Reddit reviews Deal with It! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain, and Life as a gURL

I'm not sure if your niece's first language is English, but I found this book to be very helpful as a young teen.

https://www.amazon.com/Deal-Whole-Approach-Your-Brain/dp/0671041576

I was way too embarrassed to ask questions of my parents about a lot of things. I would also have been too embarrassed to purchase period supplies so know that she may be embarrassed as well and you may have to buy them.

My sister got me this in 6th grade! I get really excited whenever I see it in stores!

There was also a bigger thicker one by the people at gURL (remember that site?) that had a whole chapter on masturbaton, my sister regretted getting it for me when I transcribed some of it onto AOL message boards and got banned lol.

edit: the gURL book

Deal With it! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain, and Life as a gURL was a book my mom got for me around that age. It covers a lot of uncomfortable topics that i was too afraid to ask about.

Edit: www.gurl.com is their website.

I never had a talk either. But I remember my sister had this book in her room, so I swiped it and read it cover to cover. It helped fill in some gaps

There are a couple great books you should read, the first one just came out and is called 'The Wonder Down Under: The Insider's Guide to the Anatomy, Biology, and Reality of the Vagina' It was written by two medical students and answers so many questions! (I'm 32 and didn't know some things about my own anatomy.) Another one, called 'Deal With It! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain and Life as a Gurl' (please forgive the silly title, it came out around 2001) has answers to not only what is and isn't normal bodywise, but also teaches you about a lot of other stuff teens deal with.

Is this the book? http://www.amazon.com/Deal-Whole-Approach-Your-Brain/dp/0671041576/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=undefined&sr=1-1&keywords=deal+with+it

A really good book (it might have some more "graphic" information) is "Deal With It! A Whole New Approach to You Body, Brain and Life".

I would read it before you give it to her, it has great info that you will need too. It does discuss things in a very "no holding back" way.

It goes into body image, a great chapter called "What's in my panties?!?" about signs of infections etc., mental health, masturbation, and a whole gamut of things.

But read it for yourself before you give any book like this to your kids. To see if it's there intellectual level and goes with your beliefs.

I had my hymen cut at 13. It was septate and getting in the way of trying to use tampons. I started masturbating before I had it cut, but was ashamed of it for a long time because I was told that it was sinful. However, my mom encouraged it, but I didn't want to hear that from my mom.


I learned from books better than having to listen to my parents or peers about sexuality stuff in general. I first had the American Girl book "The Care and Keeping of You", then I moved up to this book and then I moved to "The Guide to Getting it On" which is huge and incredibly informative. I read a couple chapters in borders before buying it.

Oh, and focus on the clit, most women can't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone, however the feeling of "fullness" can help. Use your fingers, water faucets, or try grinding against something. I only have a mini vibe, so I don't know what it can do as far as penetration. Also, it is helpful to have foreplay with yourself to relax and get in the mood. I'm also not sure what the laws are, but they now sell vibrators in discreet boxes by the condoms. However, you might want to get more comfortable with yourself before delving into sex toys.

There weren't any other Gurl readers?

This book seriously changed my life.

So very informative, and not weird about being informative.

Also, if she has questions, answer them. Don't act like her period is some gross thing you don't want to talk about, or something you wouldn't know about because you're a guy.

I'm not assuming you would do this, just saying it sometimes seems to come across as a joke to some people but it's like.... every year a girl goes through it for the first time ever, ugh. lame.

periods suck.

> Do you have any evidence that it was feminists who are responsible for the greater knowledge of female sexuality, instead of say, pornographers, or people like Alfred Kinsey?

I think feminism paved the way for our current understanding of female sexuality in a way that pornographers or Alfred Kinsey could not because it brought real female perspectives into the mix for the first time. It's impossible to understand your own sexual organs and desires as a woman when everything you're exposed to is filtered through a heterosexual male lens. Watching porn doesn't teach you shit about sex, and it gives you a skewed perspective of your own sexuality. Over the last 25 or so years, with the onslaught of sex positive feminism, women and girls can talk about their sexuality for the first time without the risk of becoming pariahs. Having a female perspective for the first time in history has drastically changed the sexual landscape.

I should note that there can be a big difference between feminist literature that discusses female sexuality and literature for women that discusses female sexuality. I would not recommend Cosmopolitan Magazine as a resource for young girls. My (sex positive feminist) mother subscribed me to New Moon instead of Cosmo when I was growing up and that gave me perspective that often differed from my female friends who were subscribed to Cosmo. I also grew up with the feminist gURL.com websites for girls. I was a little too old for their sex ed book for girls when it came out, but I definitely think it shaped girls' understanding of their bodies. Jessica Valenti is definitely relevant to this conversation as well—I read The Purity Myth when I was in college, but I think it's an invaluable resource for young girls who are dealing with slut shaming and confusion about their virginity (which is definitely a feminist issue). The website Scarleteen is a sex positive feminist sex ed resource for teenagers that also comes to mind.

These examples don't prove my conjecture that sex positive feminist resources for girls have shaped our current understanding of female sexuality, but I will say this: if you barred a girl's access to these resources and only allowed her knowledge of sexuality to be shaped by porn, popular media, and science, she wouldn't have any close to a decent understanding of her body and sexuality. An alternative lens with which to view these things is necessary and increased access to that lens in recent years has contributed to a completely different understanding of sex.

This book saved my life during puberty. If you're worried about being invasive, it might be a better option, and is definitely an acceptable gift. There is literally everything in there, from birth control to masturbation to homosexual feelings.

Edit to remove Reddit. You guys know that mom can teach her to avoid the bad parts and go with the good parts of the Internet, right? The person in question is at least 13-14, and that's old enough to start making decisions about what content to consume online. Obviously crap like r/incels is bad. I wasn't suggesting she go to r/incels, or red pill, or clop or spacedicks was I? No. Sooner or later OPs daughter will need those skills so that it's not a complete shell-shock in college when she gets free reign of the internet. Both of the subs I originally listed are pretty tame compared to the darker parts of Reddit.

As for books, she's at a tough age right now. This Book is A. MAY. ZING. It saved my ass a lot as a teenager. It didn't keep me from entering abusive relationships, but I at least had the tools to recognize and escape them. It has all sorts of stuff. Life stuff, sex stuff, relationships, how to take care of your body. It's an amazing book.

I bought mine myself when I was 15-16 online with a visa giftcard. There are enough ways to bypass you and for her to get it herself (assuming she has some pocket money) if you don't.

As for what would be age appropriate, I'd be careful about how good of a vibe you get her. Lots of grown women overdo it with vibes and have trouble climaxing with a partner, and it'd be easy to do that with all the teenaged hormones floating around.

I had this book when I was in my early teens and found it immensely informative and helpful It's not all about sex but the chapters on sex and relationships were of particular interest to me.

I don't really think I "dealt" with it any different than usual; I wore pads instead of tampons til I was 16 or so and kept a spare pair of underwear on me after one embarrassing incident where it surprised me and I had to tell my male 5th grade teacher I needed to go to the office to call home for a new pair of underwear.


My mom bought me a YM magazine in the spirit of "huzzah, you're a woman now", and also got me this book, which I HIGHLY recommend: http://www.amazon.com/Deal-Whole-Approach-Your-Brain/dp/0671041576. It's pretty old now, but the information is all still great. I still have my copy and am saving it for my future daughter/nieces/etc. It answered every question I could have had that I didn't want to ask my mom. Just a heads up: it's very thorough and contains a page with some pen drawings of penises and also some masturbation info. If that bothers you maybe you could tear those pages out though or something, the book as a whole was immensely helpful to me, and I passed it among all my girlfriends in HS when they had questions. I wouldn't give it to your daughter now, at 7, but whenever she gets her period is probably a good time. It definitely didn't mess me up to read it 10; all it did was make me the most knowledgable kid in my freshman year health class a few years later.


I didn't go to the doctor or anything, and I turned out fine. The only problems that came from it were my decreased height (but whatever, I'm adorable lol) and the fact that my period was never on a schedule. I kept meticulous track of it and it would still show up whenever the hell it felt like, so at 18 I went on birth control to regulate my cycle.


My best friend knows someone whose younger sister got the puberty-delaying meds and grew to be taller than her older sister, but that's about the only noticeable effect. I didn't even know that was a thing until just now, but it seems weird to me. My parents just let my body do its thing and gave me literature so that I'd know what was going on without them having to awkwardly tell me, and I turned out fine.

I highly recommend [Deal with It!] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671041576/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_igbyDbSDNBXEH) It was the first book that I read as a 13yo that said it was okay to like boys, girls, or no one at all. Talked about sexual assault, what no means, what it meant if you thought you were trans, and talked about different kinds of breasts and labia. It was the first time I had heard about breast reductions, and ended up getting one a few years later. This book changed my life, and I cannot recommend it enough.

edit: [A very good article about the site that created the book, and how dope it is.] (https://jezebel.com/the-reasons-you-probably-loved-gurl-com-1621531914/amp)