Reddit reviews Cool Down and Work Through Anger (Learning to Get Along®)

>As always, we talked about what to do when angry, how it's okay to say "I'm angry!" yell it even, but it's never okay to hit, throw shoes, bite, kick. I have this conversation with him at least twice a day. But he actually does that (says I'm angry instead of violence) maybe once a month.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things, but I think that's pretty normal for a 3yo - it takes a lot of self-control to be able to use words instead of acting on your anger! Have you tried talking about how to appropriately handle anger at times when he's not angry? Maybe reading some books that show appropriate expression of anger? I'll copy/paste what I wrote in a recent thread about similar issues...

>It might help to read some books that model appropriate ways to handle anger. Definitely check out Anh's Anger and its sequel, Steps and Stones. Sometimes I'm Bombaloo is a good one too and very relatable for a 3yo, though less focused on specific solutions. When I Feel Angry is more of a "what to do" book than a story; Cool Down and Work Through Anger is similar but aimed at slightly older kids. Little Monkey Calms Down is a very simple little book with some great ideas too. For hitting specifically, you might check out Hands Are Not For Hitting or Little Dinos Don't Hit. And lastly, Moody Cow Meditates is a great story which also features the "calming jar", a fun tool you can try with him - this site has instructions for making one and lots of variations on that theme. The idea is you shake up the jar to get all your anger out and visualize all those swirling feelings, and then you sit quietly and watch until all the glitter settles and you feel calmer again.

>Read through some books and talk about these things at times when he's calm, so then when he says I'm so frustrated!!! you can say, Okay, what are some things we can do when we're frustrated? Do you want to go for a walk like Anh? Do you want to shake your calm-down jar like Moody Cow? etc. Help him fill his "toolbox" of appropriate ways to handle anger, and keep reminding him of those tools when things are starting to escalate. Model them yourself as well - "I'm starting to get frustrated that we're stuck in so much traffic, so I'm going to take some deep breaths like Little Monkey to help me feel calmer. Do you want to breathe with me?"

>Emphasize that all feelings are okay, what matters is how we act on them; if he chooses an inappropriate way to express his anger (hitting, yelling, etc) just remind him, hurting other people/yelling at other people is not an okay way to deal with our frustration; and help him make a better choice (even if that means a time-out). Over time he'll become more able to exercise some control over his behavior and start using his "tools" more often.

Respect and Take Care of Things (Learning to Get Along®) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1575421607/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_BaApxbF3W4WTG

Cool Down and Work Through Anger (Learning to Get Along®) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1575423464/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_5aApxbHM4MHVB

Talk and Work It Out (Learning to Get Along®) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1575421763/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_KbApxbPNANEQV

Check the whole series out, it is awesome

We're having the same kind of trouble with my 4yo. He's very sweet and empathetic most of the time, but if you tell him no or that it's time for him to stop playing and do something else, he often loses it. He gets a really mad red face, balls his fists, and will scream or start yelling horrible and intentionally hurtful things. He's also started hitting/kicking/punching his teachers at preschool, and was asked not to come back until we can get his anger under control.

I know the age is a bit different, but we've had a little success showing him what his face looks like when he's that mad, and asking if that's how he wants other kids to see him. If we catch the anger early enough he's been able to calm down pretty quickly. We've also been reading him books that build on his natural empathy. One in particular is called How Full Is Your Bucket? (http://www.amazon.com/How-Full-Your-Bucket-Kids/dp/0545642957/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1450604975&sr=1-1) He's woken up in the morning after we read that book for a bedtime story and brought it up on his own, which is promising.

I've also ordered a couple of books that have yet to arrive. One is Hands Are Not For Hitting (http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Are-Hitting-Best-Behavior/dp/1575423081/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=). The other is Cool Down and Work Through Anger (http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=). These got good reviews, so I hope they'll be helpful to him.

Honestly I don't think the books alone, or any one method, will be effective in the short run. My kid has always had a temper and difficulty controlling himself when he gets upset, and I'm sure that this won't be the only time he struggles with it. He's incredibly bright, and completely understands why his behavior is wrong and how it hurts other people, and he genuinely cares that it does, but while he's that mad he can't think about those things. It's difficult seeing him get this out of control when other kids his age have relatively normal and short-lived outbursts.

Anyway, I feel for you, and I hope some part of this is helpful to you, or anyone else for that matter. Good luck.