Reddit reviews Partials (Partials Sequence)

The problem with the latter is it's TOO MUCH. It's irrelevant. These aren't facts you need to know to understand the basis of the story. It's about tone and PLOT not backstory and character building. You don't build a character (a dude who wants to bone a chick in presumably a post apocalyptic war on a planet of sometype), you do it via dialogue, actions, and reactions.

You can give me every detail in crazy beautiful narrative, stylized prose, or in your case rationally and thoughtfully portrayed in the form of talking to a reader via POV....and it all boils down to the same PROBLEM.

THERE IS NO PLOT. BACK STORY IS NOT PLOT

You get about 1 page of packstory in any given narrative, and usually that's told in the form of short action sequences. Here read the first pages of this.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006207105X/ref=wsirn_dp_r_b_T2_6_4_d

Do you see how it's progressing forward? You're learning, but you're also reading the story.

Now compare that to what you've written, which while well constructed, doesn't hold the same weight: You've essentially given me the same thing as the first 2 pages of that book, but in a stylized way WITH NO PLOT

the characters really don't do anything memorable. I have really good memory for all the critiques I do here, especially when people repost them MONTHS later (One dude yesterday posted one one I had done 4 months ago, my 19th ever -- the color code style). I read two paragraphs and remembered the PLOT and SETTING beacuse he had one. What I didn't remember was the characters or how the story got to the ending, because that part sucked in his narrative.

If I was to read this in 5 months (literally) I'd likely remember the following


"Oh right...this is the guy that like talks about a sci fi thing to the reader but ...i don't...I don't really know what the point was."

I talk too much and have ADHD, I apologize if I'm not being helpful. It's because I have no idea how to help and suck at fixing things (that's why I'm here on this sub being destructive and not the other way around...)