Reddit reviews Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free

There's an awful lot to unpack in your post. I'll try to hit the key points, but please let me know if I miss something. To be clear, I am speaking to you explicitly in my capacity as a member of the clergy, ordained and out of seminary over twenty years.

1. This is not a punishment for sex. Clearly he's a jerk, and not worthy of your time, affection or intimacy - but that doesn't mean that it was a mistake to be sexually intimate with someone you loved and trusted.
   
2. You did not make a "marital commitment" to him. There is no magical boundary of emotional or physical intimacy that - once crossed - goes from "romantic affection" to "sex and marriage." It's your body, and you get to decide what touching you or not touching you means.
   
3. Consensual sex does not damage or soil us as people. We aren't ruined or reduced in value by it. The question isn't, "Would a Christian man still want you?" The question is, "Why would you want a man who still has a medieval understanding of sexual intimacy?"
   
4. You are not broken. This hurts right now, in a way nearly all of us have experienced at one time or another. But the breaking you feel is the pain of growing, and growing stronger. You will learn from this, and - in every way - be a healthier person.
   
5. You don't need to know if, or what, you believe in God right now. Scripture, the Church, and the love of God are all here for you, in whatever way you can receive them, just as you are. We sing and talk about grace all the time in church, but somehow it's hardest to believe it is real when we need it the most. But I assure you, the same beautiful grace that made you want to open a Bible and study it, is still here. God loves you, and knows you, and sees you - and whatever shape your faith takes, God will still love and know you.
   
6. "Sin" is a very complicated concept, and never as clearly delineated as fundamentalists want it to be. Many people take advantage of Scripture to cram their own fear and biases into eternal commands that don't hold up to scrutiny or scholarship. There are countless mainline and progressive Christian books that can help you work out a sexual ethic that is faithful both to your values and to the tradition. Don't let this bad experience cause you to fall back into dangerous and damaging "purity culture."
   
7. This is the most important one. You are a good and worthy person. You deserve to be loved by someone who respects you enough to always be honest with you. Never settle for less.
   
   For your own reading, or others looking for an understanding of Christians sexual ethics that goes beyond fundamentalism, here are some resources:
   
   - Good Christian Sex - Bromleigh McCleneghan
   
   - Unprotected Texts - Jennifer Wright Knust
   
   - Shameless: A Sexual Reformation: - Nadia Bolz-Webber
   
   - Shameless: How I Lost My Virginity and Kept My Faith - Dani Frankhauser
   
   - Just Love: A Framework for Christian Sexual Ethics - Margaret Farley (this one leans toward the academic)
   
   - God and Sex: What the Bible Really Says - Michael Coogan
   
   and, for a wonderful critique of the devastating impact of "purity" culture...
   
   - Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement that Shamed a Generation - Linda Kay Klein

This book might be helpful for you: https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Inside-Evangelical-Movement-Generation/dp/150112482X/