Reddit Reddit reviews No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life

We found 331 Reddit comments about No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

Codependency
Healthy Relationships
Self-Help
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No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life
No More Mr Nice Guy A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love Sex and Life
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331 Reddit comments about No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life:

u/massivewang · 225 pointsr/bestof

A lot of the issues are psychological in nature. I wasn’t a “neck beard” but I was a “nice guy”. There are several issues with “nice guy” thinking/behavior:

  1. The incessant people pleasing or the inability to say no due to a fear and or lack of ability in handling conflict
  2. Lack of boundaries
  3. Covert contracts - the “if I’m nice to you, you’ll be nice to me” or “if I help you, then you’ll help me” thinking that goes on behind the scenes that is never fully verbalized
  4. Lack of understanding that one has needs, it’s ok to pursue said needs, and you are the only person who can fulfill those needs.
  5. Indirect pursuit of needs - If you need help, ask for help. You don’t help someone thinking they’ll help you in return when it was never promised. Etc.

    This book changed my life:

    https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/ManForReal · 79 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

>He told me that he was tired of being walked all over by his family, friends, coworkers, etc and he wanted to get better at drawing a line in the sand.

Given his saying this, here's two resources he might find useful:

 

When I say No I feel Guilty by Manuel Smith and No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

 

>Since I’m pretty sure I know where the initial stomping out of any healthy notions of boundaries came from, I think it could be a big step for SO to take with her but I want SO to be the one who makes the decision for what he wants to do.

 

/u/madpiratebippy recommends these three books (comments are hers):

 

Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller.

This was THE BOOK that started to set me free. It's a must read book for people with narc/abusive parents and their partners, in my opinion.

 

Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Buck

is a classic about how to see the manipulative patterns from abusive parents and get free of them.

 

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing by Dr. George Simon.

Man has a PhD in manipulation, and breaks down what the manipulators DO and how to shut it down. He's studied this for 20 years and it's AMAZING.
_____

I hope you & he find some or all of these helpful.

Milentless is likely to act out (shriek, scream, blame, gaslight, attempt to guilt and on & on) at the impostion of boundaries. Damaged personalities (like her) are largely incapable of acting like adults. She may be able to respond appropriately to reward & punishment (as a normal three-year-old might). Or not.

Since what she wants is more, More, MORE interaction & time, telling her very matter-of-factly that she's driven herself into timeout with her demands is worth trying (just expect her to throw herself on the floor & kick & scream, either metaphorically or actually).

SO needs to do this (his mother, not yours & she'll use any opportunity to blame you). He should be prepared for acting out & be as unmoved as an adult would be at a spoiled neighborhood three-year-old's screaming meltdown when told they have to stay out of your house, don't get to steal suckers & can't harass your pets.

MiLentless can like it or not. The more she screams the longer the timeout & it should increase geometrically: A week, two weeks, four weeks, eight weeks & so on. This progression conveys that you mean it & if she doesn't control herself she may bar herself from your lives until the youngest of your yet-to-be children completes graduate school (iow, forever).

If she learns to behave (snarky, passive aggressive behavior is disallowed & gets sanctioned just like the rest of her shit: immediately back in timeout or extending the existing one 2X) she may be able to spend some time around you.

She can be decent (YOUR definition) or she's done being in your lives. Completely up to her.

u/AsianAway · 54 pointsr/seduction

No More Mr. Nice Guy

This book has single-handedly and coupled with Models by Mark Manson changed my life in the shortest most dramatic ways possible that I couldn't have never imagined.

u/TheRealCalculon · 54 pointsr/AskReddit

Woah dude. First you need to step back and do some reassessment of things in your life. It's possible you have some sort of clinical depression and if so, go to the doctor and work on it. Whether it's just talking through things or some medicine-- there's no shame in getting better, or having been sad, in the past, because we're leaving this behind us.

First we have to assess what your perceived problems are. Nothing wrong with having problems, only in not solving those problems. Fat-- there's a diet for that. Weak-- there's a workout for that. Ugly-- well you can't change your facial symmetry much but you can work on your style and haircut, your grooming. Poor-- there's capitalism for that. Family life not great-- well, you can't change who they are but you can change how you interact with them, you can take note of issues and learn how to make things better for your family one day.

Now, onto this female quagmire we seem to be sinking in. I've been exactly where you are, it lasted for about the time from maybe 8th grade to about when I was in 10th or 11th over one girl. Guess what-- it wasn't worth feeling like shit all the time. She wasn't worth my feeling like shit. No one is. She's a fine person but I mean, she's married to some creepy band director with a soul patch who's 12 years older than her while I'm clearly awesome now.

You seem to be going about this backwards. First, love really needs to be a mutual understanding between two parties for it to be love. If you think it feels bad(again, I'm speaking from experience) wait till you have that mutual understanding and the other party severs ties. It sucks, it hurts, I was in severely depressed for about a year(different girl from one in school) and beat myself up all the time, lost weight, gained weight, looked and felt bad. She wasn't worth it, again, she's a fine person but now she's... wait-- I don't even know what she's doing now because she's not worth my time and I don't give a fuck anymore. It's called perspective and it comes with age and experience and stepping back from the situation and evaluating things from outside of your emotions. You can do it, all you have to do is try.

See, the thing about women is, and this may not be the best way to phrase it, but it's about respect with them. They want a man(I'm assuming you're a guy) who they respect and who others, friends and general public also respect. To get said respect you must first respect yourself. Not in a narcissistic sense, but a healthy self-esteem.

So take a step back and assess yourself and life. There's going to be some weak spots or things you're not happy with-- everyone has those-- but you're going to target the ones you can do something about and you're going to improve them.

There's going to be some really good qualities and aspects about your person as well. You're probably pretty intelligent-- congratulations. You have a skill or quality that a lot of other people don't-- congratulations. Relish in these things, they're what make you you. These are why you're not going to be depressed anymore. Sharpen and hone them into the weapons you use everyday to make life and the world your bitch. You are now a one man army out to conquer the world and the things in it you want to achieve.

So just forget about this girl for a little while and just focus on yourself, no one else will focus on you until you do. I know it seems weird but it's true. You think Obama or Teddy Roosevelt got elected feeling bad about themselves? Think Clooney goes home everyday and says "I'm attractive enough but Batman & Robin was terrible?" No, look at his list of romantic endeavors. That comes from sure, his looks, but because he believed in himself head out to Hollywood and casting rooms and work his way to the top. He had a goal and he worked towards it, he made it his bitch. He had confidence and believed in himself, then other believed in him and his abilities.

So, for the next month, and this won't be easy, forget about this girl. Stop wasting time on her. That's what every moment you spend thinking about her, but not acting on it is, wasted time. First of all, she may be breathtaking-- but guess what-- there's idk, a million other women on earth who are on par with her. They're out there whether you know it or not. So, she's probably a nice person-- but she's not the only one out there.

While you're not thinking about her this next month you're going to focus on yourself. You're going to asses your strengths and witnesses, what you genuinely like about yourself and what you would like to improve upon. Then you're going to physically write down a plan of action on how to sharpen all of these strengths and witnesses. Nothings going to just fall in your lap. It takes a concerted effort.

If you still want to think about it from the aspect of a breathtaking girl-- make a plan to become the man she deserves, the man who takes her breath away. A breath taking girl needs a strong, secure man right? You don't want people saying "Wow, how did he score her?" you want them looking and saying "That makes sense."

But don't focus one any one girl, just focus on the idea of the girl you want to be with. A companion worthy of your love and commitment. That's who you're doing this for, this yet unknown beauty-- but most of all you're doing this for yourself. You are all you really have in life right?

Try and think about it from a female perspective. What do you think is more attractive. A nice, sweet guy, who says "Look, I'm a nice person, and, I don't really deserve you, you're way out of my league, you're so pretty and I'm really not, but, I promise I'll love you and treat you right, if you just choose me." I've been this guy before. Or, do you think a girl would more likely choose a guy who said "I can have get any girl I want, just by the virtue of being a guy who works for what he wants, and out of all of these women I could date-- I'm choosing you"

What's funny is, and I know from personal experience this really happens. As soon as you start focusing on the things you want out of life. The person you are and want to become. You start doing the things to get you there and you stop worrying about getting one particular girl. Women will take notice of you. If you always pass this girl during the day at school or work and you kind of almost cower in her presence, blush, have a look on your face like "I'm not worthy" it's easy and no fun for her. Sure, it's flattering, but there's no thrill or chase in it for the girl. Instead walk by with your head high. Maybe you don't even notice her really because you're busy and got shit to do. This is much more interesting to a beautiful girl than someone just fawning over her. "Hmmm. He seems really driven. I wonder what he's working on. Did he notice me? I wonder if he thinks I'm pretty. This guy is definitely interesting, he just seemed like he knew his place in the world and where he's going. It might be fun to talk to him and see why he's so seems so sure"

The second one is what we're going for. It's a game man, just have fun. Make it fun for the girls. Don't give them everything right out of the box. Add some spark, some mystery. Keep her guessing if you like her, if you think she's pretty, be spontaneous "What is this crazy guy going to say next that makes he snort when I laugh"

A lot of people probably read your comment and rolled their eyes. Some because they can't relate, some because like me, they cringed because they knew the exact pain and inner turmoil you feel every day when this happens.

I wrote this whole thing, which I hope is cogent(I've been up for 23 hours) not because you deserve it. Not because I owe it to you because you're a nice guy. If you think like that you'll just keep getting ignored and run over. I wrote this because I was you. Life is just what you make it. You can focus on the shitty stuff or you can focus on achieving the things you want in life and becoming the kind of guy you respect in the world-- and have fun while doing it.

Read this. http://i.imgur.com/1cYyZ.jpg

Check out this book. http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 It opened my eyes up to a lot of stuff and I've been passing it around to my friends as well. If you want you can PM me you're address and I'll mail you a copy, just because I'm an amazing person like that.

There's a lot of subreddit's which may help you out. There's /r/Fitness if you want to get in shape. There's subreddits for educating yourself on all sorts of topics and improving your life. As far as women go you can check out /r/seduction, I know it sounds a little brash if you've never heard of it. But really it's mainly about respecting yourself, fixing the way you see the world and becoming a guy that women are attracted too.

You don't have to be sad anymore man, trust me.

u/PracticedPrick · 45 pointsr/TheRedPill

https://www.amazon.co.uk/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

But you seem to know most of that already.

You can actually use your natural altruism to justify a more realistic and self-concerned approach when you realise that boldness, confidence and assertiveness are gifts you give others not just yourself.

u/Woollen · 42 pointsr/AskMen

It isn't wrong to be kind - just be kind to everyone! :)

You start to push the "nice guy" barrier when you expect people to let you in their pants as a reward for your "kindness". Be kinda because you enjoy it, not because you expect some sort of reaction from others.

"No More Mr. Nice Guy" seems to be recommended around Reddit a lot. Might be worth a read.

u/TheOldGuy54 · 40 pointsr/AskMen

Read this book! It is not about becoming a dick to others but learning to stand up for yourself

​

No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

​

"Nice Guy Syndrome" trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It's no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.

u/[deleted] · 37 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

>If I tell her I'll just get some crocodile tears while she sobs about how she isn't good enough for me and I deserve better until I drop it and tell her that actually don't worry I am fine and I'm not angry with you.

How little self-respect can you have? She isn't the problem here, YOU are the problem.

>I just don't know how someone can be so selfish, I never not finish her off.

Want to know how? Because you have, for the last six years, let her know that her behavior is ok by doing nothing and caving at the slightest sign of conflict. She is treating you like a doormat because you let her.

Seriously, read this line.

>Not this little pat on the head and a thank you.

Can her attitude be any more condescending? She has zero respect for you, and you have zero respect for yourself.

You are 24 years old, how can you put up with this for 6 goddamn years? Do you like being a bitch/cuckold? Want her to change? Stop being a goddamn doormat.

Here is a book that I will resonate with you

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
Link: https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

Read the introduction, I will guarantee that you will see yourself described in the first few pages.

u/EntropyFighter · 36 pointsr/socialskills

Sounds like you have a value problem. If you knew your true worth, you wouldn't behave like this. Like, if you were made out of pure win, everything you did won, and you always had success... how would you approach it then?

Do that and don't apologize for it. Nobody else is.

Listen to this: Jim Rohn - Learn These Skills Or Have a Mediocre Life


Read this: No More Mr. Nice Guy

Ask questions about them here if you'd like. But you need to start by realizing your intrinsic value. Sounds like somebody else (likely in childhood) convinced you different and so now here we are.

You're not asking this because you're an introvert. You're asking this because you don't feel you have real value. Also, it's likely that contributes to your introverted tendencies. The book above will really help with this.

Also, it's not anxiety you have, it's more likely that it's embarrassment. You're embarrassed that somebody else will think poorly of you. That's because you're letting them determine your worth. Get a grip on your own value and that will help you more than anything.

u/soincrediblylost · 33 pointsr/relationships

10/10. I'm going to stamp this as perfect for dealing with her. As for yourself, I'll recommend this book, and some advice.
Here's how you do this so that you move on faster, quicker, and stronger. I'm here to tell you how to make the best for yourself in the long run, I'm not here to tell you the things that you want to hear (e.g. that the relationship isn't fucked). You're only 24 son, this is ok, and everyone eventually goes through this shitty situation.

Breakup with her now and cut her off from being in your life, make sure all signs point to the fact that you are doing awesome (fake it when things aren't going well, because there are times your brain is going to tell you that everything is completely fucked and try to get you to do something stupid). If you wait, it means more heartbreak for you, and your brain is going to come against you in rejection and you could make the process last so much longer as your brain tries to figure out the why she broke up with you (some guys stay in this stage of depression for 6 months to even years and their ego never recovers). If you breakup with her, then you have the reason to latch onto for your brains sake (she cheated, therefore breakup) and you won't over think things which is half the battle of a breakup (and you can avoid the Long-term depression which is a battle you don't want). The most important point is going to come when you realize that you are the only person who can make yourself happy. You must do whatever you want for yourself right now. You can't expect anyone else to make you happy. You can't try to help others and expect them to do something for you down the road, right now you have to be 100% selfish. You lost yourself in this relationship and right now you need to completely reassess who you want to be, and go be it.

She's going to go to the other guy for support, and eventually things are going to go bad for them (a girl who cheats with someone, will probably -not always- cheat on that someone). She'll come back to you and you'll be able to have some fun, but don't get back into anything, it probably won't work. She'll regret cheating on you, and that's the important part, because now she respects you again (also, you've taught her a valuable lesson as an added bonus and she'll be a better person for it). If you take her back, she'll never respect you, but more importantly, you'll lose your respect for yourself. Self-respect is the only thing you can have for yourself as a man, it is the end-all-be-all. Without self-respect, your life will be a continuing string of disappointment in others, with self-respect comes the life you wanted because you earned it for yourself. Go splash some cold water on your face and accept the fact that it's over. Go over and tell her that you're breaking up with her because she cheated, and then don't listen to a word she says. Right now you're scared of losing something, and that's understandable, but we lose everything we get in this life, and this is just another part of it. That's why I'm giving you this advice. I'm telling you what you can't see because of your fear of losing something. What I'm telling you is that this is the beginning of one of the best parts of your life.

You will never be this free again.

u/irwin-fletcher · 30 pointsr/IWantToLearn
u/YesIStick · 20 pointsr/seduction

Dude, I love you asking about books!

Codependent No More

No More Mr. Nice Guy -I was raised by a very Beta father, and influences significantly by feminism over my education through teachers and friends’ parents. These two books helped break that and accept it is okay to be a fucking male and make your own way in this society.

•The 3rd is not a book but a podcast: The MFCEO Project also available on SoundCloud, and stitcher. I linked episode 107 because it greatly influenced how I structure my approach for life. I also highly recommend episode 141, the battleground mentality, it also helps address approaching society and how we make excuses.

Way of the Wolf - teaches business principals with a tried and true system. It isn’t for everyone but Straight Line selling is a very powerful tool.

Discipline Equals Freedom -This wasn’t as influential for me as I had already placed the development tools it teaches into place, but for anyone starting off on their self development journey I highly recommend it.

u/Poor_Mexican · 20 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

Your wife doesn't respect you, simple as that. The problem isn't her, its you. Do yourself a favor and read this book before you go see a divorce lawyer, trust me it WILL HELP.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/W_O_M_B_A_T · 19 pointsr/relationship_advice

No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A Glover.

Let me get this straight. You have a master's degree and you're making six figures.

Your girlfriend is an unemployed couch surfing parasitic leech with barely a high school education, who spends all her time on her hobby which she never earns any money or considers charging people. Then bitches at you constantly about how she thinks your job is a joke, and other passive-agressive abuse.

The issue is you tried to turn a hustler into a housewife.

She's hustling you. 100%. She doesn't respect you because she has no respect, and more importantly you don't respect yourself.

The issue is you're a doormat with no ability to set boundaries.

u/drdiode · 18 pointsr/survivinginfidelity

I wish I had more of a solution other than saying see a counselor. Counseling can take a while and get expensive, and actually does take a fair bit of effort if you are looking for results, as I have found I have to spend a few hours per week between sessions reflecting on things.

Besides counseling, I have found some books to be most helpful in creating the right framework for a (hopefully) successful relationship in the future. Check out Way of the Superior Man and No More Mr. Nice Guy. From these books I have learned how to set healthy boundaries and maintain an independent life of my own before getting into another relationship.

u/cyanocobalamin · 18 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I am surprised someone hasn't mentioned this book yet, you might get a lot of it.


No More Mr Nice Guy Hardcover by Dr. Robert A. Glover

u/Devvils · 15 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

He sounds like me 10 years ago.

  • he needs therapy, and lots of it; he needs to look after himself, but he doesn't realise he's not doing that
  • he may need antidepressants
  • have a talk to him about reducing contact enough so she can't intrude. Have a look at medium chill. Why is he telling his mother that he's selling his place? If he had a stalker, would he telegraph what he is doing? He needs cognitive reframing.
  • your next present for him is the book No More Mr Nice Guy
  • get him to look at Spatran Life Coach's vids
u/you_done_messed_up · 15 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

> chocolate covered strawberries, flowers, candles

Despite what the media tells you, these kind of gestures will not generate sexual desire where there is none.

> she instantly starts being negative about the whole thing

Because she immediately sees what these gestures are about and activates her defense mechanisms.

> Am I right to be angry or not?

This was a covert contract: you do nice gesture X to get her to have sex with you, it doesn't happen, you get pissed.

This is an unhealthy pattern of behavior that you should get rid of. You can read the book.


Having said that, I strongly recommend that you take some time to really think about how shitty your marriage needs to get for you to get out.

u/scottishredpill · 14 pointsr/asktrp

Agree with the other post, you sound like a troll, however, here are some reading suggestions:

No More Mr Nice Guy book/can get the pdf using google

Married Man Sex Life blog/pdf

These are generally heavily recommended for anyone that wants to take a little more control of their marriage.

The Red Pill Room Blog of a married Red Piller

What you want to look for is "relationship game". Here is the result of the search on Chateau Heartiste.

There are some well known female bloggers that may have useful advice:

Red Pill Wifery

Sunshine Mary

Judgy Bitch

u/Magorkus · 13 pointsr/AskMen

Here are two resources I've found helpful. Both of these were game changers for me:

No More Mr Nice Guy: The dangers of "Nice Guy Syndrome" (which you're obviously encountering now). It's not about becoming an asshole, it's a systematic approach to helping you set healthy boundaries with others and to start respecting and taking care of yourself.

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty: How to apply the ideas in No More Mr Nice Guy to interactions with women you'd be interested in dating. The "pick up" community can be pretty trashy, but this is about becoming the person you really want to be so that you can attract the kind of person you want to spend time with. Great stuff.

u/realslacker · 12 pointsr/AskReddit

"Nice guys" aren't actually nice, they just think they can trade "being nice" for sex. When that doesn't work out then the "nice guys" turn into unhappy ass-holes, while they watch the women they pine over fall for someone else. I know this, because I started out as a "nice guy" and had a lot of growing up to do to reverse the crazy ideas that media and society put into my head about how love and relationships work.

Here's a good place to start:

u/The11thHerald · 12 pointsr/niceguys

They're probably referring to No More Mr Nice Guy, which is based around correcting Nice Guy tendencies. It looks like this meetup is actually related to this book as well.

u/llamanana · 11 pointsr/Stoicism

Why do you want to be more social? What do you want in life? Specifically. Write down the reasons, and write down everything you want for yourself - all the things you'd like to own, all the skills you'd like to have, all the people you'd like to meet, all the characteristics you wish you embodied.

Done? No, because you're an asshole. Go back and write them down. Seriously. I spent a fucking long time writing this post for you - I explain my point in several different ways, from different angles, because it's fucking important to me that you get the help you seek - you can take four minutes to write down some reasons. Open up your text editor and get to work, reddit will still be here when you get back. Don't get distracted. Do not trust your memory - write them down.

Okay. Look at those reasons. It's a list of things you want to be, do, and have. Ask yourself: Do you have the freedom to become, achieve and obtain those things, through your actions?

You were afraid to write some things. Maybe you thought "fuck a thousand people" was unrealistic. "Become emperor of my own country". "Go to space," "Own a castle," "Fly with the Blue Angels," "Be a real life James Bond," "Write a novel," "Be able to talk to anyone," "Start a religion," "Meet Daniel Craig." You're wrong, go back and write your "unrealistic" things down too. People have done them, you are physically capable of doing them. But are you free to do them?

Right now, you've decided to believe the answer is "no". If it were "yes", you wouldn't have posted, you would have just gone out and done them. Let's change that "no" to a "yes".

  • Take this test. Write down your score somewhere you won't lose it.

    If this problem is the one you truly want to solve, you must focus your attention on it and let nothing distract you. All things which might get in the way of you solving your anxiety and inferiority problems must be ignored, including some of your own beliefs, and including some things like Netflix and Reddit you would rather be doing because they're comfortable and easy. This will be hard work. You will feel incredible after it is done, and it will be done soon if you work hard. Do not waste time. Only through discipline can you achieve freedom - if you are spending time looking at cat videos, understand that you are removing the freedom to spend that time elsewhere. You will not get that time back. It is forever chained to cat videos.

  • Read this book. Pay particularly close attention to section IV.
  • Take the test again. Compare scores.

    You must not fear. There is nothing on the other side of fear except failure. Failure of inaction is much, much worse than failure through action: you learn nothing when you do nothing. Make every attempt to socialize in every situation, even if it hurts, and even though you will fail many times. Experiment until you figure out, trust that you will figure it out.

    Optimism will not help you, neither will pessimism - if you believe things will work out okay no matter what, or that things will go to shit no matter what, you have resigned yourself to the whims of a random God and decided not to act. Only activism will help you - the belief that your actions will affect positive change on the outcome. This is true for all things you want in life, including "how do I make friends", "how do I start a business", "how do I become President", "how do I get a job," "how do I get an A in this class," and so on. Strengthen your belief that your success relies entirely on your actions. Strengthen your belief that you have the ability to make good decisions in the future. Strengthen your belief that the worst that could happen is something you can handle. Do not fear boredom, isolation or embarrassment if they are in service of your growth as a human being.

  • Read this book. If it makes you feel shitty about yourself, that means I'm right and you need to read it all the way to the end, you will feel better later. Trust me and make the small sacrifice.
  • Take the test again. Compare scores.

    Seneca recommended taking brief periods of time to deliberately live in rags and eat very little, to steel oneself against the fear of poverty. In our modern era we have developed many new fears, all of which can be eradicated in similar fashion. Fear of boredom. Fear of isolation. Fear of missing out. Fear of hunger, fear of gaining weight, fear of being unattractive, fear of looking dumb, inexperienced, uncool, fear of not being happy enough, not having enough interesting Facebook posts, and on and on. If you have these fears, face them. Physically write them down, then write down ways to mitigate or prevent them, and ways you could recover from them if they come to pass. Realize that these fears are controlling you and limiting your freedom.

    Then it comes time to face these fears. Go out and talk to people. Find people that know things you want to know, ask them questions. Find people that do things you want to do, admit your inexperience, and ask for their help. Offer them something in return, and get creative - "I'll <help you with your math homework / trade you a bag of chips / get you that girl's phone number / level up your WoW character> if you show me how you <do this problem / throw a perfect spiral / make those cookies>". Do this with as many people as you can find, do not worry about making friends with each one, do not worry if they make fun of you, do not worry if they hate you - the goal is quantity. Learn from your mistakes, learn from your successes. Every time you fail to take the action - going to a meetup, going to a party, talking to a stranger, joining a group activity - you are restricting your own freedom.

    Understand: you are on your own. You can build yourself to do and be anything you want, it is up to the rest of the world to try and stop you, and they will fail because they are uncoordinated and lack self-awareness. The more you realize this, the freer you become.

    Further reading:

  • Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It's a classic for a reason. Do not mentally add "effective in business" to the title, it applies to all situations.
  • The Art of Seduction. It's not just about seducing women. Making friends, marketing products, attracting investors - these all share common skills which can and must be learned.
  • The Obstacle Is The Way. Because this is /r/stoicism, after all.
  • The 4-Hour Body. Learn about self-experimentation and planning ahead for failure. Develop self-awareness. Lose weight if necessary, build muscle if desired.
u/Gif_Goldblum · 11 pointsr/AskMenOver30

You're a "nice guy". Read No More Mr. Nice Guy and stop it. Just fucking stop it already. What's your problem? Why can't you stop? Because you're a nice guy.

u/NickTDS · 11 pointsr/seduction

A lot of neediness stems from a lack of experience. If you haven't made connections with many women, you are likely to feel more desperate. It goes back to scarcity vs abundance mentality. When you haven't had any positive references, it's hard to convince your mind to be unattached (opposite of needy) from the end result.

Here's how to fix that:

Gain experience

When I started going out I just wanted a taste of success, any success. I tried to "win" every interaction and my motives were very outcome driven -- women could feel that. As I went out more and began seeing results, I proved to myself that I could attract beautiful girls. That an awesome woman would love the opportunity to meet me and that I had plenty to offer. It soon became less about "I need to win this" and more about "I want to meet some cool girls and have a fun time." When you're in that mindset, you're giving value and not trying to take it. This makes you a gentleman and far from needy.

Go out more, challenge your comfort zone every single damn day, and you will naturally become more outcome-independent and less clingy.

Prioritizing your needs

Do shit that you enjoy on a regular basis. Start living a life that makes you happy instead of trying to impress others. Say more silly shit to people and stop caring about every word that comes out of your mouth. Don't be afraid to speak your mind and be upfront with your intentions. Have an opinion and don't just be a "yes man" to women.

Honestly, the book that changed my life in that regard is No More Mr. Nice Guy. The first chapter alone blew my mind and transformed a lot of men I know.

--

If you need some more resources this "Nice Guy vs Real Man aka Gentleman diagram" and this article should clear things up. Also, what omokage said is a great mentality to enter any interaction with.

u/Mgtow-now · 11 pointsr/MGTOW

You should read No More Mr Nice Guy.

u/Mox_Ruby · 10 pointsr/Marriage

You are a pushover and your wife is world class bitch. Your such a nice man your not even capable to use the language required to tell us how she really is.

You have to be a level 99 thundercunt for a business to turn away money from a customer.

Your problem is your wife is a terrible person and steam rolls over your boundaries because you have a spine like a udon noodle.

Shes incharge of your life. Over.

Prescription one.

Perscription two

Read them both.

u/evilnumberlady · 10 pointsr/socialskills

Describing yourself as a "nice guy" is a red flag for me. What people mean when they say that often is significantly different than what I would mean when describing a legitimately kind person. You didn't go into too much detail so don't think I'm bashing you here personally, I wouldn't really know. Just think of this as general advice to step away from the "nice guy" mentality if you really have it.

I like this book a lot: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

First, you have to be able to set boundaries and enforce those boundaries. Not doing so is a disservice to yourself and people around you. You can do this kindly. You are just showing the people in your life how you'd like to be treated. Pay attention to who respects this and focus more of your energies on them.

u/Bizkitgto · 10 pointsr/AskMen

Fight Club - It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything

Runner-up: No More Mr Nice Guy - take back your manhood!! Models is awesome too, someone mentioned it on here. I think these go well together.

u/myfavor8throwaway · 9 pointsr/survivinginfidelity

Two and a half years ago my wife confessed to me that she was "in love" with someone I thought was my friend, and had been fucking him for weeks.

I decided I wanted to fight for my relationship. Mostly, I couldn't stomach the idea of divorce without feeling like I really did everything I could. She more or less immediately agreed to stop contact with him, even though she wasn't sure she wanted to stay with me. We went to counseling together and individually, and dove into the practices from marriagebuilders.com in an effort to rebuild our relationship.

It was the hardest, and most painful thing I've ever done. For two years we struggled. We'd be ok for a couple of months, then she would explode. Turns out she had a really hard time with her own needs and wants; even acknowledging them to herself was tough, never mind bringing them up to me. Meanwhile I suffered big time from Nice Guy syndrome, and the book No more mister nice guy made a huge difference. So did focusing on myself and picking up new, empowering hobbies. (martial arts)

Finally last June she blew up and left me to stay at a friend's house. After 2 years of this shit, I was ready for her to go... Ready to say goodbye to this relationship. I offered to trade off times at our apartment until we decided what to do. That separation lasted 3 weeks, and every time we traded off (twice a week) we would check in about how we felt. I called my family members and prepared them, that I was probably going to divorce in the next couple of weeks.

During this period of time I got more offers from women than I think I have in my entire life. It was a serious part of my decision, the fact that apparently I had access to unlimited pussy.

In the end she asked me to move back in together, and I decided to give it one last hopeless chance, but on strict conditions. Every week we would have a relationship talk together to see how we were doing. And if there was one more blowup, I would leave.

It was tough for a couple of weeks, but then it was like a light switch in my wife. In retrospect she says she just "decided" to have a more positive outlook. After a little fight (which I honestly thought would be the end), she came back with a totally different attitude. It was like she was done just letting shit happen to her, and she was ready to come to the table in making this relationship what we BOTH wanted.

We've been on a continuous upward momentum ever since then. We still meet every week to check in about our relationship, and it's just getting better and better. I'm happier than I've been perhaps my whole life, and she says the same. What's more, we are incredibly close to each other, having both come through hell for this relationship. We're back to being the "newlywed" couple at restaurants (we're going on 9 years married), and we communicate now like never before.

I'm very lucky, but dammit I worked and suffered enough to feel like I deserve it. We're extremely happy together, and planning our first child in a year and a half or so.

It IS possible to get through to the other side. But you have to overcome not only the pain of infidelity, but the issues that made that possible in the first place.

u/RedHawk · 9 pointsr/relationship_advice

> "I'll just be her friend till she sees how great I am" shit anymore. Its all lies.

So you finally figured it out. Now it's time to man up and grow some balls.

u/_Bugsy_ · 9 pointsr/sex

Oh man, man, man. I've encountered so many, but it still surprises me when I run across someone who's going through exactly the same thing I went through. We always feel so alone, right? I lost my virginity at age 27. And not just my virginity, she was the first girl I slept with, cuddled, made out with, my first girlfriend, the whole deal. I wanted a girlfriend since before I was 8 years old, but I had a lot of issues that got in the way. I won't bore you with the details.

I can't offer any comfort except to say that I know exactly how you feel. I still deal with envy sometimes even now. I'll throw out the books that really put me on the right path, just in case you're looking for something to read. The Gifts of Imperfection, No More Mr. Nice Guy, and Models. Models is the best how-to guide to dating I've read. The other two were necessary to get me to a place where I could put those lessons into practice. Take care of yourself. Sex might seem like a huge deal, but you are really doing fine. Everyone figures out different things at different times.

u/User-31f64a4e · 9 pointsr/MGTOW

> How did y’all learn how to start saying no ?

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. For the cheap, full text at https://archive.org/stream/RobertGloverNoMoreMrNiceGuy/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy_djvu.txt

You are people pleasing, and need to be assertive.
This generally has to do with craving approval.

You need self approval. Perhaps by developing moral standards of behavior and judging yourself by those, instead of how happy people around you are, or how "well liked" you are.

As I have aged I have gotten much more disagreeable, in the sense of the big 5 personality model.
My attitude is very MGTOW - if you don't like me or how I behave, don't let the door hit you in the ass.
I know that I am a good person, because I know what my morality is and I know that I stick to it instead of caving due to weakness or craving or convenience. Since I know that I am good, idgaf if you think that or not.

---

Wisdom helps too.

I have learned from the Buddhists that graciously accepting gifts allows other people to exercise their generosity.
I have extended this. Accepting praise allows others to exercise their pro-social inclinations, and thus makes the world a better place. (Ditch public professions of modesty - just say thanks, but don't let it swell your head!)

In the same way, helping people can cripple the development of their self reliance.

Without consequences, growth will not occur. This is why fathers are much more important than mothers; rather than smother and protect they push the little ones out of the nest, just as much as the little ones can handle.

Why did she trust someone undependable? Why was she partying on her last nickle? (Being a cock tease to sponge free drinks?) Why is she even broke at all - no job, no budget, no limits on spending?

Here's what I learned in sales management, about the design of incentive programs: people do what you pay them for. Tie bonus to design wins, get a lot of low-volume junk designs. Tie incentives to volume, find salesmen tanking the price to get volume. It's actually quite a challenge to get right.

So you are incentivizing this chick to be irresponsible, by supporting that behavior.
Whatever you pay for, you will get more of!

u/DoesNotMatterAnymore · 9 pointsr/confession

> have you tried therapy?

People tend to underestimate the power of sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with someone. It can be enormous amount of relief.

How the hell do you expect to solve your problems, when you can't even talk about them. A therapist can be great for that purpose.

P.S.: OP, read this book: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/tortus · 9 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

I found this book really great on the subject: No More Mr Nice Guy

u/YourRoaring20s · 9 pointsr/Marriage

I'm not saying the chorus of "man up and move on" is wrong, but to add a different perspective: Have you ever wondered WHY you've felt so trapped, felt the need to escape, and felt the need to get married in the first place?

Oftentimes, I feel like feelings of dissatisfaction have more to do with what's happening internally rather than what's going on in a relationship. If there are some core issues with dissatisfaction that need to be worked out, you'll only bring those into your next relationship (if you pursue other relationships in the future). It's easy to run away from something, but much more difficult to run towards something.

Two things that might be worth doing before breaking the news to your wife, just so you can be sure of yourself:

  1. check out the book No More Mr Nice Guy to see if any of that resonates with you

  2. see a therapist to explore the drivers of your dissatisfaction to ensure it's your marriage and not something else going on.

    You may find that there are other ways to assert yourself and realize your need for freedom within your marriage. If not, you can at least be confident you've done your due diligence before disrupting your life.
u/kodozoku · 9 pointsr/seduction

Mandatory mention of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

If this 4chan copypasta resonates with you at all, read the damned book.

u/two_off · 9 pointsr/vancouver

Do you work m-f 8-10 hours a day for your family, or for theirs?

You may not like it, but you know the answer. You've been a good landlord, but if it no longer makes financial sense for you to keep the place just to be a Nice Guy, then do what you need to do for your family and stop letting them take advantage of you.

u/mechtonia · 9 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy". The title may be a bit of a misnomer. The book is basically a guide for taking care of yourself so that you can be the best husband, friend, employee, etc.

u/jplewicke · 9 pointsr/slatestarcodex

> If this goes on for days, I progressively end up in a more depressed/helpless state. Making decisions gets difficult, even something as simple as picking an item off a menu. Confidence at work or with any other hobbies gets low enough that I stop doing or achieving much of anything.

This is a very classic "freeze" response, also known as dissociation. Basically, if you're pushed into fight/flight long enough or persistently enough, you'll start freezing up. That makes it difficult to concentrate, difficult to connect to other people, and even difficult to take concrete actions like picking something up. It's one end of trauma-related emotional disregulation, with the other being fight/flight/anxiety/anger. It's very common for unchecked verbal aggression to put people into a state like that. It's also decently likely that you have some form of trauma history that made you more vulnerable to freezing up like that, and that made it difficult for you to get angry enough to push back when she becomes verbally aggressive with you. I'd suggest reading In An Unspoken Voice to learn more about how we get stuck in these fight/flight/freeze responses.

> The only consistent recommendation I see, besides medication, is DBT. What does that mean, for someone without good access to medical care? Buy her a workbook and tell her to read it?

You could try to do that, but it doesn't sound like she has either a lot of insight into how her behavior is harmful or a strong motivation to change. Most likely the best thing that you can do is to focus on improving your own ability to advocate for yourself, to understand what's happening in this situation, and to get clarity about your own conscious and unconscious patterns of thinking and reacting that keep you stuck in this situation. This is unfortunately a "put your own oxygen mask on first" kind of situation.

On another note, DBT might actually be really helpful for you. One area it covers is emotional regulation, or learning to work on your emotional responses so that you can respond in a way that fits the situation. That includes learning about the different basic emotion types (Anger/Shame/Fear/Guilt/Envy/Happiness/Sadness/Love/Jealousy), learning when they fit the facts of a situation, and also learning to recognize when you're skipping past the appropriate emotional reaction and jumping to another one. For example, it sounds like when your wife gets angry at you over nothing, you skip right past anger and into fear/shame/sadness. If you can afford it or are covered, it might be worth finding a DBT therapist to help you work on that. If you can't, this is the workbook that my therapist used with me.

> What can a person like me do to be more resilient to verbal aggression/abuse?

Learning to set boundaries for yourself is probably the key skill to get started with. There's a lot of confusion about boundaries out there. Sometimes it sounds like it's something that other people are responsible for ("they should respect my boundaries"), or that they're responsible for enforcing them once we communicate them. Instead, a boundary is an action that we commit to take ourselves in order to maintain our self-respect and ability to function. It could be something like "If someone is yelling at me or calling me names, then I will leave the area." Frequently, it's helpful to have a series of planned boundary-maintaining actions so that you don't have to take drastic action off the bat -- so in that example, you could plan to first ask the person to stop yelling, then leave the room if they won't stop, then leave the house if they follow you and keep yelling, then stay somewhere overnight if they keep yelling when you come back, then move out temporarily if they won't stop when you come back, then end the relationship if you can't come back without being yelled at.

Other times when people talk about boundaries it sounds like we should just already know what our boundaries are, when in reality it's a really messy difficult heart-breaking process to discover first that something is unacceptable to you and then that you're willing to enforce a boundary to prevent it. There may be significant new emotions or memories of past situations that you have to become comfortable with in order to -- for example, you may be deeply uncomfortable with the idea of being alone or seeing someone else suffering when they claim that it's your fault, and it may be related to difficulties in your childhood or past that seem similar.

There's also a significant chance that you've internalized at some level that you're responsible for your wife's emotional reactions, or that you've done something wrong, or that this is normal. So there's a significant ongoing rediscovery aspect where you'll revisit past relationship conflicts and go "Wait, that's not my fault at all!"

The other thing you can do is to look into whether you might be exhibiting codependent behaviors or in a trauma bond. No More Mr Nice Guy is a decent guide to working on this, although it's a little bit much to handle if you're still in the thick of it emotionally. You can also read When I Say No I Feel Guilty.

> What's the healthy approach towards me getting some kind of support system/network?

Keep on posting here regularly, for one. You can also take a look at /r/Divorce (I've been assuming from the comments from your friends that you're married -- apologies if I'm getting that wrong). I assume you've seen /r/BPDlovedones/ , but it might be worth reading their recommended resources. Work on exercising regularly, see a therapist or couples therapist if you can, try talking to any friends you have that haven't been dismissive before. A light 10-20 minute/day meditation practice might be helpful with learning about your thoughts and emotions, but there can be complications with large amounts of meditation if you have a trauma history or are in a stressful situation (see this book and this guide if you want to pursue that route).

Also just spend time with friends and social groups even if they're not resources for talking about your relationship. It can be important to remember that social relationships can just be fun/light and to provide a counterbalance.

> So... is there any healthy middle ground between "suffer through it, don't talk about it, relationships take work" and "run away, AWALT, borderlines are crazy"?

The middle ground is to work on asserting your boundaries, understanding and accepting your emotions, building a healthy set of activities and friends, and getting clear on what's acceptable to you. If it turns out that you have a trauma history, then something like somatic experiencing or EMDR can help you start to heal from that and become more confident. As you become more confident and assertive, set more boundaries, and work for the kind of relationship that you want, then you'll see w

Do you have kids together? If you don't, the standard answer to just go ahead and leave is probably "right" -- there doesn't sound like there's much good happening for you here. But the problem with "just leave" is that it's all or nothing, and doesn't provide you with an incremental path to building the skills and self-knowledge that will allow you to actually leave.

If you do have kids together, then "just leave" is definitely a bit tougher. This sort of situation can be a kind of crucible that allows for immense personal growth, or can just beat you down.

A couple resources that may help with clarifying the stay/leave question are:

  • Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay. This is a workbook with diagnostics for what relationships can be fixed vs should be ended. If you read it and your answers come out as overwhelmingly leave, then do your utmost to just leave, even if you have to move out while she's not there, text a breakup note, and ask your friends to help you.

  • Wired For Love discusses attachment theory and adult relationship dynamics.


    Good luck and we'd love to keep on hearing how you're doing!
u/highmrk · 8 pointsr/MensLib

I recommend every single man on this planet to read it. It was one of the most eye opening books I've ever read and completely changed how I saw the world and myself. Sure, there's a few attributes that didn't quite fit for me, but on the few that did, I just paused and was absolutely shooketh.

If anyone here has even an inkling that they might have some Nice Guy tendencies, please please please buy it. You will not regret it. I wish I read this book when I was 18 or so, but what's done is done. I'm glad with where I'm at right now and that's partially due to this book. Read it.

Here, I even got the amazon link ready for you. https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Edit: Oh and make sure you actually do the exercises that he asks you to do. Just like with Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends, it becomes pretty obvious when a reader actually follows the instructions as asked

u/TheInkerman · 8 pointsr/funny
u/psykocrime · 8 pointsr/relationship_advice

> my info: im a super nerd. like i follow the pro starcraft scene and love space, science math etc. in really tall and am fairly lanky.

That's not necessarily bad... but if you want to do well with women, you'd be well served to not look the part of a "super nerd." Dress fashionably, but with a unique edge that sets your style apart from others. If you need help figuring out how to do that, hit up some of your female friends for advice, peruse GQ or Esquire or Mens Vogue, whatever.

> I tend to only have crushes on best friends and my last crush was when i was 17 (different person). Ive been caled a sweet heart and get frustrated when guys are disrespectful.

Guys get like that when they are scared to break rapport with women, and the only thing they can do is try to use pure "comfort game" to get close to the girls. Unfortunately, the result - as you may have noticed - is not usually favorable. Building comfort is important, but you have to do more... if you want girls, you have to project the vibe of a confident, mature, masculine, "in control", sexual man who "gets it." The "nerdy, insecure, shy, awkward teenage geek" vibe is a lot less effective.


> Ive been caled a sweet heart and get frustrated when guys are disrespectful.

You probably have both Nice Guy Syndrome and a touch of Disney Fantasy. I highly recommend you read the Dr. Robert Glover book No More Mr. Nice Guy, and the Neil Strauss book The Game. The former should help you understand more about asserting yourself, establishing boundaries, and being more authentic in your interactions with people. The latter will blow your mind in regards to understanding how men and women interact.

After that, it might not hurt to read Way of the Superior Man by Dave Deida.

Also, to disabuse yourself of the notion that women are all sweet and pure and innocent and virtuous and made of light (or sugar and spice and puppy dog tails, whatever) spend some time reading stuff like My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday, or The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex by Barbara Keesling, or Chelsea Handler's My Horizontal Life.

Finally, read Sperm Wars by Robin Baker. That will make a great many things much clearer.

u/littlerustle · 8 pointsr/marriedredpill

First off. Congratulations on some things.

  1. Introspection. Not enough people are able to step outside of their circumstances and make assements.
  2. Declaration of dissatisfaction. Many times people have a "bad taste" in their mouth about their life, but cannot see enough to say "This is bad, it must be fixed."
  3. Finding this sub. I have found that there are a number of good places on the Internet where people can find help. I believe this sub is one of them.
  4. Choosing to do something. Even posting here is doing something. That's great. Keep on doing.

    Now, things are going to get hard for you. Very hard. Or rather, very difficult. All of the things that you did or did not do in the past will pay dividends today. (For example: Did you learn your multiplication tables in the third grade? Good, that pays off today. Did you get a good career by going to college in a field which has a high degree of demand? Bad, that pays off today. http://www.amazon.com/Worthless-Young-Persons-Indispensable-Choosing/dp/1467978302)

    This is a long post. Don't be offended at how long it is. Take it in pieces if you would like.


    > Brief background: Married: 1 year

    > Me: 23, bread winner.

    > Wife: 24, stay at home mom

    > Daughter: 3, special needs.

    What is the real breakdown of $$$, as a percentage, and who is it coming from?

    You are not the 100% breadwinner, as some of it is coming in via the SSI and child support.

    > My issues arose when I lost almost half my hours at work

    I'd suggest they arose well before that. This hour cutting is just the part that caused you to sit up and take notice.

    What is your degree? How has it left you in the hole WRT needing to have an hourly job?

    > for about 5 months (february to june). Cut from 30 hours to 18 a week.

    Some people would say, "Woo hoo, I went from having 30 hours available for my night classes per week to now having 42 hours available. I think from the rest of your post that you might not have done that.


    > Our daughters social security is what kept us afloat.

    Well, the SSI and the child support, right?

    > I lost all pride, all drive, and all feelings of adequacy.

    I'd like to know what your budget was prior to this hour cut that allowed you to have pride, drive, and feelings of adequacy.

    > So i picked up another job and did any and everything I could to keep my wife happy at the cost of my own happiness.

    Good. Have you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" ? http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1453088070&sr=1-1&keywords=no+more+mister+nice+guy

    > Lost SSI due to missing paperwork and havent made time to get it fixed so it's just been me making it happen.

    Be clear here, with yourself first, and your wife second. The two of you equally failed to perform the "Fill out the paperwork" task. Do not take 100% of the blame for this (unless your wife is illiterate, and you have to be the one to take that task all on your own).

    > The past month: She's been going out every other night or having people over every other day and of course I started feeling jealous.

    Some observations.

  5. She's been going out. (Therefore you have surplus $$$ in your budget. Are you putting 10% in your retirement? Are you giving 10% to charity?)
  6. She's been having people over. (Therefore she has extra time in her day. Therefore she isn't worried about $$$, or she'd be working on bettering herself via a better degree)
  7. You living life via the feels, not the data. ("I started feeling jealous" WTF?)
  8. You still not seeing the real problem. ("Of course" I started feeling jealous. There is no "of course" to it. Only those who are ruled by their emotions allow something external to them to move them. What should you have felt? Jealousy? If so, then fine, be jealous. Not jealousy? Then fine, don't be jealous. But there is no of course to it. You choose your actions. No one else.


    > I've been telling her that I want to hang out with her and spend time with her. But it never happened, either lack of time or money.

    Be clear with yourself. It never happened for one of two reasons.

  9. You didn't want it to happen.
  10. She didn't want it to happen.

    Consider that. Those are the only two reasons. There can be no other reasons. Then reflect on each of them, for 5 minutes each, separately. Write them on separate pieces of paper. "Why didn't I want to hang out with my wife?" "Why didn't my wife want to hang out with me?" Go for a walk in the back yard, put some "thinking music" on (I like Vivaldi), and consider those two questions. You will come up with answers that you don't like. That's OK.

    > Today: I wake up to a quiet home. In a zombie-like fashion I scan the bed for my phone to check the time and it is 2:27pm. I have work at 3. I noticed a text notification from my wife that says "I went out to eat. Didn't want to wake you. Have a good day."

    That was kind of her. (Take it at face value. Even if it was passive aggressive, and even if you don't like it, at face value, she did you a favor.)

    > To the typical man, that is a blessing. But for me, being a beta bitch, i got upset. Without any form of rational thinking or reason, i sent back "U serious?". She calls and we begin to talk. I started with my "Id like to hang out with you too" blah blah blah. I work 2 jobs. 14 hours when working both in a day so "im tired" is always at the helm whenever i don't feel like putting any effort towards anything.

    I don't think I believe you when you say "I'd like to hang out with you, too." Why? Words whisper, actions shout. Your words are saying, "I want to hang out." But your actions shout "I find other things more important than hanging out with you." Don't claim that I am saying something that I am not. I am not saying that you are choosing sleep over hanging out, and that this is bad. Again, I am not saying that. The only thing that I am saying is that your actions and your words do not match up.

    Take this moment to ask yourself, "Well, self, what do I really want, then? I would suggest that maybe you want someone to say "Oh, poor baby, your life is so hard, I'll gladly hang out with you and wipe your brow and make things better." But that's just a guess.

    > But at the end of that clearly one-sided argument she said "If you want to hang out with me, then make it happen. But dont you dare get mad when i get up and go without you because all you do is sleep". And i said "Fine".

    Awesome. Look at what just happened there. I think it's good that someone in your life is willing to honor you enough that they will tell you to see things as they are. You should thank her for not sugar coating that.

    > So I leave for work, clearly in a pissy mood,

    "Clearly", only if you are living via emotions. Don't do that.

    > when her words start to echo. It hit me that I need to get my shit together. I am way too dependant on her company, affection, and validation.

    That is great. I'm happy for you that you were able to come to a conclusion that things need to be changed.

    > She then texts me: "You didn't have money last night right? Why the hell would you get upset about today knowing you didn't have money today? You slept up till it was time to go to work? So why get get pissed about not doing stuff with me?"

    It almost sounds like she is the rational one here.

    > (Our group of friends went out to olive garden last night. I didnt have the money so I stayed home and she went with them)

    That's interesting. I'll explain more below.

    > And that just reiterated my previous thoughts. I had a clear moment of weakness that lasted damn near a year. But never again.

    Sweet.

    > No more weakness, no more beta, no more of this pity party bullshit, no more jealousy or insecurities. Swallowing the red pill.

    Good.

    Now that we have that out of the way...

  11. What does your budget look like?

    I suspect that the answer to that question is "We don't have one." Get one. Number one. You must have one. This is not an option. I have friends who use YNAB, https://www.youneedabudget.com/ , Mint, https://www.mint.com/ , Google sheets (search for templates), and envelopes. https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=envelope+budget Yes, just envelopes, with just cash. It works. Do it. You and your wife will continue to have problems with your relationship and you won't be able to put a finger on it until your money is under control. At some point you mentioned that your wife gets to spend the extra $$$ that is left over for the child support. This is insane. Are you married, or Roommates With Benefits? I realize that this is not a budgeting subreddit, so get to one. You and your wife together. If she refuses to partner up with you with respect to the budgeting thing, then you have an MRP problem. Until then, you have a money problem. I suspect that she will refuse, since she likes to live beyond her means, and go out with her friends.

  12. What does your family income look like?

    I suspect you have a crappy job, since you talked about having your hours cut. What are you doing to fix this? If (and I reiterate, if) you are able to afford a stay at home mom (SAHM) situation, then you have to earn the appropriate amount for your family. I suspect your wife needs to get a job as well. You simply cannot afford a SAHM situation. Face it.

  13. What does your education look like?

    I suspect you don't have a college degree in a field with high desirability. Why not? Lack of effort? Lack of focus? Put all of that behind you, and figure something out. You might have 6-8 years of suck ahead of you, while you take night classes and earn a degree that will pay well. Too bad.

    None of these things are hard to do. "The only thing hard around here is your head" (said a random Drill Sergeant).

    Make a plan. Find a close friend to help you stick to it.

    You can do this. Many have before you.
u/it_is_not_the_spoon · 8 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

No More Mr. Nice Guy

It was the most important book for fixing my marriage and getting me out of the dead bedroom.

u/RedPill-BlackLotus · 8 pointsr/asktrp

Always have to spoon feed this shit into you faggots.

When I say no I feel guilty

No more mister nice guy

I hope you have abbs.

u/JackGetsIt · 7 pointsr/asktrp

Money: Watch this over and over, take notes and internalize the information. Read this. Live within your means.

Social Contacts: Fnordsnord covered it. Also read "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Actually take notes, practice what you read and reread. Read this blog post.

Women: You're already on redpill so you're probably pretty set on knowledge there. Read this, this, and this anyway. Internalize, practice, reread.

Life: Two suggestions, 1) Your first reaction to things isn't always the right reaction. 2) Prepare to fail. Skipped a gym visit or missed a lift? Chump = give up. Man = you were prepared for this it doesn't phase you. You're back at it tomorrow. Narrow your life to a few important things and work daily on them. Don't overdo it just plod along. All the greatest achievements in life are done with steady hard work. Read this

Career: Every two-four weeks or so update your resume (keep two versions of your resume, a super long form with absolutely every reference, accomplishments, phone number, address, date, etc and a super short form single page one with all the highlights, make it pretty) and glance for either a higher paying job within your field or a higher status job. Always secure a new job before leaving an old one. If you're still in college or decide to go back, pick a career field that will be in demand when you graduate. Start applying while you are still in school. Read this.

Organization: buy a simple small 2 drawer filing cabinet and manilla folders, put important docs in there. Digitize super important docs. Clean it out every once in a while. Watch this.

Study habits/learning habits: I don't really have time to go into this in any detail but go to everyclass. Take comprehensive notes, ask a shit ton of questions, bounce new things you're learning off people and discuss it as much as possible. Find people that know the material better than you and spend time with them. Take those notes you wrote and get a piece of paper. Draw three columns. Right column is most important info that might be on test/eval, center column is that same info in short hand, left column is a visual representation of the information that might help you daisy chain memorize it. This is my own technique so PM if you'd like more clarification. Turn every assignment in no matter how poor the quality. Last but not least one more time prepare to fail. Talk to your boss or professor if you're slipping; our first impulse is to turn inward and blame yourself and not seek others to help because it looks weak. Like I said your first reaction/feeling isn't always the right one. Prepare to fail. Be antifragile. Good luck; you don't need it if you apply yourself, plan, and work diligently.

Edit: One last thing. Statistically you will live a long time. Think with your future self in mind everyday.

u/complyordie222 · 7 pointsr/TheRedPill

If you havnt already, definitely read "No More Mr Nice Guy" (https://www.amazon.com/No-More-MR-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339).

Sounds like you are on the right track but the key to everything is about balance, push the envelope out a little bit more each time to see where the push/pull sweet spot lies.

u/Rikkety · 7 pointsr/AskMenOver30

You sound like the me of about a year ago. There's a lot of things I recognize from your post. I also felt like I failed at life. I disliked my job, felt like everyone was passing me by, I had anxiety issues, I had a hard time connecting with people, especially women, couldn't get motivated to do even basic stuff and was always worrying about what other people thought about me.

Now, I feel good about myself, I'm starting a dream job in 2 months, I enjoy talking to people (and they to me) , I'm more productive than I ever was, and I'm dating a pretty cool woman. I'm only a few years older that you are, but I hope I can help you find your path to a better life.

The first thing you need to realize is you are not failing in life. You are 27 and have many years ahead of you. You can make those years into a wonderful adventure. It'll take some hard work, but guess what: everything worthwhile does. So, maybe you need some extra time to figure out how to proceed in life.

You need to be true to yourself, stop worrying about other people, and learn to love yourself for who you are. Easier said than done, to be sure, but it's possible. I'm going to say a lot thing about the kind of person I think you are (or see yourself as), some of them may be wrong, but try to see the bigger picture. If it helps, just imagine I'm talking about myself instead of you.

> And I know this is not a competition.

You say that, but everything else you write in those two paragraphs (career and future) screams the opposite.
You need to ask yourself: what do you want to do? What would you like to achieve. These aren't easy questions, but I'll come back to those later. For now, just know that whatever everybody else is doing is totally irrelevant to your happiness, or at least, it should be. You don't owe anybody anything. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone but you. There will always be people with better jobs, bigger brains and hotter girlfriends than you. That doesn't mean you are inferior, unless you define yourself by just those things.

So don't do that.

You seem like you derive most of your self-worth from external sources, meaning that if those external things (career, social status) take a turn for the worse, they affect your self images. You seem to need approval from other people to feel good about yourself, which causes you to act in ways you think others will approve of, instead of what you really want. You're measuring yourself against others, instead of against your own personal yardstick. You're hiding your personal needs and flaws because you're afraid other people will dislike, judge, or abandon you because of them. Right now the biggest thing standing in the way of your happiness is that deep down, you don't believe you deserve the life you want. You have a negative self-image and you're holding yourself back because of it. You have internalized these negative thought patterns for whatever reason, and you need to break out of them, because they are counter-productive.

You need to start believing that you are a person deserving of happiness, love and respect, despite your imperfections. You need to stop caring about other people's opinions and stand up for your own. You need to put your own needs and wants first, instead of catering to others.

You are responsible for your life and no one else's. That means both that you're the only one you need to answer to, and that you're the only one who can make you a happy person. That means figuring out who you want to be. Which, like I said, is not an easy question when you spent most of your life figuring out who "they" want you to be. But I assure you, it's worth it.

I apologize if I'm rambling (remember, I'm talking to myself as much as I'm talking to you), but this is where my life changed. And it's still changing: it's a work in progress and I will probably never be completely done.

I would recommend you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover. You can read the first few pages on Amazon; see if you recognize anything in it. (Or have a look at the web site.) If you do, torrent it, get it from Audible.com in one of their billion promotions or better yet, buy a physical copy (that always works best for me). If you can't afford it, PM me and I'll send you a copy on my expense. It goes into a lot more detail on the issues I've only vaguely outlined above. It seems to me you are a textbook "Nice Guy". (Which is, in fact, anything but nice.) Glover outlines the symptoms of the Nice Guy syndrome, why these behaviors are counter-productive, and how to change the underlying thought patterns step by step.

To stop being a "Nice Guy" is not to become an asshole, by the way. In fact, you'll probably become a better, more honest and genuine person because of it. One caveat: it has some material about masculinity and femininity, which some people find a bit misogynistic as they feel it paints women as the Bad Guy (or Girl, I guess) behind this phenomenon. I didn't see it that way. I don't think resentment towards women is justified based on this issue.

This book literally helped change my life. I was also lucky enough to have some great friends who believed in me even when I didn't. A support system in crucial for successfully turning your life around, because you need people you can trust, who can pick you up when things don't go as smoothly as you hope. A few good friends is enough. Maybe siblings if you have any. Let them know what you're trying to do, and I'm sure they're willing to help. If you don't know anyone who could, hit me up and I'll support where I can.

Some other books that have helped transform into a new person the past year were "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane (helped with my social anxiety) and "The 7 habits of highly productive people" by Stephen Covey (helped with being an effective person and getting my priorities straight). These three share some common ground, as they all demand you reform your thought patterns in order to genuinely be yourself, before any real change can happen. I found they really complemented each other rather nicely for the particular rut I was in.

Some other tools that have helped me (that others have already mentioned as well) : exercise, meditation, keeping a journal, positive affirmations, talking to people I trust, hugs, playing music, asking for help when i needed it. Maybe these sound trivial, but I couldn't have done it without these factors.

I hope you read this far. If you have, let me know, even if you think I'm talking out my ass. I'd like to know what you think about it.

You can do it. You deserve to be happy. You have the power to change. You are an awesome person and it's time you show the world.

u/megatron37 · 7 pointsr/TheRedPill

Hello 29 year old version of me, from the 36 year old version of me. Since you're a reader of actual books, this should be pretty easy.

  1. Women judge others (both genders) based on clothing. Doesn't matter if it's fair or not, they just do. If you roll into a bar rocking UFC branded clothing, it's not going to work. I used the Details Guide to Style to up my style game.

  2. Books? My man. First: No More Mr. Nice Guy. You will be blown away at how he says that everything you've done with women is wrong. I realize you've said that you handed it to your therapist, but by the questions you're asking, you haven't started to live it yet. Second: Models by Mark Manson. There are other resources, but read those two first. Come back to Rational Male afterwards.

  3. Here's what I gather about online dating:
    Okcupid/Plentyoffish: free sites, lots of cheapos/weirdos. Probably decent for hookups.
    Match: Pay site, has a moderate "meat market" feel to it.
    Eharmony: the most expensive, best for meeting long term relationship material

  4. Hold off on having kids. Focus on you for a while.

  5. You were a lifelong feminist? How did that work out for you? TRP will help out a lot with this.

  6. Sorry, I have no idea what this question is asking.

  7. When you start feeling confident - believing in yourself, standing tall, not breaking eye contact - people will respect you.

  8. I banged a few substandard women to get it wet after my divorce. While it was great to spread the seed around (wear a condom), be forewarned - low quality, insecure women can be really hard to get rid of.

  9. Buying dinner is one thing - buying her jewelry and shit is another (don't do it.) PS - she should be offering to buy dinner/drinks every now and again. Take her up on it. If she never offers to pay for anything, she views you as a cash register, get rid of her.

  10. I'm not a fan of counseling myself, but live your life. I'm not sure how many hard-charging badass counselors there are out there but if you're not happy with his level of service, find another one.


    Overall Impressions/Recommendations:

  • You really seem intent on asking other dudes for permission/approval. I'm sorry that you didn't have a male role model, but you need to start doing things that YOU approve of, and make YOU happy. This is the essence of TRP.

  • Once your phase of crying/drinking/feeling sorry for yourself is over, take some time, and work on YOU. Improve yourself before you get out there.
  • Get your ass into a gym. Lifting weights will get your testosterone flowing, and get all of that shameful, feminist estrogen out of your system.
  • Get a hobby. I was feeling powerless after my divorce. In addition to weightlifting, I started martial arts lessons. All of the time I would spend by myself drinking beer and playing video games, I converted into weight training/martial arts time. It will turn you from a little whimpering beta into a bad motherfucker. Plus you'll have something to talk about on dates. No woman gives a fuck about how you beat level 35 of Knight's Quest 8.

    It's a lot to deal with at once, and I wouldn't wish divorce on my worst enemy. But you know what? A year after I got divorced, I was banging women 8 years younger than my ex-wife. You can do this.

u/trrrrouble · 7 pointsr/Android

> Mostly at work & mostly around friends, I'm a meek person. In fact, you could say I take shit. Somebody gets sick, they call me to cover a shift. I virtually never say no. Stay late, I say yes. I'm usually non confrontational, unless someone/something gets under my skin. When someone does, eventually get under my skin? I sort of lose all my pent up frustration in one big hit.

Hey, I know this is unsolicited life advice, but you should read No More Mr Nice Guy ^torrent. Your description of your personality matches what's in that book 100%.

u/FullAmpleSally · 7 pointsr/The_Donald

I highly recommend this [book] (https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=)

It wont heal your pain, but it will make sure you're going in the right direction. It will change your life.

u/Dhltnp · 7 pointsr/seduction

This is so far my to go list, no particulary order:

Body Language

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

No More Mr Nice Guy

The Flinch

The Blueprint Decoded

How to Win Friends & Influence People

The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them

These books/dvds/audiobooks are about self development and basic understanding of human behaviour, I honestly think everybody can benefit from this stuff.

Edit:

Also find a good book about improving your voice, no idea here because I use one in german.

u/_Molon_Labe_ · 7 pointsr/TheRedPill

Get a therapist. I don't say that in a negative way. I mean that the best person to help you identify and work through your issues, especially if you're the typical "nice guy," is a licensed therapist. Obviously, not all therapists are created equal, and not all are good for men.

If you're wanting some material for yourself to read, before you get to a therapist, there is:

No More Mr Nice Guy by DR Donald Glover - focus on identifying past issues and self improvement.

And the website of Dr Tara J Palmatier, Shrink4men - more focused on healing and recovery from relationships with women possessing a variety of social disorders.

Again, if you're really trying to work through some serious issues, you're going to walk to talk to a professional, that is aimed squarely at men. That cuts out probably 95% of female therapists, and about 60% of male therapists. If you have serious issues from your past that affect your behavior its really hard to self-diagnose, and self-treat, which is why most men deal with those issues through booze or drugs or women, or more commonly videogames and isolation.

u/TargetBoy · 7 pointsr/self

For an interesting read on this topic, there's a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" amazon that does a pretty thorough breakdown on the "Nice Guy" who never gets ahead and what they can do about it.

Turns out a lot of things that the "Nice Guys" do aren't very nice and are what are turning women off, not the need for "jerks".

u/ProjectDirectory · 6 pointsr/TrueOffMyChest
u/BenzineBro · 6 pointsr/changemyview

The one thing that I want to touch on, this isn't a wholly original view, but I just want to give my experience.

There are things in life which we need to do, such as sleep. If we don't sleep, we become overworked and stressed causing our productivity to fall exponentially. The more work we put in, the less productive that work gets. Needing a work life balance is real. Unfortunately, it's something which most companies fail to grasp. The idea of time being proportional with productivity is so ingrained within our society that even when there are numerous studies and books which demonstrate that a happy worker is a productive worker companies are slow on the draw. If this were a high noon shootout, companies would have been dead before even firing the first round. That's how sluggish they are.

Now, some companies have begun to catch on and have been trying to use mindfulness to forcefully up the productivity of their workers with little success in some places. They don't understand that to make their workers happy, they need to give them good working conditions.

So, you can see how parenthood draws into this. Being a parent can be a fulfilling experience, at the very least it gives people purpose which helps them to become more productive. By making that job harder, those who want to have children pay a higher price to have them. That's just assuming that both genders get the same leave though, this isn't true of all places. In America, this is a bit of a gendered issue because men don't get nearly as much parental leave as women do, this is highly damaging to society for multiple reasons;

  1. Boys grow up without a strong masculine figure in their lives creating a whole generation of men feel abandoned by their fathers. (Reading if you're interested.)

  2. Women have the stress of having to rear a young child almost entirely on their own.

  3. Adds to men's isolation in society since they spend so much time at work that they can barely see their families.

    If the board of a company considers recent studies and gender dynamics they'll see that the system that is currently in place is not only unsustainable, it hurts their profits. They don't tap into the productivity that women have to give; men get depressed and lose productivity due to isolation and being rather overworked. It's counterproductive if not poison for society as a whole. The majority of the world understands this, America has having a really hard time keeping up for some reason.

    You'd think that businesses would be better at maximising profits. You might say "pah, you idealist. You don't know how the real world works" Indeed, some companies like google get it more right. Need I remind you that they're one of the biggest companies in the world? So big that it's actually a problem because they can easily shut down their competition by forcing them out of the market or by assimilating them? They also implement mindfulness, but they do it so make the lives of their employees better and not just so that they create a more productive employee which ends up happening in the process.

    So as you can see, Trump is so wrong. There's a tremendous business opportunity here, but he's too ignorant to capitalise on it. You'd think a big-shot millionaire would get it right. If he was so smart he'd make all of that money if it was taken away from him. Wrong. He's so dumb that a sack of fucking oranges has a better chance at a rags to riches story than he does.

    It's the number one rule of good business thinking: don't see an inconvinence, see an opportunity. If you don't understand that then you're not fit for profit.
u/joemacstevens · 6 pointsr/selfimprovement

No More Mr Nice Guy

It really helped me turn my life around and get more confidence, real confidence because it help me be okay with people not liking me.

u/jb_trp · 6 pointsr/TheRedPill

This. Yes, this guy needs a lot of work on his inner and outer man. I’d like to piggyback on your comment with my advice as well.

  • Go full monk mode for a while. Maybe several months. Learn to take care of yourself. Eat clean, drink less, work out, read, meditate, etc. You need to learn to approve yourself and not seek the approval of others. This will only happen if you learn to take care of yourself. You can’t approve of yourself if you’re 80 lbs overweight. It won’t happen. But 80 lbs is doable, so lift and cardio. After you’ve gotten in decent shape, buy better clothes and groom yourself accordingly.
  • Do you have strong relationships with other men? Find some. Do you have hobbies and passions that you love? Find some. Maybe it’ll be MMA. Maybe rock climbing or backpacking. Your confidence will grow and you’ll learn to enjoy life and yourself a lot more.
  • Read TRP. Especially read any post that gets over 100 upvotes. As the community has grown, there have been more posts that really aren’t solid advice, so watch out. But you need to internalize TRP principles. Understanding SMV, abundance mentality, “nexting”, etc. will help your dating life immensely. A widow with an adopted child has a very low SMV and you dodged a bullet.
  • Read “No More Mr. Nice Guy.” All your texting and asking about plans reminds me of my old self (cringe). You were putting too much into things and trying to do things to seek her approval. Of course she lost interest. As a recovering Nice Guy myself, I can relate.
  • Don’t post on TRP for a while. Just read and listen. You’ll go through the phases… Anger, etc. Feel free to comment when it is beneficial. After a while you’ll get what I mean.

    Good luck, brother. I’m sure there is more advice, but I’m short on time. Anything else anyone would like to add?
u/thewayipray · 6 pointsr/faimprovement

Disclaimer: I'm still on the journey but making small steps into the right direction and slowly start to see successes, i.e. mainly gains from the gym (4 kg up in 4 months, I'm underweight) and I get first dates (with my first second date about to happen soon :D) and slowly become less anxious.

Cutting out gaming alone won't do the trick, if you want to procrastinate you will find a way. Even if it is cleaning your apartment or room or whatever.

What I think I'm qualified to give advice on though is physical fitness:

Here is what I did: I've always been skinny and hated any kind of physical exertion and obviously dreaded PE class in school. Additionally I was bullied mostly by athletic guys which made me hate sports even more. And of course I didn't want to think about my body because of my weak body image.

At some point in school I just couldn't handle the mental pressure anymore. And became sort of addicted to exercise. Initially I had to force myself. Here's how I started:

I began by establishing a running routine: 3 km every 2 days. It was terrible. Headaches, joint pains, etc. But after about 2-3 months I began to notice improvements with my endurance. And eventually the headaches began to vanish completely and running became a joy. Then I got into weight training. I soon managed to build some muscle and my strength and happiness improved. I then moved away for university for an excessively difficult degree thus had to drop my exercise routine.

Long story short: I couldn't stand the pressure, dropped out, hit rock bottom, Got into a different university again last year and found out that I have to resolve my issues if I want to amount to anything in life.

In late January this year I became so incredibly frustrated that I just got back into the gym. Always pumping iron while blasting some quality music by Hatebreed. I now have gains again and am less angry, which really ups my motivation.

In March I also began to take a painfully close look at the roots of my personality. From what I can tell you are a Nice Guy. Mind the capital letters.

What I would recommend:

  1. Begin to run. BUT: as an overweight person you can damage a lot from bad technique so read this: Chi Running And just force yourself through it for a few weeks. Use it to procrastinate if nothing else does the trick.

  2. Do this alongside the running: Read No More Mr. Nice Guy I Just finished it and this thing is a revelation.

  3. If you have a history of bullying (which I assume)
    watch this: a word on bullying

  4. To deal with anxiety: Meditate. Download the app "Headspace" and do the free Take 10 exercises.
u/skinisblackmetallic · 6 pointsr/seduction
u/riplox · 6 pointsr/atheism

"I can see validity in his points concerning how men in my generation are by and large more socially awkward and less forward..."

There is definite truth to this statement and if you would like some elucidation as to why that is, might I suggest you check out No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover? It's a good, enlightening read into the mentality of the quiet, sensitive, "nice guy".

Amazon link to the book: LINK

And if you don't feel like ordering it, there are two options if you know how to use Bittorrent.

Book in PDF Format

Audiobook

And one direct download of the book in PDF format.

PDF Direct Download

I've downloaded all of these and there are no viruses or malware attached to them. They're safe.

EDIT:

After watching the video you posted, I'd like to say a few things about his "sermon". It was absolutely terrible and I think he's making it even worse for the single guys in the long run, as this sort of talk is apt to have the opposite effect that's intended. Shy and sensitive guys tend to recoil from being told to man-up, stop being a milquetoast, etc. He's belittling and shaming them, calling them eunuchs and losers, and also perpetuating the idea that the initiation of the relationship is entirely on the guy, which puts even more pressure on them, especially since they're apprehensive about relationship initiation to begin with. His words are those of a bully (a passionate bully, but a bully nonetheless), not of someone who understands and sympathizes with his target audience. He's also shaming them for not finding a wife. Maybe they don't want to get married or whatever; it's not paramount that everyone marries.

Instead, I think he should have gone into how one should learn to appreciate and love, or at least like themselves before trying to find someone to be with, without being selfish or arrogant about it. The thing these "losers" need to develop is self confidence, assertiveness, and a sense of self-worth. That's where inner strength comes from. Abrasive speech won't accomplish that.

Most women don't like pansies, that is true, yet the church environment is just the kind of fertile environment to foster these kind of guys. It teaches them to credit an outside entity for their success instead of letting them feel accomplished for their achievements they did on their own. It also gets them to blind themselves to problems they may have that they can fix by conceding that something "wasn't meant to be". Or, it gets them to think there's something wrong with them when there isn't because they're trying to stick to the "word" or the "rules" or whatever. It's sickening to me how consciously and subconsciously manipulative it all is.

Now, the one thing I do agree on in his message is about asking her in person if possible, and not going to a movie for the first few dates, but that's about it.

I say all this because I'm what one would consider a "nice guy" and have a lot of self-esteem and confidence issues when it comes to initiating relationships. I'm only in my mid 20s, but I haven't been on a date in over a decade, just to give you an idea. So that's my impression of what he has to say from my point of view.

u/Chilling_Music · 6 pointsr/relationships

While it's easy for most to say that the relationship is over, and that she doesn't treat you well, etc, etc, I'm going to take a different approach.

You seem to put the blame on her a lot, which makes sense because all the problems appear to be stemming from her. However, many times one partner can become somewhat dysfunctional because they are actually responding to things that the other partner is doing, whether they know it or not (ie, you're doing something that's causing her to act the way she does). I know it seems weird, but it's more common than you think.

I highly recommend picking up this book. You might find it to be quite insightful, and you might be surprised to find that you may be the cause of your relationship problems and not her (not entirely at least). I know that it helped me figure out a lot of problems I had been causing in my last relationship (including a lack of sex). Unfortunately, that relationship was long gone by the time I figured out that I wasn't as good a boyfriend as I thought. Good luck.

u/Erilis000 · 6 pointsr/justneckbeardthings

Also see Robert A. Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy"

u/boolean_sledgehammer · 5 pointsr/AskMen

You need to read this.

Seriously. It will help.



u/Night-watcher · 5 pointsr/seduction

Not really, I don't owe you anything to explain, also there are too many things to cover. I suggest reading No More Mr Nice Guy and also Model.

u/iwishiwasameme · 5 pointsr/relationship_advice

Unfortunately I have no success story for you, not yet that is. I just found out I was a "Nice Guy" a couple days ago. A user named RedHawk suggested this book to me, which im guessing you have read too by the way you talk, and if you haven't be prepared to get creeped the shit out by a book that can read you mind.

I'm on the 3rd chapter and I'm trying to get one of my guy-friends to back me up on it before I continue. I have gone through years and years of this shit and trust me, I feel your pain. We're gunna beat this though. Check out that book, if you haven't. Its gunna save my life, and hopefully yours too. Good luck friend, there is a long road ahead of us.

u/peter_n · 5 pointsr/malefashionadvice

Gonna jump in here just because as an asian dude I know this is a touchy subject that non-asians might not understand. It sounds like you don't have an "asian" problem, just a social awareness problem.

A couple of books I think you can benefit from reading:

Mate by Tucker Max and Geoffery Miller

Models by Mark Manson

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover

I also recommend listening to "The Mating Grounds Podcast" which was the precursor to the Mate book.

You have a lot of mindsets you have to unpack and work on. These books (and podcast), I guarantee you will transform your life, not just your dating life.

Best of luck

u/mwobuddy · 5 pointsr/MensRights

This isn't r/pua or r/redpill.

In fact, a lot of it is victim blaming.

Logic tells us that we should WANT to be nice to others, and others should want to be nice to us in return. That's how reciprocity works.

The problem is our culture has short-circuited reciprocity into selfishness. Now everyone is a selfish asshole, so if you're nice, you're automatically worse than everyone else.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339#reader_0762415339

I just read the look inside version, and I got to controlling, manipulative, give to get, passive aggressive.

Did he give this to a woman to ghost write? Of course you give to get. Its called reciprocity. You don't keep being nice to someone that takes your kindness and then smashes you in the balls. Most people are passive aggressive because we have become more and more sensitive to overt aggressive behavior as rude, hostile, uncivilized, etc. Controlling isn't "nice guy", controlling is sociopathy, narcissism, etc. Its like he's writing about wholly disparate people.

I could do a simple find and replace of "nice guy" with "women", and I bet you so many people would see so much truth in all of those headers, passive-aggressive, controlling, give to get, etc etc.

The truth is that everyone does all that shit all the time, its not just "nice guys". Its normal. Nice guys just have a tweaked version that doesn't go anywhere.

>The law of reciprocity, (which applies in EVERY culture on the face of the earth), simply explains that that when someone gives you something you feel an obligation to give back. Giving and receiving favors is a common exchange and is an implicit assumption in most of our relationships.

The reality is that when reciprocity is broken, of course people are going to be bitter about it. But instead of accepting that some men and some women have done this to some men and some women out there, suddenly its men who are "nice" that have to change themselves to fit in, not that they are unjustly treated, and that women have it right when they call them manipulative assholes who aren't nice.

I've seen some people that constantly go around trying to get people to like them by saying how nice they are. This is not the average "nice guy".

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VM1UA0pCMQ

When the rat does something you want, you reward it.

u/so-to-speak · 5 pointsr/seduction

It sounds like you're defining your life be the women you are with too much. I think you might benefit from reading No More Mr. Nice Guy book and forums.

u/cow_soul_train · 5 pointsr/selfhelp

Assuming your male...No More Mr. Nice Guy. I struggle with this as well, I'm to be more assertive and less of a people pleaser.

u/Astartes_Pius · 5 pointsr/Stoicism

You gave up your masculinity/dreams/life for the sake of the role of the Savior. You tore off your balls and throw them out of the window. I don't think any woman want a guy without balls.(Regardless what they are saying...)

Your trip to the Hospital clearly showed that She did not care about you. It is compatible with her imperfect humanity, so you should not take this as a personal offense. BUT this behavior has no place in any healthy relationship. You should be glad, that you are alive and released from this highly toxic relationship. Next time be a little bit more aware of your partner's capability of maintaining a healthy adult relationship, do not wait for a heart attack...

You want a healthy relationship ==> You and your partner should be healthy.

Your problem has little to do with Stoicism, but it seems to me that you suffer in the typical "Nice-Guy Syndrome". I recommend to check this book: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/I_Want_What_I_Want · 5 pointsr/TooAfraidToAsk
u/weaponoutfitters · 5 pointsr/aznidentity

I was reading this book after hearing about it on a podcast, and it would seem VERY relevant to the examples above.


As I was reading this book, I recognized some of my old behaviors that I learned to shed in my 20s. Having positive male mentors and role models really helped to.


The connecting factors of these guys is that they're all really passive, permission seeking and aren't attuned to even their own desires and dreams. They have to decide to wake from that slumber, themselves.


https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/rrroqitsci · 5 pointsr/exredpill

Ok, it’s good to know your world view is not toxic, it’s just misguided....like a million other guys your age!

You, and a million other guys (like me) ran through a very common scenario for all us. That is because you suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome. Yes, that’s a thing. I recommend you get Dr. Robert Glover’s book Mo More Mr. Nice Guy which explains everything. It’s a must read for young guys.

For you specifically, here’s the tl;dr on what you did wrong:

  1. you made your happiness dependent on somebody else; never do that; always build a cool life for yourself (hobbies, events, etc) first

  2. you were inauthentic and even dishonest with her; you had a “covert contract” with her to be there for you and turn it into a relationship; she had no idea of that

  3. you didn’t get what you wanted, so you had a (very common) emotional breakdown and “victim puked” your emotions on her; that’s not vulnerability, that’s scary to people.

    Hey, you’re young and you have plenty of time to get things straight. Plus there is a boatload of good resources out there for you; I didn’t have that back when I was going thru the same stuff as you.

    I also suggest you listen to current episodes of both The Art of Charm podcast and the Jordan Harbinger Podcast. Both are independently doing episodes on authenticity and vulnerability right about now (October 2018).

u/st3roids · 5 pointsr/AskMen

no more mr nice guy from Robert A. Glover

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 or get it form torrent .

u/pubgandbaseball · 5 pointsr/NoFap

Take the “try to stop global warming” approach. Worst case scenario, the earth is a little cleaner but nothing else changed, best case scenario, the earth is cleaner AND we’ve averted disaster.

In other words - go with being the best version of yourself - worst case scenario, you are living a richer and more fulfilling life, but still no girlfriend. Best case scenario, you are living a richer and more fulfilling life and you’ve got a girlfriend. More on this approach here: https://web.archive.org/web/20170910035757/http://www.drglover.com/blog/x_post/is-living-a-great-life-demeaning-to-a-woman-00058.html

Being the best version of what woman want is the path to ruin for you and your relationship. There is a whole book written about this, where guys try to be the person they think women want in order to get what they want, and what the consequences are - https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 .

Also, big girls are awesome- don’t hate.

u/HeeroToast · 5 pointsr/whiteknighting

According to Dr. Robert Glover, "Nice guys are usually anything but nice." You have to check his book out man, it helped me to become a better friend, lover, significant other, and person in general. Particularly being someone who is very calculating it really helped me to achieve true empathy and compassion. Before I read this book I was in a relationship with a woman I despised who treated me very poorly, my drinking was out of control and I was generally just a very unhappy person. Now I have the perfect girlfriend, a better job and closer, more valuable friendships. Best $11 I ever spent. You can check it out here. Be sure to update us, you can do this :)

u/TheFrigginArchitect · 5 pointsr/relationship_advice

I might be misreading what you have here, but this book might be worth a look:

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Check it out. I am very sensitive by nature and reading it helped me to see and understand my behavior in relationships much better.

u/morbidhawk · 5 pointsr/exmormon

This sounds a lot like my last 8 years of marriage. I've suffered from nice guy syndrome. It took me a long time to realize that I had issues myself because I thought all the problems in my life were because of my wife. When she was struggling I would do more and more and more to try to keep her happy and keep the peace while never allowing her to grow because I was enabling her.

It's kind of like the perfect Mormon family in the ward that does everything right and you hear about it all the time. Is that family really authentic and happy or are they trying to convince everyone else they are? You know they aren't flawless yet they want you to think they are. This is how my wife feels 100% of the time about me, and I have always got defensive in the past trying to explain and defend myself when in reality she was probably right a lot of the time. With the help of my therapist I was able to realize my codependence and it flipped my whole world upside down.

It sounds like you've also been able to replace the emotional responses that you were raised to have when serious problems arise and are now able to look objectively using logical reasoning. This is what I'm struggling to do myself right now. It's comforting knowing that I haven't been the only one that has gone through this kind of hell and I'm really glad you're in a better situation right now

u/lonewolf-chicago · 5 pointsr/seduction

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: It's more Zen than the title alludes to.

No More Mr. Nice Guy: Excellent book!

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Mystery: Body Language 1

Mystery: Body Language 1

Hot Seat Breakdown: Part 1 of 5. This might be the greatest breakdown of legit pickup. It's Owen from RSD, and I don't like him typically, but this is super good.

u/se7endays · 4 pointsr/pornfree

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

By thinking about this too much, you make it unnecessarily complicated. If you aren't planning on marrying this woman (which sounds like an AWFUL idea) then get rid of her. It's easy to get complacent in life, especially with a partner and that can lead you to waste years of your life in a dead end situation. Break up, work on your issues, and then try again with someone else.

u/mordred · 4 pointsr/IAmA

Dude, please. Read. This. Book. No More Mr. Nice Guy

u/thehaga · 4 pointsr/thatHappened

No More Mr. Nice Guy is a great book that explains why if you/anyone are/is interested. This is a actually a very serious and prevalent issue that has an unhealthy influence on both (or more, if kids etc.) people in the relationship.

u/Mr-Ed209 · 4 pointsr/dating_advice

Ah man, I feel for you both in a way. You're both just a bit clueless.

Stop messaging him, you're only leading him on further and he's gonna blow up if/when anything develops between you and his friend. He's crushing on you hard and you don't like him, theres not a great deal you can do. What you should keep in mind is this; he is not entitled to have you as his GF - just as you are not entitled to his 'friendship'. You can't have it all (date his friend - have him giving you constant attention and gifts). It happens to mostly everyone growing up and this guy will have to learn to set healthy boundaries with the girls he likes in the future.

Best thing you can do, thank him for the tickets and buy him this book in return: https://www.amazon.ca/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1488053858&sr=8-1&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy

He'll hate you, but it's for his own good.

u/Cloud_Riverdale · 4 pointsr/relationship_advice

Dude, you are incredibly lucky that she is willing to tell you this. If you want a quick run down of what she's asking for, try these links:

https://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Bad-Boy

https://www.majorleaguedating.com/traits-bad-boys-nice-guys/

When you parse out what they're describing... None of this is actually about being "Bad" or "mean" to people. It's about having self confidence and standing up for yourself.

Here are some book recommendations:
No more Mr Nice Guy: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Models: Attract women through honesty: https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358

What women want when they test men:
https://www.amazon.com/What-Women-Want-When-They/dp/1515234045

The last one is "Sex God Method" by Daniel Rose. You have to pirate it, because on amazon it goes for $750. https://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Method-Daniel-Rose/dp/0557036488

Of all the books, Sex God Method is life changing if you're willing to apply it. This book completely changed my life.

It's not that she wants you to literally be mean, she wants you to stand up to her and stand up for yourself.

She is doing you SUCH a favor by being so honest and up front with you. Seriously. Many guys in your situation just get cheated on, or dumped, or both. Yes, you read that right.

u/SnowHesher · 4 pointsr/relationships

I wouldn't say he needs that sub. However, he should probably read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Based on his responses in this thread, OP sounds like a doormat who goes out of his way to avoid confrontation. Reading that book might help him grow a spine and start standing up for himself.

u/Caplooey · 4 pointsr/socialanxiety

for women specifically

here is a link bomb directly related to what you asked

(article collections)

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/tag/talking-to-women-2/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/category/meeting-women/

(individual pages)

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-to-approach-women/all/1/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-to-approach-women-during-the-day/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/more-places-to-meet-women/all/1/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-can-i-meet-women-on-the-job/

https://kotaku.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-help-im-hopeless-with-women-and-i-ha-1721137430

 

https://markmanson.net/its-complicated

https://markmanson.net/attract-women

https://markmanson.net/still-single

---

and my favorite of MM

https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

 

http://postmasculine.com/understanding-neediness

https://markmanson.net/power-in-vulnerability

http://postmasculine.com/a-note-on-vulnerability/comment-page-1

https://markmanson.net/vulnerability

http://postmasculine.com/the-pain-period/comment-page-1

http://postmasculine.com/improving-quickly

https://markmanson.net/manipulative-relationships

https://markmanson.net/psycho

https://markmanson.net/amazing-person

https://markmanson.net/one-trait

 

https://markmanson.net/the-dismal-state-of-flirting-in-english-speaking-cultures



---

here are some resources for your perusing

these books

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ No More Mr Nice Guy

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/ Models

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0996487115/ New Game +


i found these websites the most useful

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/

https://markmanson.net/

 

(i know it looks like i'm advertising him or something but this seems best targeted for what i assume you're looking for. step by step guides, he instructs you how to go outside and talk to people etc...)

i personally have yet to take it, but i've read so many of his articles, read his HTNGAF book and trust him as as source, and will take his courses as a self therapy for SA

Mark Manson offers courses for social related stuff, including the romantic kind, i found at the bottom he offers a $4 USD monthly subscription for all of them instead of buying them individually (which is probably the option i'm going to choose)

https://markmanson.net/courses

u/stonewall1979 · 4 pointsr/AskMenOver30

"Givers have to set limits because Takers will not".
-Some Reddit user a while back.

If you don't set limits and boundaries for yourself, no one else will.

There are two books that have helped me deal with similar tendencies. When I Say No I Feel Guilty and No More Mr. Nice Guy. Both are very good books based on sound psychological premises, as opposed to other books I read that were theology based. As a side note, theological books may help some people, they just didn't fit for me. I wanted books based on observation and scientific study.

More to the point, they help in identifying where you need boundaries and communication techniques and styles to help navigate the conversation smoothly away from those topics.

It's not necessarily an age issue, it's just personal boundaries but those are changed and updated with age. Since many people can view a passive person as someone to be taken advantage of, they target them and as we get older we typically acquire more resources that other people want. So more hands come out trying to take what you've earned.

It's shitty to have some of the closest people in your life trying to take what's yours, if you'll give it up. This will also mean that you're going to have some hard decisions about who will remain in your life. If the 'takers' cannot stop and be decent self sufficient human beings you'll have to cut loose of them. Some people of value may be cut loose, and in the end, it'll probably be better for both of you that way.

Good luck

u/marriedscoundrel · 4 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

A book that gets recommended around here often is No More Mr Nice Guy. The tl;dr is that being a pushover awards you nothing, especially in a relationship.

What happens is that if the woman starts cutting off sex because she’s “not in the mood” that a hard thing to argue against. Can’t expect you to want sex if you’re “not in the mood.” Well then, what would put you in the mood? She rattles off things she wants, he bends over backwards to accommodate them. But not only does this not create sexual desire, it lowers his standing in her eyes, as now he’s become her “errand boy” as you put it.

Or, to put it another way...

A: I want you to do this. It will make our relationship better.

B: Okay, I did it.

A: I love and respect you less now because you did it.

There are a lot of other concepts at play, but it basically reinforces the idea that women fundamentally want strong, leader-type men, even if verbally she says otherwise.

u/ouselesso · 4 pointsr/asktrp

Pro tip, there is no master guide that will fix your life. Find what works and fits, discard the rest.

You are way too inside your head about your situation. Stop thinking and start doing. I know it sounds like a cliche non-helpful response, but you know what needs to be done.

Next, fix your health and fitness. If you are over weight, fuck running, join a gym and start doing HIIT workouts. Eat clean, cut fast foods out, if you drink soda switch to diet ONLY, up your water intake, start counting calories. Apps like MyFitnessPal help with calorie counting.

Start reading. For you, I would recommend 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Robert Glover. Read the side bar, read all related subreddits.

As for your social situation, start going out alone. If you make your life interesting, people will become interested in you. Only you can fix the non-negotiable side of the transaction, up your SMV, up your attitude and outlook.

Counseling or coaching may be an approach for you also. Get what ever tools you need to crush life.

Remember, habits are hard to form. One day at a time.


u/luckie_duckie · 4 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

I have no relationship to this book but it helped me understand exactly what you are talking about here. You are doing things to try to have sex with your wife. Stop, do things to make yourself more attractive to others. If she doesn't come around then she never will and if not you will be in a better position to move on.

Also, you are correct pressure is the enemy. You need to restart the honeymoon and stop being seen as a needy man that needs his penis played with (I know, harsh, but it made an impact on me too).

http://smile.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/djork · 4 pointsr/exchristian

Hello me?

I'm currently going through some major reevaluation of how I relate to my wife and others. I never thought about the religious angle, but now it makes more sense. I didn't have the typical childhood that precipitates a passive-aggressive personality.

For anybody who is interesting in changing this sort of behavior, check out No More Mr Nice Guy. It's not really about being tough, but rather getting in touch with your emotions and finding real intimacy.

u/diddlyhohum · 4 pointsr/seduction

I'd recommend reading a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. It helped me a lot with reconcile a break-up that really left me as a shell of my former self. Maybe it'll help you out too.

u/JKirkN · 4 pointsr/seduction

No Mr Nice Guy is better than Models at first. Because it focuses more on the person in general. Unlike Models, which is oriented toward girls more.

u/DummyDepression · 4 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Yep, Visualization did jack shit for me too. I've read many self-help books, and so far the only ones that have helped me were those written by scientists who have researched their field for a long time, and people recommend them, that also had practical exercises in them. Very specific, but that's the truth. Here's a list:

u/DyceFreak · 4 pointsr/faimprovement

That's a really good one. I also read How to talk to anyone which is along the same lines.

The book that started my FA awareness and journey of self improvement was No more mr nice guy

u/stemm · 4 pointsr/socialskills

Stop whatever it is you're doing and read this book

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/IronJohnKwando · 4 pointsr/asktrp

r/niceguys is that way

srs man. Read this book.

u/Imbadz · 3 pointsr/socialskills

If that's what you think you are, I can suggest reading No more Mr.Nice Guy. It's the first thing that popped up in my mind as soon as I read the title of your post

u/ChickenHead415 · 3 pointsr/dating

You'll never get YOUR needs satisfied by being a "Nice Guy". That term is a joke anyway. I would read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. You seem to have quite a bit of resentment towards women. Also you being a virgin at 33. There's some major issues there.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0762415339?pc_redir=1411424570&robot_redir=1

u/daLeechLord · 3 pointsr/dating_advice

You should definitely work on your 'inner game'. If you aren't confident, you're gonna have a bad time. If you feel like you are bugging people when you talk to them, you will broadcast this, and people will feel this way.

The intensity and overinvestment of feelings comes from an insecure, scarcity mindset.

My recommendations:

  1. Stop giving a fuck. Seriously. Don't invest feelings until you start to develop a relationship with someone.

  2. Fake it till you make it. If you're not confident, work on that, be awesome in your life and occasionally let certain people bask in your awesomeness. If you're not there yet, work on that, but you can fake confidence to a certain degree.

  3. Eye contact.
  4. Read this book.

  5. Pay attention to details about how you present yourself. Posture, the way you dress, talk, hygiene, fitness level, etc.

  6. As for asking the girl out, first I would recommend flirting with her. Depending on how she reacts, you can tell if she is (would be) interested in you. Be funny, witty, tease her, etc. Practice this.

  7. Eye contact.

  8. For the date itself, your best bet would be to keep it real casual. Tell her something like "Hey, some friends and I are going to check out this new bar on Thursday, around 8pm. You should join us!" Definitely don't ask her to dinner, too high pressure. Since you chat with this girl regularly, a movie might work, but I wouldn't really recommend it. I would go for something involving alcohol.

  9. If she says no, don't sweat it. Don't get upset, say "Ok, some other time maybe!" or something to that effect.

    Believe me, I used to be like you. I would fall head over heels over every girl I would go out with, and that shit sucks. It puts tremendous pressure on the other person, too. Don't do it.

u/kthrowaway321 · 3 pointsr/seduction

Read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy it really helps you put things into perspective and mentions ways to get out of those habit. It helped change my paradigm shift. Don't think of the book as turning yourself into an asshole, its more about respecting yourself and doing things you want to do, others will follow.

u/crazyex · 3 pointsr/self

I would also suggest this

u/TheStoicCrane · 3 pointsr/TheRedPill

This book was made for guys like you struggling with childhood trauma. Read it and it may change the way you feel about life and your past turmoil.

u/SpiegoLeDiscussioni · 3 pointsr/italy
u/Chummin · 3 pointsr/sexover30

So you've gotten in better shape, but your still crawling around on all 4 begging for her attention. News Flash - Needy people are so much work and a turn off at the end of the day.

I wore your exact shoes a few years ago and was at the door of divorce. Today we both agree that had either one of us brought up the bid D word, it probably would have happened.

Ask yourself while looking in the mirror - Are you the man that attracted her 14 years ago when she clawed at you? What were you like back then?

Most answers are the same - Spontaneous, Energetic, Played sports, Built things with your hands, had an ego, could change the world, had no time for needy people, energetic, life of the party, social leader, ect.

Heres the part that might sting a little - but stop trying to change other people. They owe you nothing and you don't own them. Once you're truly happy internally and loving yourself that you will begin to see others want to be around you. When you give off that vibe that you have your world under control and nothing fazes you, people want to be a part of that because it's attractive.

Find a hobby, play some sports, spend time in the garage building something, take care of shit at home because you want to, not because you think it will change someone else. Never expect anything in return for what you do in and out of the house. Improve YOU and others WILL notice.

Read this book as the first step: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1479840469&sr=1-1&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy

Look, I know how you feel and it breaks my heart to read these stories - but please take what I typed with a grain of salt and really look internally for that change you want. It may not fix your marriage, but it puts you on the roadmap and the right frame of mind going forward.

I took this advice 3-4-5 years ago - today we are so freaking open in our conversations it's crazy hot, sex has been better than ever before, and we are planning vacations, ect. The house is clean, the kids are happy, and we glow when we go out. In fact we glow so damn much people are always all over us at parties ect.

Start leading, stop following.

u/Paul-ish · 3 pointsr/sex

Make him read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

u/allforumer · 3 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

If you are interested in this topic, I suggest this book -
http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

It examines this behavior pattern in contexts other than possible romantic connections, which I think is a unique approach. It also helps the 'nice guys' break the cycle more easily because the principles it talks about can be tried out in almost any situation (workplace, friends).

u/iamcornholio · 3 pointsr/IAmA

Thanks.

>At what point do you think you have a problem with porn? And fapping?

After reading "No More Mr Nice Guy" this book was spot on in describing me as a person and I simply knew that it was right when I read in it about sexual problems guys like me have.

>Do you think that those problems are the reason why you are virgin?

You mean fapping/porn/alcohol? Partially yes, but I think my social anxiety/retardedness are much more of a problem. This is why I mentioned therapy, I still have a long way to go and I won't be able to do it alone.

>Do you think that with all of those things out of your life you'll be more successful at getting your sexual needs met in a more healthy manner?

I hope so, I simply think that those were steps I needed to make if I ever want to be happy. If you're interested this post talks about this in more depth, point 1) is especially relevant I think.

>What is your opinion on those things in moderation? Do you think you are capable of enjoying them in moderation?

Alcohol - no way, I am a son of an alcoholic. Porn - the post I mentioned above should clarify this. Masturbation - yep, I intend to go back to fapping this week and continue to do it once or maybe twice a week in a healthy manner.

u/_uncarlo · 3 pointsr/niceguys

There's a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" which I recommend to all the nice guys (like I used to be) out there.

And for Rick & Morty fans. This is exactly what Rick tells Jerry in the episode "The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy".

u/ColdIceZero · 3 pointsr/TheRedPill

Much of my research has been focused on men who grew up under an emotionally abusive, narcissistic female parent ("Nparent"). Boys with high levels of intelligence who grow up under these conditions develop defense mechanisms to avoid the irrational, and often unpredictable, wrath of their Nparent.

One of these defense mechanisms is a highly developed sense of empathy, or in other words "the ability to understand and share the feelings of others." Children from abusive homes often develop higher-than-normal levels of awareness for other people's emotions as a survival response; because while growing up, a child's well-being was determined by the emotional state of the Nparent, whose mood and behavior could radically and unpredictably shift without warning or provocation. So, these children learn how to observe their Nparent and be aware of their every-changing emotional state at all times.

There are a couple consequences of this. First, many of these children learn how to interact with other people in a disarming way. These sort of children do very well in professional sales environments because they have an advanced ability to "read" people.

Which leads me to a second consequence: primarily being in a state of reaction to other people's actions. If life were a game of chess, you would be black, always reacting to white's first move. Again, as a defense mechanism, children in abusive homes learn strategies to disarm or satisfy their Nparent. Since the Nparent is always on the offensive and the child is always on defense, everything the child is trained to do is counter, repel, or otherwise disarm the actions of others. And these children can become very well adept at developing strategies to anticipate the needs of others.

So while the bulk of these boys' training is as a reaction to the wants and needs of others, these boys are not taught how to be in charge, how to identify and exert their own wants and needs in a relationship in a healthy way. In every relationship, there is a leader and there is a follower. Your relationship training growing up has always been to be reactionary, to be a damn good follower because your survival depended on it.

Now, you are dating, and women are looking for a leader in the relationship. The problem is that you don't have any training on how to be a leader in relationships. Like a fish in water, your whole world growing up has been focused on being the best survivor you can be, and that has meant being the best listener, the best reactor, the best follower you can be because you never knew what it meant to be in control.

Shifting gears into being on the opposite side of that fence, by being the person whose Will is exerted instead of being the person upon whom someone else's Will is exerted, is difficult. It's like riding a bike for the first time: no matter how many books you read on riding a bike, you're still going to fall the first few times. Becoming comfortable as a leader in a relationship is learning experience. It takes time to explore what that means for you and what that means to the women who follow you.

Diving deeper, if you grew up in this sort of environment, you know what it means to be taken advantage of; you've seen what it means for a person to manipulate some unsuspecting individual into fulfilling the manipulator's desires. Like a used-car salesman, you may view the whole experience of "using your magic" to get other people to do what you want as coercive, as something negative. You feel bad because maybe you feel like you're taking advantage of these women; and knowing how badly it sucks to be taken advantage of, you feel uncomfortable escalating things because of it. You haven't necessarily been so accommodating to others because you wanted to, you've done it as a means of survival, because you've had to in order to avoid punishment. You can't fathom or haven't considered the reality that there are people out there who genuinely desire to support others, not out of a sense of avoiding pain but because they truly feel a desire to support the fulfillment of someone else's Will.

If any of this applies to you, then here's my advice: first, recognize that you've been playing the part of the follower in relationships. Your approach has been reactionary, to anticipate the needs of others in order to satisfy those needs, as you feel a good partner should. The problem with this approach is that it requires the other person to have definitive needs. If they don't have needs that can be defined, then you won't know what to do; and nothing you do will satisfy them.

This might explain some issues you've had with LTRs in the past. There's the ongoing joke that if you ask a woman "what would you like to have for dinner?," her response is ____. You already know the stereotypical response (it's "I don't know", if you didn't already guess). While publicly men will lament about female indecisiveness, TRP explains that women aren't interested in making the decision about dinner because they've already made the only decision that matters: they chose you. Now, it's your job to decide what's for dinner; it's your responsibility to figure out what you both are doing tonight; she depends on you to take the lead. And since she's waiting for you to exert your Will, she often doesn't have definitive wants to satisfy. This may very well be the reason why you kept expecting insight from previous LTRs on what you should be doing for them, all the while they were becoming frustrated with you because you were not exhibiting the very same indicators that you sought from her.

Second, you need to learn how to be a leader in relationships, learn how to be in control. There are strong, positive leaders and there are shitty, negative leaders. Realize that exerting your Will in a relationship is not inherently bad thing. There are ways to do it positively. Women seek this strong leadership in relationships with a man. Just like you presently react to someone else to satisfy their needs, women desire to do that exact thing for you. So if you're not exerting your Will in a relationship, then your relationship with her will invariably fall apart.

So get over feeling bad about exerting your Will. Realize that a huge percentage of women desire to support the Will of a strong man. This desire is so ingrained that a surprising quantity of women admit to sexually fantasizing about being raped. This psychology tells us that even under what we might consider to be the most severe of circumstances (being raped), a situation that you would overwhelmingly consider to be "bad," many women still generally sexually fantasize about being "taken" and satisfying a man's Will by his force. By being a man who exerts his Will, you are quite actually giving women what they truly seek: a man who knows what he wants and ACTS on it. So in your chess game with women, be the white piece and make the first move; let them react to you, your desires, your Will. They want you to take charge, and you're hurting yourself and disappointing them when you don't.

Final thoughts, pick up copies of these two books: (1) "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover, and (2) "Models" by Mark Manson. First read No More Mr Nice Guy.

u/hiigaran · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

If I may make a recommendation for some reading, there are three very good books that may apply here.

  • Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns. It's a book that teaches you how to do cognitive behavioral therapy for yourself to deal with depression and anxiety, but it's useful pretty much any time you're feeling bad and having repeating negative thought patterns.
  • No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A Glover about how to be more assertive and express you needs and desires properly.
  • Daring Greatly by Brene Brown about the power of allowing yourself to be vulnerable and how it can improve how you feel about yourself and your relationship with other people.

    The three of those books together could do great things to aid your confidence and assertiveness, as well as help you cope with the negative thought patterns that seem to be overwhelming you right now.
u/41mHL · 3 pointsr/datingoverthirty

Hey reddit, is there a women's equivalent to No More Mr. Nice Guy?

u/djrobzilla · 3 pointsr/socialskills

Having dealt with this exact thing myself and mostly overcoming it, I think I may have a helpful perspective. Part of the reason I got emotional standing up to people is exactly because I was bottling up my emotions inside literally ALL the time. I rarely asked for what I wanted. I rarely told people when I had an issue with something they did that I didn't like. I was basically Mr. Nice Guy(tm). When I actually got into a situation where I felt like confrontation was the ONLY option, the built up pressure would explode and I would tear up, resulting in the rather incongruous body and facial language you seemingly experienced.

I am happy to say that recently, this has not been nearly as much of an issue. This is because I had a few self realizations and then practiced to overcome the self limiting beliefs that were bottling me up.

What were those self limiting beliefs?

  • That other's needs are more important than mine.
  • That I require approval from others to have worth.
  • That emotions are best left unexpressed.

    I am still working on overcoming these beliefs today, even though I have made huge strides. It's a process and it's hard work, but the payoff is worth it: Better friendships, easier time meeting and attracting the opposite sex, more comfortable work environment. It improved every area of my life.

    Here was my plan of attack:

  • Ask for what I want more often and ask directly without only hinting that I want that thing. People will respect you for knowing what you want and asking for it without couching it in subtle deceit to retain their approval. I wish I knew this sooner.
  • When people ask me for things, I no longer regard myself as a doormat and simply give give give with no benefit to myself. That only builds up resentment and lack. I started asking for concessions and trades. If I did something for someone, I made sure it benefited both of us, and not just the other person.
  • Took more risks. Risked asking girls out, risked talking to strangers, risked trying new activities and visiting new places

    There's more to cover here that I think could be of help, but this book by Dr. Robert Glover probably has all the info you need:
    https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
u/Arkw3ll · 3 pointsr/dating_advice

Confidence. It honestly really just comes down to confidence. I suggest you give this a read: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

You describe that you are fit, educated, working etc. that means that there is something in your interactions with people or your general behavior that's stopping you or coloring your interest's perspective of you. Since this sounds like a recurring theme, it's safe to say that you are the common denominator in this pattern.

You are 23, so while you should be proud of all of these accomplishments they are not going to win someones heart for you. Most of the people your age are looking for a connection, a distraction, some fun, and if all goes well potentially a relationship. Spend some time thinking about what was happening when you noticed a change in the person you were seeing. See if you can find some clues to change some behavior. I'd be willing to bet you are just taking things really seriously really quickly, which can make someone who is not as serious immediately a little wary of you. I had the same habit at 23, with a similar list of accomplishments. The gods honest truth is that I was so worried about the end goal (relationship) that I wasn't making the journey fun, which causes the journey to end.

u/20172018_Throwaway · 3 pointsr/Divorce
u/caesarfecit · 3 pointsr/JordanPeterson

> Im agreeable, passive and nice to a fault. Why? Because I believe I NEED as many people around me as possible. Why? Because without them, I would find myself alone. And alone, I would die due to conflict with others.

You actually don't. We may want others in our lives, and be better for it, but you don't need other people to survive or even be happy. It's a pernicious false belief. For instance, ever consider that much of that "conflict with others" is caused by neediness in either yourself or others?

> Integrating the Shadow means becoming disagreeable and getting into conflict with others because you want something.

Integrating the Shadow means confronting and accepting our inner child who has irrational wants and fears. The reason why we do this is because that inner child is the root of all motivation. And furthermore, if we didn't integrate the Shadow, our only alternatives are to repress it (which never works because repression breeds rebellion) or let it dominate us.

There is a big big difference between standing up for ourselves and our legitimate self-interest, and running around causing drama.

> I am a beta male, and if I conflict with others it could lead to physical confrontation and I believe I would lose those fights. I am not a dominant creature, I am relatively short with no combat training. I just don't believe in my ability to survive life by myself.

Unless you're in some kind of post-apocalyptic anarchy where every conflict is a life-and-death knife fight, this sounds overblown and hysterical.

Sometimes conflict comes to us whether we want it or not, and a bully is always banking on the unwillingness of his victim to defend themselves. Which is worse, to fight the good fight and lose, or to lose it by default due to cowardice?

Winning a fight is just as much mental as it is physical, and the mental aspect can be learned and developed. That's one of the reasons why I took up wrestling in high school. And there was one guy on the team that I had significant height and weight advantages over and he'd still throw me around like a ragdoll because of his experience and superior technique.

> A dominant male does believe in his ability, and therefore can afford to be an asshole to others and take what he needs/wants from life.

They believe in their ability because that is what experience has taught them. Your bad experiences have taught you the wrong lesson. Furthermore, bullies always always always get what's coming to them, because they inevitably push things too far or mess with the wrong person, because they're too ignorant to foresee that possibility.

> I have to cooperate with others and be kind to them so that I am not shunned from groups nor greeted with disdain by an angry ape(other humans).

Ever consider the possibility that your approach might actually breed contempt and disdain in others, just as much or more as being confrontational.

You seem to be laboring under this false dichotomy that your choices are to be a doormat or a thug. That's simply not true. Standing up for yourself does not automatically mean putting others down. In fact I'd argue that building yourself up at the expense of others simply doesn't work.

Here's some recommended reading for you:

u/agoodresponse · 3 pointsr/asktrp

Okay, I will tell you some things about me.

First, I ghosted everyone that knew me as a Blue Pill guy. Now, an inherent part of ghosting is being alone. When most people tell you they are independent, it's fucking bullshit. Emerson wrote a great deal on self-reliance.

Here is an essay by Emerson on the subject of self-reliance. It is both a great introduction to his views and how beautifully he writes.
http://www.emersoncentral.com/selfreliance.htm

Here is a collection of Emerson's essays. Ignore the 1 star review, which is for the Kindle version of the book, but heed it and buy the physical book instead of the Kindle version.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1598530844/

Emerson was friend and mentor to Thoreau, who wrote the following account of his two-year stay in a cabin near Walden Pond. One of Thoreau's goals was self-sufficiency.
http://www.amazon.com/Walden-A-Fully-Annotated-Edition/dp/0300104669

Here is some further reading.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0762415339/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1492777862/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0199291152/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0802150926/

You mention you are going to be a radiographer soon. Now, I have seen said on TRP that some here do not see the point in film, but I fucking love film. Now, there is one film in particular that I think relates to your situation incredibly. That is Ikiru by Akira Kurosawa.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/ikiru/
Ikiru is about a Japanese man who, near the end of his life, learns he has a terminal disease. He has, up to that point, wasted his whole life at his government job. Learning of his illness inspires in the main character a will to change, and seeing him undergo that inspires change in those around him. But, and this is another lesson to be learned from the film, we see that the main character's transformation has no lasting effect on those around him. Change has to come from within.

Another film seriously worth watching is Whiplash. I saw it mentioned in this subreddit in passing and am glad I did.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7d_jQycdQGo

If you want me to elaborate on the things that I didn't, ask. I have a lot more film recommendations, but cannot recommend any more books, as I do not read that much. I don't recommend any music as I would consider most of what I listen to to be blue pill.

u/Tebulus · 3 pointsr/asktrp

Go read no more nice guy. To them you are producing or not, and if you're not you get let go and I am 99% sure that most of those higher level guys do not think about problems like you and I do. If your story is accurate and you can present your explanation of the facts and how you took initiative because it appeared to you at that time that if you did nothing and played it safe your company could have lost someones salary for a year in one month and potentially multiple months in a row. I have a very difficult time believing that your CFO and or CEO will take that badly especially if you can present it calmly and confidently. If they react poorly and try to scapegoat you then defend yourself with the facts and without emotion. If it doesnt go well be polite and respectful on your way out to your next interview and go tell the story of how you saved a company potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines in a month because you saw an opportunity and took it and didnt give a fuck what your overworked CFO did. Also dont read into shit. You have zero idea what is going on and men do the same thing to women. You are missing information and cannot come to the correct conclusion anyway. Be patient and secure in your existence and practice outcome independence.

u/Casanova-Quinn · 3 pointsr/videos

>but things like going out of my way to answer phone calls, texts, being home, checking in, making myself available when she needed help, making sure the house was working, not spending forever out with friends, including my wife when I had some kind of activity, they all went unnoticed

I would highly recommend you read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. I guarantee it will be very eye opening for you.

u/Makorbit · 3 pointsr/socialskills

These were the lessons I learned that changed the way I saw things. I'm going to speak frankly because what you said resonates with how I felt when I was younger.

First, since I love reading, here's a good read that might be helpful

Kindness

The prerequisite for respect from others is, first and foremost, self-respect. There is a profound difference between kindness coming from a place of self-respect and kindness coming from neediness. One asks nothing in return, simply for personal satisfaction of adhering to one's own personal pillars, the other gives expecting reciprocation. Respecting the self doesn't mean being an asshole to others, it's knowing what you want, what you value, and being willing to stand behind those regardless of others. Learn to need only the self, and you become a foundation from which true kindness can be found. Don't be afraid to let people see who you are.

This is the vital issue with the 'nice-guy' syndrome, and why you see bitterness come from 'nice-guys', especially when it comes to romantic interests. 'nice-guys' try to slip in an unspoken contract under their kindness, 'I'm going to be nice to you so I expect something in return'.

-----------------
Attention

The loud, the colorful and the entertaining get the most attention. They may be rude and narcissistic, but they probably have more presence or 'I AM HERE' than someone who's nice, friendly, and kind. Attention isn't necessarily a good thing, the person who fucks around and has outbursts of rage gets attention and is entertaining, but no one respects them. The rotting apple garners as much attention as the apple pie next to a bowl of fruit. The people you describe may just have a stronger sense of self, what the self wants, and the self-respect to let that be known. People are drawn to that which is different. Different, not better, not worse.

--------------------

Narcissism

Whlie we're on the topic of narcissism, the 'nice-guy' is one of the most narcissistic types of people. They convince themselves they're being altruistic, but they do things for others for the sake of getting something in return for themselves.

>'I always do them favors, they should do them for me, I'm always friendly with them they should be friendly to me, [I] listen to them they should listen to me, I'm always there for them they should always be there for me'.

You paid them in kindness and now they're revoking the contract because they 'end up using, disrespecting and leaving me'.

I only say this because I was like this once before. Once I began to see my 'kindness' through this lens, it became very easy to distinguish moments when I was being kind expecting something in return, and when I was being kind for the sake of it. Once I started to establish a firmer understanding of what I wanted, and what I personally valued, I noticed, over time, that people respected me more. They saw genuine me, not hiding behind the hollow mask of kindness.

u/Draknodred · 3 pointsr/seduction

This is very true. I just finished reading No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover and it pretty much goes over these exact things. If you want a good book to read and help figure this out for yourself I recommend that one.

No need for everyone to get so upset, this doesn't apply to everyone but if it does apply you probably don't realize it. I didn't until my relationship of two years came crashing down and I didn't blame anyone but her. Learning about this weeks after I realized there's a lot more crap going on that I made myself not notice.

It's a bit of a misnomer with the name, people aren't saying to be an asshole. It's more about being yourself without seeking approval in women, being able to be a nice/good person without the hidden expectation that good things will happen to you because you are so nice and good.

A lot of it you would never notice normally because it seems normal to you. You are a great person right? So what's wrong? You're probably being a "great" person for the wrong reasons, for other people and not for yourself. Putting other people first all the time but then getting internally frustrated later on when your needs are not met. It just creates a cycle of frustration and anger, then the deceit comes.

It's easy to dismiss and not everyone is this way but it's still fairly common these days. Just be open to the idea and do some research, if you're one of these kind of people then you'll be happy you found out before it was too late. It's easy to dismiss as people wanting you to be an asshole but that's not what it's about.

Even if you don't want to be a PUA it's still one of the most important realizations you can make in your life.

u/iceet · 3 pointsr/TheRedPill

I have read the Way of the Superior Man and the Manipulated Man. Both are excellent. Here are two that I recommend:

Sex-Ploytation by Matthew Fitzgerald
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Ploytation-Matthew-Fitzgerald/dp/0966963903

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0

u/key402 · 3 pointsr/asktrp

You need to read the book titled No More Mr. Nice guy.

Every behavior you've mentioned, this book covers. There is even one chapter that talks about how people with the nice guy syndrome tend to seek out women that have underlying issues, because they think with their love and support they can rehabilitate them.

It sounds like your emotional outbursts are because you are being a nice guy and letting your anger build up when you don't get your way. You need to learn to live for yourself and set expectations with people, so that they know what you want and expect from them.

I used the be in your shoes, and your behavior is the perfect example of why nice guys aren't really even nice. They just hide their intent, and then get angry when things don't go their way.

u/ChickensDontClap90 · 3 pointsr/booksuggestions

I'd recommend How to Win Friends & Influence People as well as No More Mr. Nice Guy.

I'm of the opinion that you can't be taught how to be a nice person, just as you can't be taught how to be a mean person; it's more a matter of genetics, surroundings, experiences, and introspection. I do think that people can be taught how to act nice or, to put it gentler, taught to comport themselves in a more sociable manner.

How to Win Friends is an obvious choice in that regard. No More Mr. Nice Guy I think would be good because the general thesis is that you don't don't have to be a pushover to be considered nice.

u/Mewmute · 3 pointsr/dating_advice

Go and work out everyday, eat healthy food like bananas, blueberries and dark chocolate, stay away from tobacco, alcohol and drugs, also try this book if you think you can relate to what its about https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/Eltakiam · 3 pointsr/depression

Your post screams Nice Guy Syndrome. I've been there and it sucked more than eight years out of me. You should read No More Mr. Nice Guy. This book really helped me change the way I see these things.

u/Powased · 3 pointsr/SocialEngineering
u/ThisAdorableSOB · 3 pointsr/MGTOW

No More Mr Nice Guy was the book I was referring to - hopefully other commenters can offer more examples.

I've been reading A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy & Enchiridion by Epicurus for some easy-to-digest MGTOW philosophy which has crossed nicely into the mainstream. For fiction I'd hugely recommend Whatever by Michel Houellebecq & Lights Out in Wonderland by DBC Pierre (one of my all-time favourites.)

To be fair, Bukowski can be read to help with the "Don't Give A Fuck" attitude that can help build your confidence. He tends to see women without the rose-tinted glasses, to put it delicately. He's written lots of poetry but his novels are the best. Bluebird is one of my favourite poems by him. Post Office is one of his great novels.

That's all I can think of for now.

u/ColdEiric · 3 pointsr/INTP

> I don't want to be a hothead spaz but I also don't want to be a pussy.

Do you think it's time for 'No More Mr Nice Guy', by Robert A. Glove? What do you say?

u/ilikesquash2 · 3 pointsr/asktrp

read "No More Mr.Nice Guy - DR. Robert Glover"

In it he explains "The opposite of crazy is still crazy."
Let me help illustrate that like this, Take a guy who meticulously washes his car, freaks out about a small piece of dirt, Crazy. Now the opposite of that guy is A person who never cleans their car and has it filled with garbage like a hoarder, also CRAZY. So long story short, If you are a nice guy, being an asshole will not help you.

Good Luck out there!

u/mattdan79 · 3 pointsr/relationship_advice

I'm very much like you. A year ago I was suicidal.
I'm here to tell you there is a way out!

I would seriously look into your Codependant issues. You are not a bad guy but you have to see. No one forced you to get into a relationship with this sick person, no one held a gun to your head and made you stay. You can keep pointing the finger at her but at the end of the day you have to realize that you keep putting yourself in harms way. You even see how you attract the crazies on OKC.

  1. Cut off all unneeded contact with her. If you have no shared assets or children this should be a matter of just divvying up your stuff. The less contact the sooner you get better

  2. I highly suggest you read these two books and find some support groups in your area -- you don't want to replace one codependant relationship with another!

    http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

    http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025

    Give yourself a break! You just need a change of perspective. In a year you can be so much happier. I know it doesn't seem it now but if you take this opportunity to convert all that pain to growth and understanding you will be so happy! All the best OP! Keep us in the loop.
u/visibleinvisible · 3 pointsr/asktrp

> I dress well now, almost have the body I want, make close to 95,000 a year, but obviously still need to improve in order to be able to attract women.

You may not attract women of the calibre you desire, but I have no doubt that you attract women. If you perceive yourself a solid 7, you expect HB7s and HB8s -- which is perfectly reasonable. If you perceive yourself a 5 (even if you really are a 7), the HB7s and HB8s will intuit the disparity and disparage you accordingly.

>More frustratingly, I am beginning to realize how really important raw physical attractiveness is.

This is your insecurity speaking. You are wrong, wrong, wrong. If I may say so, your self-confidence is absolute shit. Who did what to you that made you so self-loathing?

I infer from your comments that you need this book more than life itself: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408404654&sr=1-1&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy

u/DopeDawg · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

I'm putting this here, because it's a great book and know that otherwise this comment will just sink to the bottom.

But be your own man. Meaning you decided what feels right and then do it. Nothing illegal have you. This is probably the hardest fucking thing one can do if he has spend his whole life looking for the approval/validation through the eyes of others.





u/rebuildingMyself · 2 pointsr/seduction

Robert Glover

Amazon Linky

u/Jessie_James · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

A lack of self-confidence with women is simply (in my opinion) your brain's way of saying "We don't have enough skill/experience/education to do [task]" It's a fear that is innately designed to prevent you from trying to do something that is likely to end in defeat.

Note that I say "self-confidence with women".

You have plenty of confidence to :

> build a house, rebuild my car, all that sort of stuff

How did you get that confidence to do all those other things? Someone taught them to you, or you read story that someone wrote down. Or through guesswork, and trial and error.

> but when it come to people I'm a wreck.

I assume you have gone to Amazon and done some searching. Have you discovered how many books they have? Too many, frankly. But there are books on how to master small talk, be good with women, be good with business meetings, be more confident, flirt, understand body language, and on and on.

If you were to spend perhaps 12 total hours reading a book on dating, that would probably be 12 hours more knowledge than you have now - and won't be able to get from therapists (as quickly and as focused), or people on the Internet.

I'll suggest you check out Models, download Double Your Dating (and anything else by David DeAngelo - he really helped my self confidence), and No More Mr Nice Guy as a few starter books.

I think you will find that if you take the time to actually learn about women, your confidence will improve.

Now, take heed - when you read these books, you will probably say to yourself "This won't work. This doesn't make any sense." And you are right. With your current lack of skills and lack of experience, everything you read will be foreign. However, if you read the books, the wait about 4 weeks while you go out and socialize, and then re-read the books a second time, you will suddenly see concepts that are "between the lines" coming through.

So, go do a little reading. Teach yourself a new skill. And then, most importantly, get out there and try it. What's the point on reading the shop manual on a car if you're not going to try to work on it? You won't get any experience until you go practice, make mistakes, read the manual again, and then repeat it until you get it right.

u/fixmajus · 2 pointsr/confessions


I was a small liar too.

This book really helped me a lot : https://www.amazon.ca/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Basically, stop hiding things to make yourself look better. People tend to like flaws and confidence better then akwardly perfection.

u/fuck_gawker · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Check out "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

u/mpizgatti · 2 pointsr/INTP

The people here commenting, many don't seem to have any first-hand experience with this philosophy. It's similar to those who talk out of their ass about modern Satanism or anything else they don't understand but is associated with "bad" or "taboo" imagery. Buy into the hype and bandwagons and you don't have to actually research and think, how convenient.

The better place to start? https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/ and https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/. Not as many "seasoned" posters or authority figures of the movement. It is hilarious to me, some of the comments I see below mentioning "controlling" or "manipulative" as keywords. Controlling is furthest from the truth. Now there are some in the PUA movement where the employ high usage of Dark Triad traits (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_triad) which are of course meant to be manipulative or "harsher" but that's not the norm.

You'll notice that every focus in the MarriedRedPill Sub is ALL about self improvement. It's not manipulation, it's becoming the opposite of needy. Becoming "outcome independent" so that you aren't hinging on expectations of what the other person will do. The goal is to be masculine, strong, and assertive. To be so self assured that you CAN allow someone else in without scaring them off with needy beta behavior. That's it. The idea (and it is a philosophy, you don't have to identify with it) is that we are evolved in this way. The majority of women who want happy marriages are going to do better in a SLIGHTLY submissive role. Submissive doesn't mean lesser, or worth less or any other feminist garbage of the modern age.

The MarriedRedPill Sub really illustrates a captain/co-captain relationship. The idea is that men are leading their lives and a great woman for you will support that and support your mission. They don't process information the same way and DO NOT want to be included in every little thought you have. They want to see you succeed and that fulfills their purpose. They are turned on by your confidence and self assurance. That comforts them. Provides security.

I think the issue is that we are here on INTP. I'm reading through this book now: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 and I have to tell you.... the majority of the people on this sub fall into this kind of male. That book and this one other https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900 will change your life and attitude if you follow the guidance and advice within. It has ZERO mention of red-pill, just psychologists talking about counseling and assertiveness and not being the "nice guy" anymore. It is helping me a lot and I recommend both.

It's not PC to say that women and men are different. Humans are different. Even the races are different in predictable ways. It doesn't mean that they don't all have the same potential or that they should have less opportunity. However, we cannot equalize outcomes. That is up to the individual.

u/omanisherin · 2 pointsr/TheRedPill

I suggest starting him off with some reading to establish a core belief system before sending him deep into TRP...
http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

https://bookofpook.neocities.org/

Are pretty easy to digest.

u/Huygensthief · 2 pointsr/offmychest
u/Novelty_Frog · 2 pointsr/self

I don't claim that this book will solve your problems, nor do I know your history or current life circumstances. But, try reading this.

u/ProjectVivify · 2 pointsr/AskMen

> avoiding fights and conflicts

This is part of your problem right here. Conflict is ubiquitous in our world. Avoiding it creates more problems than it solves. Essentially you're projecting to other people that you won't stand up for yourself and defend your boundaries.

People being the animals that they are won't respect someone that doesn't respect themselves enough to defend their territory.

> I tend to avoid anything long-term because I am terrified that my non confrontational attitude, very trustworthy and very forgiving attitude, makes me into prey for others to take advantage of and women will (and have) see them as weaknesses and take advantage of them, and then use and cheat on me.

Good, you've identified the problem. The solution is to change your mindset and be less forgiving and more confrontational (when it is justified of course). You don't seek trouble out, but when it comes to you, you don't avoid it and you make it very very sorry that it found you.

A parallel in Buddhism might be trying to avoid unhappiness, when unhappiness a fact of life just as happiness is. Bad, uncomfortable times of conflict are necessary to preserve the balance of your life. Avoiding conflict will just sow the seeds for a larger conflict further down the track as problems build up. Peace will return soon enough and much quicker than if you avoid conflict when it arises.

I would suggest going to therapy to work on your willingness to face conflict. I would also read this book

Your problem isn't insurmountable, but it will take time, effort and a willingness to change.

u/QuietlyLearning · 2 pointsr/TheRedPill

I would say to have him watch you in the field picking up women; odds are, however, he will say that you are picking up "easy" women.

Introduce him to No More Mr. Nice Guy; you can find free PDF copies online if need be. This book was my "jump" a few years back. The book reads as self help instead of seduction; seduction material tends to challenge world views drastically compared to NMMNG.

The closest I've taken a friend to the red pill is having them read The Ethical Slut. The guy was always clingy when he put a label on the relationship and reading the book "freed him". While TES will not teach anything major, it could be the tipping point for him since having multiple women is common for red pill men.

u/squidboots · 2 pointsr/self

You should check out this book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy", it describes exactly all this and gives some good exercises for how to overcome the shame, anxiety, and guilt that drives these behaviors. Overall a fantastic book.

That said, my only gripe about that book is that the section that covers the "why I do this" (upbringing, familial relationships, gender identity, etc) is a bit forced and, at times, borderline counterproductive. I actually prefer the explanations given in a book called "Anxious to Please." A lot of the same basic concepts are covered as in the Nice Guy book but the way it's explained is much more intuitive, and I think it is a lot broader in its relevance to people.

u/Vraboxin · 2 pointsr/MGTOW

A man doesn't have to be exclusively straight in order to qualify for white-knighting. Biologically, every man has the instinct to spread his seed to as many women as possible regardless of sexuality.

Even nice guys fool themselves into thinking that they aren't influenced by pussy just because they're gay.

u/watuphoss · 2 pointsr/AskMen

I was the same way, this book helped me out a bit.

u/itwasninjas · 2 pointsr/motorcycles

Way late on the reply here, but you guys are talking about Nice Guy Syndrome and I just read a book that is very relevant: No More Mr Nice Guy.

u/DB_Helper · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms



>For the princess thing I very strongly recommend reading a book.

Amazing book... I used to do the same
thing you describe of not listening to my wife's body language when she is clearly not in a receptive mood. After 20 minutes of what you see as "giving", but she experiences as "bothering" or "just looking for sex", she's annoyed, and you're horny and feeling rejected. The book gives concrete actions to avoid this situation and drastically increase your odds of successfully initiating sex, while giving your wife the non sexual reassurance and affection she needs.

On a side note, it sounds like part of the problem is that your wife just doesn't feel sexy. Are you able to talk honestly with her about her weight? Do you prefer her at her current weight, or would you prefer if she was smaller (or bigger)? Dr. Jason Fung's blog, IDM, had a lot of information on intermittent fasting that can be very helpful if losing a few pounds would help her to feel better about herself.

My wife has always been very toned, athletic and curvy. After three kids she was feeling like her body was sagging, despite the fact that she still looked fantastic. I tell her almost every day how sexy she is, but she consistently brings up how her boobs are not as big as they were while she was breastfeeding (she's a solid, perky B cup) and her core just isn't like it used to be (she was a swimmer in high school, has great muscle tone, and has a small waist compared to boobs and hips). Lately, we have both been doing more exercise and a one day a week 24 hour fast, and she has lost about 5 or 10 pounds. Honestly, she looks great now, but she looked equally great 10 pounds heavier. But now when I look at her and tell her she looks great, she checks herself out in the mirror and says "yeah I do!". She is now much more confident, and I'm sure that has something to do with her starting to initiate far more frequently in the past few months.

u/OhTheHugeManatee · 2 pointsr/self

This is very important and serious stuff.

The first question you need to answer is: "Do I want to live my life with a woman who doesn't love me?" You DESERVE to live your life with a woman who loves you, but whether you want that is up to you. I guess there are people who are happy to have a loveless marriage. If this is you, ignore the rest of my comment.

If you want to live your life with a woman who loves you, understand that this was part of the deal you accepted in marriage: to be loved in return. Right now you are not receiving your part of the deal, and that's not fair to you. She also deserves to live her life with a man she loves, and anything less isn't fair to her, either. If she can't ever give you that love, then the appropriate course of action is to end the marriage and find someone who CAN do that for each other.

But I hear that you want to work on it, and that's a great course of action. It's totally possible for you guys to change so that she can rediscover those feelings of affection.

My point is that this is a very serious situation. In the long run, this will end in unhappiness and probably divorce. Facing that kind of future, it's OK to take drastic action here. In fact, this is the time when you SHOULD be taking drastic action! People change jobs, move houses, and even move states to save their marriages. This is THAT kind of action time.

No matter what, I can promise you that just waiting to "see where things go" is going to end in unhappiness and divorce, if you have any self respect. Without effort and (usually) help, "where things go" is more of the same. And that's not fair to you, to her, OR to your child. This will take work, and she has to be willing to do that work with you.

The most important thing is that both of you want to work on this. It won't work if it's just you. So sit down with your wife and talk about it. Tell her that she deserves to be in a relationship with a man she loves, you deserve to be in a relationship with a woman who loves you, and your child deserves to grow up with an example of a healthy, loving relationship. You want that woman, that relationship, to be the two of you together. If you can get her to agree to work with you to try and rekindle the affection between you, then it's a green light to go ahead. If she refuses, then there's actually no hope here.

Assuming you get that green light, this is how you work on a relationship:

  • get to a couples therapist. I hear that she doesn't want to, but if she wants to work on the relationship, that's how you do it. Remember that this is a joint decision; just because she doesn't want to doesn't mean it's off the table if YOU want it. Saying she wants to fix the relationship but doesn't want to go to a therapist is like saying you want to fix the car but don't want to involve a repairman.
  • While you hunt for a therapist (and it takes some looking to find someone you both like/trust), look for books and resources that can give you ideas for where to direct your efforts. You should BOTH be doing this. Some good resources: marriagebuilders.com, the 5 love languages, marriedmansexlife.com, No More Mister Nice Guy. These resources helped me and my wife recover our relationship, and there are others. Read them together.
  • Set a weekly meeting time to talk about how you've been feeling about each other over the last week. put it on the calendar, and go out of the house for the meeting. This is when you can talk about what seemed to work, and what didn't. What moments where she felt good, and when she didn't.
  • recognize that this is your problem too: you guys have built a relationship where only one side is feeling the love, and TOGETHER you have to fix it so that both sides feel it. She is feeling the symptoms, she can help you figure out where some of the problems lie, but you both will have to work to fix it.
  • Work on yourself. Take up a hobby that you've always wanted to do, and return to an old hobby that you haven't gotten to do in a long time. Take the time to do things for you, because you deserve it. These activities seem trivial, but they go a long way towards anchoring you in this difficult time.
  • Last, but I have to say it: sometimes people say "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" because they've found someone else who gives them a hormonal rush the way you don't anymore. If your gut is telling you to be jealous of a male friend of hers, trust it and do what it takes to satisfy YOURSELF that there's nothing going on there.

    Good luck, friend.
u/KyleKennedy8 · 2 pointsr/selfhelp
u/flojoTheAwesome · 2 pointsr/askseddit

My recommendation is to head over to /r/NoFap and also check out No More Mr. Nice Guy.

u/blahm3 · 2 pointsr/seduction

Well it sounds like you have identified your own problem which is that you simply need to get out there and get experience. Take things one step at a time. Work on your body language. Work on good eye contact. work on opening, then conversation etc. Find out where you are and stop worrying about where you want to be. Delightful white is on the money here.

Also from your edits you seem to really need to get over this I want a girlfriend thing. I think you really need to examine why you feel you want/need one so bad. A girlfriend won't solve your problems. My guess is you are letting other people determine what you want.

A non pickup related book that I think might help you is 'no more mister nice guy'.

u/Account4aCrazy2 · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

Please read "No More Mr Nice Guy" . Apply it to your son.

u/xplorer1701 · 2 pointsr/Divorce

Sorry to hear, but don't lose hope. I'm 49, my stbxw has left our marriage for the second time, I'm still healing, but I have a lot of hope for my future. You should as well.

She cheated one you, and that is a big reason to let her go. That violates a trust that you may never have been able to restore.

Right now you're wallowing in your pain, and I get that. You need to do the following: exercise, take up a new hobby, read self-help books, spend time creating new memories, take time to heal, learn your lessons from your failed marriage and don't repeat them, and most importantly, be patient with yourself.

I recommend you read these books:

  1. http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1452259555&sr=1-1&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy

  2. http://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1452259588&sr=1-1&keywords=5+love+languages

  3. http://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/1451639619/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1452259607&sr=1-1&keywords=7+habits

    The Robert Glover book is like a kick in the pants, or at least it was for me. Regarding my own situation, I'm deeply saddened by my ex wanting to leave again. I was very much in love with her, but she was not in love with me. She wanted to explore "feelings" she had for another woman, and I wasn't the guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. That really hurt, and it sill does, but well... let's just say that while I own my mistakes, my ex's romanticizing of life and need to sustained highs to make her feel happy was impossible to meet. I wish her well, but I have my own life to lead now.

    You do too. It will take time, but you'll get to the other side of hell. Follow the advice I and others give you, and see what works for you. Remember rough moments are just that... moments to get through. Life will get better and you'll see light in the darkness again. Stay the course.

u/Birdoftruth · 2 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

I can genuinely feel for you brother. I was in your situation 5 years ago when I was dumped by my first girlfriend at 18 hearts of age for being a nice guy people pleaser. It only gets better from here bro. Know that the next phase you will reach will be the other end of the extreme, that is an asshole. Then you will have some experience and you will bounce back towards the center of the two extremes of nice guy and asshole, and then you manifest your true self. Fight on brother.

If you haven't taken the next step yet, you need to buy the book No more Mr. Nice guy This should get you going.

u/Sonic_Scrudriver · 2 pointsr/relationship_advice

pay a visit to [Dr. Glover] (http://nomoremrniceguy.com/). its possible to be a nice guy without being a Nice Guy. a very important distinction. check out the forums on the above site. If you're feeling it, check out [His Book] (http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339). It's a lot more common than you'd expect, especially in the midst of gamers/geeks/nerds/insert-stereotypical-shy-social-group-here.

u/NuclearPotatoes · 2 pointsr/NMMNG

I highly recommend supporting the author by buying the book as well here: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/data_wrangler · 2 pointsr/TrueAskReddit

Assuming you're male, I really took a lot from this book: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

I think it presents an interesting context to understand the feeling, and a reasonably concrete plan to go about getting better. I can't stress enough the importance of working out and being proud of your physical self and appearance. If you don't follow /r/Fitness, they've got a fantastic community and great advice on that front.

u/RedPillPowerNine · 2 pointsr/Marriage

You poor unfortunate bastard, you have nice guy syndrome. My advice to you is first, go get a gym membership, then get both these books on audible.

https://www.amazon.ca/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

And

https://www.amazon.ca/When-Say-Feel-Guilty-Systematic-ebook/dp/B004IK8Q22

And rock some cardio and have a listen.

You cannot change anyone! but you can change yourself. Your wife will change as a result of the new you and then you can decide if you like the new her or not. You do not get to decide how she changes as a result of your change. That's how this works.

Good luck man.

u/Jhamption · 2 pointsr/AskRedditAfterDark

For what it is worth, this is the best book that has helped me, it is 10 bucks on kindle, or you can probably find it online for free. This book changed me and how I manage my marriage. Worth every penny.
https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/speedisavirus · 2 pointsr/todayilearned

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1451093539&sr=1-1&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy

?

I always look back and say "I should have seen that coming". Last girlfriend the signs were there in the first 6 months and I ended up with her for 2 years before a really messy breakup (she had kids and shit...I was with them more than their father). I have no shortage of dating history but I have a shortage of leaving when I should know its time. Or when I suspect they think it should be over.

In short I don't like giving up.

u/noodlydoodlyherpderp · 2 pointsr/selfimprovement

seriously: read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy it's awesome, very insightful and helpful. I just read it myself and can really recommend it

u/Shaman6624 · 2 pointsr/confession

You're probably not fucked up. Good that you are acknowledging all these negative emotions. I recommend reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 it might do something for you. "Also the subtle art of not giving a f*ck" is recommended. Remember: "To desire more positive experieces is a negative experience while the acceptance of negative experiences is a positive experience." In my opinion you're right to leave try to get good custody rights with your child.

u/Iron_Man_9000 · 2 pointsr/relationship_advice

The text aside... I highly suggest you buy/borrow/read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It deals with men who lie and are passive aggresive and hide their sexuality from you... Which I'm seeing massive red flags over this.

​

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/WatchTheFireworks · 2 pointsr/dating_advice
u/cmo88 · 2 pointsr/seduction

You should really read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by: Dr. Robert A. Glover. I started reading it a while back while dealing with the same issues you're going through. Since then I have learned to put myself first and not be reliant on what other people think of me. Best of luck to you, things will get better!

Heres a link to where you can buy the book: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/piperson · 2 pointsr/relationships

I've been in your shoes. I was married to a woman for 8 years. I loved her dearly but after 8 years of her picking stupid fights and leaving me every 6 months only to come back a week later, I had enough. Actually my health wouldn't take it any more. I was physically exhausted as well as mentally and I threw in the towel without any thoughts or looking back.

It's been really hard for me the past 4 years because like you, I thought she was perfect in every other way. I also knew that she suffered for being separate from me, but 8 years of being attacked had taken it's toll and that was it for me. I often feel like crying and have a hard time relating to people because of all the baggage I carry from that relationship, but after 4 years I feel I am finally starting to come out of this emotional hole I've been living in.

Since then I've learned that my ex has Borderline Personality Disorder. In addition to that I was enabling her behavior by being too forgiving. I am/was a nice guy who would forgo his own needs in order to keep harmony in a relationship. Robert A. Glover speaks about it really well in his book No More Mr Nice Guy . I was easily manipulated by her and a great patsy.

The last few years have been a great time of discovery about her and about myself. It's been very hard but I think I am better for it. If I hadn't gone through that bad relationship, I would have never found out my own weaknesses and worked on them. I'm still not in a relationship but I feel a really satisfying one is just around the corner, mostly because I am more of a whole person. Now my needs come first. I don't let anyone walk all over me.

Somehow I seem to attract manipulators because I've had to put my foot down many times with various friends since she's been gone. But I can do it now because my tolerance for bullshit has been whittled down to next to nothing. Now my needs come first and if you try to manipulate me, you are cut out of my life.

I don't know if you guys have a shot but if you do, you've got to understand that what you are dealing with is no joke and needs attention and work. She needs to understand that things won't get better without admitting her problem and asking for help from others and you need to stop enabling her.

It's not an easy road but I hope you better luck than I had.

u/WastedPotential · 2 pointsr/aspergers

Not really on the topic of game (attractive women). I'm not even sure what's out there in terms of books.

But as far as general life skills, maybe No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.

We socially awkward types tend to be overly apologetic and try to be people pleasers, for fear of offending others. Not a good strategy, for you or those around you.

u/RichieFinn · 2 pointsr/seduction
u/ExtremelyQualified · 2 pointsr/socialskills

Read “No More Mr Nice Guy”, by Rober Glover. https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 Despite the name, it is not a redpill book. It is a book that cuts through all the shitty advice in the world and puts a fine point on what it means to be a confident person. I re-read it pretty often.

You should buy it because the author deserves every dollar for writing it, but if you’d like a preview, here’s a link: https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

u/sunnywiltshire · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

This book was the beginning of our DB recovery. It is honestly unbelievable, along with "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. These two books, I'm telling you...! The titles are cheesy as hell, but the content is genius. The first deals with the underlying psychological reasons for DBs, basically a lack of "differentiation" which leads to an unhealthy network of feeling pressure, obligation, withdrawing etc... By moving to the spare room and feeling like yourself again, you have done a huge step towards differentiation. I think the further details in this book might be of great value for you. And the other book is along similar lines, but while the first is more focused on couples altogether, the latter focuses more on men, and it's brilliant. I have learned from both so, so much. Plus, they are well written and entertaining to read. I go back to them regularly to really engrain the message in my mind and break my unhealthy patterns.

​

There's a book I haven't read yet and that is more focused on women, and is mentioned regularly here because apparently it is fantastic, it is called "come as you are". It seems to deal with different female arousal patterns which might be useful to know with regard to a woman with a LL. It seems to be about "how to learn what hinders your arousal and what accelerates it", basically, but I think it is more than that.

​

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Passionate-Marriage-Intimacy-Committed-Relationships/dp/0393334279/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=passionate+marriage&qid=1556824796&s=gateway&sr=8-1

​

https://www.amazon.co.uk/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?crid=10WF0A3U0ZLES&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy&qid=1556824853&s=gateway&sprefix=no+more+m%2Caps%2C246&sr=8-1

​

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Come-You-Are-surprising-transform/dp/1925228010/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1B16J31SVFQXN&keywords=come+as+you+are+emily+nagoski&qid=1556824888&s=gateway&sprefix=come+as+you+are%2Caps%2C202&sr=8-1

​

This one is mentioned a lot as well, again focusing on female sexuality:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring-ebook/dp/B000FC1PRK/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=she+comes+first&qid=1556824926&s=gateway&sr=8-1

​

Sorry, this comment is massive, lol. :-)

The first book has honestly enduced our DB recovery, that is not said too much. The second - where to begin. It goes even back to unhealthy patterns that one learned from one's parents and then carries into the relationship and such. Very good.

u/heronmarkedblade1984 · 2 pointsr/AskMen

No more mr nice guy.... read it, it will help you more than you can currently understand. After you get done with that read When I say no I feel guilty. Neither of them are fun, but oftentimes its bitter medicine that cures the ailments.


https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339


https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-Feel-Guilty-Systematic-ebook/dp/B004IK8Q22

u/chunknown · 2 pointsr/socialskills

I think OP refers to this label coined by Roger Robert Glover

edit not the bass player for Deep Purple

Glover's "nice guy"TM is a stereotypical archetype, a personification of a set of dysfunctional thought patterns and subsequent behaviors some males exhibit in modern (American) society. While I don't subscribe to his sociocultural analysis or his characterization of this behavior as a personality type, he makes some good points imo.

u/thor2005 · 2 pointsr/dating_advice
u/NMpugs · 2 pointsr/NoFap
u/Tangurena · 2 pointsr/AskMen
u/RickJamesBeyach · 2 pointsr/TheRedPill

Robert Glover. Link to the book on Amazon.

u/flabcannon · 2 pointsr/AskMen

No More Mr.Nice Guy helped me a lot. Not just for romantic relationships but life in general.
I used to put my needs last while helping friends/family etc and feel a lot of resentment when they didn't drop everything and help me when I needed it. This book showed me that it was my own fault because the other person doesn't know what you're thinking unless you tell them. The other benefit is that it teaches you to not play it safe all the time, which helps people remember you.

u/QuietBadger89 · 2 pointsr/aspergers
u/cyberoctopus · 2 pointsr/niceguys

Start off small in my opinion. If you're hoping to one day be a different person, that won't happen. The thought becomes overwhelming in my opinion. But you can do small things for self improvement. A new hairstyle for example. That's a big confidence booster. Try reading some books to, like No More Mr Nice Guy.

u/KAtusm · 2 pointsr/Residency
u/doubleknee24 · 2 pointsr/TheRedPill

From what you've written it seems like you could gain a lot from this book No More Mr Nice Guy. You will see it recommended on here as you continue to read the side bar. It will help.

u/OnTheGoBro · 2 pointsr/TheRedPill

Getting triggered doesn't enhance your argument it just makes you seem childish.

> Why do you keep comparing social skills to athleticism? You really think running a marathon is similar in any way to talking to people?

Implying that social skills is just talking to people is a false equivalence.

  • PUA
  • No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
  • How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
  • The Book Of Pook by Pook
  • r seduction
  • r redpill
  • Real Social Dynamics

    None of these things would exist if social interaction only involved "talking to people".

    > Ok then, you CAN TALK TO PEOPLE. This isn't a marathon. It's talking to people. That's it

    This is just gibberish because you're triggered.

    > Worrying about results and if you are doing it right is lack of confidence, LACK OF BELIEF THAT YOU CAN DO SOMETHING

    Worrying about results doesn't mean you lack confidence. It's normal for a person of even the most basic intellect to fuss about his performance when he does something important to himself. Whether it's building a pyramid of cards, making a music album or painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling, you'll obviously examine and re-examine any move that you make because you want to do it right.
u/Vintner42 · 2 pointsr/Advice

I too am a people pleaser, and am on a similar journey as you. I posed this same question to a different subreddit, and one of the top comments was to take a look at the book "No more Mr. Nice Guy."

The title is a little misleading in my opinion, as it isn't "how to be a jerk" but rather how to stop being a pushover (Which is something nice guys are. We back off of arguments, feel like we are being nice and people owe us being nice back.) It is an interesting read with some actionable steps.

Not sure what your native language is, but judging from what and how you wrote your post, you have a good grasp on written English and should have no problem reading this book, as it is a simple read. I believe there is also an audiobook version available.

u/henrikc3 · 2 pointsr/Advice

Block her, and give yourself time to grow up and figure out yourself.

Also, book recommendation you might get benefit from. Helped me a lot getting out of similar situation:
https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

ps. Giving her all the power is not a recipe for success.

u/vissil · 2 pointsr/TheRedPill

That's so totally wrong. Don't compliment someone when you're expecting something in exchange. Compliment them because you sincerely believe what you're saying to be true. I think you need to take a closer look at No More Mr. Nice Guy.

u/kempff · 2 pointsr/asktrp

I have mommy issues also, but my story is a little different: my mother smothered me, but I also suffer from many of the symptoms you list in your post including psychocyanosis because my emotional needs went unmet in childhood because my mother was using me as a salve upon her ever-breaking heart.

I am currently reading http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/, one of the books in the redpill canon, and /u/verus_mas, it reads like a chillingly incisive and deadly accurate unauthorized biography of me, and it is helping me get over my tendency to be a doormat.

Yes, it's OK to be bluepill. Tolerate your bluepill tendencies for the time being. As you learn more redpill stuff you will come to be disgusted by your bluepill tendencies enough that you will be automatically self-motivated to eliminate them one by one.

And the process will be pleasant and nearly effortless, because you will be merely cooperating with a normal, natural resumption of an interior development that was arrested by your mother's abuse.

EDIT: Stop by the chatroom.

u/porphyry3 · 2 pointsr/ihaveissues

Look at this. Also, read the book. You may be out of trajectory (me too, I guess), just have a look at this. Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

u/db4unme · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

I use to be a "nice guy" and people took advantage of me. Now am am hyper aware of the relationship dynamics and shit can the ones that are not balanced. You might not realized you do have a expectation of a return of you gestures. You should read: No More Mr Nice Guy

u/ATH0-NOCARRIER · 2 pointsr/faimprovement

This is good stuff. For similar advice, I highly recommend reading No More Mr. Nice Guy: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

It was an eye-opener for me. It's helping me a lot to be a better, stronger man.

u/MachiNami · 2 pointsr/bjj

Along with BJJ, sounds like you should read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Glover.

u/misunderstandingly · 2 pointsr/AsianParentStories

try reading some of the ideas over on /r/theredpill/ about finding inner strength and how that attracts people and earns their respect. By the very act of seeking approval you are demonstrating that you are weaker than the dad and hence you are really not worthy of his respect. Why should he be happy that his daughter has a BF that is weaker than he; subconsciously it's a step down.

You are taking my posts very constructively - not sure I would have been so receptive at your age - I (white guy) with Chinese FIL and Japanese MIL was where you are now. My inlaws only respected me when I finally stood up to them and stopped trying to placate them. Now they know that at our house it is our rules, they respect it and give deference.

"Respecting elders" exists in all cultures. Very strong in asian of course. I don't buy it. It's a cultural structure designed to even the playing field between the old and the young. When you yourself are old will you inherently have more "worth" than now? Respect is exclusively to be earned. Any person, institution, industry, government, etc... that expects respect based on an intellectual construct rather than actual actions is immediately very suspect.

Final thought - maybe challenge yourself by reading this book.

I sincerely hope you have a happy and wonderful life.

u/pompomthrowaway · 2 pointsr/pornfree

I've read a really interesting perspective on masturbation, porn, and fantasy in No More Mr. Nice Guy. Basically, the author's recommendation is to skip both fantasy and porn, and just focus on the pleasure that comes from ... well... pleasuring yourself. I'm not in a place to read that chapter in that book where that is recommended, so I can't offer any further advice, or the author's reasoning, but it might be worth it to check out the book.

u/atreyuno · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

Do you know...

You are worthy of love and affection. You are worthy of a partner who takes an interest in fulfilling your needs. Your value does not have to be proven or negotiated. It is undeniable. Nothing you have done or failed to do changes your worthiness of an equal, interested and supportive partner.

If you disagree with any of that. If you felt any stirring, protest or discomfort... then you probably already know that there's a deeper issue which requires your attention.

Lots of sources out there but I liked No More Mr Nice Guy. Just saw another poster on this sub mention it too.

u/direpellth · 2 pointsr/asktrp

No More Mr Nice Guy.

It's one of the most, if not the most recommended book to read in TRP. You would have definitely run into it in sidebar school at some point.

It's worth buying, but if you don't feel like doing so, I'm sure there's a torrent of ways for you to find it elsewhere.

u/GrnTiger08 · 2 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

I've just finished this book and cannot wait to try the exercises. You could probably find the pdf somewhere online. I can't say much for anxiety but the first "Breaking Free Activity" goes along the lines of:

"Write down three possible safe people or groups that might be able to provide support for you in your recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome.
If no one comes to mind, get out the telephone directory and look up counselors or support groups in the phone book. Write down three names and phone numbers and call them when you finish this chapter. If you are employed by a company with an Employee Assistance Program, this is another resource. If you know someone who has been to therapy or a support group, ask them for information. If you have access to the Internet you can search for 12-step groups or support groups."

The point being that 1. You should let the pain out otherwise you will continue to suffer internally and externally. 2. Searching for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength because you are making the call to better yourself and that in itself is powerful. 3. Actions speak louder than words. Some people can tip-toe to better themselves, others must dive right in. You decide what you need to do and then do it, it's that simple but frustratingly difficult at the same time. If you don't think it's enough, go deeper. Ultimately action is what defines what you choose to better yourself.

In regards to not knowing what it means, it doesn't matter. It could be the simplest task to the complex anomaly. As long as YOU know it makes you better in some capacity, then it will make you better overall. Learn how to take any situation and apply a positive spin on it for yourself. You can't be better unless you look for and do things to make it so. Truth be told, you have to get out of your comfort zone ("the anxiety"). I'm in the same boat and am still making gains.

Best of luck!

u/Noble-6 · 2 pointsr/INTP

I would highly recommend reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover:

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/politicalconspiracie · 2 pointsr/videos

I'm telling you that you are completely misunderstanding (I think purposely) of what stuff like this is trying to do.

> And since it's aimed at guys that we already know are socially inexperienced, how are they going to know that that's not how it actually works?

That's the point dude. This type of stuff is for people to gain expereience and learn from their mistakes and failures. Otherwise they would never learn how to flirt with girls and would wind up being pissed off pathetic loners their whole life.

I've been there man. I was the "nice guy" before that put women on a pedastal and thought if I was just nice enough, then I would earn the girls love or attraction. And that type of thinking is just toxic for everyone involved.

It took reading books like No More Mr. Nice Guy and The Game to learn how to have healthy relationships with women where I was open about interest in the other girl.

And it obviously worked for me, because I used these techniques when I met my now current wife. She had no idea I was using these techniques until I told her about it down the road, and now we just laugh about it. She never thought I was being creepy and she didn't even realize I was using these techniques.

But, it took a lot of failures with other random girls that were awkward encounters at first until it became natural.

I've been married for about 3 years now and we have an amazing fulfilling and loving relationship.

u/_estoico_ · 2 pointsr/brasil

Não li, mas já escutei alguns elogios a esse: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Talvez você não ache as respostas nos livros, mas você vai achar a resposta no caminho. Procurar melhorar os seus pontos negativos é, lógicamente, o caminho para se sentir mais seguro.

Boa sorte OP!

u/demonaspet · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

> Over the last few of years I have tried to directly address the situation. It got so bad that at one point, maybe a couple years ago, I confessed a huge amount of guilt I had been feeling because it had occurred to me that cheating on her would be easier than keeping up the fight (not that I actually would). I felt like an awful human being for a long time because I thought it would be easier to get that fix from someone else than to try to keep trying to fix our broken mess of things.

You sound like you could benefit from reading No more Mr. Nice Guy.
https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/flashbang123 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Read No More Mr Nice Guy & Models.

Just remember, confidence is sexy. At the end of the day, it's all on you. Browse r/seduction...just take everything you read with a grain of salt.

*****

Here is some inspiration for you:

Tupac about Women and Bitches

Old School Star Wars

Dr. Cox from Scrubs & more

Sean Connery interview with Barbara Walters

Wolf of Wall Street - "There Is No Nobility in Poverty."

Clint Eastwood

*


...not really to do with anything but still good advice:

Rocky's speech to his son

u/Encilawguy · 1 pointr/AskReddit

I finally stopped focusing on what I thought a SO would want in me. My time was spent trying to impress girls with being a nice guy. It failed.

I started working on the kind of man I wanted to be. Strong, independent, in control. It worked.

That was three years ago. Two years ago I met her. Last year I bought a ring. Two months from now I marry her.

Check this out for a great read on the subject.

u/SnapshillBot · 1 pointr/MGTOW

Archived for your convenience

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u/lorean · 1 pointr/AskMen

Here's a book from a certified therapist.

http://amzn.com/0762415339

u/undrstndngthmn · 1 pointr/makingfriends

You're probably a people pleaser.

People pleasing gets you hated more than being an asshole.

You don't have to be an asshole, but you have to develop a personality, and then stay true to that personality. Even if someone doesn't agree with it.

If someone disagrees with you on something -- so what? Dont agree just to agree and be liked. Again, that's people pleasing.

Another possibility is that you give to many fucks about what other people think.

Honestly, this is going to require some hard work on your part to get over.

Check out /r/howtonotgiveafuck and maybe check out Robert A. Glover's book No More Mr. Nice Guy.

u/pinkbearwithahat · 1 pointr/exjw

A book that really helped me find my footing in life was No more Mr Nice guy. It applies to all men IMO, but it is more focused towards a certain type of man, people who worry too much about how others perceive them, and neglect their own needs. I highly recommend it, it offers insight on how you can change your behavior and approach to life. No More Mr. Nice guy

u/donjuannm · 1 pointr/socialskills

I suggest you read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. The book gave me a new perspective on interactions between men and women. I didn't realize it but I had been sabotaging myself for a long time with women.
Amazon link.

u/MrBlack1992 · 1 pointr/AskMen

OP should read, scratch that, OP PLEASE read "No More Mr Nice Guy" http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0762415339?pc_redir=1405667687&robot_redir=1 OP is exactly the type of guy this book was written for

u/Cherubaal · 1 pointr/books

No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. Also: Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

u/MarkJay2 · 1 pointr/dating_advice

I'm kind of in the same boat. I actually ordered this book yesterday. I know there's no miracle key or cure to anything in life, but it has some very good reviews and success stories on Amazon. Thought it was worth a try, maybe it'll help you too.

u/Jonjonsonsonson · 1 pointr/seduction

What I mentioned a metaphorical friend, somebody that can keep your secrets and won't judge you. I'm sorry that I brought you to that state of mind. How about a sibling or a family member? As soon as you start trying to help people with problems similar to yours, you realize how unfairly judgemental you are towards yourself.

I am in no way qualified to tell you what to do or how you feel, but I have a feeling that you are in a mental rut. Depression often carries with it physical symptoms such as lethargic posture and low energy voice. People can sense that and are put off by it, just as you would avoid a person with a dripping nose and a cough.

It's a cliche but how do you expect people to like/love you if can't have those feeling towards yourself?
I recommend you focus on yourself first before anything else, get some professional help if need be.

The way you replied to my simple question on which dance move it was, it displays to me that you not only have a passion for dancing but that you also put other people ahead of yourself.

If you have the time, I urge you to read This and This

And if you feel like you want to talk, send me a PM. Good vibes <3

u/thePloweHorse · 1 pointr/asktrp

The average height in your country is around 178cm +/- 5cm so 183 is tall and 173 is short but you are still young and could probably grow to be 176/177 depending if in the next 4 years you will get enough vitamin D3 + mk7, sleep and excercise.

Go out and get as much sun as you can get, it naturally produces vitamin d3 in your body and summer time is when you make reserves for winter.

Check your vitamin d3 blood level!!!, if you will be deficent ask your doctor to put you on d3 + mk7 supplementation. Your future health, height and weight might depend on it.

Lack if vitamin d3 might even lead to depression.

Not that fat means fat.

Single mom - this is your biggest problem, I need you to read these sources - Mandatory!:

  1. https://illimitablemen.com/2014/05/08/the-suffering-of-the-lost-boys/
  2. Find the book "No more Mr Nice Guy" it's a short and easy to read book, which you should read! It's for free on the internet, probably even in your native language: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

    First of all I recommend that you go into monk mode(read about it here), I read that people are completely shitting over you and even using physical force against you, you need to transfer to a different school to reset your frame, it's completely in pieces and people have less than 0 respect for your mere presence.

    Delete facebook and all social media, change schools - preferably one in a completely different direction than your current school to prevent old "friends" from transferring your bad fame. Don't tell anyone where you are going. This is also mandatory because if you will be going to college with your new friends your shitty image might never be overwritten. Not to mention that the shitty environment will keep you in your poor state of mind like a chain on your leg.

    Secondly you need to interenalize the material here, this means you need to lurk and try and make sense of the new things you will find here. You are still very young and might not understand most of it.

    You need to lift, get a gym membership, read about lifting(how to do this correctly) and lift, after you go to college you can thanks us later for this. It will take a year to two years but after your gains people will automatically give you more respect and your confidence will increase naturally, you will also feel much better. I cannot stress enough how lifting is important.

    Lastly, if you have some fat do this:

    Skip breakfast, don't eat anything untill dinner time, eat a big dinner, wait untill supper, don't eat anything, eat a big supper and don't go to sleep straight after eating, wat a few hours and then go to sleep. Sleep at least 8 hours and go to sleep early. It's called intermittent fasting and can boost your HGH(human growth hormone) up to 2000% of it's initial value.

    Eat only meat and some veggies, don't eat anything that has bread/potatoes/sugar(carbs) in it(meat in bread crumbs, bread, chips, fries etc.).

    Realize that your biggest problem is being raised as a nice guy by your single mom. Don't blame her and don't make an issue for her out of it I don't know why she is single but there may be some redeeming circumstances and she might want the best for you but she can't give it like she could with a father in your house, just focus on improving yourself.

    17, just before senior year is still very early to start working on yourself and reset your social standing, you have very much potential! Some people here start after two divorces at 40 and they smash.

    And after reading my advice, please do not become this:

    https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6o90gp/the_eunuchs_of_the_red_pill/
u/ColdWaterOtter · 1 pointr/NoFap

ok, well... I've had to unlearn a lot of the same nice guy horseshit you seem also to have been indoctrinated into. Read this: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

It's not PUA and not really self help. It's basically a man-to-man kick in the ass about being a lion with a steel backbone instead of a jellyfish. One of the best books I've ever read.

As far as the virginity thing, don't you worry. I was mid 20s til my first kiss and 30 til I lost the v-card. It'll happen, just STICK WITH NOFAP. Now that said, there are guys on here who'll tell you sex is no big deal. Ha, funny. I couldn't disagree more... I finally took nofap serious as I had a broken dick on several attempts to finally do the dirt. Had a 45 then 25 day streak... did tons of pushups, cold showers and meditated, then found a pretty gal and smashed: it tripled my confidence. Why? The girl didn't give me confidence, no. Neither did the sex per se. It was the scent of victory; fighting for and achieving a goal. And boy oh boy, after three decades of listless waiting, hot damn was it pleasurable!

____

Real lust & romance is worth every ounce of pain this battle can throw at you.

Stay strong and soldier on.

u/Leajjes · 1 pointr/seduction
u/SoWaS · 1 pointr/seduction
u/becoming_dr_slump · 1 pointr/90daysgoal

Hello 90-dayers!

I think this is a great initiative. I was previously at /r/BTFC, which I found extremely useful to get focused on goals. As there will be many changes for me in the next months (taking a leave of absence), good to have a place, community to track my progress and focus on my goals. This is my first 90 day challenge, so I'm somewhat lost on procedure, I'll wing it!

++++ Stats ++++

  • M/35/183cm
  • Current Weight: 88kg
  • Highest Weight (2012): 93kg
  • Lowest (recent) Weight: Either current, or need to go back in time to when I was 17, as I've been putting fat on progressively (thus my username of becoming_dr_slump).
  • Current Body Fat: 25%
  • Diet: Mediterranean, with too many sugary snacks.
  • Exercise: YAYOG (Currently 1st class, week 4) + occasional biking + some running + occasional Kettlebell

    ++++ GOALS FOR FITNESS & DIET ++++

    Diet: Clean eating. Quit sugary snacks. I eat more or less cleanly, except for chocolates on sugars. By October 22, I am extremely proud that I've eaten sugar free on 80 of the 90 days.


    Fitness - Sprint 1: July 15 - August 13: I am feeling strong as I'm on Week 7 of Yayog 1st class. Also, I feel the burn from doing Enter The Kettlebell 3 days a week.

    Fitness - Sprint 2: August 19 - September 17: I am walking tall and confident as I've finished 1st class. To celebrate, I ran my own sprint triathlon on rest week.

    Fitness - Sprint 3: September 23 - October 22: I am strong and generous as I'm in the next 10-week program, week5. I can complete a Turkish Get Up with my 16kg Kettlebell. And do a pistol on either leg without it.

    I have no goals on dropping weight, as long as it remains around current level or lower. But I'll be tremendously pleased if body fat goes down to 20%.

    ++++ GOALS FOR SPIRITUAL CARE ++++

    In the last six months, I've become aware of a lot of crap heritage I carry on my shoulders from growing in a narcissistic family. I need to do a lot of cleanup as I choose to (1) have a good life, (2) stop the cycle of narcissism so I don't become narcissistic myself and (3) build an alternative mindset for me and my family. The narcissistic circle finishes with me.

  • By Oct 22nd, every single week, I've taken time to review my goals, the blueprint for the life I want to build, plan action and adjusted my plan. And taken time to care for my mindset and goals.

  • In sprint 1, I feel liberated and full of energy, as I complete all the exercises on The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT: Russ Harris, Steven Hayes:

  • In sprint 2, I'm a generous and happier recovering nice guy, as I've completed all l the exercises on No More Mr Nice Guy: Robert A. Glover. Plus another difficult book.

  • In sprint 3, I've read 4 more difficult books and done exercises. Books to be determined based on needs I determine in the next month.

    ++++ GOALS FOR PROVIDER ++++

    By Oct 22nd, I'm confident on my future as I've built a local network of work contacts of 50 people, and identified 10 new positions I'm going to apply to for my next position.

    ++++ OTHER ++++

    I need to clean up a lot of my psychological heritage, as it's negatively affecting my relationships and life in general.

    I start a leave of absence this summer, to recharge batteries and reconsider next career moves.

    I will travel to my country for one month with my kids (source of fun and stress), which will allow me to better understand where I come from and how is my family working.


    ++++ Let's Be Friends ++++

    I'm on Fitocracy. I invite you to friend/follow me/message me!

    Also, if anyone else on Europe time, support PMs & checks are an option. PM to discuss (never done this one before, seems like a good idea).

    Good luck, everyone! We can do this!
u/throwaway2211009999 · 1 pointr/DeadBedrooms

You are a Nice Guy^tm

You think that by busting your ass to spoiling her that her affection is indebted to you. Codling your wife and catering to her every whim isn't winning her over, in reality all it has caused is for her to lose respect for you. You are a doormat.

Read this Book: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
DL Link: https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

You will be surprised how accurately it will describe you.

u/KumquatRevenge · 1 pointr/NoFap
  1. PMO can be a cause of depression. It isn't necessarily the only cause. I can't imagine getting rid of it would do you any harm.

  2. How is your diet? Is there much sugar, caffeine or alcohol in your diet? All can yank about with serotonin, endorphin and blood sugar levels. An imbalance in any can cause depression.

  3. On endorphins again, how much exercise do you get?

  4. Are you truly happy with your religious life? I got a particularly negative vibe from your post when you talk about it.

  5. I know you mention a psychiatrist and SSRIs, but have you spoken to a psychologist or counsellor?

  6. On the off chance its helpful, here are some books:

    http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381669294&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good

    http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381669323&sr=8-1&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy
u/wiserTyou · 1 pointr/uberdrivers

Definitely anxiety. Talk to a psych (same copay as a doctor usually). A few books that might help are... No More Mr. Nice Guy and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Meds and therapy also help.

u/Brie_88 · 1 pointr/getdisciplined

Super normal

Get your hands on this book https://www.amazon.ca/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/lespritd · 1 pointr/DeadBedrooms

> We were having sex approx every 2 weeks in undergrad, but hooking up too, and I was fine. It went to approx 1/month after getting engaged. We moved in together around that time, which if anything seemed to make it worse. So far in 2019, we have had sex 3 times.

It's pretty simple, really: the two of you aren't having sex because she doesn't want to have sex with you. People who want to have sex, have sex, even if they have to overcome various obstacles to do so.

The most likely explanation is that she's just not attracted to you. If that is the case, there are things you can do to try to remedy that: lift weights (starting strength[1] is a good place to start), evaluate your clothes (r/malefashionadvice), and do a behavioral inventory ("No more Mr. Nice Guy"[2] seems to be a favorite of this sub). Doing that stuff may or may not help.

There are other things that could be going on.

She might have past trauma. She might have hormonal issues. She might be asexual. She might have a medical condition that makes sex painful or otherwise unpleasant. She might have too much stress in her life. Etc.

You can't "fix" any of these issues. Only she can address them (and even then, her efforts may not be successful).

There are definitely stories about couples who fix their dead bedrooms on this sub, but almost universally, it's because both partners were committed and motivated to solve their problem.

The only thing you can do on your own is to leave. And be glad you noticed this issue before you got married, instead of after.

---

  1. https://startingstrength.com/

  2. https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
u/Dell_Hell · 1 pointr/AmItheAsshole
u/cryptophthalmic · 1 pointr/relationship_advice

You need to read this book.

Edit: I didn't realize the Amazon page referenced Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh. This isn't that kind of book, trust me.

u/pistonstrength · 1 pointr/bjj

Totally agree. In case this can help any men struggling to figure themselves out.... This book really helped put me on the right path: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1505545997&sr=8-1

I came across it randomly as a link in a comment on some site. So I'm hoping to pass it forward and maybe it will help another man out there struggling to figure themselves out. Reading this book is what eventually lead me to BJJ and also towards a more healthy understanding of my own masculinity.

u/ino_y · 1 pointr/sexover30

well now I have some time so buckle up.

/u/helpwiththisproblemp is a nice guy. Not a full-blown neckbeard fedora M'Lady but he has that mindset. Where men are only in 2 categories.. Nice Gentlemen like himself, and the Assholes who get the women to lust after them. I cant guess how this mindset starts, sometimes they live with a disgruntled single mother or an equally Nice father, but they're genuinely convinced that by being Nice, safe, bland, trustworthy and a good provider is the exact path into a woman's panties. "I'm Nice. I have a good job. I bring home the bacon, why isnt that dropping her panties, why isnt she showing her gratitude by giving me a blowjob, why are all those Musician/Artist/Biker Assholes getting all the pussy??"

They repress their sexual nature and urges so they're not "creepy, aggressive or gross, not like those Bikers" and well, they get Friendzoned. But they secretly want to be sexually confident and lusted after.

They have an equally "either/or" view of women. They're either sluts or Nice women. Nice demure women. Nice ladies, ladies who dont act like sluts. Once again, they secretly want their demure wife to act like a slut! (Sluts are great btw)

So everything is a covert contract. He asked for a blowjob but I bet his behaviour right up until then was as a polite demure gentleman, treating his nice demure wife with respect, because he's a Nice man he picked a nice demure lady didnt he. He got all excited when she mentioned deep-throating him, because that's what he secretly wanted, but he never encouraged her to be slutty from them on, so she relaxed and forgot about it. "He never followed up, never rewarded me for sexual behaviour, never acted like a confident sexy beast, so whatevs".

Advice - that no-one ever likes, cos apparently 'being offended on behalf of someone else' is a new national past-time, as is 'asking for advice but crying over the harsh truths and not changing a damn thing'

Stop being Nice and having covert contracts. Read this book and before you flip your shit, read the blurb, it's not for Neckbeards.

If you dont like reading books, watch some episodes of Lucifer, it's hilarious because if the actor was ugly it would be creepy and gross. But he's handsome, well-dressed and dashing, so he's confident, sexy, alluring and bold.

If you cant be bothered with either of those, at least grasp that people arent either/or. Men arent just Nice or Assholes. There's a sliding scale. Women who are happily ravaging their men are with good guys. Good, sexy, confident, non-assholes. And by happily I mean we are genuinely happy. Content with how sexy, decent and safe our partner is. We dont complain so you dont hear from us? just from the unhappy ones who are with real assholes I guess.

Women arent evil for being slutty. I'm sexually confident and adore doing filthy things with my partner. and I clean up nice to go to dinner with his friends.

cc /u/drreedrichards it seemed like you needed some stuff too.

u/DonSolo45 · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

Trust me its all about the mind set. If you have crappy friends get rid of them. Create both short and long term goals for yourself write them down a few times a month this will keep your mind focused on those goals. Enjoy being alone and realizing that being alone and being lonely are two totally different things.

I recommend reading No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover
http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Also depending on your situation if you need money help check out
/r/personalfinance/

Dealing with being alone *please take this one with a grain of salt there are alot of helpful and great people there but I don't agree with everything 100% there are alot of "bitter bro" types but tons to learn
/r/mgtow

And actually dating/ getting a girl do this after checking out mgtow cause at that point if you still want a female in your life then god help you :)
/r/theredpill

u/se7eneyes · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Get this book No More Mister Nice Guy.

If you can't take care of yourself, how are you suppose to take care of others?

u/CaptainAlone · 1 pointr/ForeverAlone

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. Not that you'd read it (waste of your time if you're not a typical "nice guy"), but yeah, the majority of all nice guys are sexually screwed up (often uptight due to shame/fear). They hide it well though, because again, shame. Often it's something they were taught girls didn't like (which is my case).

u/champagnehouse · 1 pointr/GetSuave

Have you ever checked out the book No More Mr. Nice Guy? The title is a little misleading, and it's way more about building a healthy relationship with yourself and others than you'd think.

Considering your results - you're called "sweet" but you're not attracting women - it sounds like this might be exactly what you need. It includes a lot of exercises as well, so I recommend at least giving it a shot.

Good luck.

u/OneInAZillion · 1 pointr/DecidingToBeBetter

Rewire by Richard O'Connor

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover

I cannot recommend either of these books enough, especially Rewire. It changed my life and completely fixed the way I view myself and the things I do.


u/tousledh · 1 pointr/seduction

Maybe you have Nice Guy Syndrome. Check this book out.

You are the most important person and you should set your own priorities.

u/kanuk876 · 1 pointr/egalitarian
u/IcarusLives · 1 pointr/seduction

Check out No More Mr. Nice Guy, it might help you quite a bit in your situation.

u/gasparddelanuit · 1 pointr/PurplePillDebate

> You always have a choice, unless you are literally being enslaved.
>
>
>
> If someone is married at 20, has a baby and is pregnant with the second one, and has no job of her own she really can't leave her husband easily.
>

If she’s married in the West she’ll be entitled to all kinds of provisioning in the event of a spilt, such as alimony, child support, assistance from the state etc. In any case, that’s not the man’s problem. You seem to be arguing on the belief that men should be looking out for women and not themselves. Men should look out for themselves first and foremost, just as women look out for themselves. No more pussy passes. No more Mr Nice Guy, to steal Robert Glover's [book](https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 "Title") title.

> So? Agreements under duress or ignorance are often ruled null and void in law.
>
>
>
> So the man agreeing to monogamy is an agreement under duress because of social pressures that favor monogamy, but you've also mentioned that a woman agreeing to her husband having a mistress is not an agreement under duress despite the fact that in the case we're talking about she has no other financial options to leave him, especially if they have children? That's just hypocritical.
>

Because of the artificial social pressures that unreasonably demand men’s fidelity, I say that the moral obligation for men to be faithful is weak, assuming one even care about this from a moral point of view. What a man does with that belief is up to him.

The difference is that a woman accepting her husband’s mistresses imposes no severe restrictions on her own conduct, as is the case for her husband when expected not to look at other women. Also, as I said before, women usually have the choice to leave if they are not happy.

> She could leave and did eventually
>
>
>
> exactly. I was talking about women who had no options to leave so this example isn't the same as the one I'm discussing.
>

You specifically referred to her, but the same options usually apply to other women, especially if men are stupid enough to marry them.

> In Continental Europe, no one explicitly says anything, but it is assumed that men of means will have mistresses in addition to wives.
>
>
>
> Women are also expected to have affairs in many parts of Continental Europe. As I said the culture there is different from the USA, their relationships are mostly presumed to be open relationships in both directions. I also think they don't vow to exclusivity in their marriages either.
>
>
>
> Those Parisian women, who would become my friends, didn't simply tolerate their husbands having affairs. They actually expected them to. Why not, when they were enjoying illicit sex themselves?
>
>
>
> http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1195624/French-women-dont-just-tolerate-husbands-affairs--expect-them.html
>

No, men and women are different. Men have more of a need for variety and alternative sexual outlets. Women don’t have this need anywhere near to the same extent and have no interest in other men if they are into their partner. If they have illicit affairs in these circumstances, it is usually because they want to get revenge on their partner, not because they hunger after such escapades naturally. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

> I mean, if you marry a rock star, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be the only woman he sleeps with for the rest of his life.
>
>
>
> If a guy marries a HB10 it's also unlikely that he will be the only guy she sleeps with for the rest of his life, but we still see guys complaining that their wives are having affairs (which they should, and they should also leave cheaters imo). It's almost like people are held to the promises they made in their wedding vows if they vowed to be in a monogamous relationship!

Not if the HB10 is still into her guy over that period. Of course, if he ceases to be attractive to her, she will be tempted to branch swing, but not while she is still attracted to him.

Male and female sexuality is different. Given this, the identical promises that they are held to in monogamous relationships are not equitable.

u/jimmyharbrah · 1 pointr/IWantToLearn

To add to this reading list:

When I say No I feel Guilty

And

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Very generally, both books helped me understand that I was looking to others for approval, rather than finding approval from myself. I think it would be worth reading for any man, but especially what OP is describing.

u/Thomaskingo · 1 pointr/sex

I'm glad you found my response helpful! :-)

> But I know for a fact - because she told me - that she is not in love with me. "I like you as a friend, nothing more". It was after this we had sex. Women will always be confusing to me, but with confidence at least I can have a great time. And hopefully she will too :)

Hmm... I advise that you shouldn't listen to what she says, but rather look at what she does. This is true of people in general, but especially with women. We all tend to rationalize our actions and emotions after the fact, which doesn't necessarily line up with the actual causes. Actions speak volumes louder than words.

You fear being friendzoned. To that I'll put forward the following observation: guys who are friendzoned tend to 1) not be upfront about their desires and motives (we have delt with this problem) and 2) overinvest in a asymmetrical relationship and skewing the balance.

What I mean about the second observation is that if you don't value your time and sit around waiting for her to want to spend time with you, then she isn't going to value it either. She'll only respect you as much as you respect yourself. you should never push to be in her company if she gives the clear indication that she doesn't care either way. A good way to begin to value your time and precense more is to take up a regular hobby. Personally I began going to the gym and joined a boxing club (which definitely helps you build healthy natural assertiveness(I.e. not faking it till you make it, but just making it).

I advise you to get and read the following book: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Within the first twenty pages you'll know if it's struck a cord with you. It did for me. It's not about being and asshole. It's about identifying and stopping self sabotaging behaviors.

u/TomFoo · 1 pointr/ThankTRP
u/jzatopa · 1 pointr/Music
u/ABobLoblawLawBlogger · 1 pointr/dating_advice
u/GrandBuba · 1 pointr/short

Read the damn book!

Don't be put off by the title, it's not about becoming douchy, pickup crap or something like that, it's about restoring your self-worth, acknowledging your 'helper' status and ditching it, and focusing on you again..

It's really a great read!

u/Yangel · 1 pointr/TumblrInAction

http://www.amazon.ca/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

I think this is the best run down of whats going on.

u/asuliberty · 1 pointr/dating_advice

Well, literally any club on campus is a good choice so long as you belong in the club. I mean, non jews aren't gonna join a jewish group. Find one that you can be okay with. The reason I advocate for these is because you're hanging out with them in a social setting that isn't geared towards dating. Why is this important? Less of a guard up.

Your mind's too focused on losing your virginity. Honestly, from what I'm reading I'm guessing you've over-glorified sex. It's fun, but honestly it's not the best thing ever. I mean, if you actually care about the woman then it's so much better. Try to focus on finding a woman who you can be friends with and attracted to.

Buy this book:
http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

I honestly think you need to stop watching so much porn. Sex is fun but it's not nearly as great as what you've built it up in your mind to be.

You're right, sorority girls are all individuals. I might argue that they are more often in social situations because of mandatory socials (house parties, etc) and are more often more extroverted and social individuals. In social situations, guards are down more as a result of being around large groups of people and alcohol. This makes flirtation a little easier and a lack of confidence less likely to spot.

That's my argument.

BUT, just built your confidence, join /r/seduction and learn.

u/Celestro · 1 pointr/relationships

I just got out of an abusive relationship a few months ago. I have never been happier. My life is awesome now. GTFO (yes I know it isn't that easy. Read my story and you'll know I understand).

Also, read No More Mr. Nice Guy. It saved me. It gave me the understanding and tools I needed to become healthy enough to leave her.

Good luck, mate.

u/fapsternomore · 1 pointr/FemdomCommunity

This is pretty much my story man. A lot of the advice that's been given to you makes sense, and I suggest you read "No More Mr Nice Guy." Take it from someone who your original post described almost to a tee.

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/Epicureanist · 1 pointr/asktrp

If you stopped reaching out to these people would they contact you? Do these guys invite you out to parties, outings, etc? If you had to move would they care? If you died would they say anything other than "he was nice"?

As of right now these guys are no longer your friends. They are acquaintances. "Can you get me the pipe?" "Rack my weights will you mate?". No should be your answer.

Stop trying to please everyone. Stop trying to be their friend. It doesn't matter what people of think of you. Disregard what they say:

"Why're you being such an asshole mate?" will be a common response. Ignore it; do not argue or reason with them. Your response should be along the lines of: "You can do it yourself" or "You have arms". Stay calm and frank, no debate of any sort.


Regarding the school project, what is your Professor's policy? Some Professor's would listen to you and deduct points from your group member's grades.

Appeal to Professor's emotions: "I wrote all of the paper, my group members were unhelpful. I'm fine with this, but it's unfair to my other classmates who worked hard to get the same grade as these guys who think the course is a joke."



No More Mr. Nice Guy

u/iiiCronos · 1 pointr/confession

Here's a good book too! Or two. Or four! No More Mister nice guy + The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck + You Are a Badass + Declutter your Mind

They all will apply to Men or Women and are full of great advice and insights! E books available for cheap too. Suppose you can pirate them if you don't have the funds :)

Much love, hit me up if you need some friendly advice! I have been through a lot and am only now seeking what I feel I deserve in life :D

u/vanish619 · 1 pointr/NoFap

We're under no obligation to be the same person we were yesterday"

---

Hello, traveller!

I've read Models by Mark Manson, but haven't gotten to "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" yet.

During my journey here, I read 2 additional books that may be good for you since they stemmed from some of those teachings


No more mr. Nice guy (Glover)

The road less traveled (Peck).


I was also having issues with an obstacle but reading your post made me realise what i have overlooked and may be beneficial in aiding me in my own journey as well.

Thank you for sharing, I appreciate it.

u/Cyberhwk · 1 pointr/TooAfraidToAsk

If you're a reader, look for the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. You don't have to buy everything he's selling, but odds are there will be a lot of things hitting home for you.

u/fitzzpleasure · 1 pointr/seduction

Do yourself a favor and read No More Mr. Nice Guy!

The main argument in the book is that nice guys are usually seeking the approval of others and fail to invest enough in themselves, this is why they are afraid to "push boundaries" afraid to "make a move" and afraid to make mistakes or misread the situation (as in your case), in essence they are afraid to be themselves. A confident man is more concerned with his opinion of himself than the opinion others have of him.

Here's the first few passages from the book to wet your appetite:

Five decades of dramatic social change and monumental shifts in the traditional family have created a breed of men who have been conditioned to seek the approval of others.

I call these men Nice Guy .

Nice Guys are concerned about looking good and doing it "right." They are happiest when they are making others happy. Nice Guys avoid conflict like the plague and will go to great lengths to avoid upsetting anyone. In general, Nice Guys are peaceful and generous. Nice Guys are especially concerned about pleasing women and being different from other men. In a nutshell, Nice Guys believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will in return be happy, loved, and fulfilled.

Sound too good to be true?

It is.

Over the last several years, I have encountered countless frustrated and resentful Nice Guys in my practice as a psychotherapist. These passively pleasing men struggle in vain to experience the happiness they so desperately crave and believe they deserve. This frustration is due to the fact that Nice Guys have believed a myth. This myth is the essence of what I call the Nice Guy Syndrome.

The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are "good," they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life. When this life strategy fails to produce the desired results — as it often does — Nice Guys usually just try harder, doing more of the same. Due to the sense of helplessness and resentment this pattern inevitably produces, Nice Guys are often anything but nice.

u/SushiJuice · 1 pointr/AskMen

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy

It's a great book showing how you're really not that nice. You've fallen for a shallow Nice Guy syndrome and you're doing more harm than good. I was like this - this book opened my eyes to how shitty I was being...

u/IemandZwaaitEnRoept · 1 pointr/dating_advice

I can recommend two books for you:

  • No more mr Nice Guy, by Robert Glover
  • Models, by Marc Manson, which is not about how to date a model, but how to model your life. ;-)

    I recommend reading them in that order. You seem to idealise women, and these books describe how this works and what it does to you.
u/Rudd-X · 1 pointr/relationship_advice

https://www.amazon.de/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 <- avoid this ever happening to you again by reading this useful book.

u/avocadoclock · 1 pointr/dating

>Why don't women ever seem interested in me?

You don't need to pick up on interest from girls to be successful at dating or make the first move.

>Maybe I should stop being super nice or something?

I recommend reading this book, No More Mr Nice Guy. You have to stop trying to please others and look after your own needs. It's not about being "nice". It's about how you treat or view relationships. "Being nice" doesn't earn you any kind of relationship.

> being in college it seems women are about half and half, still like being treated like shit like we are still high schoolers or actually enjoy someone who treats them right.

lol yeah I would recommend that book to you for sure

u/TheW4y · 1 pointr/NoFap

It is not your fault that you modify your opinions to to match that of others, in the sense that you can control it.

I think it is a result of your life so far (which is out of your control especially at a young age where you start to develop these issues).

I also think this can be changed it would just require time, and a strong foundation in terms of your personality and individuality.

Following /u/markcotter's advice, compiling varied experiences, and building a life that you enjoy and love, is a platform that gives and supports your confidence. Eventually you will come to a point where you will start to diffirientiate annoying people from great ones. That is when you will cease to modify your opinions all the time, as you wont have a need to do so. (Haha I think NoFap is a shortcut to that. Especially with girls you will start to say "Fuck off, I don't care about you and what you think of me" )

Other than that have you tried mindfulness it is a great way to start dealing with your issues, and how you react to life Here is a good resource. There is also a book that deals with this, I haven't read all of it though.

BTW to get a sense of where I am coming from. I have a similar problem as you. Although I don't modify my opinion, my problem is seek others attention, approval, company in an extreme manner. I would give more priority to others time and company, and interact in their terms.

Hard to explain properly, but it is something I am trying to deal with.

u/AnxietyArmadillo · 1 pointr/Advice

I know this might sound like a sarcastic response but: "No more mr. nice guy" Some of this advice was good and some was hopelessly out dated.

The important thing is that you must learn to pursue your own interests and be your own person, Respect women and try to understand their world experience and how it differs from yours, and do not make 'covert contracts' with women in your head. Example: 'If I'm nice to women, Women will want to hang around and eventually sleep with me.' One of the biggest hallmarks of the 'nice guy' is he's nice when he expects something in return for that niceness, and then becomes an asshole when that doesn't work out. Because that's not how people work. Attention from women isn't payment for being nice, and if you set yourself up with expectations like that You're going to be disappointed and frustrated, and that leads to asshole-ish behavior. Never take a woman's lack of interest in you personally. It's just how it is, and eventually you find women who will be into you if you just keep on being you.

After that, it's all just basic etiquette and learning social conventions. All relationships between people are proportional. Don't ever rush them because you like someone, basically don't be too nice. Don't insist on being allowed to be nice. Don't pay for girls stuff, don't insist on carrying their bags, Don't insist on fixing the squeaky door on your neighbors apartment down the hall. Insistently being nice comes off as creepy because women are keyed up to think you expect something in return, and if you're honest with yourself you probably are expecting something in return.

A whole generation of misguided moms trained a lot of young men that if they're 'nice' to girls they'll find a girlfriend. And that was terrible advice.

That's all assuming that the person who called you a 'nice guy' was serious and not just using it as a generic insult.

u/masterflappie · 1 pointr/enfj

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

>When will being the good guy be enough?

Never, women don't want nice guys because they have no character. They're a spineless jelly who will fit any form that's required of them. Woman want a strong man who can act as a foundation whereupon they can explore themselves and the world. They want to be the flag and you to be the flag pole so to say. Go and read the book I posted, learn to set boundaries, learn to fill your own needs instead of others, learn to confront people when they cross your lines. Not only will you be happier while being single, because you've learned to be happy with yourself, but you'll be better with women too because they can see you being assertive and being capable of getting what you want.

-A recovering nice guy

u/diggcalledtheymissu · 1 pointr/gonewild
u/fish619407 · 1 pointr/IAmA
u/BaconMeTimbers · 1 pointr/BettermentBookClub

You're the one that needs to find yourself again then. I'd recommend daily meditation to accompany this meditation book:

(1) Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening https://www.amazon.com/dp/1622036050/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_wboYAbF706VED

This paying attention to yourself will help you gather your pieces of yourself.

And then I guess you're trying to be someone you're not, to gain the approval and validation of others. Maybe this is from childhood trauma, or how your parents showed you love only when you "acted" in a certain way, but my next recommendation will dive into all that:

(2) No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_LcoYAbM18P7XT

Then I'd recommend taking these courses created by Jordan Peterson to find out who you are at a deeper level, and then reconstructing you and building you up again but authentically and not as a "character":

(3) 2017 Personality and Its Transformations (watch all these lectures): https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL22J3VaeABQApSdW8X71Ihe34eKN6XhCi

(4) https://www.understandmyself.com


(5) https://www.selfauthoring.com


Put in the work with what each material recommends and you'll grow into your true self. And just to let you know, I used to do the same thing and was a character until I unlocked my true being. My sister even said a few years back I had a "different" personality and it freaked her out, but she could tell from my authenticity and happiness that this is the real me now. The previous me was a character, and looking back, a depressed one at that even though I always seemed "happy".

What helped me also besides the introspective journey I recommend above, is talking to strangers. I'd meet people in bars and what not, and this was during a time when I was trying to learn how to meet girls, but an interesting thing happened: I started noticing how I act around people I don't know, and with the pressure gone of who I "should" be, I had the freedom to be who I am.

Another thing that's helping me to this day, is to get into a relationship that loves you for the real you. This comes after you've discovered yourself, but old habits may come up when you don't even realize it, and with my girlfriend she keeps me honest with myself.

Realize that this isn't a light switch, this is a hero's journey towards finding and unlocking who you are as a person, the peeling back the layers as you gain a deeper and deeper understanding of your true self. Change only happens to those that want it, and the fact that you took the time to read all this, and write what you wrote.. that means you want it.

See you on the other side.

u/lukeman3000 · 1 pointr/PublicFreakout

Your suggestion that the father should have that conversation with the daughter (that people may do or say things to hurt her and that she is not responsible for their behavior but she is responsible for her reaction) is a great suggestion. And for all we know, he had that conversation with her before going up to the store to confront the clerk.

If the clerk were a "250 lb guy" the father might have reconsidered approaching him because if he becomes aggressive he might get injured. But that has nothing to do with whether or not the father was justified in wanting to confront the clerk in the first place. The clerk, whether he realized it or not, was sexually harassing those girls - literally making fun of their puberty. He should be called out on his bad behavior. The dad was not using this as an excuse to "go off" on someone. He was nothing except calm and collected the whole time. Of course he was angry, but did we ever see him act on that anger? No. Your hypothetical situation of the clerk not being able to defend himself makes no sense. Hell, the other guy in line with him seemed more agitated about the situation than he was.

And regarding your opinion on this whole thing; I wouldn't call you a loser but you certainly are far from a normal opinion on this kind of a situation, whatever that might imply.

Also, I highly recommend this book (having read it, myself).

u/Pack__Sniffer · 1 pointr/AskMen

>She's my princess.

She's not a princess. She's a person. A deeply flawed person. I suggest you read this, it changed my life:

http://www.amazon.ca/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/abcdfghjk · 1 pointr/india
u/Reflucks · 1 pointr/relationship_advice
u/Hoarsemang · 1 pointr/faimprovement

Do you read books? If not, start. Start with this book https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/newbornknights · 1 pointr/depression

I strongly recommend that you read this book immediately - No More Mr. Nice Guy. I also strongly recommend you visit the seduction subreddit because the problems you are experiencing all stem from your lack of understanding of relationships and women. You need to learn how to figure out what you truly desire and how to be fearless in pursuit of those desires. I'm going to be brutally honest with you, but as a INTJ I think you'll find an analytical perspective extremely helpful.

My analysis (and keep in mind this is completely subjective) is that she wanted to be in relationship with you and wanted you to make the first move, but you didn't show any interest in taking things to the next level. Her love for you may have slowly started to dwindle as she became frustrated from trying to figure out your feelings toward her. The worse thing was the fact that it sounds like you basically friend-zoned her (even if you think you friend-zoned yourself), so she probably took it as a flat-out rejection. This probably hurt her deeply and made her constantly ask herself why she wasn't good enough. Her frustration and sadness may have turned to anger, leading her to shut you out completely. It could mean she's done with you entirely, but it could also be her way of sending you a message. Maybe she's too hurt to talk to you and needs some time alone before speaking with you again. Maybe it's a test and she wants to see if you'll find some way of contacting her (so she knows that truly care/love her) or if you'll just give up (so she knows that you weren't willing to fight for her). Maybe she's just cold-blooded and that's the last time you'll ever talk to her. It's hard to say because I don't know what your conversations were like or what your personality types are. Either way, the only thing left to do is learn from the situation and move forward.

Think about this: if you were in love with her, why on earth didn't you try to start a relationship with her when you had the chance? Even if you didn't live close to her, you could have tried a long-distance relationship. Telling her to go for another guy because you want her to be as happy as possible is a classic "nice-guy" fallacy. Not only are you giving up on your own happiness, there is absolutely no guarantee that she'll be happier with someone else. If anything, she would have been happiest with you because she loved you. Either way, you have to learn to be open about your desires and do what makes you happy.

Lastly, I would vote against starting a vlog to document all this. If you view it later, it may remind you too much of the pain you are feeling right now and you might slip back into a downwards spiral. You want to do the opposite. You want to do whatever you can to ease the pain and take your mind off of things. Distract yourself with activities that make you happy. Keep your mind busy. Build or create something complicated. I personally recommend exercise. The more rigorous the better. You'll be focused too much on your physical pain to even think about your mental pains. Use your depression as motivation to improve yourself. Read books, watch videos, and learn everything you can. It will take some time, but you'll eventually pick yourself back up and be even stronger and better than you were before.

u/GeneralTry · 1 pointr/oculus

Usualy being a WK is a bad thing because you aren't doing it for the act of helping but instead the "good" deed you do comes with the expectation that the person or people you are acting nice are OBLIGATED to reciprocate with good behavior.

This leads to all sorts of fallacious thinking and the individual usually ends up sorely disappointed.

read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/callmejay · 1 pointr/socialskills
u/Johnny_Lawless_Esq · 1 pointr/DeadBedrooms
u/a_dollar_sign_texas · 1 pointr/malelifestyle

I read Models and absolutely loved it. The next book I'm looking at reading in the vein is No More Mr. Nice Guy. I haven't read it myself, but it looks like what you're looking for.

u/I_AM_ALWAYS_ANGRY · 1 pointr/amiugly

You NEED this book. You look like a very nice "safe" guy that gets put in the friendzone almost instantly.

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Good Luck.

u/MaDSteeZe · 1 pointr/TheRedPill
u/ispeakspam · 1 pointr/reddit.com

Try reading this: No More Mr. Nice Guy. (Ignore the product description re: O'Reilly and Limbaugh.) You're stuck in the same trap I was, doing all you can to make an unhappy person happy. It doesn't work that way.

u/Atrix621 · 1 pointr/malefashionadvice

You should decide what your goal is and then dress for that. This sounds vague but these subtleties separate the men from the boys. It's what separates being "nice" versus being "kind." I never understood this stuff until I read No More Mr Nice Guy and The Way of the Superior Man. Questions like the one you asked are starting to go away for me from the perspective these authors present.

To get back to the topic...

  • All compliments are not the same. Some are based around an item, some are based around you. You want the later.
  • Do what you think approaches the self-actualized you. (Think of the confident you, what would he do and do that)

    Hope this helps.
u/creativebiz · 1 pointr/aspergers
u/CICaesar · 1 pointr/howtonotgiveafuck

I hardly really suggest you to read this book:

Robert Glover - No More Mr Nice Guy

Hardly Really

u/snr0n · 1 pointr/self

I cut that first quote off at that point because that's where I snorted with laughter. Including the full thing doesn't actually make it any more reasonable! The fact that you don't understand that would seem to be one of those flaws I'm referring to later on. I never said that I knew everything about you specifically, I just pointed out that people who love to stew in their bitterness and blame women for the fact that they're permavirgins usually have other shit going on that they're not aware of. You're obviously a pretty unpleasant person, so I have no real reason to help you (beyond making my own Reddit experience less facepalm-worthy), but I'm gonna recommend you check out this book and see if anything resonates.

u/HerrBertling · 1 pointr/dating_advice

Some brain dump here:

  • Hit the gym or get in shape otherwise. I really like the workouts from Neila Rey and Freeletics. It helps with confidence, as already said.
  • Stop worrying about your ex. Went through similar situations. You as a person are not what other people do with you. You are what you make of your life. Go be yourself.
  • Some books I found helpful in finding a "path": "No more Mr. Nice Guy" – if you think you're a too nice person, this book is really helpful in pointing out what's wrong about that. And poses some questions worth reflecting on. "Fire in the Belly – On Being a Man". Title says it all. Some really good questions in there about how you want to live your life. "The road less traveled" – some general life advice I found quite helpful.
  • Probably don't start dating right away. Instead, focus on yourself and your passions. The rest will come later. Although I really like OKCupid, helps sorting out girls you wouldn't want to meet anyway.
u/b0xspread · 1 pointr/therapy

Trust me. This. Ignore the title and the description, this will help you understand the question, and maybe, just maybe show you a path towards the answer. You didn't tell your girlfriend you were tired because you wanted to please her, as if just telling her how you feel would make you not good enough. That is the fallacy of being "Nice" and trying to please women, you end up doing them a disservice. Had you just allowed yourself to be the imperfect being you are, allowed yourself to be tired, you would come out on top.

https://www.amazon.ca/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?crid=24J7FID4BTDDA&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy&qid=1565365179&s=gateway&sprefix=no+more+mr%2Caps%2C167&sr=8-1

u/rockstarsheep · 1 pointr/Marriage

No kidding, you need to get this book for both himself and yourself.

He's behaving exactly like a "Nice Guy." If you don't want to get the book, then you can listen to this.

Let me know if you have any questions. Stay strong!

u/M_Knight1 · 1 pointr/seduction
  1. Fundamentals of Female Dynamics

  2. Models

  3. No More Mr Nice Guy

  4. Influence

  5. The Red Queen Theory

    Some one mentioned Meditations here. That book is awesome, even if its not directly game related.

    Read The Game if you want to hear a fun story but not necessarily obtain applicable advice

u/papacap25 · 1 pointr/offmychest
u/tramplemestilsken · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals
u/TheQuantumZero · 1 pointr/NoFap

Check r/Meditation and "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

u/acidify · 1 pointr/seduction

No More Mr. Nice Guy Buy it, and read it.

u/pipboy90 · 1 pointr/dating_advice

It helped me to understand what it means to be an emotionally-centered, confident man, and what women are actually attracted to.

I didn't have a clue about these things growing up. My father was emotionally unavailable, I was teased in school for being skinny, and I enjoyed video games and reading more than sports or cars. There wasn't a good masculine role model in my life.

This left me unprepared for high school, and when I did find girls that were attracted to me, I didn't know what to do with them. I figured if I acted like the jerks that I grew up with, they would like me. Turns out they just thought I was a jerk (go figure).

My lack of success and insecurities with women continued into college, but instead of acting like a jerk, I would end up being a doormat. I wasn't until my first "relationship" ended that I decided I needed to fix this part of my life and read the book.

It made me do a total 180 in terms of what I thought was expected of me as a man. Like removing a veil over my eyes. I recommended it to a friend and it did the same for him. I'm in a much healthier place now, mentally and physically, and my self-esteem is high. It's not something that changes overnight, but over time.

Two more books that I've read more recently which are also great are No More Mr. Nice Guy and The 3% Man

u/ManChooses · 1 pointr/asktrp

I haven't really given much thought on how TRP is applied to homosexual relations. I've known a couple of homosexual men in my life but I've never really asked them details about how that dynamic works.

Certainly there's a lot that TRP teaches that can help you become a better man for yourself, lots of stuff about new mind frames to shape and better habits to get into. However, TRP is rooted in the realities of the male-female sexual marketplace, which wouldn't apply to you since you don't have to compete in that specific SMP. Then again, if that dynamic still applies to male-male relations where one man takes on a more masculine role in the relationship and the other takes on a more feminine role, then I can see how you can make it apply.

I would definitely start with No More Mr. Nice Guy, this book will give you an excellent starting place. I've been telling a lot of guys to read Rollo Tomassi's Books lately, however, they are very geared towards straight men because he talks specifically about the feminine imperative in the male-female sexual marketplace.

u/mf_dk43 · 1 pointr/AskMen

I'm gonna list one book that has helped me tremendously in my life as far as confidence and being a man, its No More Mr. Nice Guy and it is a fantastic book that I highly recommend. The second book is by a guy who've I've read a lot of content of and he's basically a life coach. He just wrote a new book which I think is exactly what you're looking for, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

u/_fixxxer · 1 pointr/seduction

Start here. And trust me on this one:

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/infphappymale · 0 pointsr/infj

You sound very insecure (that's ok, lots of us are). In my opinion it is much more important for you to work on your self-respect than on dating right now. Strangely it seems that when your self respect improves, so do your relationships with girls (speaking from experience).

Here, this is one of the most important books of this century. I'd easily pay over $200 for this book, but it costs only $13.

'No More Mr Nice Guy' by Robert Glover

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/DrummerHead · 0 pointsr/sex

I haven't read this book but It popped into my mind when reading how much you planned taking her situation into consideration:

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Check it out, perhaps it can improve your perspective.

http://libgen.io/book/index.php?md5=88CD2331018684B02C997E9D07F14F40

u/flyingcarsnow · 0 pointsr/IAmA
u/psydave · 0 pointsr/AskMen
u/conekt · 0 pointsr/AskMen
u/goldpocketwatch · 0 pointsr/relationship_advice

Ok, so once again, realize she is not worth it. bitch is a cheating ho and you dont need to stay with that.

please read this, will help you tremendously.

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1453327885&sr=8-1&keywords=no+more+mr.+nice+guy

no bitch should get in the way of your gaming. plus she is already a cheating ho and is being a whiny cunt about your self time?

u/Xander756 · 0 pointsr/Megturney

Yes. You are a white knight indeed. I suggest you take a look at picking up this book https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/ToonTheShed · 0 pointsr/NoFap
u/jjj2576 · 0 pointsr/asktrp

Sure. I can give you some links. Want me to fuck your girl for you too, you lazy fucking queef?

Here’s the link that you get for being too much of a fag to look at the Sidebar,

https://therationalmale.com/tag/shit-tests/

Here’s a link that you get because you are too autistic to research things yourself. I wonder if you’re also too poor to actually afford it. You like sucking fat cocks— you can make money that way to buy this thing.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Here’s a link that you get because you are a fag.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MADvxFXWvwE

u/AllDaProblems · 0 pointsr/Turkey

Read this book and you'll see it's all up to you.

u/swissarm · -1 pointsr/Showerthoughts

I know the exact type of guy they see you as. That guy used to be me. If you want to change your life, read No More Mr. Nice Guy. I guarantee you'll become a better person for it.

u/losyl18 · -1 pointsr/relationship_advice

please source this book:

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

It may just change your perspective. It certainly did mine.

u/bicureyooz · -1 pointsr/AskGaybrosOver30

You mean a Mr. Nice Guy^TM .

u/IamJohnMcClane · -1 pointsr/sex

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_More_Mr._Nice_Guy_(book)

Please have a look into this - I was in exactly in your position and struggled out of it through my 20s. At 33 with nothing to complain about in my life I wondered why I was still so unhappy with myself and with the relationships I have had or may have.



This opened my eyes like nothing ever has before and I am learning to accept myself as a man with needs and sexual desires and that it is OK to have them. I have never been happier than I am now and this is just the beginning.

you can get it on amazon here

Good luck OP!

u/NotMeUsee · -1 pointsr/niceguys

check out /r/redpill, read this book, contemplate existence

u/Hawkeye5 · -1 pointsr/pornfree

"But she'd said before she got drunk and slept with people to feel better, possibly escape her depression, so was similar to me."

Run.

Read this while you're at it: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395411259&sr=8-1&keywords=no+more+mr.+nice+guy

u/MisterMarbles1988 · -2 pointsr/relationship_advice

You need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy



https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/Pogocock8in69 · -2 pointsr/bodybuilding

Statistics show couples that fuck three times a week are much happier. Get your feelings out of it. Why be in a relationship if you can get laid more frequently as a single man. Men like to fuck embrace it.

There were signs stop being a bitch. Stop cuddling this dude. That’s not helping anyone your just being a dweeb.

Please read no more Mr. Nice Guy
https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=nodl_
While your at it read a rational male
https://therationalmale.com

Women have many guy friends and losers that worship them. A girl can easy go on a date talk with you for hours and go home and fuck Johnny jobless scumbag. If she ain’t fucking you, she doesn’t love you. If she ain’t sucking your dick she doesn’t love you.


u/eviltwin83 · -2 pointsr/IWantToLearn
u/Gawernator · -3 pointsr/TheGirlSurvivalGuide

That doesn't make any sense. A common theme of TRP theory is to NOT be a "nice guy". i.e. nice guy syndrome.

http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/GreenPulsefire · -3 pointsr/teenagers
u/Domwifey · -11 pointsr/relationship_advice

What do you think about her remarks on your relationship prior to the cheating? Accurate or exaggerating? I am going to suggest you watch the infidelity ted talk located here https://youtu.be/P2AUat93a8Q also I suggest reading the book "no more mr. Nice guy" https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339.