Reddit reviews Our Bodies, Ourselves

Yay, good for you! It’s so hard to make choices about our bodies without knowledge and it’s so frustrating when people around us won’t talk about it or only use euphemisms or whatever. Happy for your future daughter :)

FYI, there is another option that for me has been even better than tampons and I wish someone had told me about earlier. Menstrual cups (like diva cup, Lena, etc) are reusable silicone cups that you insert and they catch the blood, then you dump it into the toilet. It sounded super gross to me at first, but it’s not actually that different from using tampons in terms of how much blood you touch and see and everything. They last like 10 years and only cost around $40, you boil them to sterilize in between periods. They are way cheaper than tampons in the long run, and safer (no bleach/chemicals, for one), and you can go twice as long without changing it because it can hold more blood. For me it’s also way more comfortable and easier once I got over the hill of learning how to use it. An idea for the future!

I also want to offer some perspective on hormonal birth control because, again, I wish someone had told me. It can change your body and periods in awesome ways in the moment (help with cramping, decrease heaviness of flow, etc) but in the long run your body can suffer aftershocks from it that you might not anticipate. After being on it for a decade I stopped and my skin is terrible now. Also, I was so out of touch with what a real period was like for me because I was having pill periods that I feel like I didn’t know my body well enough to know what was healthy especially when dealing with pregnancy and postpartum and nursing. I won’t go back to hormonal methods. Not that it won’t be right for you, but just another perspective because all I ever heard was that it was totally fine and super safe with no lasting effects.

Last, if you’re looking for information about your body you might want to read Our Bodies, Ourselves. It’s going out of print but it’s an amazing book by women for women about women’s bodies and health needs. If nobody is talking to you about this stuff, you should definitely get this book!

If you can afford it, please purchase yourself a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves. It has almost everything a young woman needs to know, from safe sex practices, masturbation, hygiene, relationships, etc. I was given a copy as a going to college gift when I was 18 and it honestly was the best thing in the world.

But the short answer: of course condoms! But please engage in sex with a partner you trust with your health. Someone who respects your desire for safe and consensual sex. Maybe you both get STD checks first and always, always use a condom.

From my experience the best sex is with someone you can feel relaxed with because you trust them. You can laugh and feel good and not worry about compromising your health. Practicing safe sex also frees you from worrying about pregnancy and other stuff, so just always be safe. Love yourself and have fun!

> It Hurts To Be Alive and Obsolete
>
>Often when men are attracted to me, they feel ashamed and conceal it. They act as if it were ridiculous. If they do become involved, they are still ashamed and may refuse to appear publicly with me. Their fear of mockery is enormous. There is no prestige attached to having sex with me.
>
>Since we are all far more various sexually than we are supposed to be, often, in fact, younger men become aware of me sexually. Their response is similar to what it is when they find themselves feeling attracted to a homosexual: they turn those feelings into hostility and put me down.
>
>Listen to me! Think what it is like to have most of your life ahead and be told you are obsolete! Think what it is like to feel attraction, desire, affection towards others, to want to tell them about yourself, to feel that assumption on which self-respect is based, that you are worth something, and that if you like someone, surely he will be pleased to know that. To be, in other words, still a living woman, and to be told that every day that you are not a woman but a tired object that should disappear. That you are not a person but a joke. Well, I am a bitter joke. I am bitter and frustrated and wasted, but don’t you pretend for a minute as you look at me, forty-three, fat, and looking exactly my age, that I am not as alive as you are and that I do not suffer from the category into which you are forcing me.

A concluding excerpt from It Hurts To Be Alive and Obsolete: The Aging Woman by Zoe Moss, included in Sisterhood Is Powerful , edited by Robin Morgan.

Other books were...?
Our Bodies, Ourselves?
Sexual Politics?
The Feminine Mystique?
dunno.

buy a copy of "our bodies our selves"? https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1439190666/ref=tmm_pap_used_olp_sr?ie=UTF8&condition=used&qid=&sr=

There's an older book called Our Bodies, Our Selves. It is all about being a female and everything that you don't want to ask your father and your bothers. Also come to twoxchromosomes sub and they will answer your questions.

You will have to tell your father because he will have to buy things on a regular basis. For now maybe your mom had some things left? If it is too much to tell your dad, do you have an aunt or a cousin?

Edit:

https://www.amazon.com/Bodies-Ourselves-Boston-Womens-Collective/dp/1439190666

The grown up version. Every woman should read this book IMHO. Everything you need to know.

http://www.amazon.com/Bodies-Ourselves-Boston-Womens-Collective/dp/1439190666/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1344050193&sr=1-1&keywords=our+bodies+ourselves

What else don't you know? Perhaps you should find a copy of this: http://www.amazon.com/Bodies-Ourselves-Boston-Womens-Collective/dp/1439190666

> I'm disappointed in myself at how few sex how-to books I've actually read!
> I found "The Joy of Sex" hidden in my parents' room as a young teen, and read that with great interest, excitement and anxiety, until I got caught by my mom and got in big trouble.

I used to sneak peeks at The Joy of Sex in the public library! And I used to look up all the sex stuff I could in the encyclopedia as a kid. Gotta make use of the resources you have!

> I read "Our Bodies, Ourselves" while babysitting when I was 13, and loved it. I learned to masturbate from that book. If I read it again now, I would be really bothered by the woman=good/man=bad radical feminism of it.

I wonder if the current revised edition has toned that down? There's a 2011 edition on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Bodies-Ourselves-Boston-Womens-Collective/dp/1439190666/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1453548847&sr=1-3&keywords=our+bodies+ourselves

> In my early 20s, I read "The Art of Sexual Ecstasy". I remember it being kinda cool, but too woo-woo spiritual and ritualized for me.
> I bought "Changing Bodies, Changing Lives" for my kids, and read it. It's pretty good, but I don't like all the negativity and angst around consent. It kind of presents it like teens (mostly girls) don't want to have sex, and mostly do it because of peer pressure, which I find a little ridiculous.

Ugh, I hate the current swing of the pendulum to the extreme consent side. I got the book "Its Perfectly Normal" for my son (he's 10). I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I hope it doesn't have that "girls don't want to have sex vibe" I'll report back when I read that chapter.

> I recently read "Opening Up" and am currently reading "The Ethical Slut", but those aren't how-to books.

They don't have to be how-to's. Were those good? What were they about?

> I think that's it, sadly. I'd also be interested in recommendations for books that go beyond the basics. u/Onmymind42 , does "Nina Hartley's Guide" have something to offer fairly experienced people?

I'm only on chapter three and I see looking forward there are chapters on threeways, dom/sub, swinging, and anal, so definitely some new territory at least for me to read about. Its an enjoyable read so far. I'll come back with a full review after I finish it!

Girl, pick yourself up a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1439190666/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_xIklDb6ESQ27R

Probably our bodies ourselves. It's been years since I read it, but I'm pretty sure it included dick pics.

You said you're looking for something like a modern "Feminine Mystique," but I'm not sure what that means as regards sexuality. The Feminine Mystique didn't have a ton to say about sexuality and is rather dry.

I'd rather recommend a body-positive guide to sexuality like the classic Our Bodies, Ourselves. or The Joy of Sex: Ultimate Revised Edition. (Be sure it's the revised edition; the older edition of Joy of Sex is written from a male perspective and largely ignores the female perspective.)

Okay, this might sound really silly... but I'm guessing that since sex/masturbation was taboo in your house, you never really got one of those "What's happening to my body?" type books meant to teach kids about puberty, their bodies, and sex. I had a couple in late elementary/middle school and I think they're great. I think you should get one or two books like that and read through them! You can go to a bookstore and pretend you're buying them for a niece or sister or something, or just order one online. It may seem juvenile, but these books are specifically made to present sexual health info in a friendly, non-threatening, no-nonsense way.

The reason I think this will help is that you need to sort of un-train your brain from connecting sex and your body with immorality. Your body is just a body, it is not sinful, and it is built to provide you pleasure. You need to learn to normalize that concept in order to remove the guilt from masturbation. Think of it like anything else you need to learn: adults who learn to read don't start with classic literature, they start with kid's books.

Edited to add links to some suggestions: I owned a companion book to this one and really liked it. This one is actually angled towards adult women so that would probably be a good read too.

Our Bodies, Ourselves.

"Our Bodies Ourselves"
https://www.amazon.com/Bodies-Ourselves-Boston-Womens-Collective/dp/1439190666/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1492052773&sr=8-3&keywords=our+bodies+ourselves

First of all I'm so sorry for everything your mom went through. I wish her joy in her recovery. First book that came to mind https://www.amazon.com/Bodies-Ourselves-Boston-Womens-Collective/dp/1439190666/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1469747967&sr=1-1&keywords=our+bodies+ourselves+2015

https://www.amazon.com/Bodies-Ourselves-Boston-Womens-Collective/dp/1439190666
The women in the USA read "Our Bodies, Ourselves" to educate themselves. It's in English and Spanish.
Americans are running away from abstinence only classes in their schools.