Reddit Reddit reviews Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

We found 5 Reddit comments about Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Books
Healthy Relationships
Love & Romance
Self-Help
Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide
Running Press Book Publishers
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5 Reddit comments about Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide:

u/newbeginnings1017 · 7 pointsr/Divorce

Hey OP,

This is a rough one, for sure. When your spouse finds their "soul mate" and then ends up trying to kickstart everything. Here's the thing, you need to focus on yourself if you want to heal. I'm sure your therapist has told you this, but you will remain stuck unless you focus on yourself. I've put some links below and the last one is a great podcast episode (with transcript) that provides a good road map for moving forward in this situation. I wish I had it when I got started.

From the outside it appears that she is living the life; she found her "soul mate", she has the big house, and a kid with her love. Man, what a lucky woman! Here's the thing. You have NO idea what is happening behind closed doors. For all you know they can't stand one another, and likely have trust issues as they know that their SO has no issues getting involved with someone who isn't their spouse, or someone else's spouse! Cheaters have to legitimize their relationship to others, because they know deep inside that it is wrong and inherently illegitimate. So they get married, have kids, and do their best to put on a show about being the picture perfect couple. Another Redditor wrote this to me about my situation, and it is a very good way to frame how you should look at this when you think it's all so unfair (which it is).

>Try not to compare your happiness to hers. It may seem like she's breaking all the rules and getting away with it, like the rules only apply to you, but consider instead that you're not playing the same game. Her game may have fewer rules, but the reward is hollow and ultimately less satisfying. Your game is harder, but if you stay the course and do what you need to do, you can find an enduring happiness that isn't available in her game.

Dude, this is your time to reclaim your life. 18 months post divorce and you're still like this? I would honestly start looking at whether this therapist is doing you any good. I am very PRO therapist, but if at 18 months you are this stuck and feel you are getting worse, then what are you paying for? You need to focus on yourself. Figure out what you contributed negatively to the marriage (we all do, so don't be proud). Work on fixing those things so you don't bring that baggage into a new relationship. Now, what is it you want to do with yourself? Who do you want to be? What things did you always want to do but couldn't because of the relationship? Sit down and really figure out the man you want to become. This should, ideally, include some physical activity as exercise is just good for your overall. Whether it is weights, running, long walks, whatever. And your confidence will skyrocket as your body transforms. The "Rise from the Ashes" link below is a great way to take that and make an action plan for it.

Fact is, your ex has moved on, regardless of whether she is truly happy or not. It isn't fair, but it is what it is. You sitting around sulking about what was is keeping you stuck, and life is too short to allow for her actions to derail you permanently. Please focus on yourself and FOCUS ON YOUR KIDS! Model to them what it is to be strong in the face of adversity. Use them are your compelling reason to keep going. When they're older you want them to think of you as the definition of strength and resilience! Become the definition of what a man should be for your kids.

Lastly, here are a few resources that I hope can help you. I could go on and on but the gist is take life by the balls, and don't worry about your ex. When you focus on yourself is when the real healing/growth can begin. Best of luck, friend:

How to Get Over Break Ups and Betrayal

How to fix a broken heart

Breakups: How to free yourself from pain

Madea - Let Them Go

"Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life" by Chump Lady

Fixing Your Marriage by Fixing Yourself (Don't let the title fool you, this is also applicable for those of us who have separated/divorced)

Rise from the Ashes

u/trilateral1 · 5 pointsr/Infidelity

Give him this book to read.

u/Houstongal33 · 2 pointsr/survivinginfidelity

Sorry you're going through this.

Try these:

ChumpLady.com

https://www.amazon.com/Leave-Cheater-Gain-Life-Survival/dp/0762458968

Cannot recommend ChumpLady enough. If you can , do both - read the book and check out her site (her archives have endless posts). She helps put a real perspective on the situation (infidelity) and the perpetrator (cheater).

u/wikiscootia · 1 pointr/relationship_advice

The book I linked is about getting through divorce with minimal drama. It's complex when the person you are divorcing is not coherent. It's certainly not about reconciliation. I recommend it for anyone divorcing a repeat cheater. I also strongly recommend https://www.amazon.com/Leave-Cheater-Gain-Life-Survival/dp/0762458968 it helped me get through it.