Reddit reviews Neverwhere: The Author's Preferred Text

Hi there!

So, not in a cruel way, this made me giggle.

A while ago, I started to write a story about two Scottish thieves living in London who steal from the wrong person and end up in trapped in a series of tunnels beneath the London underground (called Underlondon). One of the most powerful characters in Underlondon was a short, fat man called The Rat King. He had a large spy network (called The Rats) in both Underlondon and London proper -- where his surface agents were disguised as homeless people.

The Rat's main enemies were a secret society on the surface called The Owls, who were strongly entrenched in government -- especially in the shadow cabinet -- with a goal to gain absolute control of the UK.

I won't overindulge (because I'm here to help you, not talk about my own story :S ), but the moral of the story was: don't steal your bosses' safe, because you might end up involved in an underground civil war that you didn't even know existed.

It was just the amazing coincidence of Rat/Owl and Mice/Hawk that made me smile :) You haven't read Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere by any chance, have you?

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So, I'm not a literary agent, but there is a blog run by one that you might be interested in called Queryshark. I think I learned about that from DestructiveReaders, actually.

Writing a good query letter is super important, because not only is it the way you get an agent, it's also the way you sell your story. You have to boil down your entire novel -- in your case, 85,000 words -- into a short, sweet, passage, give it to someone, and make them want to read more. It's like the ultimate test for your book.

Because you want people to read your book, you need to make them want to read your book. This is really hard to do, because you can't appeal to every individual at once, so you have to choose your target audience and make it as good for them as you can.

That being said, there are a few (base, human) things that seem to have near universal appeal -- love and conflict, for example. In your query letter, there seems to be conflict between Hawks and Mice, but you don't really play it up, which I think might be a mistake.

Another thing that is interesting is someone that wants something. Why is being a Mouse the only thing that Sasha and her family will do? Does she want to deliver medicine (even though you make a point of saying she's three deliveries from retirement), or is it the only thing she can do?

Finally, having a little mystery is a sure fire way to get people invested. You seem to do fine on this front, though, with mention of the King who has a grudge against humanity ('why?' the reader asks) and of the shadowy assassin that has his sights on Sasha (again, 'why?' the reader asks).

Using what you've given me, the way I'd write a query letter for your story would be something like:

> It's dangerous being a Mouse, but Sasha has no choice.

> Delivering medicine to the sick and abandoned is a noble deed indeed, some would say, but they don't know the fear of being stalked by the Hawks.

> After making three more deliveries, Sasha will be relieved of her duties as a Mouse, and can safely retire to live in peace with her family. But with Hawks ripping Mice from their homes, a prolific serial killer on the rise, and the grudgeful king watching everyone's move, will Sasha be able to make her last drop?

I don't know that it's any good, but it's short, and it (hopefully) gives any potential reader enough to entice them to at least read the first chapter.

I'd give it a go :)

Good luck!

labor day

(I'm not sure what that is, we don't have Labor Day here!)

I would love this book by Neil Gaiman as it's one of his "must-reads" that I haven't read yet.

I'm also really shitty at remembering quotes from books, but if you've not read any of Terry Pratchett's Discworld books I suggest you start there for terribly quotable things.