Reddit reviews Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin— - How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries

I found Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin to be extremely useful.

First of all, thank you so much for opening up and sharing your story with us. That takes an awful lot of courage. Second of all, I'm so sorry that you've had to go through so much crappy stuff surrounding your ABDL side. It sounds like you have constantly had your boundaries violated over the years and you've been deprived of the privacy you've needed and deserved to safely explore this side of yourself. It's totally understandable why you'd feel so frustrated, depressed and worried about the future. It's really not easy to cope with what you've been through and I think anyone would feel the same way you do in your circumstances.


I am hearing a sense of hope though which is lovely and will aid greatly in moving forward from all this and discovering that happy little deep down inside of you. It also sounds like you've got a plan in place to reclaim your sense of privacy and autonomy by getting a new job. Keep up with that, you are on the right track there! I'd also recommend seeing a kink-friendly counselor/mental health professional to help you work through the feelings and fears that you have stemming from all the not so good experiences you've been through. I also think it would be helpful to do some research on communication, consent, and boundaries so you can learn skills on how to set boundaries with your family and how to handle things if another person tries to push your boundaries in a sexual way. I'd recommend reading these two books 1, 2.


Lastly, it's never too late to make changes (heh pardon the pun!) in your life, to start a new beginning, and to make up for everything you've missed out on. All the best on your healing journey. You're doing an awesome job so far, you got this! If you ever want to chat, please feel free to pm me \<3

> I'm not her mom, I'm not her personal slave, delivery person or her chauffeur, but I seem to be all of these things constantly.

It sounds like you need to set better personal boundaries with her, and you need to learn to say 'no' to her sometimes. She has you doing many things for her that are ultimately not your responsibility and you should stop doing those things for her. It is not an easy process to change a relationship in this way - but here's a book I would suggest to get you started.

She may have issues with anxiety/depression/self-confidence. This doesn't make her a bad person, but it may be difficult for you to understand what she's going through. If you do decide to stay friends with her, try to be supportive of her, but understand that it is ok for you to have your own life, and that you shouldn't be her doormat.

My parents were the same way. They were incredibly invalidating, what I did was never enough, so and so shouldn't be with me, etc. My therapist gave me [Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin](Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin— - How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries https://www.amazon.com/dp/1568380305/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_svhmzbDK29E22). The book was pretty intense at times, though after I read it and began practicing the exercises, there was a noticeable difference in the way people treated me... including my parents.

Seriously, I never thought I could have a good relationship with my parents. I struggled between resenting them and loving them. After I read Boundaries and set my own, I feel like we now have mutual respect for each other with zero power play and can genuinely enjoy each other's presence. Also, the book is incredibly short.