Reddit Reddit reviews Improve Your Social Skills

We found 10 Reddit comments about Improve Your Social Skills. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Books
Healthy Relationships
Interpersonal Relations
Self-Help
Improve Your Social Skills
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10 Reddit comments about Improve Your Social Skills:

u/makinggrace · 8 pointsr/aspergirls

Diagnosed 40+ and still getting the hang of it. It gets better. This book is extremely helpful: Improve Your Social Skills.

u/scatterbrain2015 · 6 pointsr/ADHD

I read through the whole thing and I relate to a lot of it. I hope sharing my experience will help you. It does have a (somewhat) happy ending.

The first time I thought about ending it all, I was 10. I was always the odd one. Bullied in school, no real close friends, etc. I didn't understand why it was that way. I was always nice to everyone, even if a bit shy. My homeroom teacher told me it's my fault for not reaching out to my classmates more. :/

Living home was quite bad. My parents would dump their emotional issues on me. Complaining about work, about each other, etc. And never listening to me or my problems. They were quite awful in other ways too.

I had big dreams as a kid too. Being a famous researcher, or having my own metal band with deep lyrics about depression etc. But I wasn't good enough for either of those. Realizing that hit me hard. In highschool, I ended up being quite withdrawn. I figured if I hate myself enough, few things anyone could say would still hurt me. My role model was Daria ;)

When I met my boyfriend at 20, I thought my life would change. He loved and accepted me for who I was. So I packed my bags and move to a foreign country to be with him. I figured "now is when my life really begins! I will have someone who loves me and supports me, and new opportunities to make friends!". He would "save" me.

Didn't work out that way. We both ended up dealing with severe depression. Often, I felt like I had to support him more than he supported me. So much for being "saved". I tried therapy, but the psychologist couldn't understand me at all. Her "advice" was more distressing than helpful.

My next hopeful moment was at 26, when I figured out I have ADHD. Reading all these posts on how awesome meds are, I figured I would take them and my life would suddenly be great, I would finally reach my true potential and do all these things I wanted to do. Many things improved, but my life still sucked. I crashed and burned hard.

Finally, a few months ago, at 28, I found a therapist that actually "got" me. She helped me understand why I do the things I do. She helped me figure out how my brain works and what it needs. I learned a lot about myself, and I finally feel content with my life, and hopeful for the future.

___

Some key points that I learned:

  • No, it won't magically "get better". No guy will come rescue me and make everything ok. No meds will fix my life. For it to get better, I need to make it better. My first reaction to realizing that was deeper depression, thinking "I can't", but read on.

  • Step 1: instead of wishing you were somebody else, somewhere else, figure out one small thing you can change about yourself or your situation and do it. Something small. Prove to yourself that you're in control of your own life (or you can be).

  • It doesn't have to be perfect. It's good to fail. There's this Edison quote about the light bulb. Apparently he only got it working on the 1000th try. Someone asked him "How did you cope with failing so many times?" and he answered "I didn't fail, I just found 999 ways in which it doesn't work". Not sure if that story is real, but the point is valid. Don't strive for perfection, just for "better than yesterday", even if it's in the form of "knowing more than I did yesterday". Without failing a few times, how can you succeed?

  • Don't compare yourself with other people, it will only make you miserable and keep you from moving forward. The only person to compare yourself to is past you. Are you doing better today than you did yesterday? If not, figure out how to do better.

  • Few people will like you if you don't like yourself first. And they won't be the good kind of people anyway. No, it won't make you a narcissist, they actually act that way because they hate themselves too.

  • The best way to stop caring what other people think is to care more about what you think. Try to take what people are saying as feedback, and evaluate if it's something you can and want to change about yourself, and if not, it doesn't matter. Pretend they're talking about something you made rather than something you are.

  • The quickest way to stop feeling "awkward" is to learn more about people. Find out what they expect of you and what you're doing differently. This book helped me a lot with that. There is no such thing as "awkward people" and "charismatic people", just "people who learned this skill" and "people who haven't".

  • Seeing yourself improving and taking charge of your life feels much more rewarding than just succeeding at something with little effort. It seems counter-intuitive, but I can confirm it is the case. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they seem.

    There are many more ways in which I changed. A good therapist really makes all the difference in the world. Life is still a struggle, but I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life.

    ___

    TL;DR: No, it won't magically "get better". But you can make it better, one step at a time. Find a new therapist, keep looking until you find one that really gets you and helps you. See what you can improve about yourself. It won't happen over night, but in a few months, people will barely recognize you. But you'll know it's still you, you just have the tools you need to deal with life.
u/yggtree · 3 pointsr/intj

There is a great book written by Daniel Wendler, called "Improve Your Social Skills"

Why this is relevant: Daniel Wendler has Asperger's Syndrome, and it is written in a very straight-forward, thinking-person-oriented way. I highly recommend it. Here's a link to it on Amazon

Edited because sometimes m my typing s sucks

u/masd1930 · 2 pointsr/CasualConversation

I've read a bunch of casual conversation books because I realized I wasn't good at it either. They were mostly too general to be useful but I did find this good one. He breaks down what makes up a conversation. Why some conversations are great and some sputter and lose steam. To have a great one you have to get the other person to want to talk about themselves. And you do that by asking questions in a certain way. Not "How was your weekend?" which is a yes or no answer, but "What did you do this weekend?" which opens up the talking to other options. Lots of good stuff in there.

u/[deleted] · 2 pointsr/Christianity

As far as poor self-esteem goes... There's always going to be somebody out there who thinks you're a loser or whatever. But that's just their opinion; there are others who don't think that way. Eye of the beholder. The way other people think has more to do with them than you. This is why you can't rely on others too much for validation. Why let your self-esteem be determined by other people's rules and whims? For example, so what if you've never had a girlfriend... that's someone else's idea of what you need to be a winner in life, but why should you buy into that? Your life, your rules.

At some point you need to say, "OK, but what do I think about myself? What do I want? What about me? What do I want out of my life?" Once you establish your own identity a bit more and learn to self-validate, it becomes a lot easier to make friends because you don't need them as much. You just pursue your own interests, talk to the people you want to talk to, initiate friendships by asking them to hang out, etc. It becomes easier to handle rejection because you aren't so reliant for approval, because you self-approve. Other people have their wants, sometimes they match yours, sometimes they don't, that's the way it goes.

After that it's more a matter of learning common social etiquette. Western culture has its norms, other culture has theirs, etc. It's standard protocol for interpersonal relationships. There are a million self-help books / courses for this sort of thing. This may be helpful, written by someone with Aspergers: https://www.amazon.com/Improve-Social-Skills-Daniel-Wendler-ebook/dp/B00NJNQ3U6

Social skills are like piano practice, you practice them and learn them. If you struggle to learn things, break it into components and pursue mastery on one thing at a time in baby-steps.

u/IamABot_v01 · 1 pointr/AMAAggregator


Autogenerated.

IamA social skills expert who overcame the social struggles of Asperger's! Both of my books are free on Kindle today, and my newest TEDx talk was just published, so AMA!

Hi everyone! My name is Daniel Wendler, and I'm the author of ImproveYourSocialSkills.com, a comprehensive online guide to social skills. My TEDx talk, "What Being Autistic Taught Me About Being Human" was just released on Youtube, so I thought I would do an AMA to celebrate!

A few things you might be interested to know about me:

  • I've written two books on social skills: Improve Your Social Skills and Level Up Your Social Life. They're both free on Kindle today, so enjoy! (You don't need Kindle unlimited.)
  • This is my third time on IAMA. My first AMA and my second AMA got a great response, so I decided to come back and hang out with your wonderful people again!
  • I wrote my social skills guides out of my own experiences of overcoming social challenges. Growing up, I was the most awkward kid you could ever hope to meet. My social skills were limited to 1) Talking about Star Wars 2) Talking about video games 3) Talking about Star Wars video games. As a result, I was bullied, rejected -- all the stuff you'd expect. But things turned around in high school when I received a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. I learned that my social struggles were because of my lack of social skills, so I started working really hard to build my social skills. Over time, I got a lot better at social skills, and I started writing my social skills guides to share what I've learned with other people.
  • I have an older TEDx talk too called "My life with Asperger's" in case you want to see young Dan!
  • I'm the moderator of /r/socialskills, which is an awesome community that you should join.
  • Proof

    Thanks for reading! I'll be available for the next few hours, so feel free to ask me anything about social skills, Asperger's, giving a TEDx talk, or anything else!


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u/needforhealing · 1 pointr/aspergirls

Oh My, I had forgotten this thread. Let me reply anyway!

Improve your Social Skills
This book is written by a man with Aspergers. It has a lot of useful advice. Needless to say, as I'm forgetful and absent minded, I used a highlighter a lot!

What Every Body is Saying
It contains a lot of info on body language, and I have found it helpful. There are some tips to come across more confident. You can also check videos on the web.


How to Talk to Kids So Kids will Listen
Don't misjudge the book! It may seem as not suitable for adults. But it contains a lot of tips that can help improve adult on adult relationships. There are some parts that talk about how we deny people their right to experience a certain feeling. For example :
Person a: My dog died. I'm so sad.
Person b: Oh, but cheer up! you'll have other dogs in the future! don't dwell on it, it's no use! vs.
Person b: I see. It must be tough. You really cared about your dog.

It really makes you ponder.

And of course the most well known books, "how to win friends and influence people", etc. I have been also looking for books on how to hold a conversation, but haven't had much luck yet.

sorry for the late reply

Best of luck!

u/TrendingCommenterBot · 1 pointr/TrendingReddits

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u/Cookiemobsta · 1 pointr/IAmA

This should be the book link for Australia :) All of the content in the book is also available on my site in case the link doesn't work.

u/fu6070305 · 1 pointr/aspergers

Read Improve Your Social Skills by Daniel Wendler and How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

The first book is written by an aspie who has done several TEDtalks and run his own business. The second is a world-renowned classic must-read when it comes to interpersonal relationships and socializing.