Reddit reviews Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting From Birth to Six Years

Ok, so my son went through this exact same thing. The dog water is actually what we used to introduce the firm "no means no" concept, as well as time out.

Our son was also about 12-13 months when he started playing with the dog water. Same thing- he just loves putting his foot in it! He would do the same grin at us while hovering his foot over the water.

We tried redirection at first, but it became a game, so we resorted to time out. We got what is, in my opinion, the best time out chair for toddlers. I love this chair because you can(and should) remove the toys, and you can strap him in. We put the chair in a corner and that's just where it always is. When he's in time out, we call it time out, when he's just playing, we call it his thinking chair.

So here's what you do:

Next time he touches the water, tell him "No touching the dog water! That is yucky! If you touch the dog water again you will have a time out."

When he touches it again: "uh-oh! You touched the dog water! Now you have to have a time out..." (Say this in a surprised/sympathetic tone- like "it's to bad you did that... Sucks to be you" sort of way.)

Pick him up or wake him to the chair, put him in, strap him in and say "you're having a time out for touching the dog water."

Walk away for one minute.

He may think it is fun at first, but will then scream bloody murder most likely. Ignore this. Make NO eye contact!

After one minute, walk back.

"You were in time out for touching the dog water. You may not touch the dog water, that's yucky. Please say sorry and give me a hug." (He obviously didn't say sorry at first, but he did give the best hugs.)

Now, engage him with something else, play as if nothing happened. It's really important not to hold a grudge after a time out. Don't dwell on it. If he heads back to the dog water, you can remind him "Don't touch the dog water or you will have to have another time out".

When he touches it again, because he totally will, repeat the time out. "Uh-oh! You touched the dog water, now you have to have a time out..." Etc etc.

The key is to be extremely consistent with this. If it's a new day or occasion, I will give my son a warning of "if you do that again you will get a time out" but if it's the same day, anytime after the initial second chance is an immediate time out.

My son did it about 5 times in a row the first day, then he stopped. Then next day he did it a few times, and here and there over the next few days. This is totally normal and should be expected as he is testing boundaries and seeing how consistent you will really be. My son is 18 months now and I just have to remind him that he will get a time out if he chooses to touch the dog water, and he usually chooses not to.

The most important part of this is to make it clear that it is his choice to do something that lands him in time out. It's not you deciding he gets a time out, it's just that time outs are the consequence and his actions cause it. That's why you have a sympathetic tone when putting him in time out.

This is basically a really basic intro to Love and Logic discipline. In a nutshell you make sure the consequence is logical, and that the child is in total control of the choices they make (and therefore the consequences). You also never show animosity toward a misbehaving toddler, but empathy. It works wonders on toddlers, I have used it on many kids during my career as a nanny. If you have a chance to read it, I would highly suggest [Parenting With Love And Logic] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1576839540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_xRGIwbN38WQEH) or Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood.
I know it sounds kind of hippy-granola but I swear to you it is the best, most intuitive discipline system I have ever used.

Good luck!

A lot of this is pretty typical behavior for a 4-year-old: testing her boundaries, being disobedient, establishing more independence, etc. So cut yourself some slack - I've worked with a lot of Pre-K aged kids over the years, and I've heard much more frightening "I think something may be wrong with Damien" type stories.

Even though you're strapped for cash, I would highly recommend finding a copy of Parenting with Love and Logic either used on amazon, at your local public library, or ask a friend/relative to get it for you. I've known a lot of parents and teachers who've had great successes with the strategies the authors discuss.

A couple of suggestions I might offer:

1. Bear in mind that a 4 yo attention span/memory are vastly different than that of an older child - so having long talks about things, explaining future consequences, etc., may not have the desired impact. A lot of mischievous toddlers have to be dealt with in-situo - as each situation arises, repeatedly across time, until the conditioning finally sets in. This can take weeks, but eventually it works.
   
   
2. Trying everything is not always the best solution either. Consistency is important - by sometimes grounding her, sometimes taking away a toy, sometimes yelling, sometimes spanking, etc, the child learns that behaviors have a random, crap-shoot sort of consequence - some of which are less desirable than others. Pick a couple reasonable consequences (that are fair to the child and simple enough for you to enforce on a tight schedule) and stick to your guns.
   
   
3. Bear in mind (again) the nature of the 4 year old brain, and think about what is fair for a consequence, and preemptively set appropriate expectations. Grounding a 4 yo for a whole day can be problematic because after a couple hours, they genuinely loose sight of why they are being punished (even if you remind them) and just get upset, which can lead to a vicious cycle of further disobedience. Time outs are great at about 1-2 minutes for the age of the child (between 4-8 min for your daughter). Taking away desert after dinner (for a behavioral infraction that occurs mid-day) does not work because it is something that only affects her in the future - consequences need to be immediate and timed appropriately.
   
   I hope this was somewhat helpful - a lot of annoying to infuriating toddler behaviors also dissipate with age and experience, so keep the light at the end of the tunnel in mind.

My younger daughter does the screaming thing too. In her case, it is purely for attention. The worst is while I'm making dinner, cleaning up, or helping my older daughter with homework. She will scream, hit, bite, throw things, throw herself on the ground and generally acts like a psychotic little pain in the ass. If I stop what I'm doing and pay attention to her, she immediately cheers up. But of course, when I do that, it only reinforces the behavior.

She is younger than your son, 16 months old, so mostly I'm just trying to ride out the behavior. I ignore her when she acts like that, then smile and talk to her if she starts behaving pleasantly, try to set her up with an activity before I have to do something that triggers those tantrums. I set up the pack n play in the living room and will occasionally put her in timeout if it is really out of control or do a "time-in" which is a timeout on my lap (she is facing out, I do not speak to her or engage with her. This is less effective because she is still getting some attention from me.)

That is what I'm doing. I don't know if that will work for you. But whatever you do, do NOT reward him for this behavior. So much easier said than done, I know. You will need to make a game plan and stick to it no matter what. Try to nail down anything that triggers the screaming. Make an action plan for those times. Try to find ways to prevent it from occurring. Then ask yourself, what usually stops the behavior? Whatever that is, is the reward. Save the reward for when he is not screaming. Stock pile treat rewards (stickers, toys, candy) for those times when you are really busy so if you catch him in a good behavior, you can quickly reward him (and his older sister, don't want her feeling left out. Also she will begin to encourage him to behave). But usually the best reward is positive attention. You can try just ignoring the screaming entirely or give him timeouts for them. At his age, I would suggest 2 minutes in a timeout chair or mat, in the room with you, or a time-in, on your lap.

This is much much harder than it sounds. You will need to get your husband and any other care givers on the same page. You must ALL stick to the plan.

Also, buy this book! Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp/1930429002/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348769523&sr=8-1&keywords=love+and+logic

The book is great but if you can find classes in the area that would be even better. My husband and I took these classes and we always say it was the single best parenting decision we ever made.

Good luck! And don't worry, this too shall pass!

My son is only 19 months but I've been following the principles of Jim Fay's book Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood.

The basic principles involve giving empathy and love along with discipline instead of anger and threats, letting kids make mistakes and learning from the consequences, and creating a strong sense of self for your kids. I highly recommend it!

(PS you can buy used off amazon for much cheaper than the price for a new one :))

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1930429002/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1373401788&sr=8-1&pi=SL75

All kidding aside I have talked several friends through this phase. It's gradual, and then one day you realize you have no idea how to control your child! I'd highly recommend reading up on early childhood discipline ahead of time. I love this book personally.
This is a honeymoon phase, and such a joy.

Eh. It may sound awful, but I let my kid bang her head. She's given herself black eyes and all kinds of mess but nothing serious. It's their way of dealing with frustration that they can't process, so I let her deal with it. She's almost 3 and still does it if we shut her bedroom door when she's being difficult at bedtime.

I would recommend reading Love and Logic. It really helped me survive those days and the days I'm in now. Tantrums WILL be a part of your life for a while, but you have to learn constructive ways to ignore and cope with them. Your reactions and actions 100% decide how the child responds to them.

http://smile.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp/1930429002/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1409712768&sr=8-3&keywords=parenting+with+love+and+logic

Now that you are entering into this stage of development, I suggest the two following books.

"No Bad Kids" by Janet Lansbury http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1499351119/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1499351119&linkCode=as2&tag=janetlansbury-20&linkId=JW6MS6RW3DRKLN7Z She also has a blog that's mostly pretty handy.

"Love and Logic in Early Childhood" by Jim Fey https://www.amazon.com/dp/1930429002/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_lfEIwbTM3Y95V

Your baby is testing boundaries. He's testing to see if he can get a different reaction from you. And he does! Sometimes you snap at him, sometimes you say no, sometimes you ignore him, sometimes you give him a swat on the bottom... Different reactions.

A 13 month old is too young to respect an abstract boundary. It just is. My suggestion is that whenever it is at all possible, rearrange your environment so that he can't get in trouble. I know its tough because the dog has to get to water, but if its conceivable to move its location, do that. (Laundry room with a doggy door, maybe?) Control the environment, not the baby. When that is not possible, keep your cool and stay consistent.

I swear by the Love and Logic series. They have this, which I have not tried but plan on getting. I have used this book with my 6 year old daughter for the last 2 years. I really wish I would have found it sooner! It would have made the toddler years much less confusing and waaaaay less frustrating. I went through a lot of trial and error with parenting methods, and this is the only approach that makes me feel like I am doing the right thing as a parent.

As far as taking care of a baby, this is helpful and hilarious. The men get a kick out of it, and the information is wonderful.

love and logic