Reddit reviews Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition

Here is something I typed up previously. The book I am writing will talk about most of this stuff. I'll be posting some articles I'm writing about communication here soon. For now, my old post. I endorse these books:

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So this is a bit of an area of expertise for me. I'm actually a writing a book about communication and it is kind of a skills book, but not as you might traditionally think of one. I can tell you more if you like, but don't want to bore you.

Here's the thing with skills books when it comes to communication...most are ok, some are even good, but most are essentially the same...they put together some combination of "do these things" and "do not do these other things" and market you a book that ultimately isn't going to help you a whole lot...at least not to communicate better in the aggregate. (How to Win Friends and Influence People is an example of this.) I call these any "Do these 10 things to communicate better" books. There is no magic list of skills that if you just learn these things, you'll communicate better. Communication doesn't work like that.

That said, there are a few decent enough communication "skills" books out there that are worth your time. It really depends on the type of communication skills you're looking for...for example, there are books out there entirely dedicated to how to give a good presentation (say, at work). There are books on conflict resolution. There are books on persuasion. All of these, which I don't think is what you're looking for only give you part of a very big puzzle. As far as more general communication books there are a couple you might consider:

(A note that most of these are not likely to be at your local library, but if you as your local friendly librarian how to they could get you one of these books, they can probably easily help you. Ask! Librarians are awesome! Also, most of these should be available on Amazon for not much money.)

1. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
   Author: Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
   A book with an overall good perspective. A little sappy and cloying at times, but in general the intentions are in the right place with this one. Could come off as a little bit squishily academic, but an ok read and a good perspective.
   
2. If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?
   Author: Alan Alda
   
3. (From M*A*S*H, The West Wing, and much more)
   I'm actually reading this book right now and it is a funny take on Alda's life and work and he relates his stories through (and about communication). Alda is actually pretty smart about communication and comes at it differently than most anyone else on this list. Funny and witty, what you might expect from such a great actor and comedian. Definitely worth reading.
   
4. Simply Said: Communicating Better At Work and Beyond
   Author: Jay Sullivan
   More about work than other contexts but good advice overall. I only skimmed parts of this one so can't speak to every aspect, but appeared to be decent enough quality when I reviewed it.
   
5. The Art of Communicating
   Author: Thich Nhat Hanh
   Different from the others on the list, this one is written by a Buddhist monk who takes a more spiritual view of communication. It is a good philosophical approach. I found parts of this book enlightening. It is not scientific-ish enough for me and it makes no claims to be. It is a philosophy book on communication, but an easy, accessible read and worth your time.
   
6. Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
   Author: Kerry Patterson
   A good enough book if you're looking to navigate conflicts/difficult conversational things at work or in relationships. Deals more with the challenging aspects of communication, but for what it is, good enough advice.
   
7. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
   Author: Liel Lowndes
   Similar to the book above, but more about making conversation with people. As far as these types of books go, this one is ok enough and actually has some good advice on things to try when attempting to communicate with others.
   
   Books like Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, which comes up when you look for communication books should be avoided entirely. That book, and other books like it, are trash. You might as well get your advice from Cosmo.
   
   Sorry for the length here, but like I said, this is an area of expertise. I hope you found this helpful. I can answer questions about any of these books if you like.

I highly recommend reading this book, Crucial Conversations, to gain insight in how to approach your mom. I'm reading this book with my coworkers and it's changing how we all work together.

Think about what you want for yourself, your mom, and the relationship. Get clear on those things before approaching her.

Although, with her behavior, it seems she may not be receptive. Think she'd be open to counseling?