Reddit reviews Cognitive Behavioural Therapy For Dummies
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I don’t wish to justify your sister’s avoidance but I was devastated to discover allegations of my late beloved grandfather’s possible sexual abuse involvement. The person who told me prefaced it with “Ooh there are dodgy things about him people have no idea of!”
I replied with a hopeful- “and I’m glad I don’t know them,” hoping she’d go no further.
She violated this boundary but there’s something cowardly in my attempt to avoid finding out the horrid things she accused him of. I hate her for telling me as it’s too late to verify its truth or- if needed - help the alleged victim. I wasn’t ready to let go of this image of the only man who truly loved me in a wholesome way.
Your sister might return to this once the possibility has sunk in and curiosity overtakes her.
In any case your recovery cannot depend on her or anyone else. Please seek help. Read books like The Body Keeps Score (by Bessel van der Kolk, on the effects of trauma) , Tapping In Resources ( by Laurel Parnell, on how to empower yourself with the strength and care you would receive from others) , and CBT For Dummies (by Rhena Branch et al, on how to apply Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to your thought patterns to think and feel more healthily and balanced)
{How old is Ares?}
We have a quick suggestion before knowing more. You need to train yourselves on cognitive behavioural therapy - and I mean really train yourselves in the basics. Whether you have a counsellor or not. A good counsellor would train you anyway with CBT homework.
Why?
Because at the minimum you and your tulpa need the skillset to tackle the thought part of the cycle that you get into.
This is a simplification, a big one, but useful: thoughts affect neurochemistry and neurochemistry affects your thoughts. It's a cycle that can be virtuous or vicious.
So teach yourselves how to influence the thinking that you do first. Not a magic bullet, of course not, but it has empiric evidence (CBT) and is something that I believe you should certainly teach yourself well and also I'd encourage Ares to do so as well.
{Ok, so my own concern is you creating a tulpa to help with your problems. It's not that it's a problem to do this however please realise that he is a person OR will certainly become one. An individual. It is likely he'll help but he is as human as you and will not automatically know anything more about how to help other than be a second viewpoint at best in the early days.
Whether you agree with specific therapy ideas or not, Ares deserves full exposure to as many evidence based ways of working with these issues as you can practically manage.
By doing this for him you maximise his own ability to use the knowledge in your brain and that he gains to help you.
He's not going to know how to fight with the reduced resources of depression. He won't know how to kick you out of bed and get you to just exercise, even if you are doing it zombie fashion.
He's not going to know he's gotta get you out and connecting to anyone you can call on for some support.
And he's not going to know how to get you to re examine your thinking about the past and future.
I'll tell him this - he's got to intervene in rumination: over examining and "Why" questions regarding the past or indeed the future.
Nope, we aren't offering a full silver bullet but I'm certainly hoping he's mature enough to take the hints here. He's not learnt anything like enough yet and if he's managed to intervene with anxiety, then he's done brilliantly.
YOU have got to be a serious help to Ares now, no matter your feelings and deliberately arm him with as much materials and knowledge as possible.
Does that help?}
She's right mate.
Have a look at some of this stuff as a quick start:
https://psychologytools.com/anxiety.html
Then have a look here. I've chosen the Dummies ones because I've used the second one myself and contains all the basics, plus there's little time wasted in getting theoretical.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Managing-Anxiety-Dummies-Graham-Davey/dp/1118366069/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521495223&sr=8-1&keywords=cbt+for+dummies
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Branch/dp/0470665416/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1521495223&sr=8-3&keywords=cbt+for+dummies
We are not claiming this is all that's required. Like a balanced diet, these skills are an essential part.
The other parts, you probably already know.
Our point is: your tulpa sounds fearfully young for handling serious adult problems, so put your heart and soul into helping him learn how to help you EVEN if you don't always think the therapy ideas can be of help.
And also be dead honest with yourself - I'm biased towards CBT/Hypnotherapy mixed with CBT stuff for this - however, have you seen a professional whom you trust for possible medication support?
Don't discount it without seeing someone if your depressive symptoms are that strong.
Finally, for me, a good vitamin b complex AND vitamin D plus exercise was another major element. Again, not claiming it's a silver bullet but you need these vitamins anyway and they are on the list of the few supplements worth taking. Can back this one up with research links if wanted.
Hope this gives you guys a start.
Oh really last thing: when thinking stuff about yourself, when self examining yourself, avoid the use of the WHY questions. Not kidding. There is a TED talk on it.
Use WHAT and maybe HOW. Don't bother with WHY:
https://ideas.ted.com/the-right-way-to-be-introspective-yes-theres-a-wrong-way/
> My diet is very poor and i rarely consume more than just simple carbs and dairy on a daily basis.
You'd be surprised how much changing your diet will help; as would exercise. This is a common problem in people with mood dysregulation, and it often leads to a downward spiral.
BUT, by no means am I saying this is the cure to your situation. But it's an important step to take.
Get yourself a full-spectrum light. Try to soak in it for 30 minutes a day in the morning, and see if that helps.
Beyond that, there may be thought processes you have learned in life that contribute to these mood swings.
You need to talk to someone that is a professional. See if there is a low-cost clinic in your area. Many teaching hospitals have such programs.
You'll have to work, over time, at changing your thought patterns and finding ways to reinforce healthier behaviors.
A very simple solution that costs nothing, and can get you started: Set a timer for every 60 minutes. Get up, and walk around your room. Think about something other than what you were thinking about when you were sitting down.
Another simple solution: Close your eyes. Practice clearing your thoughts. Focus only on your body, your breathing, etc., and don't allow any thoughts or judgments to penetrate your concentration. (This takes practice -- don't be discouraged if you can't do it the first 10 or 20 or 100 times, the point is to practice not to succeed at doing this)
Please remember that your mood swings are reinforcing unhealthy behaviors such as not eating properly and keeping you in your chair, and vice-versa. It can be a vicious circle. Be patient and compassionate with yourself, and try not to engage in thought patterns that result in self-judgment.
If you can't afford a therapist, or don't want to try that route, but can afford a book, try this: https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Branch/dp/0470665416/
(I recommend the workbook that accompanies it)
Heres the way, and it's really the only way: you work on detaching yourself from your idea of who you are. Being self-aware and confident in yourself aren't the objectives here, and if you go down that road you'll just swap one ego for another and end up in the same trap. You aren't a 9, you just think you are, and it's this concept that binds you to the pattern of being a 9. Three things that will help:
Feel free to PM me to discuss more.
I don't think your feeling should be disregarded because of your day count, if people feel you should be on day 1 or 167 it really doesn't matter you are feeling this right now and you want to change it, that's what matters right now.
So with that in mind what I suggest is that you have a go at some CBT work specifically on the thoughts that you get when you have to do work and also how to focus on aspects of your life, through focusing your thoughts you can change your feelings which can change your attitudes which can change how you act which changes your results in life. Recently another NoFap commenter psoted an article that really changed my outlook on motivation and reinforced a belief for me that I knew to be true (I didn't know the alternative), that is that motivation isn't all great and isn't the most reliable thing to take action as you may know since you are experiencing a lack of it.
Here's the article
I'd also suggest reading some book, namely one called The Slight Edge
The CBT for Dummies is great because it reads in a very personal and relateable way since it is written by therapists and is also a 'for dummies' book.
Either way what those books will tell you is that the small decisions matter, the little things will have cumulative effect. You not working on your goals won't get you any closer to them but doing 1 small thing per day will add up. Focus on that 1 small thing, meditation helps to focus as well. CBT will allow you a reference to go back to to reinforce new beliefs about working and motivation etc. You'll be able to draw motivation out of your beliefs (although I now regard willpower as far greater and habit even greater). The willpower article is what I think you need right now. have a look at that and see how you feel.
Good luck on your journey brother, much love. Peace.
I was actually gonna just send the copy of the book OP's way. If I don't hear back I'm happy to send it your way instead. This is the one. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Branch/dp/0470665416
I recently sent an INTJ friend who is suffering from this (and other stuff of this nature) a copy of
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0470665416/ref=od_aui_detailpages00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
You may find this book, and CBT generally, to be very helpful.
To some extent, what CBT is "about" is teaching you to respond to your own negative self-talk the way you might respond to the negative self-talk of a friend or loved one--from a rational external perspective. Very often the destructive strength of negative self-talk, or mental "tapes" comes from the fact that they are unopposed and are allowed to "run rampant" through our psyches without being actively engaged and opposed by the same saner selves we might engage in interacting with information in the "outside world".
The secret of solving difficult complex problems is braking them down to simpler easier problems.
So you need to realize this is a thing that happens just like that , its a step by step process. So all you have to do is start talking about your feelings and slowly and steadily reach the conclusion that you want to go to therapy.
On the subject of money, first what you should avoid is giving up too easily. Ask your dad, and then to make sure speak with an official or do some research online.
Even if you do not find the money to go to the doctor you can still do psychotherapy to yourself. Don't worry about drugs, drugs are usually nothing more than an assistance to the psychotherapy.
There is a ton of material online, this is the golden age of knowledge afterall. I strongly advice in reading as much as you can about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It contains a lot of the popular ideas of psychotherapy.
I recommend this book, very easy to read and fun
https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Rhena-Branch/0470665416
Also you need to understand this is a long process that will take around 6 months to see significant results assuming you spent a minimum 2 hours a week and around 3 years to make a "full" recovery.
Oh wow. As to specific books. Hmm. That's sort of all over the place but each one had something to offer. The ones I remember are:
Books on my list to read:
I have also dabbled in the study of Zen and a few types of Buddhism, Tao, other Eastern Religions and philosophies as well as some Western religions, ho'oponopono, mindfulness and reiki.
Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle have some good techniques for separating yourself from your ego.
I would be surprised if your Dr. would initiate treatment with anti-depressants over the phone. At your next appointment, talk to your Dr. about your symptoms (sad, unmotivated, trouble sleeping, etc.) and see what they recommend.
It's not realistic to think that "popping a pill" is going to make your depression disappear, though. You'd do well to seek therapy to get to the bottom of the "issues" you mention and incorporate lifestyle changes...such as exercise, a healthy diet and good sleep hygiene. IMO, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy goes a long way towards learning to deal with every day stressors that we all experience. (There is a "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Dummies" book, if you want to check it out.)
In short: Talk to your Dr. and be very honest about what's going on in your life. They're there to help you. I wish you well.
I go to the gym regularly and talk to a mental health nurse about once a month.
This is a great book to read as well
https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Branch/dp/0470665416?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0