Reddit reviews Love You From Right Here: A Keepsake Book for Children in Foster Care

It seems like you are on the right track! You were able to create an environment where you mostly stopped this behavior until it was triggered again. Have confidence in yourself and what you have done to get to this point.

It sounds like visits are causing her trauma cup to overflow with pain. To reduce the level of trauma in the cup, she needs empathy and positive support. Try validating her feelings: "sometimes it can be hard to remember how things used to be; it's ok to miss your mom and be mad at her at the same time" etc...Giving her her wishes in fantasy can help sometimes: "I bet you wish you could stay in the backyard all night playing!" and then allow her to talk about what she would do before transitioning back inside. The classic book How to Talk so Kids will Listen has great advice for supporting children's emotional needs: https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889/ref=asc_df_1451663889/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312610812881&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11106678324434262084&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9006806&hvtargid=pla-406475557415&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=61194519294&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312610812881&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11106678324434262084&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9006806&hvtargid=pla-406475557415

I've had some luck with playful engagement for snapping kids out of the "bad kid" role they sometimes learn to play in their attention starved homes. I'll act shocked and aghast and pretend to look all over the house for the "real" child's name. Or I'll pretend we are acting in a play and they are playing a role and then transition to the "scene" ending. TBRI has advice on this or read The Connected Child. https://child.tcu.edu/about-us/tbri/

First-then statements can help with predictability, trust, and felt-safety. "First we are going to clean up our toys, then we will go to the park etc..." If-then is also helpful for stating consequences when needed.

Reading her books at bedtime that explain the foster care process (she may have anxiety about returning home or suddenly being moved to a new family) and reassure her that you care about her no matter what. I absolutely love the book "Love you From Right Here." https://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Right-Here-Keepsake/dp/163296029X

Building in some sensory/regulation support proactively would probably be a good idea. Google sensory diet. You could also make a routine with a picture chart for her to help her sense of predictability. This is why playing outside likely calms her down. http://www.psychedconsult.com/uploads/5/5/2/7/5527771/9060909_orig.jpg The idea is that you do something every two hours like hopping on a hopper ball or carrying something heavy to help keep her brain and body calm.

Spending 5-15 minutes every single day no matter what to play with her one on one and use the PRIDE skills can cause remarkable change in just a few days. You can't ever take the time away though, no matter how poorly she behaves that day. http://www.impactparenting.com/storage/post-docs/PRIDE%20handout.pdf

Using time ins instead of time outs is a better practice whenever possible. Of course, as an adult, sometimes I am really the one that needs 30 seconds to get myself in a good place so I can be effective, so taking a quick time out first is sometimes needed for me. https://www.circleofsecurityinternational.com/userfiles/Downloadable%20Handouts/COS_Time-In.pdf