Reddit reviews Mr Unavailable & the Fallback Girl: The Definitive Guide to Understanding Emotionally Unavailable Men and the Women that Love Them

Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy, a popular CBT book that is useful for a variety of problems. if you're in a rough spot financially, it's an older one so should be easy to find in libraries and other ways

not a book but very helpful, Wait But Why's breakdown of procrastination. if you like this post you'll also love the TED talk.

if you're a person who struggles with being attracted (to an unhealthy degree) to men that never return your interest, especially in the context of an abusive past or co-dependence, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl

I started reading Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl when someone I connected with through this sub mentioned it to me. The author has a lot to say about hot/cold cycles, and not to allow any disappearance to go unquestioned or unchallenged.

Oddly, my personal experience reading it (so far) has made me realize how comparatively well-treated I am for an AP (still a big caveat), but I think some of the stuff she hammers on about might be useful to you, if you're interested. And especially if you're feeling like you're done with it.

1. Get therapy
   
2. Stop putting men on pedestals. No one likes it up there.
   
3. Date multiple men at the same time without having sex to prevent yourself from being too attached to one. This is not necessarily a good strategy for creating a solid relationship but might be good practice for you for many things including not becoming too attached.
   
4. Stop talking to douche bags who start out talking dirty to you without ever being on a date.
   
5. Flirt and arrange dates early on. If he doesn't seem to get it, make it more obvious. If he rejects you, move on.
   
6. Ask that guy out you've been flirting with already for drinks or coffee before you get even more attached. The next time he's flirty, tell him to put his money where his mouth is and have coffee with you. If he says no, move on.
   
7. Someone linked an article the other day that said millennials were waiting 8 - 9 dates to have sex. I don't know how long you were waiting before but it seems to me that at least for a little while you should up the number of dates from however long it took you before and see how well the guy treats you over time before having sex. You can always lower the number back down later when your picker gets better.
   
8. Read the free sample: https://www.amazon.com/Unavailable-Fallback-Girl-Understanding-Emotionally-ebook/dp/B005WJGPZI
   
   Maybe check out He's Just Not That Into You also? I've never read that one.

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option"

~ Mark Twain

​

He has someone else. He will never admit it so the conversation is pointless to have. I would get on the 30 day "no contact" program and recommend reading "Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl" It will change your life

https://www.amazon.com/Unavailable-Fallback-Girl-Understanding-Emotionally-ebook/dp/B005WJGPZI

I'm in the middle of listening to it right now. Here's the link to the description if you scroll down. She does a great job of highlighting different qualities in a partner that should be red flags but our sometimes rose-tinted glasses let us ignore. There's more to it than that but it has been pretty entertaining.

I feel ya sister!

I'm reading this

It's a bit eye opening.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Read this book!! It will help you start your journey of self-acceptance. That sounds so cheesy, but for real, figuring out that you're 10x more important than any man is liberating. https://www.amazon.com/Unavailable-Fallback-Girl-Understanding-Emotionally-ebook/dp/B005WJGPZI

I told you I would get back to you on how to develop a healthy perspective on relationships and women. I finally had an epiphany. If you want to change your inside you need to develop a new perspective. The more I read your posts the more I get an understanding of where you are coming from and where you are at. I just kind of had an epiphany. This book: https://www.amazon.ca/Unavailable-Fallback-Girl-Understanding-Emotionally-ebook/dp/B005WJGPZI might be exactly what you need and speak specifically to you for this situation. It can be found on kat.cr. Let me know what you think.

All the best,
gnomeslime

edit: ps. I thought you lived in a hostel ;)

Try these books:
https://www.amazon.com/Meditations-New-Translation-Marcus-Aurelius/dp/0812968255

https://www.amazon.com/Meantime-Finding-Yourself-Love-Want-ebook/dp/B000FC0Q6Q

https://www.amazon.com/Unavailable-Fallback-Girl-Understanding-Emotionally-ebook/dp/B005WJGPZI

And see a therapist ASAP.