Reddit reviews Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life

As I thought out my reply to this I realized it kinda sounds stupid, so perhaps you're right. That said, I didn't state the book because some people aren't receptive if you cram everything down their throat at once and tell them what to do; but if one makes an offer of help if needed, then the person might be receptive to the idea.

With that, the book is Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend. (Caution for those non-religious type: this book refers to religious scriptures from time to time. More so to debunk the common beliefs expressed in religion such as obey God, obey thy mother & father, be a good neighbor, etc... that leads people to believe they can't say no and so they over extend themselves or become a doormat/enabler. Many of these principles were taken out of context and the real meaning was lost. The authors use these scriptures not so much to preach to people, but to rebut what they've been taught.)

At that point you have to ask yourself if you want a friend that would get so out of whack over a bag of fish.

Incidentally, I'm not a psychologist, but sounds like you're a "compliant." Read this book by Dr. Henry Cloud, great read: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310585902/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0310585902&linkCode=as2&tag=pissingexcellence-20

Neat. Haven't heard of that book. I plan on reading Boundaries soon which I think has a similar premise.

I read some book suggestions and they’re not bad. It’s more about you than them. Two great books I’ve read and have really helped me personally get healthier in this area are

Safe People
https://www.amazon.com/Safe-People-Relationships-Avoid-Those/dp/0310210844

And

Boundaries - when to say yes and when to say no.

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310585902

The later helps in situational circumstances and the former helps you choose the right people so you don’t get into those situations over and over.

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310585902

You can find it here for as low as about $4.25 shipped.

Nicole - I was elated when we started chatting again on Facebook. I was genuinely sorry to hear about your divorce, and was happy to get back in touch. It had been 11 years since high school, and even though we hadn't been great friends, I had always admired you. You were sweet, and beautiful, and as far as I was concerned, out of my league at that point. However, we were friends and I was content to leave it at that.

We decided to get together to catch up. The more we chatted, the more this seemed like a date. I was caught off guard, but we pulled together a cute first date with mini golf and pool. You looked like a million bucks, like you always do, and I was genuinely surprised when bumping turned to kisses which eventually led to you inviting me inside at the end of the night. You, of course, knew what that led to...

We were moving much, much faster than I had expected. We saw each other a couple of times in the following weeks. I came to your place in the middle of the night when I had work, to see you, because you asked me to. I was sick, but it didn't matter. I invited you over, you met my siblings and my roommate, and they were thoroughly impressed. I couldn't help but feel the same way. I had been single since high school, minus a few indiscretions and a few flash in the pan relationships that didn't last long at all. I decided it was time to switch gears, and try giving a relationship my full attention. I knew you had things to work out, but I hoped I could help.

I decided that I needed to make some changes. My head was spinning, so I bought $150 in books from amazon so I could help get myself together. I wanted to understand what you were going through, so I bought books on divorce. I wanted to know what I was doing, so I bought books on dating. I wanted to know you better, so I bought the "if" books. We talked about the gym, and I missed it, so I'm now going to the Y. I get up at 5:30 to get there, and have seen so many old man penises that my dreams shall be haunted by them. I didn't go for you, I went for me. I knew I couldn't be with you if I didn't like my weight. I appreciated your encouragement. My daily check-ins on Facebook were great motivation when they invariably got a "like" from you.

There were some red flags. You had deep trust issues, but I hoped we could work through those. I know your husband was a sociopath, narcissistic and cheated on you, but, hey, I wasn't even close to that guy. I had a gentle heart and was fiercely loyal. I have the peer group to prove it. You asked me not to tell anyone we were seeing each other. That seemed odd, but fair, since you had a very religious mother and it wasn't until the second week we had been seeing each other that you got your finalization papers. Still, even after that it was hush hush. You also didn't say anything directly affectionate..."That feels good" and "you're a good cook" don't really soothe the heart, but, I was new to having an 'actual' relationship, so I decided to take my time and be patient.

You had a work function. You went out for dinner and wine with coworkers, and I didn't hear from you that night. That was a first. Then I heard almost nothing from you for three days. I had been reading the Boundaries book you gave me, because you saw my inability to say no easily, and decided that I needed to find out what was going on. I called you out on it, playfully. We hadn't had a chance to see each other for a week and a half, because you had been busy. So, a week and a half of communication reduced to almost nothing. My first thought was someone else. I wasn't going to sit in limbo.

You knew how busy I am, being a single guy, supporting a couple family, being a homeowner to a house that I bought for a song but have to invest a lot of elbow grease into. You were busy as well. You were learning how to be you again, instead of an "us". You had work, a book club, counseling and long weekend work projects. I was willing to make time. You were burning out. You never told me this until you couldn't handle it, and I can't help but feel you didn't want to try.

I'm not pining after you. I'm not crying myself to sleep. I told you I was disappointed, because I am. I miss you. I missed making dinner for you, drinking wine and having chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. I enjoyed having you at my side, curled up on the chilly fall night in front of the bonfire reading questions to each other. I really tried this time, and I really did like you. I've been told I should be mad at you, to tell you to fuck off and hate you for whatever reason....but I can't. More specifically, I won't. I'm better than that. You aren't a bad person, and I have no reason to treat you like that. You said we should just be friends. Fair enough. I can handle that. Now you don't even return my texts.

I was in a car accident on Wednesday. I was hit by an 85 year old man going highway speed while I was stopped at a light.I seemed to have made it away without much damage. I was in the hospital, and you checked up on me the next day in a brief text. Thank you for that. I'm fine. For some reason, I don't expect to hear much from you again.

I wish I could have had you tell me what was going through your mind. I wish you would have told me why you changed your mind. Was it burnout? Maybe a little. Was it something I did? That's all I can guess, since you never really told me. I can't read your mind, and all I can do is process and pick apart everything I did to try to not make the same mistake again. I went into this relationship as a man, open and honest. If you asked me a question, I gave to the honest truth. I wish I knew what your truth was.

Thank you, anyway, for touching my life. I've lost about 15 lbs in the last few weeks, and I'm still losing. I'm open to relationships, but I'm going to be a little gun shy. I'll probably beat this thing to death, running through it in my mind, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. You're a fine person, and I wish I could have had more time with you. I'm trying not to hold out hope, but I'd be lying if I didn't have a candle flame reserved for you. I hope we can be friends. I'd like that. Thanks again.

**Edit: I'm at work, in between calls writing this. I can do without the grammar nazis. I should have probably used a throwaway anyway. Whatever. Life is short, and I'm too busy to mess with multiple accounts. Thanks for reading, its not all here, but I couldn't keep up.

You need to read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310585902/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1293422744&sr=8-1 Boundaries by Henry Cloud.