Reddit reviews Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition (Rebuilding Books; For Divorce and Beyond)
We found 7 Reddit comments about Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, 3rd Edition (Rebuilding Books; For Divorce and Beyond). Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Used Book in Good Condition
This book is awesome, and has really helped me assess where I'm at in the process emotionally, and has given me exercises and goals that are helping me move further along. I feel that by reading and doing the assessments and exercises it provides, I've really gotten to a more peaceful place, especially with regards to my anger at my cheating ex, so that now I can interact with her more easily when I need to.
It is simply loaded with great advice for those going thru or gone thru the divorce process. What to do vs what not to do, what helps you recover vs what will slow your recovery. I recommend it highly.
Good for you girl!!
On an unrelated note, I remember the time when I too felt like I can't breathe. I've gone through two breakups from serious relationships in the span of four years, and both times I felt that way at some point. What was a huge help to me was reading Bruce Fisher's book Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends . It talks you through all the stages of breaking up in a friendly, humorous tone, and helps you check how you're doing. When I started reading it I remember feeling like I could breathe again, and that I will live. Just wanted to share that, just in case.
Take care.
Although I sometimes find it hard to sit and focus on reading, this book is very structured and insightful. It was recommended to me, and I shall pass it on:
http://www.amazon.com/Rebuilding-Relationship-Books-Divorce-Beyond/dp/1886230692/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1411816435&sr=8-1&keywords=rebuilding+when+your+relationship+ends
Read this book. Both of you.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1886230692/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Getting dumped will always be painful but I guess the first time is the worst. My secret weapon is a book by Bruce Fisher: Rebuilding. Read it when I was 33 and hoped someone had pointed it out ten years earlier. It's written for a bit older audience, I guess, but the basic process is the same.
First you'll probably be wanting to deny it and hope you two will get back together when she comes to her senses. You'll need to get that possibility out of your head before any real progress can happen. You shouldn't have any contact with her, which includes unfriending her on facebook. If that seems too harsh (I'm not american and quite a bit older so I don't really know how the social media stuff works for you) at least unsubscribe her feed.
You will be sad, lonely, angry and depressed but the feelings are part of the process of letting go. Feel them. I used to bottle everything up and after a while thought I was okay. Unfortunately the stuff always came back to haunt in later relationships. Time will heal some things but it depends on whether you learned to cope with loss as a child. Also you can actually use the pain to grow as a person.
Like the others have said you need to get out and do stuff. It's basically a balancing act between letting the feelings come out and doing other things so you don't become drowned in your own misery. There is a huge world out there to experience! Exercise is good for self-esteem and also for venting the anger that will come at some point.
You should really avoid new relationships for a while. The pain from the previous breakup will usually find the worst possible moment to surface again. Deal with it now and you'll be avoiding a lot of hassle later.
It won't always feel like it'll ever get better, but it WILL.
My ex wanted a divorce after 12 years ... we had 3 kids. Things started off ok, we traded off weeks... the kids seemed to be adjusting ok. She then went and took a job in another city and moved with the kids (all of that was ok per the divorce decree, just not out of state).
It has been very hard. I only get them on weekends 1, 3, 5 ... it breaks my heart to be away from them for so long. They aren't adjusting too well. Each time I say good bye is difficult ... tears all around. Talking to them every night is not the same. That being said, we've been working hard (the kids and I) to build a better relationship. I have a better relationship with my youngest than I did while married now ...
If you take off you will regret it. Moving past the punishment mentality is a must ... and it is difficult. Then there is the "I don't want to do jack" phase ... I'm in that now ... being productive is a chore ... but it must be done. You have to push through. See a therapist if you need to ... hold your kids and just remember that there still exists a relationship with each of them that is worth fighting for ... they aren't broken. They need you. They want you. They love you. You need to push on so you can be there for them. You will have time for yourself when they are with their mom ... but work to make that time worthwhile and productive.
Lastly, don't hate yourself for your thoughts. Thoughts can be changed. Until they become actions, they are not concrete things ... change your thoughts, change your perspective.
Have a look at the following two books, recommended by my therapist:
How did he abuse you? This is a good book that helped me.
https://www.amazon.ca/Rebuilding-When-Your-Relationship-Ends/dp/1886230692