Reddit reviews Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition)
We found 14 Reddit comments about Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition). Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Parenting with Love and Logic Teaching Children Responsibility
I've read a lot of parenting books and learned a lot of cool techniques and tricks for helping my kids. A parenting class, if you do the research and find someone who makes a lot of sense to you, is just a faster way of learning new tricks, and it sounds like you're looking for good ideas and fast. The class I linked you to in my other comment is one I'd love to take myself and I have worked with children for over fifteen years.
But if you are interested in the book route, look at your local library for How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, Simplicity Parenting, or Love and Logic, or anything by those authors.
I can guarantee you that at least one of my grandmas would've loved a parenting class, and the other probably could've used one.
Ok, so my son went through this exact same thing. The dog water is actually what we used to introduce the firm "no means no" concept, as well as time out.
Our son was also about 12-13 months when he started playing with the dog water. Same thing- he just loves putting his foot in it! He would do the same grin at us while hovering his foot over the water.
We tried redirection at first, but it became a game, so we resorted to time out. We got what is, in my opinion, the best time out chair for toddlers. I love this chair because you can(and should) remove the toys, and you can strap him in. We put the chair in a corner and that's just where it always is. When he's in time out, we call it time out, when he's just playing, we call it his thinking chair.
So here's what you do:
Next time he touches the water, tell him "No touching the dog water! That is yucky! If you touch the dog water again you will have a time out."
When he touches it again: "uh-oh! You touched the dog water! Now you have to have a time out..." (Say this in a surprised/sympathetic tone- like "it's to bad you did that... Sucks to be you" sort of way.)
Pick him up or wake him to the chair, put him in, strap him in and say "you're having a time out for touching the dog water."
Walk away for one minute.
He may think it is fun at first, but will then scream bloody murder most likely. Ignore this. Make NO eye contact!
After one minute, walk back.
"You were in time out for touching the dog water. You may not touch the dog water, that's yucky. Please say sorry and give me a hug." (He obviously didn't say sorry at first, but he did give the best hugs.)
Now, engage him with something else, play as if nothing happened. It's really important not to hold a grudge after a time out. Don't dwell on it. If he heads back to the dog water, you can remind him "Don't touch the dog water or you will have to have another time out".
When he touches it again, because he totally will, repeat the time out. "Uh-oh! You touched the dog water, now you have to have a time out..." Etc etc.
The key is to be extremely consistent with this. If it's a new day or occasion, I will give my son a warning of "if you do that again you will get a time out" but if it's the same day, anytime after the initial second chance is an immediate time out.
My son did it about 5 times in a row the first day, then he stopped. Then next day he did it a few times, and here and there over the next few days. This is totally normal and should be expected as he is testing boundaries and seeing how consistent you will really be. My son is 18 months now and I just have to remind him that he will get a time out if he chooses to touch the dog water, and he usually chooses not to.
The most important part of this is to make it clear that it is his choice to do something that lands him in time out. It's not you deciding he gets a time out, it's just that time outs are the consequence and his actions cause it. That's why you have a sympathetic tone when putting him in time out.
This is basically a really basic intro to Love and Logic discipline. In a nutshell you make sure the consequence is logical, and that the child is in total control of the choices they make (and therefore the consequences). You also never show animosity toward a misbehaving toddler, but empathy. It works wonders on toddlers, I have used it on many kids during my career as a nanny. If you have a chance to read it, I would highly suggest [Parenting With Love And Logic] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1576839540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_xRGIwbN38WQEH) or Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood.
I know it sounds kind of hippy-granola but I swear to you it is the best, most intuitive discipline system I have ever used.
Good luck!
The book Love and Logic is great for this. Stop being his doormat OP. It's bad for you and it will have consequences for him when he's older. He needs to know it's unacceptable to treat people this way and you need to stop shielding him from the consequences of behaving like a shithead.
You may be interested in the parenting philosophy called Love and Logic. Here’s the book: Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1576839540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_sLRIBbYQ4CVEC
It seems to mesh well with your calm parenting style. They advocate for room time, which is a modified version of time out that you could easily implement.
This parenting style involves being very empathetic before giving consequences. They emphasize learning opportunities and giving kids appropriate choices so they can feel in control sometimes.
A unique concept in this philosophy is the “energy drain.” Basically any of her exhausting behaviors can drain your energy and later in the day you act too tired to do something she wants to do, reminding her of the annoying thing she did earlier. Then she is given an opportunity to help you regain your energy (chores etc). It’s a neat idea because you aren’t giving her consequences in the moment when she’s acting out and likely unwilling to cooperate, but she still learns that there are consequences.
ESH - Y'all need to see a therapist. Especially one who specializes with kids. Need to be consistent and agreed on the ground rules between the two of you and how you treat all the kids. Try this book for him too: https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Logic-Updated-Expanded/dp/1576839540
I didn't read through all of it, but from skimming over it I think you may be interested in some of these (you didn't say what age your kids were so I'm just giving you everything I know of):
These are all about respecting your child, seeing them as a capable human being, and including them in the family.
For you: Parenting with Love and Logic.
For the baby: The 20th-Century Children's Book Treasury: Picture Books and Stories to Read Aloud. Every children's book you'll ever need, and it covers stories for many ages. This is out of print, so get it while you can. Get two, so you have a backup.
For both of you as she grows in faith: The Message (New Testament)
Edit: It dawns on me the recommendation of The Message might seem odd. I threw it in because it's a great way for kids to start reading the Bible since the language is in modern vernacular.
I may have reacted strongly to some things he said (he did not waste time and immediately reacted aggressively to me as well amiright?). I'll explain why I reacted quickly and strongly.
I didn't appreciate his posting a parenting program. I didn't consider it relevant to the discussion and as an exChristian with family members high up in the church I know that these ARE tools used to prosthelytise and convert people to religion (I watched family members try tactics like these, including opening a religious preschool so they could teach the kids to go home and since Jesus songs to their parents) or to promote essentially religious right views of the family and world views. They are based on a particular philosophical belief system and that affects the things that they say and the parenting advice that they give.
The program he is promoting is a religiously based parenting program. In that sense this is similar to the one that the Sears promote called "Attachment Parenting" (Attachment Parenting for instance encourages mothers to not work but stay home so they can attachment parent all day long, and this fits with the conservative Christian idea of women not being too independent or working outside of the home) and also similar to Babywise (which was found to cause failure to thrive syndrome in children and promotes hitting very young babies and teaching them that the parent is in charge. This idea of disciplining young babies comes out of theology because many Christians believe that people have original sin so even babies are born sinful, and you have to discipline the sin our of your children. Babywise was basically "Growing Kids God's Way" and they took out all the references to God and repackaged it but it still was based on theology not science. To an unknowing person, Babywise looked fairly innocuous and scientific at first glance). This program is likely to be similar (in spite of being marketed as "Love and Logic") in that it comes at least partly out of a religious rather than scientific worldview and mindset and its directions and advice will promote that. I don't think that this program is necessarily similarly abusive but I think that it is worth being aware of how these philosophical underpinnings influence a program's parenting advice, and can advance a particular view of the world and family and to some extent particular political views.
THAT is why I reacted strongly to what he said. I wasn't happy about seeing a recommendation for a non scientifically grounded parenting program like that and particularly not in an unsolicited way. By all means if you or others are interested in the parenting programs go ahead and explore keeping in mind what I pointed out.
And most people on here probably do not realize nor are aware of the things I pointed out above, we generally are not manipulative towards others and so we do not easily spot manipulation in others, but please stop and think about what I said for a few minutes.
> ninja edit: After reading your post history I can sympathize with some of the things you're going through. Making judgments about other redditor's parenting skills from a single comment or assuming there are hidden motivations or trying to imply someone isn't really an INTP... you're coming across as aggressive.
I hope that now that I have explained myself you understand better where I am coming from. I did respond aggressively because I wasn't happy due to the reasons I mentioned above but I hope you understand why now. There is also no reason to read into my intentions or personal situation or psychoanalyze me. As you can see my particular personal situation which you may have read about isn't necessarily the reason I found that recommendation worrying. Just as you read into my posting history and found cause for empathy he may also have read into my posting history and been triggered to swear at me.
Take a look at the reviews on here:
http://www.amazon.ca/Parenting-Love-Logic-Teaching-Responsibility/dp/1576839540
My wife and I have found the principles and techniques in Love and Logic to be very helpful. I'm sure you would find it helpful for the types of attitudes and behaviors you mention.
Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1576839540/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_yZWJybQKVN22A
This one: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1576839540/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1452001848&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=parenting+with+love+and+logic&dpPl=1&dpID=51Q4P6nPSVL&ref=plSrch
The first few reviews to show up, which I guess are the most recent, are 1 or 2 stars and say it's terrible... I think I'll get the toddler one and start that first though!
I'd recommend reading this.
It's Parenting With Love and Logic. That's the basic, central text. They have other books, and they're all good, but start with this one. It gets away from punishment/reward and works on building intrinsic motivation. It's all about consistency, making a child's world make more logical sense, and maintaining respect, dignity, and empathy for the child (thus showing the child how people are supposed to interact).
https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Logic-Updated-Expanded/dp/1576839540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482074748&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+with+love+and+logic
I swear by the Love and Logic series. They have this, which I have not tried but plan on getting. I have used this book with my 6 year old daughter for the last 2 years. I really wish I would have found it sooner! It would have made the toddler years much less confusing and waaaaay less frustrating. I went through a lot of trial and error with parenting methods, and this is the only approach that makes me feel like I am doing the right thing as a parent.
As far as taking care of a baby, this is helpful and hilarious. The men get a kick out of it, and the information is wonderful.
The people that are saying "Don't expect anything better from a two year old" are off-base. Having low standards for children is mainly an American cultural thing. I suggest reading "Parenting with Love and Logic" . Seriously, if you only read one book, make it this one. Make your fiance read it too.
There's not a lot you can do by yourself without your fiance's help. She will need to be the main enforcer. Be 100% consistent in your consequences, and act with empathy and concern, and not out of anger. It's important that she understands the consequence happened because she made a bad decision, and not because her parents are angry.
Another great book, if you are a reader, is French Children Dont Throw Food.