Reddit reviews Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work

I have a few that I think might be good possibilities for discussion:
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl

30 Days to a Great Attitude: Strategies for a Better Outlook on Life

My Wife Is A Bitch (THE GUN AND THE BULLET)

Why Men Divorce Bitches - How to Know When It's Time to End Your Marriage

Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work

Love Busters: Protecting Your Marriage from Habits That Destroy Romantic Love

Big and Black and Not My Husband's

We all make mistakes, I'm sorry to hear that. This advice has helped me immensely; you might be surprised how quickly it can rebuild trust and improve your relationship.

Gosh. So very sorry.
To just highlight a few of the points other posters make:

• it's incredibly difficult to notice that this is a pattern when it's happening to you. When someone is incredibly upset, we don't generally question whether there's an underlying reason we're more likely to get triggered. It feels like we're legit mad at the trigger. And it feels like the scope of the response is justified. If there's a lot going on, it might be hard to get the distance to see that there's a pattern.
  
  
• I know that I'm incredibly sensitive to the idea of being "crazy". "Crazy" is a word we use to devalue people. "Crazy" people don't make important decisions. "Crazy" people aren't trusted. "Crazy" people lose their autonomy. Being hijacked by hormones for half the month sounds a lot like "crazy" and that is downright terrifying. It's terribly unfortunate that we've got this stigma wrapped around this problem, and the stigma makes it a lot harder to seek help, and a lot harder to have open conversations with people about it.
  
  
• pointing out the good times has never helped me. It's like discovering that your employee hasn't been doing any work for the last three weeks and when you confront them about it, ready to fire them, they point out that they've worked for you for years without a problem. You're unlikely to say, "oh, yeah, that's right. My bad. This will pass." You're more likely to think that maybe they've been pulling this shit on you for years and you haven't noticed.
  
  
• if she's talking about divorce and gas lighting, listen to her. She's saying you have a relationship problem. Relationship problems happen to literally Everyone. It's not possible to have an equal relationship with someone without going through some of this. Relationshipping is HARD even without PMDD added to the mix. Remember how, at your wedding, everyone who was married said, "this is work. A LOT of work."? This is is what they were talking about.
  
  
• as much as I dislike feeling personally hijacked by my hormones, I have come to appreciate that if there's something that's really bugging me, it WILL get addressed at that time of month even if the rest of the month I'm sweet and easy going. Your wife is no wilting flower. She has a strong will to survive and if you can step back, you'll see an incredibly powerful woman who is trying to figure shit out. (She's coming into her power, so to speak.) This version of her is also eminently worthy of your love. And woah, what an incredible ally to have at your side! <3
  
  Here's the fantastic news: you don't have to get a divorce. You don't have to go to therapy. Your wife doesn't need to be confronted or medicated or fixed. These are, of course, options, but none of these options will get you back to the way things were.
  
  Getting back to the way things were isn't actually an option.
  
  Let that sentence percolate for a minute. You're likely to have a lot of emotional response to that fact, and, if you're anything like most people, you'll spend most of your life denying that fact. But you're different than you were when you were a kid. You're different than you were before you had kids. You are growing and changing all the time. It makes sense that your relationship needs to grow and change too.
  
  Getting back to the way things were isn't actually an option.
  
  But, that fact can set you free. You CAN find new ways to love your wife, live your life, and you CAN address some of the things that have cropped up in your relationship.
  
  It's incredibly powerful to realize that you have the power to change your relationship dynamic by changing how you respond to her, how you respond to yourself. Having love and compassion for your wife starts with having love and compassion for yourself. And from a place of love and compassion, real growth and change can happen. You are worth it. Your family is worth it. Your wife is worth it.
  
  Check out "Feeling Good Together" by David Burns. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0767920821/ref=sxts_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527002252&sr=1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65
  
  And "Be The Person You Want to Find" by Cheri Huber. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0963625527/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1527002335&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=be+the+person+you+want+to+find
  
  
  

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"Depression is an illness that always results from thoughts that are distorted in some way."

— Dr. David Burns from the book Feeling Good

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Dr. David Burns - FEELING GOOD - TED Talk:

https://youtu.be/H1T5uMeYv9Q


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Dr. David Burns - What Is Depression (and How To Cure It) AUDIO:

https://youtu.be/33G1Aue4cP8

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Checklists & info on 'COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS' that twist our thinking:

https://s3.amazonaws.com/cbt-therapy/Cognitive-Distortions.pdf

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Articles_and_Essays/Rational_Thinking/Cognitive_Distortions.pdf

https://www.apsu.edu/sites/apsu.edu/files/counseling/COGNITIVE_0.pdf

http://overcomingthedarkness.com/Articles/Cognitive%20Distortions.pdf

http://campusmindworks.org/downloads/cognitivedistortion.pdf

http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/

https://www.anxiety-videos.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Top-10-thought-distortions.pdf

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/20-cognitive-distortions-and-how-they-affect-your-life-0407154

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BURNS DEPRESSION INVENTORY/CHECKLIST (2-page PDF):

https://s3.amazonaws.com/happy-stuff/Depression-Inventory.pdf


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READ THE BOOK

FEELING GOOD: The New Mood Therapy - The Clinically-Proven Drug-Free Treatment for Depression

FEELING GOOD by Dr. David Burns is the #1 most recommended book for DEPRESSION by psychiatrists and psychologists. More than 5 million copies in print!

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FEELING GOOD - ORDER:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

THE FEELING GOOD HANDBOOK - ORDER:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326

These books are like therapy in a box!

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Watch a series of short VIDEOS covering each of the 10 COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS listed in David Burns' amazing self-help book for anxiety and depression, The Feeling Good Handbook:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiPvQMm5dFde_KeELu_pWbivkW5XywcFI

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SERIES OF ARTICLE SUMMARIES BASED ON THE BOOK, FEELING GOOD:

http://sourcesofinsight.com/feeling-good-book-nuggets/

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Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work:

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Together-Troubled-Relationships/dp/0767920821

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Dr. David Burns' website:

https://FeelingGood.com

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WATCH OTHER VIDEOS WITH DR. DAVID BURNS, A PIONEER IN COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (CBT):

https://www.youtube.com/results?sp=EgIYAg%253D%253D&q=DR.+DAVID+BURNS

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Learn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy skills for preventing and coping with depression:


Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) SELF-HELP COURSE:


http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/step1.htm



MOOD GYM - CBT SELF-HELP COURSE:

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

There are things you can control and then there are things that when you try to control them, you are being manipulative.
After the complete physicals I mentioned (hopefully done together so you can be a part of hers and she yours and get some shared advice):

1. Shoulder more than your share of the household responsibilities --- do them faithfully even if she doesn't do her's. See if you can get her to agree to which are yours and which are hers.
   
2. Do not rescue her from her poor decisions.
   
3. More importantly do not think that your giving her money to do what she wants to (beyond the amount each spouse should have to spend without accountability) helps in any way. Give her set amounts and don't allow her to spend what should be saved for various needs. (Overspending in this way is a symptom of bipolar, though it may not be that in this case.)
   
4. Ask her best friend to identify a counselor that she thinks might fit your wife, if your wife won't do it herself. Get her a copy of https://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Worry-Workbook-Cognitive-Behavioral/dp/160623918X/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1498237655&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=anxiety+and+worry+workbook+2nd+ed
   and https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=pd_cp_14_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0452281326&pd_rd_r=ZWACBT7PAMWD9P48KD0B&pd_rd_w=gcVX6&pd_rd_wg=GqYQG&psc=1&refRID=ZWACBT7PAMWD9P48KD0B immediately as both (as well as http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/ ) have the components to help her move past where she is to the extent that this may be a mental health issue or if it isn't).
   
5. You really need some help yourself before you decide on your own what is enabling and what is helping her. Depending on her and your relationship with her parents, and their own stability or not, you might consider a conversation with them ---including her, of course. Alternatively, you should seek your own counseling, as your reactions and actions are the only thing you really have power over.
   
   And consider this resource too: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Together-Troubled-Relationships/dp/0767920821/ref=pd_sim_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0767920821&pd_rd_r=ZWACBT7PAMWD9P48KD0B&pd_rd_w=vtdZq&pd_rd_wg=GqYQG&psc=1&refRID=ZWACBT7PAMWD9P48KD0B

Get this book. It will teach you how to deal with difficult relationships.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Together-Troubled-Relationships/dp/0767920821

Not what you're asking for, but I highly recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Together-Troubled-Relationships/dp/0767920821