Reddit reviews Sex and War: How Biology Explains Warfare and Terrorism and Offers a Path to a Safer World

I'll try to speak to that from a genetics standpoint, since I got zero experience with your situation.

Here's some slapdash data from different sources. I don't claim to be correct, just offering some ideas:

Biology and gender are not a binary state. There are numerous triggers in the genome that each control (directly and indirectly) physical and emotional aspects we call gender. These triggers can often have a range of value, and could be at odds with each other.

As a tangential example, there are theories about the genetic basis for male homosexualism. Statistically, it appears to correlate somewhat with being born as the n'th male child of one mother. Why would this matter? Well, perhaps it's advantageous, once you already have a number of masculine children who can defend the family and procreate, to start genetically hedging your bets towards aspects that masculine males don't perform as well at. You still have a being that is able to procreate as a male if needed, but maybe better fills roles that the manly male children perform poorly at.

Remember, that children of one parent all carry mostly the same genes. Even if the homosexual male child himself never produces children, if his presence in the family enhances the survival of the family and the other children and grandchildren, the genes survive and are passed along.

Go read Matt Ridley, Sex and the Red Queen:
http://xenon.arcticus.com/red-queen-sex-and-evolution-human-nature-matt-ridley

Then go read Sex and War by Potts and Hayden:
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-War-Biology-Explains-Terrorism/dp/1933771577

You'll have a much better idea of what makes us keep ticking as a species, and of the fact that you are what you are and you should find yourself happiness in being who you are, regardless of what that is.

We have a lot of cultural baggage over gender and sexuality as a result of our (usually religious) traditions that seek to out-breed competing cultures. "Gotta marry the other sex, and crank out as many kids as possible without any inhibition." This mandate is good for the success of the culture, but not necessarily good for the happiness of every individual in the culture. So, be selfish and look out for who is important to you. I hope you find peace and happiness with whatever gender you identify with.

Also along this vein would be [Sex and War: How Biology Explains Terrorism and Warfare](
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-War-Biology-Explains-Terrorism/dp/1933771577).

If you really want to know...