Reddit reviews Breaking Addiction: A 7-Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction

Yeah I have the same shit going on. Doesn't matter what I quit, a new addiction pops up. [This book] (http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Addiction-7-Step-Handbook-Ending/dp/0061987395) gets at what you have to do to stop that stuff, and is generally helpful in the process. For the time being though, just stay away from psychoactive shit in general.

I recommend reading the book below. I am rather sure it will help you to understand the cycle of addiction and help you to develop better mechanisms to cope with the emotional pain that leads you to porn. This book has helped me a lot in my NoFap journey.

https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Addiction-7-Step-Handbook-Ending/dp/0061987395

At the end you will realize that there might be some emotional wounds of childhood that make you so prone
to relapsing when you feel vulnerable.

Work through your depression. When you fap you do it because you feel helpless and fap to try to regain control of your emotions if only temporarily. This book helped me so much check it out if can. http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Addiction-7-Step-Handbook-Ending/dp/0061987395/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1376107676&sr=1-1

If you have any questions just ask.

I've been reading this book and it's helped me clarify why I think I smoke (though, this has really been a continuous journey over years and sometimes a moving target). http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Addiction-7-Step-Handbook-Ending/dp/0061987395

Also I read the free sample online and that's what pushed me to buy it. Good non-committal way to check it out. I'm definitely no salesman but heard it from another leaves redditor and it's been good for me this week

So first let me say that i don’t assume you have an addiction. Either way, I highly recommend this book Breaking Addiction

You're avoiding something. You're reaching for the escape hatch in order to get away from something you don't want to do. The first step to stop focusing on the addiction and start identifying what it is you are trying to avoid. (Sometimes it's hard because it almost feels like your mind is hiding the answer from you.)

You are seeking these things because you are trying to gain control in a situation where you feel powerless. The solution is to realize that you always have power to do something. The solution to take action, even if it's very small. It isn't about overcoming your problems but taking action toward them.

Let me be clear: It's not a question of discipline. The worst thing you can do is beat yourself up at the very moment where you feel most powerless. Recap: Whenever you start to have thoughts about doing x behavior, ask yourself, "What is it that I don't want to do? What am I avoiding?" Then ask yourself, "What's the smallest thing I can do to take action to resolve that problem?" Then take that small action.

Often you feel that you don't have any options, but you actually do.

All the above I took from this book, which I read many years ago, and helped me a lot: http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Addiction-7-Step-Handbook-Ending/dp/0061987395/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_1

Now when I have addictive thoughts I think to myself, "Look at me, reaching for the escape hatch." And I always realize there's something coming up in the next 24 hours that I feel I have to do that I really don't want to do. As soon as I get out of it, or change the terms of the activity to better fit what I would prefer, or at minimum just express my unhappiness to participants about doing the thing, I lose all urgency to act out.

Hope this helps!

I will respond to myself, despite the downvotes:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addiction_Psychology

• One helpful book: http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Addiction-7-Step-Handbook-Ending/dp/0061987395
  
  • helplessness / powerlessness -> compulsion
    
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epinephrine#Adrenaline_junkie
    
    > An adrenaline junkie is somebody who appears to be addicted to endogenous epinephrine. The "high" is caused by self-inducing a fight-or-flight response by intentionally engaging in stressful or risky behavior, which causes a release of epinephrine by the adrenal gland. Adrenaline junkies appear to favor stressful activities for the release of epinephrine as a stress response.[103][104] Whether or not the positive response is caused specifically by epinephrine is difficult to determine, as other catecholamines and endorphins are also released during the fight-or-flight response to such activities
    

In one of my posts, I was talking about the book "Breaking Addiction" by Lance Dodes. Do read it. You can find it here:
https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Addiction-7-Step-Handbook-Ending/dp/0061987395/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1465798577&sr=1-1&keywords=breaking+addiction

According to the concept in this book, you have to find your key moment. When did you first struggle with your thoughts? Was it the moment you asked for help in the telegram chat? Was it already before that? Why did you feel like that? What's the emotional background?
Reading that book will help a lot in understanding your addiction. Will it help you to never relapse again? Well, you can make it less likely but you won't stop slipping immediately. Even though I have read the book, I relapsed myself yesterday. But I know the underlying emotions and I'm working hard to overcome these issues. If I'm done with this, I'll know exactly what leads me to bad thoughts and can find a way to act differently instead.

You need to understand that drug use is a symptom, not a problem. Read that sentence again, its very important as this society stigmatizes certain drug users. What you should be worried about is 'why?'

As someone with a fiancee concerned about my history of drug use (sounds similar to your BF) and how that will play out in the relationship, she makes it clear that she is supportive if I lay out what I'm working towards, but that she has boundaries as well. I think this is fair, as actions speak louder than words.

If he's taking xanax occasionally, then he may be taking it everyday. Is he the sort of person that has a lot of stress put on him but doesn't seem phased? A lot of times successful people turn to drugs if they feel like the world is counting on them and they need an outlet that they can control.

Is he the sort of person that needs to make sure everyone else's needs are met and doesn't seem concerned with his own well being?

Mind you, none of these are red flags necessarily, and I'm sure you have issues you cope with in a way that might be less than ideal, but drugs are a huge target for overwhelmed, intelligent and sensitive people to hit when they feel out of control.

Here's a great book about the subject if you're really interested, it helped me get over my own stigma and start working out the problems: http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Addiction-7-Step-Handbook-Ending/dp/0061987395/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1371669572&sr=8-2&keywords=addiction