Reddit reviews People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts

I see this more of a failure of Secret Santa rules than anything imho. It should not matter the ship date as long as it is there by Dec. 25th. Secondly, it's unfortunate that you think you found someone who seems to be annoying. My whole family is that way, and if I look in the mirror the same would probably go for me in many people's mind. Nonetheless, he is still a human, and still deserving of some Christmas love. Even though it might be challenging for you, see it as an opportunity to warm his cold heart. But given the opportunity I might would send along with the gift a copy of this book as a subtle hint.

It's tough to offer any kind of advice for your situation because you talk in a lot of generalities.

However, my wife and I have struggled quite a bit over the last few years and it sucks. I feel like things are getting better, but there are always mis-steps even on the up-swing.

If your wive really has checked out, there's not much you can do. It takes two to make a couple.

However. You can work on yourself. In so doing, you might find that it helps your relationship. Or it might not. But even if your relationship falls apart, you will be in a much better space to cope with that and move on -- as difficult as it seems right now.

So, here's my suggestions ... things that I have been doing and reading over the last couple of years that have really helped me.

1. Stop looking at all the things she is doing wrong. Focus on what she is doing right. This is tough and requires a huge shift in thinking and an even bigger thinking around letting go of your ego.
   
   
2. Every day do something to show some appreciation for someone in your life. One person every day. Say thank you and tell them what they mean to you. This will help you focus on more positive things overall. Include your wife in this, though she doesn't need to be the focus of this every day.
   
   
3. Be honest with yourself and her. Can you give her what she wants. There are some things that I just can't give my wife. And some things she can't give me. How important are these things? And are there other ways to get them?
   
   
4. Adopt a meditation practice. Download the Headspace app. It has a nice introduction to meditation. It has helped me immensely.
   https://www.headspace.com/
   
   
5. If you don't exercise, start. Personally, I enjoy weight lifting. Try Strong Lifts if you can. It's a simple program that will show fast results.
   http://stronglifts.com/
   
   
6. If you don't eat healthy, start. There are so many diets out there. Even if you just start eating smaller portions and cut out snacking, you'll see some positive results. That's where I started. I eventually started doing the Alt Shift Diet. Yeah, you can call it a fad diet or whatever. I don't care. It works for me and that's the key -- find a diet that works for you.
   http://altshiftdiet.com/
   
   
7. Read How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk. Great advice that applies even when you are talking to adults.
   https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1474568476&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+talk+so+kids+will+listen+%26+listen+so+kids+will+talk
   
   
8. Read People Skills. This is a great book on active listening and conflict resolution. Helpful in so many situations.
   https://www.amazon.com/People-Skills-Yourself-Resolve-Conflicts/dp/067162248X
   
   
9. Read this post and some of the posts that follow it. Incredibly insightful
   https://np.reddit.com/r/sexover30/comments/538uat/mismatched_couples/d7r5hys
   
   
10. Read Never Split the Difference. Another great book that is geared more toward business negotiation, but has been a great help in my personal life. I can take the time to understand someone else's perspective without letting go of mine. Also great to help assert myself better in my relationship. His description of active listening was also helpful.
    https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1474568493&sr=1-1&keywords=chris+voss
    
    
11. Read Come as You Are. A great book on women's sexuality specifically, but it's really about sexuality in general. It's backed by a lot of research. Has a lot of insight into human sexuality. Great reading. Helped me understand myself and my wife better. (Goes beyond the typical High Libido and Low Libido stuff that I always found less than helpful.)
    http://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1436544375&sr=8-1&keywords=come+as+you+are
    
    
12. Do stuff on your own. Go out with friends. Go to the movies by yourself. Make sure both of you get breathing room away from each other.
    
    
13. Be honest. If you feel something tell her. You don't have to be mean. But do be honest. "You are making me angry right now, can we talk about it later when I have calmed down." "Your tone sounds rude and condescending. Please talk to me like I am an adult or we can wait and talk later." This one is tough and statements should be made from your perspective rather than made as statements of fact.
    
    Anyway, those are my suggestions and have helped me immensely. Take what you think will work for you. Ignore the rest.
    
    Best of luck!
    

Yah, I figured it was something like that. I DESPISE anti-woment Red Pill bullshit advice like this that keeps getting pushed.

If you want to have better relationships and don't want to blame shit on women then read this book. http://www.amazon.com/People-Skills-Yourself-Resolve-Conflicts/dp/067162248X

It changed my life in numerous ways. I actually know how to listen to other people, how to apologize, and how to defuse situations. I can honestly say that just about every relationship I had improved after reading this book. I can't recommend it highly enough.

When I'm mildly to moderately hypo, I find that my empathy actually increases, but it tends to go away again when I start to lose too much sleep and become irritable.

Also, I don't think you have to resign yourself to diminished empathy. I spent many years acquiring interpersonal skills when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I find that the skills actually help me when I am at risk of losing empathy, especially the skill of active listening. It does take time to acquire the skills, but if you start learning now, your hypomanic self a few years from now will be grateful.

If you are interested in this solution, I recommend Robert Bolton's book People Skills, but if you're not a self-starter (like me) you may prefer to take formal courses. Check your local college calendar, continuing education, counseling centers, and so on. Look for courses with titles like interpersonal relations or introductory counseling, and make sure they are skills-based rather than theoretical. I took roughly 300 contact hours in communication skills, and I still read in the subject all the time. It's one of the best investments I ever made in myself.

Not sure if you're being facetious but if not check out YouTube...there are countless videos on small talk, eye contact, being more charismatic, etc. I like this guy's videos although he has a lot more stuff he charges for.

I also read this book which I thought was really helpful.

It's pretty stunning and frustrating to logical people like us that the most qualified in the workplace aren't typically the ones who get promoted and recognized. I've learned how important it is to have the "show" to match the "go". It's an unfortunate fact so may as well learn how to play the game.

As a quick general tip, I try to make conversation with random people browsing for the same stuff as me at the store, cashiers, people waiting in line at the checkout, etc. It's a risk free opportunity for practice.

Most important thing I've learned personally...smile and make eye contact. My eye contact was awful and I have had to work really hard on improving it but it makes an entire world of difference in how you are perceived and being able to connect with others.

Read those books that he listed, that stuff will change your life. The more knowledge you can acquire about communication will make you much more confident when you interact with others.
This is another good book to read

https://www.amazon.com/People-Skills-Yourself-Resolve-Conflicts/dp/067162248X/ref=pd_sim_14_9?ie=UTF8&dpID=416%2Bj70DDLL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR108%2C160_&psc=1&refRID=B5BWBQ0PJ5JE9YZ3X83Z

Shoot me a pm if you can't afford those books.

Excellent advice. It took me some time to figure these and other things out. I have since read a lot about communication, as it is so essential and was the source of so much conflict.

I highly recommend the books "Radical Collaboration" and "People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts". They are fantastic for understanding how to communicate effectively and prevent/avoid stupid arguments.

Thank you for the compliments :).

The best way, I've found, to be assertive is to figure out your values in life. What do you value? What's important to you? From there you can figure out what you will and won't accept. Big picture to small details. From there on you can be assured that you can give people what they want whilst getting what you want in return. A win-win!

For example; one of my values is, and the most important one too, is that my self development and growth are top. It will always come first. The next step, the boundary step, then was what behaviour will I not tolerate from others. Here they are:

• You must support my growth as a person, objections are fine, support is mandatory.
  
• Do not attempt to change me into something/someone I do not want to be. And,
  
• I refuse to try/do/believe things that will not enhance my development/quality of life or has beneficial outcomes over time.
  
  From there it's a matter of learning proper assertion skills. I highly recommend People Skills by Robert Bolton. This is helped me immeasurably. Check it out! --> People Skills.
  
  I hope this helps you figure out your boundaries.

Possibly People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts

http://www.amazon.com/People-Skills-Yourself-Resolve-Conflicts/dp/067162248X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382500298&sr=8-1&keywords=people+skills+how+to

One of my favorite books is People Skills by Robert Bolton.

People Skills

"Improve your personal and professional relationships instantly with this timeless guide to communication, listening skills, body language, and conflict resolution.

A wall of silent resentment shuts you off from someone you love....You listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other....Your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you....

People Skills is a communication-skills handbook that can help you eliminate these and other communication problems. Author Robert Bolton describes the twelve most common communication barriers, showing how these “roadblocks” damage relationships by increasing defensiveness, aggressiveness, or dependency. He explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations.

People Skills will show you:

· How to get your needs met using simple assertion techniques

· How body language often speaks louder than words

· How to use silence as a valuable communication tool

· How to de-escalate family disputes, lovers' quarrels, and other heated arguments

Both thought-provoking and practical, People Skills is filled with workable ideas that you can use to improve your communication in meaningful ways, every day."

I was in the same boat. Read this: https://www.amazon.com/People-Skills-Yourself-Resolve-Conflicts/dp/067162248X Literally half of the book is about how to do reflective listening. That alone changed my life. And the more you learn genuine social skills like that, the more you'll realize everyone has no idea what they're doing and they're lucky to be making their way through life at all.

DO NOT USE DATING APPS!!! They heavily favor women and you'll just be running into getting tens of rejections a day. Dating apps are for women. Not men.

Every college has a ballroom dance club. Join it.