Reddit reviews Naked Spirituality: A Life with God in 12 Simple Words

Sounds like faith to me! ;) Whilst it's an uncomfortable journey it seems like a very necessary one. There's no rush to sort all of this out and it's not something that can happen quickly. You're not stupid and it's ok to grapple with things and be a bit obsessed with things for a while!

I was sitting in church this morning (charismatic, non-denom church), listening to the sermon and thinking- why does this stuff feel so difficult to connect with? The guy was talking in absolutes that would have felt to me 15 years ago like something I could jam with, but right now all that rises up out of me is counterarguments and questions. I didn't really know why I was there. I felt like he was talking from a place that I couldn't go back to- that I didn't even want to go back to, even though I couldn't fully explain to myself why that might be.

Have you ever tried crystalising a list of questions out of these doubts and questions that arise? Then perhaps prioritising them in terms of what feels most foundational, studying and reading around the areas that seem most important to you?

Something I've found quite helpful is the Liturgists' list of axioms of faith as it kind of gives me some boundaries to bounce off of when I'm pinging around in my doubts and thoughts. Their podcast is also great for people who are questioning and hoping to reconstruct their faith. It's possible to deconstruct and reconfigure your faith, but as you've identified, it may end up looking a bit different.

Whilst these are personal questions of faith to figure out for yourself, I think it's really important to not be alone in it- to find people to dialogue with who are unshockable if you say 'hey, I'm not really sure if I believe in God today'. To be cynical and spiky with whilst you work things out.

It can be frightening to wonder whether or not God exists, particularly if you come from a denomination which emphasises experience and relationship. Something I've found myself doing as my 'quiet times' (pah- what are they?!) have diminished completely over the years is to pay attention to the times when I feel driven to voice my thanks to God, and also when I've felt driven to ask God for things. I'm not sure where these impulses would go to if my faith disappeared entirely. A book by Brian McLaren called Naked Spirituality deals with this, along with different stages of faith- the black and white/in out stage, the desire for knowledge and information stage, the disorientation, doubt and wilderness stage and then the stage where everything just comes together in a beautiful way and you attain transcendence and direct access to absolute truth. (Just joking, it's not quite like that! Would be nice though hey?!)

It's helped me to realise that no-one has their shit entirely together. (And the people that think they do probably just haven't realised this yet- I should know, I was one of them!)

Happy to dialogue with you if you have any questions- all the best with your journey either way!

TL;DR It's messy. Life is complicated, Faith is complicated, Epistemological questions are complicated, Christianity is complicated. And that's ok. (if a bit uncomfortable at times.)