Reddit reviews Dare to be Average

>Part of the family obligations are cultural.

I thought as much, which is why I suggested telling them you needed their support, rather than their opinions, which I don't think is unreasonable and may be able to alleviate some of the pressure they put on you, because they might not realise how much they're actually hurting you. I think learning what the difference is between weakness and vulnerability is also important because you may hopefully be able to show your family that of course, there are times when everything is very difficult, but you are managing those times and taking actions to improve them.

I would also ask for help and advice, because that usually mollifies anyone and they will be more compassionate and kind towards you, and their expectations may feel lessened. Ask them about times when they struggled, or experienced issues, and what did they do to get out of these issues? Humans bond over common humanity. And we all fail and make mistakes, and connect through sharing these experiences. But I believe the more of a voice you have, the more respect you'll earn from them and the less they'll interfere.

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>I'm too scared to take that plunge and change the person I've been for so long.

That's a perfectly valid concern to have. It took me about two years of regular work on myself before I was able to stop fearing what would happen if I stopped being the mess that I was. For me, it happened because I ended up in a workplace where people are incredibly kind, supportive and understanding, and I finally realised all that I could be instead of what I was.

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>I've just not been able to accept that those changes are necessary yet

It sounds like you know that these thoughts and behaviours are hindering you, but it also sounds as though there might be a little pride speaking and saying "I can get over this and do this myself" maybe? Again, a perfectly valid reaction, but maybe you can start from a less drastic place than me.

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The following are resources that I've consumed at some point in my life and have found to be very beneficial. I would of course highly recommend going to a therapist, but if this feels too much like a failure on your part to do so at the moment or it's too big a step or you are worried about looking weak, these books might help you work through some of your issues without being so committed.

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Kristin Neff has been doing a lot of research on self-compassion, and I would recommend her book to for anyone to read. If therapy is too big a step at the moment, but you'd be willing to get your feet wet, have a read of her book and see if anything resonates with you. The commitment is very small, and you might get some benefits from it. She's an academic and discusses her methodology and research as well as actionable solutions.

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She also has an audiobook of self-compassion meditations, which is available on Audible (if you don't have a subscription, the first book is free as part of their trial). Some of them are also available for free on her website, alongside a host of other exercises. I have found meditation to be very useful to slow down my anxiety. If I'm better at focusing on the present moment, I spend less energy worrying about the future.

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Next I would recommend Mind Over Mood, a CBT workbook that you can complete at your own pace and in your own time. It goes through the same things that a therapist would cover, minus the therapist.

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Finally, I read some extracts from Dare To Be Average during my therapy sessions, and have found it incredibly valuable to reframe my thoughts about how if I weren't the mess that I was I would surely be worse (spoiler alert, you won't be).

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I hope these will help you if you decide they're not too much of a commitment, or you find themselves in the terrible place I was in twice before and can't get out of there by yourself anymore.