Reddit reviews Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ

That will come with time! I suggest reading some books that will help you on self-improvement:


The Tipping Point and The Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcom Gladwell


Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman


Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

I admit I have a problem with self-serving motivation at the expense of others, and excessive pride over whatever small things I accomplish (self-aggrandizing). In my experience, Narcissism debilitates by rationalizing inactivity as disinterest, when often it's fear.

My method for dealing with this is to work on emotional intelligence. Two things are manifesting from this. First, I can recognize the rush of defensiveness and pride that comes from being challenged by others or feeling threatened when I don't know something. This has helped me lower my shields and just learn or do something that was previously out of reach.

Second, it's helped me to understand the motivations of others better, which helps me trust. It's also great to defuse tensions when I'm being too aggressive myself. Thus, I can reduce the negative impact of it and also reduce the rate of occurrence.

Third, I channel it into pride of my future self. I religiously work to make that guy seem better instead of making my current self feel better. This is my way of not disregarding unseemly motivations. Being better than others is motivating.

This manifests as going to the gym, working on boxing, taking on new responsibilities at work, and saving money. These are things I would never have done before, because I would have been too proud to admit I didn't know how to do these things well. Now, I fumble and struggle so that future-grumpy_technologist knows how to do these things.

I stand by our previous hypothesis - to make money

Here's a start but you'll have to deep dive in research. Women tend to gravitate to men that have a strong self purpose and understanding of themselves emotionally.

https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than-ebook/dp/B000JMKVCG