottery than having a kid naturally. So we didn't use any birth control, because hey, what was the point? It was literally a few weeks to a month later after the "I don't want to do IVF" discussion that my husband gets a full physical, comes home, and tells me his testosterone level is in the normal but low range. A few days before that I was wondering why my period was taking so long, but that has happened to me more than once so I didn't think it was any big deal. However, with my husbands new information, I took the last pregnancy test I had in my bathroom and found out I was pregnant. I was like, WTF. I go see the ob/gyn the next day and a sonogram confirms I'm 4 weeks pregnant. I see my (newer) psych (the old psych wasn't taking my insurance anymore) as soon as I can and we both agree I need to gradually but quickly decrease my meds until I'm not on them anymore. My original post pretty much tells the rest of the story.

So is it worth the risk? I really don't know, partially because this pregnancy isn't done yet. I am pro-choice, so if any of the tests showed something was wrong with the fetus, I would have no issues aborting. If I was bipolar type I (e.g., where one goes psychotic manic) there would be NO WAY I was having kids naturally. However, which me having such a mild form of bipolar disorder and being so high functioning, my doctors have never said I shouldn't try to have kids.

My advice would be to talk to take a look at your past history with your psychiatrist, therapist, ob/gyn, and see what they all have to say. In writing this whole mini-autobiography, it reminded me that I had read this book before the whole pregnancy journey 3 years ago, which had some good tips:

Bipolar and Pregnant: How to Manage and Succeed in Planning and Parenting While Living with Manic Depression
http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Pregnant-Planning-Parenting-Depression/dp/0757306837/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347639402&sr=8-1&keywords=bipolar+pregnancy

YMMV - I liked it but I can understand why some people gave it a one-star rating. There is another book on Amazon that looks pretty good and I think I'm going to pick up:

Understanding Your Moods When You're Expecting: Emotions, Mental Health, and Happiness -- Before, During, and After Pregnancy
http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Your-Moods-Youre-Expecting/dp/0547053622/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1347639402&sr=8-2&keywords=bipolar+pregnancy

If you have any other questions, I'd be happy to answer them to the best of my ability / experience. I hope all this information is some what helpful to you.

part 2:

books:

copy of chapter "Children of Depressed Parents" from the book The Edge of Darkness by Kathy Cronkite: http://imgur.com/QsW1D,neLcM,KeByl,tKhTz,Y2VzK

http://www.amazon.com/Sorrows-Web-Understanding-Depressed-Children/dp/B004JZX1TE/ref=sr_1_sc_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1329195154&sr=8-3-spell

http://www.amazon.com/Pregnant-Prozac-Essential-Making-Decision/dp/0762749407/ref=pd_sim_b_3

http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Childs-Guide-Parental-Depression/dp/1929622716/ref=pd_vtp_b_5

http://www.amazon.com/Ghost-House-Maternal-Depression-Children/dp/B003B3NWXU/ref=pd_vtp_b_3

http://www.amazon.com/Deeper-Shade-Blue-Recognizing-Childbearing/dp/0743254759/ref=pd_vtp_b_5

http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Blues-Every-Depression-During/dp/0385338678/ref=pd_vtp_b_4

http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Decision-Handbook-Women-Depression/dp/0976581418/ref=pd_vtp_b_5

http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Your-Moods-Youre-Expecting/dp/0547053622/ref=pd_vtp_b_8

http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Postpartum-Anxiety-Workbook-Compulsions/dp/1572245891/ref=pd_vtp_b_7

http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Mother-Postpartum-Depression-Support/dp/0425208087/ref=pd_vtp_b_6

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Blue-Surviving-Depression-Anxiety/dp/B004X8W91S/ref=pd_vtp_b_10

http://www.amazon.com/Therapy-Postpartum-Woman-Depression-Clinicians/dp/0415989965/ref=pd_rhf_ee_shvl2

http://www.amazon.com/Sucked-Then-Cried-Breakdown-Margarita/dp/B004J8HXA4/ref=pd_sim_b_6

http://www.amazon.com/Down-Came-Rain-Postpartum-Depression/dp/1401308465/ref=pd_sim_b_4

http://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Having-After-Postpartum-Depression/dp/1413473474/ref=pd_sim_b_6

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Well-When-Youre-Depressed/dp/1572242515/ref=pd_vtp_b_11

http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Bear-Family-Parent-Disorder/dp/1425929524/ref=pd_vtp_b_2

http://www.amazon.com/My-Mothers-BiPolar-So-What/dp/1419620061/ref=pd_vtp_b_4

http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Pregnant-Planning-Parenting-Depression/dp/0757306837/ref=pd_sim_b_9

http://www.amazon.com/Sometimes-My-Mommy-Gets-Angry/dp/0142403598/ref=pd_vtp_b_4

http://www.amazon.com/Hand-Me-Down-Blues-Depression-Spreading-Families/dp/0312263325/ref=pd_vtp_b_13

http://www.amazon.com/When-Parent-Depressed-Children-Depression/dp/0316738891/ref=pd_vtp_b_6

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Will-Never-Same-Postpartum/dp/0982641001/ref=pd_sim_b_9

http://www.amazon.com/This-Isnt-What-Expected-Overcoming/dp/0553370758

videos: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/takeonestep/depression/video-ch_01.html - pbs out of the shadows (this is a full documentary but it has parts about postpartum depression that I think are worth watching)

check out my original post as well for lots more info.

Things to keep in mind if you are a mother with depression; quotes from two resources:

Harvard maternal postpartum depression links:
http://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/reports_and_working_papers/working_papers/wp8/

Serious depression in parents and caregivers can affect far more than the adults who are ill. It also influences the well-being of the children in their care. The first joint Working Paper from the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child and the National Forum on Early Childhood Policy and Programs summarizes recent evidence on the potentially far-reaching harmful effects of chronic and severe maternal depression on families and children. When children grow up in an environment of mental illness, the development of their brains may be seriously weakened, with implications for their ability to learn as well as for their own later physical and mental health. This report examines why the continuing failure to address the consequences of depression for large numbers of vulnerable, young children presents a missed opportunity to help families and children in a way that could support the future prosperity and well-being of society as a whole.


Here is a quote from The Noonday Demon from the section on mothers with depression (my own added comment is in the parentheses and not part of the original quote),

"Depressed mothers are usually not great mothers, though high-functioning depressives can sometimes mask their illness and fulfill their parenting roles," (this is not an insult against depressed parents, it's an inevitable consequence of what happens when you are depressed because you are more irritable, have less energy, can be less outwardly loving, sometimes fail to respond to social cues from your children, possibly unaffectionate and withdrawn...), "In general, the children of a depressed mothers not only reflect but also magnify their mother's state. Even ten years after an initial assessment, such children suffer significant social impairment and are at a threefold risk for depression and a fivefold risk for panic disorders and alcohol dependence. To improve the mental health of children, it is sometimes more important to treat the mother than to treat the children directly..."
***
Resources for men with postpartum depression:

http://www.postpartummen.com/resources.htm

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Parenting/postpartum-depression-fathers/story?id=10672383#.TydWX8VAb6k

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32403497/ns/today-relationships/t/new-dads-coping-baby-blues/#.TydWZsVAb6k

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/17/time-to-focus-on-sad-dads/

book: Kleinman, K. (2001). Postpartum Husband: Practical Solutions for Living with Postpartum Depression. Xlibris Corporation.