Reddit reviews Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws

1. if he's open to talking to you, find out if his parents are paying for school
   
   
2. if they are, contact the financial aid office to see if emancipated students (or students in his situation) can qualify for aid as independent from their families. He should get a job if he doesn't have one already to help with what financial aid can't cover. Your school probably has a lawyer for students (the ombudsman at my school deals with this, no clue what your school has) that students can talk to for free or cheap. He should set up an appt to see about getting emancipated if needed.
   
   
   
3. if they are not, try to see if he would be willing to stay where he is and risk his parents disapproval. In my case (kicked out at 17 for being a homo) once my mom saw that her choice was no relationship with me or accepting my sexuality, she went with accepting (and is awesome now).
   
   
4. in general: going back in the closet will be hella tempting, and will make his life harder in the long run. I mean, he should do what it takes to stay alive, just my 2 cents.
   
   
5. this book is awesome: http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202/ref=lh_ni_t
   

First off: gender is a continuum, not a dimorphism. It's very important to remember that, or you may and up vacillating wildly between two extremes unwilling to find a comfortable expression somewhere in the middle.

Beyond that though, I don't think anyone can tell you where you fall on the spectrum. Almost everyone's experiences, and ways of coping, differ.

My best advice is to really open your mind to the options you have to express and embody your own personal gender, and then read a lot. Read blogs, watch videos, get some good books (I recommend Hello Cruel World or Gender Outlaw, Whipping Girl (a big heavy, but hey, you're on reddit!), and most importantly force yourself to think about it. Really think about it, without shame or fear, and see what feels right.

Find people who you can talk to, in real life or online, about it. The experience of having to explain your feelings to someone who doesn't share them is a really effective way to figure it out for yourself. A therapist would obviously be great for this of course, but if you're not in a position to find one a close and non-judgmental friend is great too.

Also, consider writing a diary, journal, blog or letter to share how you feel with a theoretical friend/confidant. Again, the process is much more important than the result.

Experiment! Try presenting as female, in big ways or small. Try imagining how everyday life would feel different as a girl. Is it "more normal" or exciting and transgressive?

It's not an easy thing to figure out, and there really don't seem to be any shortcuts. But the comfort of understanding yourself is well worth it.

When I was a teenager I read this book and it actually did advocate self-harm instead of suicide. Iirc the argument was that if it made you feel better, then it was better than killing yourself. The same argument was applied to alcohol and drugs.

Have you ever read this book?

Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws

I lost my fear of death many years ago and I'm sure I'll kill myself one day. The thing that I fear the most is going out with a whimper, without a fight. Sometimes that need to fight is the only thing that keeps me alive. I know what it's like to be hopeless, but if you're hopeless, then you've got nothing left to lose. That is the time to take risks, my friend. Think about it, and be bold.

Depending on how troubled she is, you might consider "Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws." It's literally a long list of other things to do, ranging from the benign (arts & crafts) to risky/scary (get a tattoo). If you think she might hurt herself, anything else would be a better option.

https://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202

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Also, imperator. I recommend reading the book "Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws" that is available on Amazon for $11.30, I think you're going to need it.

This may be useful for you!

Other people have responded, and here I am, late to the party, but I'll share my experience (some personal, some interpersonal), and if you want to take it to heart, I hope it helps.

1. It gets better. It doesn't feel better, but you get better at dealing with it. It's like you're navigating a minefield. You're always going to be navigating it, but you'll learn to avoid most of the mines.
   
   
2. It gets better. As you get older, the shit you have to put up with becomes different; your parents have less influence, you have more freedom with your friends, etc. You get more control over your life.
   
   
3. The hardest thing to internalize about depression is that it co-opts your reason; it gives you perfectly rational sounding thoughts for why you suck and why everything sucks and why you should just kill yourself, but it's cheating by selectively presenting evidence. There's a CBT technique which involves writing down good things (even though it feels ridiculous) to counteract this.
   
   
4. Therapy and medicine can literally save your life and make it worth living. The only excuse you made which is not just a rationalization is that you would need your parents to know. You should (and I know I'm overstepping my bounds here) make a committment to yourself that the moment your parents stop being an issue in this respect, you will get therapy and/or medicine.
   
   
5. A trick that works for me is to be rationally irrational: during a moment of lucidity decide on a course of action, and dogmatically stick with it even when it feels like it's the wrong course. It's tricky to get right and dangerous to get wrong, but it can be very effective in a pinch.
   
   
6. Read this book. I was never suicidal, but this book still helped me, and I know of at least 5 other people whom it has helped.
   
   
7. You are a hormone-filled teenager complaining, but you're complaining about something. That something is intangible, but it's very real. Other people have it worse, but that doesn't mean you have it good.
   
   Good luck.

There's a book that helped me a lot when I was very depressed/suicidal, "Hello Cruel World" (http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202)

You may not be comfortable with sending something so on the nose, I totally get that, but I know I would have been touched and grateful to receive it in my darkest days.

Self-soothing is one of those things where there's a big bag of tricks, but you've gotta try a whole bunch of them to find what works for you. Some of them are not very good (substance use, self harm) but here are some good ones that work for me:

• Draw, even if you're like me and have very little artistic talent. Talent doesn't matter, art can be therapeutic. Or get one of those adult coloring books and some colored pencils and absorb yourself in coloring animals/geometric shapes/whatever.
  
• Find some music that's so immersive you've got no choice but to lose yourself in it. For me, that's Miles Davis' "Moon Dreams" and Yo Yo Ma's cover of Ennio Morricone's "Ecstasy of Gold". YMMV but when those are on, I can't do anything except concentrate on the music.
  
• Go for a bike ride. Maybe not if you're feeling impulsive, but I find for me it's easy to lose myself in the rhythm of the pedals. And if I'm feeling self-harmy then at least I can get that pain constructive sense of pedaling really fast/far and building my leg muscles.
  
• Try doing the sensory grounding technique where you regulate your breathing, and with each breath you work your way through five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can touch, two you smell, one you taste. You can mix the numbers/senses around if you like. I know it sounds dopey as hell -- the therapist that recommended this to me said as much when he told me about it -- but it works.
  
• Rub your forearms or tops of your thighs (or wherever might feel tight/achey/like you want to hurt) with bengay or vaporub or whatever. The smell is strong enough to be grounding/break you out of a bad mindset, the heating/cooling sensation helps with that too, and the deep pressure of rubbing makes the muscles feel better.
  
  Also, check out Kate Bornstein's book "Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws". Not saying you're a freak or an outlaw (or a teen, prob) or that this is a suicide, thing, but I've found that book pretty helpful in a variety of circumstances. I know my local library has a copy, yours may too.
  
  Anyway, my sympathies regarding your dad and the trouble with your husband. And congratulations on recognizing this as a good opportunity to work on self-soothing, you're right. All the best :)

I don't think you should post something like that on Facebook. Like other people said,you'll be attacked. Another big reason is that there is the weirdest thing about people from "happy " families. They think if your family has problems, you have problems too. I have a friend and he thinks I am callous because I am NC. It tried to explain how mean they are and finally I just gave up. I think you are opening up yourself to lots of unnecessary stress and needless explanations.

I read this book, "Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws." One of the authors points was that it was OK to lie if your are protecting yourself. "Designed to encourage readers to give themselves permission to unleash their hearts' harmless desires, the book has only one directive: "Don't be mean."

When people ask you about your family, say "They're fine." They are fine as long as you don't have to deal with them. It is a lot easier path.

https://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202