Reddit Reddit reviews Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life

We found 37 Reddit comments about Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Books
Self-Help
Happiness Self-Help
Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life
Learned Optimism How to Change Your Mind and Your Life
Check price on Amazon

37 Reddit comments about Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life:

u/ColdEiric · 21 pointsr/RedPillWomen

Without doubt.

Some feminine traits do not get old, some characteristics do not get hit by the wall. This is what guys look for, when they ask the question: Is this girl worth keeping?

Edit, added after replies: Think the opposites of the five listed traits. They are:"

  • Living within your means. Does she live within her means? Could she financially take care of herself, if she needed to?

  • Optimism. You have no clue on how to consistently separate optimism from pessimism? I didn't either. Not before Learned Optimism.

  • First things first. That means, do the most important thing first. Not the most urgent. Forget the bells and the whistles.

  • Men want to hold hands, hug, kiss, and of course do it. Boys consider girls to be icky and full of cooties. Men don't. Game is about getting the cooties. Do you give your man, the man you love, what he wants?

  • Speak plainly and clearly and honestly. Men can handle it. Men look and search and hunt for the unedited truth. Do you give it? However, he doesn't want you to tell the truth to everyone, but only to him.
u/flubbadu · 10 pointsr/slatestarcodex

> I'm miserable because my circumstances suck.

No, you are miserable because you tell yourself that your circumstances suck. A part of your brain attached a label to your circumstances (not as good as you would like) and then another part of your brain took that label and decided it was the sort of thing it ought to produce misery over.

There are essentially 2 possible paths for you to stop being miserable in such a situation:

  1. Change your circumstances so that you no longer label them as sucky.

  2. Stop labeling your present circumstances as sucky.

    (1) is probably possible, but if you set the bar at becoming a multimillionaire before you allow yourself to stop being miserable, I think you are in for a rough ride. The way your mind is presently, I think even if you made it to being a millionaire you would find new reasons why you ought to be miserable. Hence better option...

    Option (2) can be difficult until you realize that there is nothing objectively true about the suckiness of your circumstances. Sure, in some respects you may be worse off than some other people but that is actual true for everyone except maybe one person. Are we all supposed to be miserable unless we stand at the literal apex of our species? You are probably better off than most humans, you just chose to compare yourself against a highly unusual sample.

    I hope you can see there is a certain irrationality at the root of what you are currently feeling. Someone with positively oriented thinking might have come out of the meetup thinking "What great luck! I got to meet all these successful people and hangout in this awesome house!"

    I find negative emotions are much easier to deal with if you find they lack validity in any objective sense. The subjective labels are arbitrary, so the instrumentally rational thing is to choose different labels make you feel good (or at least, don't make you feel bad). Obviously your conscious mind doesn't have absolute control all the time, and this sort of thing takes practice, but if you push yourself in the direction of being positive, over time I think you will see significant benefits as the rest of your brain starts to get with the program.

    This isn't to say you shouldn't be trying to improve your circumstances. Personally I would recommend pursuing both options—try to improve your life both in external reality and at the same to create habits of positivity in your own mind. There is also a bit of synergy between the two—optimists tend to be more successful.

    Your life is good just as it is and nothing you say could possibly disprove that.


    (For further reading I recommend Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman and the classic A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis.)
u/usrnmsux · 10 pointsr/leanfire

Sure. There's a bit of a story arc where I came to my senses first, then discovered I wanted to unfuck my life, and leanfire principles is a part of that.

The one that started it all was The Art of Happiness. I was miserable and herein the Dali Lama shocked my life with his assertion that the goal of your life is to be happy. I had a mindset that I had to suffer in order to be worthy of good things in life.

Then, if I recall correctly were non buddhist books, but in the realm getting your head straight:Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life: I saw this man's TED talk.

& How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything

These two go great together to discover that its all in your head and you can change that. I had a terrible inner dialogue and was able to be rid of it. Life Changer!

The I think I read The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety probably 10 times over the last 4-5 years & listened to the audio book when falling asleep. This one really underlined how miserable we make ourselves striving for security that isn't to be had. There is wisdom here that constantly reveals itself long after having read it.

The Pema Chodron Audio Collection was a constant go to also.

My most recent listening are lectures by Ajahn Brahm of Buddhist Society of Western Australia - These lectures really turned me around to moving past the pain, fear & worry about changing my life.

\^\^ I really like listening to these while falling asleep or with a nap on the couch on Sat/Sun afternoons.

Some other notables:

Fuck It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way : Saying Fuck It when you're miserable due to expectations and attachments has a real emotional response vs the above which can be very cerebral.

Man's Search for Meaning: Sometimes it's hard to grateful when wrapped up in our own lives. I read this once a year as a refresher. When I'm being ungrateful I try to remember what others have put up with and it calms down my complaining mind.

The Art of Disappearing: Buddha's Path to Lasting Joy : more from Ajahn Brahm - There is a better way to live our lives and not be miserable. Simplicity and lean fire go really well together.

More minimalism than buddhism, but they jive well together:

Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life

Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism

Above all I feel these are all about snapping out of the nonsense mindsets & habits many of us have.

Good luck.

u/[deleted] · 9 pointsr/socialskills

I’m speaking solely from observing your interaction in this thread, so take this with a grain of salt. I’m also a layman simply speaking his opinion and giving his advice, so I don’t claim any particular expertise.

You have a tremendous amount of anger within you, and I think it informs the way you are dealing with people. At the very least, it informs the way you’re dealing with people in this thread, and from the anecdotes you’ve told us (and I’ve read most of your posts), I think it probably informs the way you’re dealing with other people and problems in your life as well.

The reason, I think, you’re being downvoted to hell all over this thread (which, as an aside to everyone else, is not exactly helping this guy’s problems with anger and feeling persecuted) is that you are blasting that anger out in concentrated bursts at everyone.

Now, mind you, I’m not saying that some of that anger isn’t merited. It sounds like you were physically attacked when you were young, and it sounds like that, combined with other things in your life, has generated a lot of anger.

I didn’t have your childhood, but I had some phenomenally unpleasant things happen to me during my childhood that gave me my own problems with anger at times. So I recognize some of that in how you’re reacting.

I think you’re fooling yourself, though, in a way. Our brains have a way of finding cognitive justification to support whatever feeling we’re feeling. I’ve seen it in three-year-olds and I’ve seen it in my 75-year-old father. I think you’re angry already, intrinsically, sort of a “burning sun” core thing going on, and you’re perpetually finding reasons for it after the fact throughout your life.

I think you could see real benefit from seeing a therapist. Many therapists bill using a sliding scale, so you may find them to be of a much lower cost than you think. As a supplement – not as a replacement – I also suggest you seek your own therapy through good books out there. I think you might find this book and this book of particular interest.

As for the hair loss, I’m not happy with my own loss, either. However, the entirely bald look is pretty cool. I’ve experimented with it once or twice. As others have suggested, the HeadBlade is a useful device for keeping your head nice and smooth. If you’re not ready to take the leap without seeing what you’d look like, there’s this guy who does “virtual head shaves.”

To summarize, my primary suggestions would be to find a therapist, to borrow the two books I mentioned from the library (or buy them), and to consider adopting the shaved-head look.

For your job issues, a temp agency may be an option to consider.

For your issues seeking socialization, I’m not the most social person myself, but I find people who share interests of mine on meetup.com, and I will also just go to public events without the express purpose of socialization, so I'm not stewing alone inside a dark apartment. Here’s a St. Louis-specific meetup.com link, and here’s a rather comprehensive St. Louis events calendar. Find stuff that interests you and go to it, and take it from there. Just because you’ve had a few doors closed on you doesn’t mean that the entire 318,172-strong population of St. Louis is dead to you.

I honestly wish you luck.

u/crayonsred · 7 pointsr/marriedredpill

Check out Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman, if you haven't already.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400078393

It's a Cognitive Behavioral Technique that uses the acronym ABCD.

For example:

Adversity: I set a boundary, and my wife gave me a huge test.
Belief: Her test means I didn't set the boundary right. I did something wrong.
Consequence: I replay it over and over in my head and get emotionally wrapped up.
Disputation: Her test is just her being a woman. It has nothing to do with the way I set the boundary. I did nothing wrong.

u/Akatchuk · 6 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

TL;DR: practice learned optimism, self-compassion, gratitude.

I - Learned Optimism
> And It's not 'aprroval' that I really wants, It's respect.

Mmmh, I think that's just a way to rephrase it, really. It's ok to want approval, or attention, or respect, or whatever you prefer to call it, because we all do, to an extent.

A lot of people are all about improving self-esteem and being confident in order for your life to come together and for you to start having what you dream of. I don't agree with that. As you said, you "can not see [your] own good quality", and that's the problem here.

I think what might help you accept yourself and feel better in your own skin is looking at self-compassion and learning to reframe your thoughts. Reframing your thoughts is crucial because it is what determines whether you get stuck with a "I'm worthless, I can't do anything and everything sucks" attitude, or if you can switch that around to "Well, this may feel crap, but I can do X and Y pretty well, and if I've managed that, I sure can manage to start on Z and get good enough at it."

There's a couple of books I would recommend for reframing your thoughts: Learned Optimism, by Martin Seligman, who looks at the nature of our thoughts (are we more pessimistic or more optimistic) and in which areas we could benefit from being more optimistic so that we learn to switch our thoughts around and feel better and more motivated to start or carry on difficult tasks.

The other book is Mind Over Mood, by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky, which offers hands-on practical exercises to learn to reframe your thoughts, with a dash of science sprinkled in-between each exercise.

II - Self-compassion

The other point I made about self-compassion is a little more difficult to accept, mostly because compassion can have a not-so-great connotation attached to it, where you feel like being compassionate makes you weak or self-indulgent and you try to avoid it. As a result you can be very tough towards yourself and others, which results in self-hatred, constant self-berating, self-criticism, etc because you think it makes you strong not to make concessions. There's research that shows that these things don't actually really help, and they are what actually makes you appear weak to others.

Self-compassion will help you become kinder to yourself and recognising that those things you're criticising yourself over happen to everyone. You become more understanding of your emotions and mind in the moment, as well as that of others, and it helps you become less harsh towards yourself and others. With less self-criticism to take care of, you have more time to appreciate what you like about yourself, and it will give you a boost to try new things and get better at what you want to practice.

It becomes a strength because you become less and less affected by bad events. It helps you become more resilient as you don't constantly blame yourself for everything, or blame everyone else for everything because you can't accept criticism. It helps you becoming more at ease with your own feelings of failure or inadequacy, which eventually lessens those feelings. Another thing to bear in mind is that it is not self-pity or self-indulgence. True self-compassion isn't "oh I had a crap day, I'll just have this tub of ice-cream", it's more of a "oh, I felt ashamed for getting angry at this person, but this is a normal emotion to have and that doesn't make me a monster. This person also got angry at me, so clearly we're all in this together and that's ok. I will take a deep breath next time and try to be more patient".

Kristin Neff is my go-to person for self-compassion, and she has a great book that explains the science behind self-compassion, as well as exercises you can follow to improve your own. She also has an Audible book with a bunch of meditation exercises to help you become more self-compassionate.


III - Gratitude

> Everything feel like a big hollow for me when I see someone I know 'have their own life', It's illogical to think this way but It's been plaguing me years and years.

Focus on yourself. Focus on your progress, focus on making your own grass green instead of looking at how much greener the neighbour's grass is. Of course yours isn't as green, if you spent as much time watering it as you do staring at your neighbour's grass, it'd probably be as green!

Practice gratitude for what you have, learn to cherish the process, rather than the results. You don't see how much sweat, blood and tears have gone into someone's "ideal life". It might look like they have it all figured out, but you might not see how much they hate their job, or how difficult things have been with their spouse, or the fact that one of their close family member has cancer, or the number of hours they poured into their code trying to fix bugs, or practicing an instrument, etc.

Look at what you have, and cherish the fact that you had a good night's sleep in a comfy bed, or that your favourite author just released a new book, or the fact that it'll be a nice walk to work under the sun. All these small things amount to a lot, and they will help you realise that your life isn't so bad after all, and motivate you to try things or keep at things you are finding difficult.

u/illogician · 5 pointsr/PhilosophyofScience

Really, anyone working on a PhD in philosophy who thinks there is a job waiting for them should fit the bill. (Sorry, couldn't resist).

On a more serious note, and he's not a 'philosopher' in the narrow sense, but psychologist Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism is very worth a read and provides a lot of empirical research about the benefits of optimism and the dangers of pessimism.

I haven't read this myself, but a friend of mine is always going on about Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. Might be something to check out.

u/Darumana · 5 pointsr/selfhelp

I hope I am not too late.

You can post this to /r/suicidewatch.

Here is my half-baked attempt at providing you with some answers.

First of all let's see, what is the problem? Money and women. This sounds rather stereotypical but it became a stereotype because a lot of people had this kind of problems. So if you are bad at money and at women, join the club, everybody sucks at this.

Now, there are a few strategies of coping with this. I can tell you what worked for me and perhaps that will help you too.

I guess if there is only one thing that I would change in your attitude that would improve anything is learning the fact that "there is more where that came from". This is really important in girl problems and in money problems.

When you are speaking with a girl, I noticed that early on, men tend to start being very submissive and immature in a way. They start to offer her all the decision power because they are afraid not to lose her. This is a somehow normal response but it affects the relationship negatively. She sees you as lacking power and confidence and she shall grow cold. So here lies the strange balance between good and bad: you have to be powerful but also warm and magnanimous. You can only do this by experimenting without fearing the results of your actions. Even if the worst comes to happen, and she breaks up with you .... you'll always get a better option. There are 3.5 billion ladies on the planet. The statistics are skewed in your favor.

Now for the money issue. Again, there is more where that came from. The money, are a relatively recent invention. Our society is built upon them but we survived for 3 million years without them. The thing you need to learn is that your survival isn't directly related to money. You can always get food, shelter and a lot of other stuff for free. You won't live the good life, but you won't die. So why the anxiety then?

Question: It seems to me you are talking out of your ass. How do I put into practice this in order to get a girlfriend?

Answer: Talk to people. Male and female. Make the following your goals:
Talk to 1 girl each day for one month.
Meet a few friends each 3 days.
Make a new friend each two weeks.
Post your romantic encounters in /r/seduction.
This activities will add up after some time and you will have enough social skill to attract a female. You will understand what your female friend is thinking. Don't feel too bad if it doesn't work out.

Question: The above doesn't give a lot of practical advice on getting money. I want more of that. How do I get it?

Answer: To give you money people need to care about you. People only care about you when you care about them. This is why you need to do the following:
Start solving hard problems.
Start helping people.
Problems aren't only school problems. They refer to anything: start learning a new difficult subject (for example start learning physics or start playing an instrument or start writing a novel). Take up a really difficult project that is just above the verge of what you think you are able to do. Helping people is something more difficult and personal. You can work for charity, help your family members around the house and other similar.

Question: I don't understand. I have problems and you are asking me to work for charity, donate money? How can giving money solve anything?

Answer: If you don't give, how can you receive? Helping others is instilling a sense of purpose in a very strange way. You become superior to others by helping them in a dispassionate way.

Question: I feel like I am going to cry, you are making fun of me!
Answer: Not entirely untrue. But this is not the problem. The problem is that you are taking yourself too serious. We all are, and I have similar problems. The true mark of a person of genius is to laugh at himself. Cultivate your sense of humor in any manner you can.

Question: What does it matter then if I choose to kill myself?

Answer: There is this really good anecdote about Thales of Miletus (search wiki). He was preaching that there is no difference between life and death. His friends asked him: If there is no difference, why don't you kill yourself. At this, he instantly answered: I don't kill myself because there is no difference.

Question: Even if I would like to change and do the things you want me to do, human nature is faulty. It is certain that I would have relapses. How do I snap out of it?

Answer: There are five habits that you should instill that will keep bad emotions away. Either of this habits has its own benefits and drawbacks:

  1. Mental contemplation. This has various forms, but two are the best well know: prayer and meditation. At the beginning stage they are quite different, but later they begin to be the same. You will become aware that there are things greater than you are. This will take some of the pressure off of your shoulders.
  2. Physical exercise. Build up your physical strength and you will build up your mental strength.
  3. Meet with friends. If you don't have friends, find them.
  4. Work. This wil give you a sense of purpose. Help somebody else. This is what I am doing here. We are all together on this journey. Even though we can't be nice with everyone, we need to at least do our best in this direction.
  5. Entertainment. Read a book. Play a game. Watch a movie. Sometimes our brain needs a break. If not, it will take a break anyway and it will not be a pretty one. Without regular breaks, procrastination will occur.

    Question: Your post seems somewhat interesting but more in an intriguing kind of way. I would like to know more.

    Answer: There are a few good books on these subjects. I don't expect you to read all of them, but consider them at least.

    For general mental change over I recommend this:
    http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795853&sr=8-1

    http://www.amazon.com/Generous-Man-Helping-Others-Sexiest/dp/1560257288

    For girl issues I recommend the following book. This will open up a whole bag of worms and you will have an entire literature to pick from. This is not going to be easy. Remember though, difficult is good for you.
    http://www.amazon.com/GAME-UNDERCOVER-SOCIETY-PICK-UP-ARTISTS/dp/1841957518/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795664&sr=8-1 (lately it is popular to dish this book for a number of reasons. Read it and decide for yourself. There is a lot of truth in it)

    Regarding money problem, the first thing is to learn to solve problems. The following is the best in my opinion
    http://www.amazon.com/How-Solve-Mathematical-Princeton-Science/dp/069111966X
    The second thing about money is to understand why our culture seems wrong and you don't seem to have enough. This will make you a bit more comfortable when you don't have money.
    http://www.amazon.com/Story-B-Daniel-Quinn/dp/0553379011/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795746&sr=8-3 (this one has a prequel called Ishmael. which people usually like better. This one is more to my liking.)

    For mental contemplation there are two recommendations:
    http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html . This one is for meditation purposes.
    http://www.amazon.com/Way-Pilgrim-Continues-His/dp/0060630175 . This one is if you want to learn how to pray. I am an orthodox Christian and this is what worked for me. I cannot recommend things I didn't try.

    For exercising I found bodyweight exercising to be one of the best for me. I will recommend only from this area. Of course, you can take up weights or whatever.
    http://www.amazon.com/Convict-Conditioning-Weakness-Survival-Strength/dp/0938045768/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795875&sr=8-1 (this is what I use and I am rather happy with it. A lot of people recommend this one instead: http://www.rosstraining.com/nevergymless.html )

    Regarding friends, the following is the best bang for your bucks:
    http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324796461&sr=8-1 (again, lots of criticism, but lots of praise too)

    The rest of the points are addressed in the above books. I haven't given any book on financial advices. Once you know how to solve problems and use google and try to help people money will start coming, don't worry.

    I hope this post helps you, even though it is a bit long and cynical.

    Merry Christmas!
u/whowatches · 4 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life

I would really suggest this book if you suspect you're a bit too pessimistic and hard on yourself, or just curious about how much our thinking patterns influence our lives.

This book approaches things from a scientific point of view and discusses a lot of the studies that have been done on the thinking patterns of animals and people. It's different (in a good way I think!) from most books you'll find on positive thinking.

I love this question by the way! Any books you've read that you would recommend as "must reads"?

u/OneEyedOneHorned · 4 pointsr/MadeOfStyrofoam

You do you. It wasn't until I quit that I realized I had a buttload of different reasons that I never addressed or understood because I never sat down and forced myself to think through my crap. Shit's rough. I don't blame anyone ever. People always freak out about selfharm and what I've learned is to take care of the person physically right now and be there for them when they're ready. Freaking out does jack shit.

Alright so I said I was going to post the book and I can't find it because I don't remember who wrote it. I'm a visual person and I'm pretty sure they changed the cover so here's some books with great reviews that cover the same topic.

Your Inner Critic Is a Big Jerk: And Other Truths About Being Creative -I actually might buy this one.

Imposter Syndrome Remedy: How to improve your self-worth, feel confident about yourself, and stop feeling like a fraud!

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life

u/travistee · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

A few books have changed my life. Most directly these two:
The Now Habit and Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life

On a personal level of how I view the world Man's Search for Meaning by Vikto Frankl and The Moral Animal: Why We Are, the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology have helped me to understand the people in the world around me.

Spiritually, Siddhartha and the Book of John in the New Testament have helped me to be a better human being.


u/boumboum34 · 3 pointsr/self

This is the very typical thought pattern of clinical depression, and it is a common consequence of experiencing bullying and abuse and mistreatment while growing up. When you feel bad, you begin to think you are bad. The bad feelings and negative thoughts creates a vicious
circle. It becomes habitual so it can be hard to break.

I can relate. I was an abused kid and I have depression problems to this day. I'm much better at handling it now though than I was.

Therapy can help greatly. So can anti-depressant medications (they tend to work best for people who don't have an obvious cause for feeling depressed). So can understanding how it works, so you can change the thought patterns that cause the depression.

If getting therapy for her is a problem (it's very much a trial and error thing), there are books that can help. Two that have helped me the most are:

There is Nothing Wrong With You by Cheri Huber.

and Learned Optimism, by Martin Seligman.

You can help her by letting her know "just because you feel bad, doesn't mean you are bad." You have to replace her belief patterns with new ones. She's so used to thinking poorly if herself that criticisms are automatically believed and taken personally. Compliments tend to be not believed and dismissed because they conflict with her self-image, and they make no sense in her belief system. You need to back up the compliments with WHY the compliments are true. Give her reasons.

If she's wonderful, tell her why. What's wonderful about her? The more reasons you can give her, the more it will help. Treating her really well will help too, over time. She has to learn to believe all the abuse and mistreatment wasn't her fault, she did nothing to deserve it, it was just others being cruel. Let her know that even when she feels she's at her worst, you still think she's wonderful, depression and all. She'll have difficulty believing you at first. "he's just saying that to make me feel better"...then "okay, he actually believes it, but it's not true"....but eventually it'll be "wow....he's right...it IS true...it's just my head messing with me, that's all." You have to be steadfast, and your actions have to match your words.

She needs to learn how to nurture herself, especially when she's feeling down and the dark part of her mind is attacking her. It's an illness. it's not something she has conscious control over. It can be treated.

u/MrGhkl444 · 3 pointsr/Stoicism

I believe there is a lot of room in modern Stoicism for Optimism, two things that theoretically shouldn't co-exist.

In a theoretical sense, thoughts of the future are "externals" and should therefore be disregarded. However, the day to day realities of nearly every person in the 21st century include some thoughts or worries about what is coming in life.

I've had quite a few heavy-duty health concerns in the past 2-3 years and just having the "Will" to be Stoic isn't always a guarentee when you are going through adverse times and i've found Optimism to be incredibly helpful.

Learned Optimism - Wiki

Learned Optimism - Book

[Interview with Viktor Frankl (Holocaust Survivor)] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlC2OdnhIiQ)

u/Talex666 · 3 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

If we're suggesting a reading list, I have an addition that might be pretty helpful. I haven't read it, but my colleague has given me the run down and speaks highly of it.

The more resources the better tbh, keep on the lookout for decent self-help books. Read them. Come back to them in a couple of months and read them again, just for it to sink in better.

Good luck OP!

u/a_dollar_sign_texas · 3 pointsr/selfimprovement

I've also been struggling with liking myself, my identity, and generally how to live my life the best I can. Hopefully some of my experiences can help you out.

I am currently undergoing CBT and have been reading a lot of psychology-type books to supplement becoming a better person. I would highly recommend Emotional Intelligence as that was recommended when I starting seeing my therapist. It's hard to summarize but it's mainly about learning to work with your emotions and how to work with them effectively.

I would also recommend Learned Optimism if you want to have a more positive outlook, which I assume most people would want.

Finally, I'm reading The Obstacle is the Way right now and I'm really into it. It's mainly about Stoic philosophy and how your perceptions affect your emotions. I've been getting more into Stoicism lately because it's very much about focusing on what you can change and accepting what you can't. Yes, I know we've all heard this before but hearing someone lay it all out with examples really helps you to embrace a healthier way of thinking.

Those three books together have fundamentally changed my outlook on life for the better.

u/Aunty_Thrax · 3 pointsr/truegaming

As trite as it sounds, the true resolve is sculpted from within oneself.

Mindfulness meditation is a starting place.

All of you who are feeling a resonance with the original post, and the general idea that gaming isn't going to lead to fulfillment, you're onto something. I'm going to post a few links to books which I feel would be beneficial for those of you who have this same feeling. They helped me when I was down (and down I am again) and I hope they can do the same for some of you:

Mindfulness In Plain English

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Learned Optimism

u/ta98238321 · 3 pointsr/getting_over_it

Hey there. It's always great to tackle problems with willpower; ultimately it's you that is going to need to put the methods you learn about into practice, and these books may help give you hope, and a strategy as to how best to apply it to depression.

What gave me the sense of "good fortune" (more an exercise in positive writing) was the diary experiment in the Happiness chapter of 59 Seconds.

I would recommend Learned Optimism for anyone wishing to supplement therapy with self-help, but keep in mind it may not work for everyone, so keep on pursuing other routes until you find one that helps. The book contains quite a lot of information explaining the scientific validity of the claims it makes, so you might want to skip that and dive in to the bits that will help you the most.

Looking at the book, I'd say reading all of Part One of Learned Optimism is crucial, as well as Chapters 12 and 15.

Good luck, PM me if you need any help.

u/macarthy · 2 pointsr/depression

I have felt like this over the years. But you do have to work at happy. Its harder for us than others, but even those with a better balance of chemicals in their brains, work at it.

Have a read of Learned Optimism, or something similar to understand it better.
http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393

u/sooneday · 2 pointsr/NoStupidQuestions

You might always struggle with depression, but it will be gone some of the time. I was depressed for over a decade, but it's been mostly gone for about a year. Therapy helped a lot and so did a book I read called "learned optimism". http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420999672&sr=8-1&keywords=learned+optimism

Exercise helps a lot. Since you're in high school, play a team sport if you aren't already.

u/anoxor · 2 pointsr/SleepApnea

Wedge pillow may help. A makeshift one did for me.

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400078393

This may also help. It's by one of the top researchers in the field. I also finished a PhD, and this could put put under helpful soft skills

u/AnomalousVisions · 2 pointsr/philosophy

I second the recommendations for meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy. For a good how-to book on meditation I highly recommend this book by Eric Harrison. Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism will teach you how to perform cognitive behavioral therapy on yourself without having to pay a therapist $200 an hour.

Also, don't underestimate the value of ritual. In my (admittedly controversial) view, much of the occult/mystical/hermitical/magical wisdom out there ultimately boils down to a collection of rituals and techniques to focus your mind and continually re-orient yourself toward what actually matters to you. Typically they involve intricate ways of rebooting the nervous system so that the practitioner returns to ordinary life refocused on their "true will" and free from some of the inertia we all gather during the strains and distractions of daily life. Phil Hine's Condensed Chaos makes a fascinating philosophical and practical introduction to this approach.

u/Amnestea · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

It sounds like you've been through some tough times. The beauty of life is you always have an opportunity to forge your own path. As cliche as it may be, after every storm there is a rainbow. This is your opportunity. Here is my road map for you:

  1. The first thing you must do is talk to a psychologist. It is possible you have depression or underlying mental illness. They can give you techniques to combat that. Even if you do not have a mental illness, the techniques they can teach you, with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, sound like they would be useful for you.

  2. You need to make a schedule and, this is the hard part, follow it as well as you can. Find a diary or make an excel spreadsheet and fill your day with activities. Examples would be: 8am wake up, 9-10am go for a walk, 10-11am write resume, 11-12pm tidy house, 12-1pm lunch, 1-2pm reading, 2-3pm exercise, 3-4pm search for jobs, 4-5pm do online university course homework, 5-6pm free time, 6-7pm dinner, 7pm-9pm free time, 10pm go to sleep. Basically, fill it with tasks you think you can accomplish that are not so challenging that you are put off doing them. Even if you miss one or two scheduled activities, you will still be moving forward in the right direction.

  3. There are some books you can read that may be of benefit/interest:

u/AFreshThrowaway · 2 pointsr/askgaybros

My post is based off of my own personal experience, as well as research in my field. If you're interested in the research I had in mind, here's a great book by the researcher himself (no bridge sales involved) that anyone can read, or you can read the wikipedia write-up on some of his studies.

Personally, I like to take on more work at my job as well as exercise when I'm down. Video games can get my mind off of things, but I try not to get too engrossed in them.

u/ferris_is_sick · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Stay on Wellbutrin if it helps. Buy one of Seligman's books: Learned Optimism or Authentic Happiness. Here is his TED talk if you want some background.

u/socialerrors · 1 pointr/LiverpoolFC

You matter and you deserve to be happy. This book https://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393 changed my entire outlook. It also provides a lot of incredible insight into how pessimism creates depression and how optimism can ABSOLUTELY be learned and used to get you out of that state.


I totally get the who the fuck is this random dude on r/liverpool reaction. I'm nobody, I'm not a doctor, just a regular guy who has dealt with some shit as well. This book changed me and I hope you give it the chance to do the same for you.


Stay strong

u/nkorslund · 1 pointr/hearthstone
u/alexd231232 · 1 pointr/Filmmakers

oh maaaaan you are talking to a member of the royal court of fearing rejection :) I guess the biggest thing I've realized is that rejection is a narrative we superimpose onto the events of our lives...anything can be looked at as a success or a rejection and it has very little to do with what's happening and much more to do with your outlook....now that doesn't mean you can just CHANGE your outlook, but you can be aware of it and work to slowly change it over time? It ain't easy but it ain't fiction either. I'm a pessimist by nature, so most things feel like rejection, but I'm working on changing that - here are a few helpful places to start:

https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/01/29/carol-dweck-mindset/

https://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393

​

I learned everything about crowdfunding at Seed & Spark: https://www.seedandspark.com/education. They're amazing people and great friends of mine, definitely holler at them about crowdfunding!

u/UprightBicycle · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Hi, friend. I hope that my experience can show you and others who might read about it can help you take the optimistic perspective you will need to get through this.

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 18, and I would say I wasn't a fully-functional person until I was about 24. In those six years, I went through multiple therapists and multiple drugs. I'm almost 28 now, and I still take drugs and I still have my psychologist's phone number, though I haven't seen him in person in years.

There were absolutely times when I thought that life would never get better. Like most of the people I've known with depression, I'm smart enough that I'm able to rationalize any feeling that I have. So, when I was feeling depressed and hopeless I was also able to convince myself that being depressed and hopeless was justified based on the objective facts before me. That is, I would feel terrible, and I would justify that feeling by convincing myself it was the only reasonable way to feel, and thus convinced I would feel even worse than before. this is the vicious cycle.

I have been blessed by a loving family, and at my worst I always knew that my death would devastate them; that was my most powerful motivation for staying alive. Also, in spite of the intellectual acrobatics I was performing to try to convince myself that feeling suicidal was rational, I would see everyone else in the world who wasn't depressed and I would understand at some deep level that I didn't really want to acknowledge that they were normal and they were right. And acknowledging that was hurtful, because there is something satisfying in thinking that everyone else is ignorant of the truth of the world but you see things how they really are and that's why you're depressed. If only everyone else was as intelligent/insightful as me, they too would be depressed.

I managed to make it out from under depression through a combination of the right drugs and the right treatment. To my knowledge, the only way to find the right drugs for you is guess-and-check. Which is terrible. It took six years of pain before I finally found a drug combination that worked for me, but I found it eventually.

I think, even more important than the drugs, was the fact that I found a psychologist who practiced cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and understanding depression from that perspective really helped me understand both why I was wrong to be depressed and why I was able to so successfully rationalize that depression.

Let's say I ask a woman out on a date. She says no. How do I react? If I'm an overconfident douche I might think nothing of it; she clearly has terrible taste in men. If I'm actively depressed, I might think it's because I'm a terrible person and she sees that and she sees that I'm not worth her time. It's much more likely that she is just out at the bar with a few friends and she would rather spend time with them than be hit on by a stranger. Or maybe she just got out of a bad relationship and she isn't ready to open herself up to something new.

The point of that hypothetical isn't to say that dating is hard, it's to say that I don't know why I was rejected and so I assign a reason based on biases in my own head. If I'm biased to believe that I'm the best that ever was or will be, then I think she's the problem. If I'm biased to think that I'm a worthless sack of water and hydrocarbons, then I'll think she's rejecting me and judging me unfavorably. I make assumptions that aren't based on facts, and then I selectively gather facts to support those assumptions. The vicious cycle continues.

Working with an expert in CBT and reading its founding text (Learned Optimism, by Martin Seligman) helped me to go through my days and literally write down how I felt about certain situations and whether that was a result of baseless assumptions or an objective truth. After talking about it with my psychologist, surprise, surprise, the things I found depressing were based on assumptions. This exercise stripped away the intellectual bulwark I had constructed that justified by depression and it helped me confront the real problem of my assumptions about my milieu. I addressed that, and now I'm one of the more preternaturally optimistic people you'll meet.

It's worth mentioning that I still actively manage my depression. I apply principles of CBT in my everyday life, I exercise 4-6 days a week, I am careful about my diet (too much fat and sugar is bad for my mood), I'm careful about my sleep, I take my pills, and I almost never drink alcohol. I still have depression, but because I take appropriate actions, I'm not depressed. It's not really "fair" that I have to be disciplined about those things in a way that other people don't, but that's much less important than the fact that I need to do that. It's not like I have a "right" to avoid doing the things that are required to let me feel happy, right? I mean, how silly does that sound?

So that's my story. I'm writing this extemporaneously, so I'm not sure if it makes sense, but I'm happy to answer any questions you or anyone else might have about my experience. It might take time, but if you persevere you will make it through.

u/tvcgrid · 1 pointr/changemyview

You can accept reality as it is but still hope for a better future.

On a smaller scale, if some appliance breaks down, you accept that it's broken down but you don't just...leave it be, and ponder the deathly finality of its brokenness and then bend the meaning so backwards that you try to twist that into a positive thing.... you fix it. Or if you can't fix it, you find some way to lessen the inconvenience.

I've also experienced this, but one thing that really helped was learning more about Learned Optimism, which is a book about all this research that's gone into cognition that illustrates ways to think in a way that is rational and true-to-reality but also not self-harming or self-restricting. It's an interesting book. Also, I recommend learning all about CBT.

It's very weird to me that death in general is treated like this thing you shouldn't really fight. If people genuinely believe that, they wouldn't be so devastated at funerals. It's ok to realize that it's a hard fight, but I mean... all of medicine and healthy living is predicated on the fact that fighting death and disease is a core component of our lives.

There's one fable that illustrates this very well. The Fable of the Dragon-Tyrant. I think this in particular very starkly makes the point I'm referencing.

u/zenthrowaway17 · 1 pointr/zen

Nah, I'm currently trying to pick back up this book about positive psychology from months ago!

u/DeltaIndiaCharlieKil · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

I found that the spoon theory helped me understand myself just as much as it helped me communicate to other people. I had to work on keeping spoons for myself. I want to be so much to so many people, and it killed me every time I found I couldn't. I hated being the type of person that people couldn't rely on. I hated that I would tell someone I would be there for them and couldn't. And I would definitely push myself well beyond my capacity because I refused to be the person my illness was forcing me to be.

It's not sustainable.


I am not qualified to give advice beyond my personal experience, so I don't entirely know the best things to say. Going through a chronic illness for the past 14 years what I have discovered is that happiness is a choice. It doesn't happen to you. It's a skill you have to learn and practice. I read Learned Optimism, and though it was a while ago I remember it helping. A lot of therapeutic work can be done by yourself if you haven't found someone you work well with. Try looking for books written for veterans, they may speak to you better than ones that talk about new age stuff.

Notice that your responses to me have all outlined why it's hopeless. But the fact that you keep responding shows that you do have hope. You are taking action and reaching out and trying. So tell that voice that keep saying it's not worth it to shut the fuck up. Literally. When you catch your mind spiraling down stop yourself and say "shut the fuck up. I decide how I will feel about this." And for every negative thing, force yourself to come up with a positive. Try writing back to me only listing what is good in your life. Even if it's just that you ate a good sandwich, it goes on the list. Practice that list, because you have more than enough practice on the negative list skills. Now is the time to focus on the positive one. Think back to what made you a good marine. What qualities and skills helped you succeed? How can you use those same skills to overcome this new hurdle?

It's not easy, it is worth it.

And if you respond well to the veterans' support, use them. Don't wait, use them now. See if they have any groups in your area, or online, and add more of that positive support in your life. Start building spoons for yourself. And recognize the people in your life who give you spoons back instead of just take.

Last thing: being in your 30's is a plus. I found that in my 20's people didn't get it. Once my peers started getting older and experiencing more of life they became a lot better at understanding what I was going through and had better skills for being supportive.

u/dhc23 · 1 pointr/ForeverAloneDating

Fantastic. Are you familiar with Learned Optimism? That's the approach I'd like us mentors to adopt.

u/duffstoic · 1 pointr/streamentry

I actually do have a recommendation. The method that worked the best for me in resolving my own anxiety and depression was something called Core Transformation (see the book by Connirae Andreas. (Full disclosure: I work for the author.) I found that practicing this method a few hundred times completely resolved my anxiety, and 90% resolved my depression, which is more than any method I tried previously. It's a very experiential method, not so much cognitive, and aligned with meditation practices. I consider CT to be metta on steroids.

If you prefer a more cognitive method, Feeling Good by David Burns is the classic text. I definitely recommend that one too, as it will give you insight into how you are participating in creating your anxiety and depression by how you think about things. Learned Optimism by Seligman is another good choice for cognitive work.

Regular exercise can also be useful. See Spark for the science of how that works.

u/mad_disciple · 1 pointr/AskReddit

I would suggest you read Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman, might help.

Definitely get some advice professionally otherwise, this could sabotage your life.

u/janeingram · 1 pointr/cfs

This is the one: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393

Good luck. Also, for the depression cure, one of the steps he recommends is exercise. Obviously that won't work for us. Everything else he recommended helped me, even CBT. Note that this is NOT the same CBT that was done in the PACE trial.

Also, Myhill's book on Mitochondria really was a game changer for me. It took me almost a year to read it because on some days, I could only read a paragraph at a time. I don't know how much research you've already done, but at the time, I really knew nothing about ME/CFS and the book was a huge help. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Diagnosis-Treatment-Chronic-Fatigue-Syndrome/dp/1781610347

virtual hugs