Reddit reviews Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys

Read Raising Cain if you want a fascinating analysis of how boys and young men are socialized into embracing the worst forms of poisonous masculinity.

Edit: PBS did a documentary about this as well.

Do that, plus read Raising Cain. The books tl;dr is that boys have complex emotional lives, even if the don't often express that in obvious ways. It gave me huge amounts of insight during the 4 years I spent as a summer camp counselor.

My boy's only 2, but so far, the father protips I've learned are:

• When your baby's very small (like, the first three months), they'll likely hate sleeping alone and love cuddling. You can use this to your videogaming advantage. When baby's fussy late at night, tell your wife, "I've got this." Secure your baby on your chest in something like a Moby or Ergobaby, then go play the Xbox for for a few hours. Baby gets cuddles, your wife thinks you're some kind of superdad and you get to play videogames. It's a win win win situation, and the way I beat Fable II and Gears of War II.
  
• Don't feel bad if you're not deeply in love with your child the moment he exits the womb. When he was born, I loved my son in the "This is my son so I will love him" sort of way. But around the time he turned 1 and became less of a little crying thing and more of a mini-person, I feel deeply in love.
  
• You will never have a better excuse to buy photography or video equipment, so take advantage of this moment. In my experience, mothers are unable to resist the logic of, "I really need a better camera to make sure we have lasting memories or our baby's 1st year." It's like a license to kill. Only instead of killing, you get to go out and spend money on whatever DSLR you've been lusting after.
  
  Congratulations!
  
  
  

I'm guessing the book that the documentary is based on.

When my son was born, I read a book called "Raising Cain" by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson. It was shocking to read because it so succinctly covers everything that, as a boy, you think you're the only one to feel. It's helped my parenting a lot, and I would recommend it to anyone who has a son.

There's a great book about how boys are raised this way, to be "emotionally illiterate." It's marketed as a parenting book but has been SO interesting to me in analyzing the adult men in my life as well. Highly recommend for anyone who loves/lives with/interacts with men!

https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Cain-Protecting-Emotional-Life/dp/0345434854

> I've heard it described as boys being handled like they are defective girls.

Yep.

> “Girl behavior is the gold standard in schools,” says psychologist Michael Thompson. “Boys are treated like defective girls.”

http://ideas.time.com/2013/10/28/what-schools-can-do-to-help-boys-succeed/

I read a (dated) book for my class that highlights this problem. If anyone's interested - Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys. It's really an eye-opener.

Lots of good advice here already. I'd recommend reading Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson. As a parent myself, it really helped me understand some of the root causes for behavioral issues in boys. Maybe you'll find it helpful as well.

With the caveat that I haven't read any of these yet, but when I found out I was having a boy I looked for similar recommendations and this is my reading list:

• Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men
  
• Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood
  
• Boys Adrift
  
• Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys
  
• The Trouble with Boys: A Surprising Report Card on Our Sons, Their Problems at School, and What Parents and Educators Must Do
  
• It's a Boy!: Your Son's Development from Birth to Age 18
  
  (I got caught up in reading childbirth and infant care books, which seem more pressing. If anyone has actually read any of these, I'd love to hear your opinions, especially if it can help me prioritize them.)

If you have boys, Raising Cain. I think the author has one about girls as well.

https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Cain-Protecting-Emotional-Life/dp/0345434854

I'm finishing up a course on teaching social skills (which I will be putting all of the information together and creating a thread in the next week).

I'm reading two books currently: Twelve by Twelve and Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys

My boyfriend is a new special needs teacher/assistant with very little training and he's increasingly patient since he's started the job. He recommends the book Raising Cain to get an idea of what the students are going through and figure out easier ways to communicate with them.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/reviews/0345434854/ref=mw_dp_cr

If you want the book, I'll get it for you if you PM me contact info.

There's a book I got for a friend who is expecting a baby boy soon. It's called "Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys". Haven't read it myself yet but it comes well recommended. Maybe you can try and find a cheap copy of it and have a read? Anyway, good of you to try and be there for the kids. :)

PS You're barely out of childhood yourself. Do what you can to help, but first and foremost go out and enjoy life.

Well, the trick to making better children each generation is to not do the things you know your parents did wrong.

Like, we now know that being an emotionally unavailable dad is bad for kids. I strongly suggest this book.

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Cain-Protecting-Emotional-Life/dp/0345434854

I think that Brain Balance and Sylvan are completely different. Isn't Sylvan just a tutoring place? Idk. This Brain Balance center focuses on kids who have stronger left/right brain type of skills (I think) and then help then really integrate the two using strange repetitive activities (things including finger exercises and music, etc).

Like I said, the mom who I know was blown away by the difference it made in her kids life. I think they had to pay ~$6-8k for the sessions that spanned several weeks.

Although her son reads much much better, she says writing does continue to be more of a chore. His teachers don't mind if he types & they've considered letting him use dictation software for some of his more lengthy assignments, just so he can get his work done and not fall behind.

Kudos to you for recognizing that you've got "a pretty good kid." I hope you can find something to help him with his writing. The comic book suggestion sounds good for reading! Wouldn't it be great if he took an interest in that?

Oh - one last thing - have you read (or seen the documentary): Raising Cain, Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys? I just saw the documentary & they discuss quite a lot about the types of things that boys chose to read and write about (read: somewhat violent at times). It was so interesting to hear their perspective on this & it's relation to encouraging boys to read & write.

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Cain-Protecting-Emotional-Life/dp/0345434854/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322086525&sr=8-1

Let's go another layer and say that women may exhibit unhealthy behaviors towards other women within a toxic patriarchal society.

Women have to compete with other women for reputation-promoting male attention. And I don't mean primarily sexual, I'm talking about professional, romantic, and platonic attention as well. "One of the guys," especially if she is conventionally attractive, has better success in our society than women than don't conform to male expectations.

On top of all this, women are socialized to use their emotions, men are socialized to use their logic. Without combining to two, healthy communication is impossible. For this last bit, I suggest reading, "Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys." This book helped me parent both my kids better, boy and girl. It also helped me realize the quiet anguish of men.