We found 21 Reddit comments about Rules of the Game. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
There's an even greater tragedy here: Strauss tried to sell an actual book to help people, not to tell the story or PUAs. Here it is.
Effectively, it was a 30-day program to try to get people to get a date. And, it was broken down into little missions to do each day to get people prepared, and he was smart enough to know that his reading audience would be starting from a very rudimentary level. I did almost all of the social anxiety missions.
Missions included things like "meet the neighbors": knock on the neighbor's door, say "Hi, I'm (name), and I figured I'm come say hello because we're neighbors and we've never met before." Talk for 15 minutes, and leave. Sometimes, it included finding local magazines or news papers, and looking for events that seem interesting to go to, and go to them. Another was "Moviephone", where you're calling people anonymously in the white pages. Ask for someone's name, and when they say you've got the wrong number, thank them, but say that you're going to the movies with the person you were calling for, and can you recommend a movie? If you get the random person to give you a movie recommendation, you win. There's even a very scary mission...ask people for spare change.
It may be a little annoying and creepy, but how the hell else are we going to deal with the glut of people we have who aren't socialized?
I didn't go through the whole thing, but I did do a lot of it. The last social anxiety mission was a choice: go do an open-mic set at a comedy club, or go sing karaoke. I did the latter. It was hard, but I survived, and I'll remember it for the rest of my life.
All in all, we have a problem of people who aren't capable of living in a society we have, and we're going to need to do something about it. Because if we don't, they'll do something about it themselves.
I am obsessed. Here is my current collection:
Most of these you can find on thepiratebay / etc, but I own a hard copy of all of these except for The Mystery Method, which I read probably 5 times before I found Magic Bullets (actually don't own that either, just the pdf). I'll add to this list if I think of more.
Magic Bullets - Savoy ==>> [Torrent] it's expensive!
+1 to most of the above.
I am on wife number 2 now and SO much happier. I was young and alone and modeled my relationship off of my parent's dysfunctional one... Was in it for 8.5yrs. Got out of it and although there were some rough times, I made it through... I then spent a year or two hooking up with as many girls as I could, then happened upon an AMAZING woman - married her last November.
I got very lucky with meeting the first girl I hooked up with after my ex, but after that it wasn't too rough. My suggestions are:
There isn't really one right now; the Mating Grounds is probably as close as it gets.
Edit to add, Rules of the Game is also good, and it has more of "do this activity, then that one" feel.
Finally, go sign up for salsa classes. Make yourself do it and keep going, at least once a week, no matter what and no matter how stupid you might feel at first. Get a pair leather-soled dancing shoes. Wear jeans that fit you to class.
You're exactly the sort of person who will eventually stumble into the seduction community. You could do worse, but first, some warnings...
only confident people click, or at least, topically confident. you took the movies too personally and your lost in a delusion. Do spontaneous clicks happen? yes,same way anyone can be president or drop out of school and become a billionaire. unlikely (very, very unlikely) but possible.
i dont know who told you you need to be an asshole, what you need to learn to do is actually go out there and get what you want."Closed mouths dont get fed"
Read this book.Pirate it if you must and then buy it later if it works for you.
Rules of the game
Take the book day by day, it makes a difference. you dont need to know all this "PUA" shit.
Another book that tailors specifically to your issue
the rational male
practically word for word from what your saying to what the books saying. outside looking in PUA doesn't make any logical sense but we are not creatures of logic, we are creatures of emotion. if we werent, you wouldnt feel shame, guilt or even love.
A specifically Aspie-hostile feature of dating is the disconnect between the apparent and effective rules of the game. You might think that red-pill stuff such as the Game will give you great insights, but they probably won't: they're not designed for people like you, and they're not aiming at the kind of relationship you likely want.
Here's my one-sentence sum-up of the rule as I understand it: look contagiously happy.
There are many ways to be happy; some of them suit you, some others don't; hopefully, you have identified some of those which do. A suitable partner for you is someone with some happiness-goals in common with yours, and with whom you'll effectively pursue shared happiness. That's really a great definition of a suitable mate: someone whose definition(s) of happiness, and whose ways to pursue it, matches yours.
Simply by being Asperger, you're not a standard person, and your possible paths to happiness probably aren't the most common ones. Know how your definition of happiness deviates from the norm, identify what kinds of character traits go with it, identify the kind of people who have them, consider them as your dating pool.
Once you're targeting the right people, remember that (1) standard recipes don't apply well to non-standard people and (2) if they're like you, they're as lonely as you are, and they want that relationship as hard as you do. There are some fundamentals which apply everywhere: don't come out as desperate, needy, self-centered. Your ultimate promise is that the pursuit of happiness will go better and faster alongside you. So you need to come out as happy, open and interested in the other, and enthusiastic about sharing and growing that happiness of yours. You're sharing happiness, not begging for some. Kids are needy, but kids aren't sexy. If they have uncommon conceptions about happiness, and you convincingly show them that yours matches theirs, you'll be welcomed as a Messiah.
Most of the non-written rules of dating are about convincingly showing it. But you can't just say "I'm God's gift to womanhood": everybody would just say it if it was all it took! You're giving hints that you're a great fit for the unique person in front of you, and they're going to test those hints, to figure out whether you're bullshitting them. They'll test the genuineness of what makes you happy, of your interest in them as a unique person (rather than any other consenting vagina owner), the fit between what makes you click and what makes them click, how well you're reading them... Once you know why they're doing it, it only takes a bit of practice to find the correct answers to the hidden questions: at least you're playing the actual game with its actual rules!
I'm a math-geek, polyamorous, bisexual Aspie smartass who craves both stability (affective and material) and sensual hyper-stimulation. And I have a couple of other fringe lifestyle and sexual kinks, too. My dating pool is a tiny fraction of a percent of the population, but I roughly know which fraction it is, so I meet more suitable partners than I need. If I were to try and date random people, I'd probably never succeed, and if I did, I'd be bored to death by the people I'd have the misfortune to settle with.
"The Game" was a great story, but not so much a "how to" guide. And I don't recall it recommending being condescending to anyone. The concept of a neg is to only use it on 8-10s in the first few minutes to show you aren't one of the un-washed masses trying to kiss their butt.
Acting like you are not interested in the girl will not result in you getting girls -- acting like you aren't interested in the pretty one while you charm her friend prevents her friend from cock-blocking you later though.
The follow-up book Rules of the Game is more of a how-to guide.
Neil is a great writer -- I wished he ended up with Brad P instead of Mystery. I suspect that would have made a much wilder story.
Bang by RooshV (http://www.reddit.com/user/rooshv) is my current read and a great starting resource.
BTW - Herbal (the guy who ended up with Mystery's girlfriend in the Game) is a sometimes Redditor. Small world.
This is the guy that stole Neil's GF after 'The Game' was over:
He exhibits great cocky-funny in this vid.
^^ Listen to /u/prpna; he's a very wise man.
Gonna answer this and share my experiences without using a throwaway -- booyah!
(Source: nearly a decade of talking to/flirting with/hooking up with random girls in clubs and bars, so I can definitely say that culture difference hardly plays a part here.)
When I'm in a bar or at a club, I almost always use what PUAs call a "direct opener" -- basically, starting a conversation by expressing your interest in her.
Why? Because in these types of places, there's a lot of potential distractions going on (loud music, alcohol, chatty/dancing friends, and the biggest distraction of all: other men) so you need to come in strong and differentiate yourself from every other dude who's approached her.
I always say something along the lines of "I saw you and I thought you were cute, so I had to come over and say hi."
And then I reach out for a handshake and introduce myself. And the conversation begins.
There are very few circumstances in which you would want to ask for her number right away -- dude, you don't even know her, what the hell would you want her number for? You have no idea if the two of you would have anything to talk about or even get along, that's why it comes off as creepy.
Anyway, that opener buys me anywhere from 2-5 minutes worth of interaction at a busy club. There will be times when a girl just plainly isn't interested and will ignore you; but it works surprisingly well in most circumstances (around the same if not better than the Naked Man's 2 out of 3 times! </half kidding>).
While I've used that opener in clubs mostly, I've also had success using it in sit-down "inuman" places as well as coffee shops like Starbucks. It's actually better outside of club situations because in addition to the fact that nobody approaches strangers in these places, it's also a very strong and bold way to start a conversation. And I've heard that girls dig confidence ;)
NOW THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART: One reason I think it's worked well for me these past few years is this: my mentality when approaching isn't to get anything from them.
In all honesty, if the conversation ends right then and there (and many times, it has) I'll be completely fine with it. I don't even mind getting blown off and rejected. In my head, my only purpose for opening with this line is to give them a sincere compliment: if all I can do is to make her day/night a little better and that's it, then so be it.
(And let's face it; whose day wouldn't be made up if a random stranger came up to you and told you that you're attractive and yet not want anything at all from you?
One time, I was hanging out in Katipunan with my friends and noticed this super cute girl who was drinking with her friend. I wanted to approach, but later noticed that she started crying and wouldn't stop -- presumably coming off a breakup or something. Before I left, I walked up to her and told her that I thought she was cute, and that she was obviously having a very bad day and I thought that a compliment from a complete stranger would at least help brighten up her night. If you've ever seen a girl genuinely smile after a solid round of crying.. It's a beautiful thing. Didn't even bother asking for her number but no approach has ever made me feel like a champ more than that one did. )
Which is pretty much what /u/prpna said, but a lot more eloquently and succinctly than I ever could. I agree 200% with his "she made your day; now try and make hers" statement. Seek to give value, not leech it away from people -- it truly does make the difference between creepy and confident.
What you do next is totally up to you, but in general you definitely want to do at least a few minutes of small talk before you close for the number (or you could go and take the interaction as far as you can for the night before you close it) -- that way, she's a little bit more comfortable with you and you actually have something to text her about when you do text her -- but this is a completely different topic in of itself though.
There's also the indirect opener in which you start a conversation without revealing your interest (sometimes even going out of your way to downplay it). Somewhere in the replies to this post, someone mentioned "The Game" which popularized the opinion opener (i.e. "Hey, I need a female opinion on something: who lies more, men or women?" etc.).
If I have to go indirect, personally I'm a fan of using situational openers. Basically, you use the situation around you to start a conversation with them. Let's say I'm in a club and I'm buying a drink -- if a girl is waiting along with me (btw one of the best times to time to start a conversation with a girl is when she's at the bar buying a drink) a lot of times I just look at them and say "Hi, how you doing?" or if they're holding a drink already, just reach out with my bottle and say "Cheers" then start some casual small talk.
Not such a fan of this approach especially if I'm really interested in the girl, because it takes a lot more conversation (and you have to be super interesting and/or super good looking) before she'll actually be interested enough to give you her number. Plus I'm extremely lazy to bother going through a whole bunch of this throughout the night. Also, getting the number doesn't always mean that she won't flake on you when you text her -- but it is a way to start an interaction with less risk.
But there are times when the situational opener is actually much more useful than the direct one. For example, if you're at a place where there's a lot of social accountability like a school party or whatever (friends, and friends of friends, where getting hit on by a complete stranger with a very strong come on may make you look a little too weird). Or "day game" situations like at the mall or at a bookstore or at a coffee shop where you might feel too vulnerable/exposed to use the direct opener (sidenote: it's not really a problem -- people are paying more attention to themselves and don't really give a fuck about you, so remember to tell yourself to get over yourself; you are not a unique snowflake).
Actually, when I was starting out with "the game" I once gave myself a mission to ask 5 strangers (female, of course) for recommendations on stores to buy good "guy clothes" from. It's a great exercise, IMO -- straight out of the Stylelife Challenge (now known as "Rules of the Game") -- and actually ended up having a 10 minute conversation with a girl on the elevator about whatever (too bad I was too chickenshit to get her number, but I've learned from my mistakes since then).
Anyway, complete wall of text already so I'm going to end this here, but hope that actually helps you out.
I'm currently in Monk Mode myself. I'm probably only going for at most a 3mo. term at this (Started Dec. 1st). It sounds like you have a good plan. I'm focusing on the following things:
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, because no one else is spending any time whatsoever feeling sorry for you. Figure out what it is you want to accomplish, research how to do so and then conjure up the courage to take the necessary steps to make it a reality.
If your issue is developing mutual attraction between you and those you're attracted to. Read these three books. Take notes and then have the courage to try out the methods/tips you found inside.
Rules of the Game - by Neil Strauss
I can't believe noone has mentioned it yet. If you want to finally start having relationships with people, getting girls this is the way to go. It takes you through the steps required to interact meaningfully with people (the basis of relationships) and takes you through the basics involved from meeting someone to taking them on a date. (It's a well known idea that there are a number of stages involved in for lack of a better word the courting process, eg. first meeting someone and connecting on some level, building comfort- so that you are both comfortable around each other etc. - this book takes you through the basics)
And the best thing is its not written by some douche- this guy is genuine. The reason he wrote the book was to help guys like me and you who are trying to figure out how to start being social, dating girls and having alot of sex. He's the author of The Game
a great adventure into the world of pickup, it's an absolute blast to read!!! (if you really want check it out quick without buying just yet, you can torrent it hint hint*) Anyway so he has some mad adventures, he went from this normal average guy to this guy thats irresistable to women, bedding many, MANY of them. Its hard to describe this without making him or me sound like a douche but he's awesome and genuine, he frikkin wrote a book to help guys out damnit!!!
Anyway the reason I'm saying all of this is well, I went through the exact same thing. I'm 22 now. About a year ago now I had enough of the bull$hit and decided to figure out how to get with girls and be social, figure all that shit out. Well, I succeeded. Life is better than ever, I have no problems talking to girls, dating them and fucking the hell out of them ^.^ Also figured out who (well still working on it) are the people in my life I can trust, who will help me and who want me to succeed and who are the fucking deadweights holding me back that I have to forget. Ain't being no douche but about a month ago I was seeing 3 girls every week regularly to fuck and I accidentally made one of them fall in love with me >.<, fuck I wasn't prepared for that considering I didn't lay down the groundwork for our relationship n' stuff.
In the end, I realized who I was (still on the journey) and this is the basis of social interaction. The ideal world should be inter-dependant, each person knows what they wants and interact with each other in that respect. Having a laugh with someone is fun, thats why we do it! But we should never give up who we are in order to do it.
Fuck lol, that's way too little words to explain that idea, but the idea comes from Stephen Covey's 7 habits of highly effective people (EPIC BOOK)- which lays the groundwork out on how to live life.
Anyway, PLEASE, PLEASE have a look into The Rules of the Game, I think this is exactly what you're looking for.
Send me a message- I'm here to help a fellow man who needs help out :)
The Game is more for entertainment than information. You won't learn much more than you already know by reading it.
I would focus on conversation threading. You can find numerous more articles by using the search bar.
If you want a more of a "guide." I've been told this is pretty good. (I haven't used it though.)
I'm currently reading "The Mystery Method" it's widely considered one of the foundation of the PUA community. So that would also be a good place to start.
Also read the sidebar stuff in /r/seduction
EDIT: Forget about IOIs they are bs and just distract you from your game and being present in the moment. Always Assume Attraction you have no idea how much this will help you.
If I may, instead of going through all of that, go pick up the book called, "The Rules of the Game." It's the remedy for these types of situations.
>She liked me when I didn't like her, and now I friggin love this chick and she doesn't like me back. ;(
Consider this a learning experience.
Depends on the context
I read this book, helped a lot
Read this book to understand his method. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061911690/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8
and everytime they mention the game, styles, mystery, the old days they are referring to this book
It's probably outdated. Try this.