Reddit Reddit reviews Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships

We found 15 Reddit comments about Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

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Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships
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15 Reddit comments about Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships:

u/Tolingar · 25 pointsr/polyamory

More Than Two by Franklin Veaux. If The Ethical Slut is the non-monogamy bible, then More than Two is the Polyamory handbook. It is a must read.


Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. Opening Up is a good supplementary book. Overall not as good as More than Two, but it has some unique takes on poly that is worth reading.


Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory by Minx M. Honestly I have not gotten around to reading this yet, but it is by Cunning Minx of the Polyamory Weekly podcast, so the author knows what she is talking about.


Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan. This books it last on my list because it tries to pawn itself off as science when in truth it is more of philosophy. It makes good arguments, and backs them up with some data, but the evidence is nowhere as strong as Dr. Ryan wants to claim.

EDITED TO ADD:

If you are going to do non-monogamy it is always a good idea to improve your communication skills. Here are some recommended books on improving communication skills.

The Usual Error. This is a more basic communication book. It is a really good read that will point out some basic mistakes you probably make in communicating.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. This is almost a whole new way of communicating. It is advanced level communications skills. Even incorporating some of the ideas in this book will help you tremendously in hard conversations.

u/tallwheel · 9 pointsr/PurplePillDebate

I agree, but the thing is, men and women these days have been falsely lead to believe that the lust lasts forever. When the lust dies down, the wife mistakenly believes she has fallen out of love with her husband, and that it is time to move on. Then, when she starts seeing a new guy and she finds the lust she's been lacking once again, she thinks this new guy is better for her, and the cycle repeats.

On the other hand, many theorize that human beings are not naturally suited for lifetime monogamy. I tend to agree.

u/TheSliceman · 8 pointsr/videos

Obviously not a 1 to 1 correlation, but those human traits would incentivise many partners at a time for the female and 1 at a time for the male, which encourages the genes of the best suited-to-survive male gets passed on, as well as ensuring propagation of the species. Also, 'rape' might not be the best word because we really have no way of knowing if the females were consenting or not. 'Gang-bangs' may fit better.

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Humans-Are-Not-Made-Monogamous-83227.shtml

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/07/27/ryan.promiscuity.normal/index.html

http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2009/02/12/2489757.htm

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Modern-Relationships-ebook/dp/B007679QTG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374204833&sr=8-1&keywords=sex+at+dawn

http://bigthink.com/world-in-mind/rethinking-monogamy

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=secrets-of-the-phallus

After you read those, do some research on your own. Evolution is fascinating.

u/broogndbnc · 7 pointsr/DatingAfterThirty

One about human sexual behavior that ends up being good reading for the non monogamously inclined, but might also be a good read for everyone: Sex at Dawn

u/[deleted] · 3 pointsr/polyamory

Thank you for being so brave and reaching out.
Anything that is new can be very scary, and hard to process. Read more about the material, and know that people change a lot during life. I am not the same person I was at 15, or 20, and I wont be the same person when I am 40 or 50. I know people who were monogamous, poly, then mono again and are happy with their life. I know people who have always been poly, and are happy with their lives too!
Here are a few good books to look at:

Ethical slut. Great 101 read, it has information for both poly and mono people. It helps explore what poly means to a LOT of people, and what sexuality means for a LOT of people.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Ethical-Slut-Infinite-Possibilities/dp/1890159018/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1380731411&sr=8-2&keywords=ethical+slut

Opening up, sort of the next level in poly reading. More complex poly concepts, and a whole lot of information on various poly relationship types. A bit of a long read, but very interesting.

http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Sustaining-Relationships-ebook/dp/B001GCUCV8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1380731474&sr=8-1&keywords=opening+up

Sex at dawn a bit heavy on the poly propaganda, but a very well researched book. It explores poly through the ages, and various biological imperatives which suggest we are more poly then we originally thought.

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Modern-Relationships-ebook/dp/B007679QTG/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1380731535&sr=1-1&keywords=sex+at+dawn

I have been in the poly community for some 10 years now, with all the troubles beauty and heart ache that entails. The best lesson I ever learned was be true to myself, and be kind to my self. You will mess up, I certainly did, but you will learn and find some better truth. Do not hesitate to reach out, if you need any further advice or just kind words let me know.

u/scottsp64 · 1 pointr/exchristian

You should read the book Sex at Dawn. It explains how the advent agriculture fucked up sexuality for humanity, especially the requirement of pair bonding to guarantee paternity. It also persuasively argues that we evolved as a "promiscuous" species like chimps and bonobos. Excellent book.

u/My_soliloquy · 1 pointr/worldnews

As I stated, the book explains it much better.

Somewhat, but I think the "warrior" culture is just competition, (ingroup-outgroup tribal dynamics) and all species on earth do that. Propagating DNA.

u/grumblebeans · 1 pointr/CrazyIdeas

according to this book, that's pretty much what we did prehistorically. also, people in foraging societies basically still do this - http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Modern-Relationships-ebook/dp/B007679QTG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369803757&sr=8-1&keywords=sex+at+dawn

u/Orollo · 1 pointr/Anarcho_Capitalism

I don't support those hierarchies. I don't like them, however I won't stop them(if they're voluntary). People can make bad decisions and I consider hierchachal relationships (for the most part) to be less than appealing. But that's a preference.

As to OP Patriarchal societies are far more aggressive than matriarchal ones. tones of info http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Modern-Relationships-ebook/dp/B007679QTG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1380624550&sr=8-1&keywords=sex+at+dawn.

u/sensitivebaby · 1 pointr/Needafriend

I really highly recommend reading Sex at Dawn . It’s a great book by anthropologists about human sexuality- please check it out. It really gets to the root of a lot of modern day relationship issues.

u/xokolatl · 1 pointr/Wishlist

Mo thinks I'm beautiful and I know she's right!

so this ebook about sex might come in handy.

u/donewithit6969 · 1 pointr/BlackPeopleTwitter

I don't understand the humiliation part. However, there's an interesting case made for group sex (multiple males having sex with one female) being evolutionarily natural in Sex at Dawn, though I may take that book with a grain of salt.

u/ebrau36 · 0 pointsr/sex

Dude here who gave up pornography (for science reasons, not moral ones).

First of all, just wanted to say:

You are a great lady for even coming to other people to try to get help for this difficulty in your relationship (not to mention sticking it out for three years). You are not a bad person for wanting sex more than twice a week, you just have a healthy sexual appetite. Further, you should not feel responsibility for increasing his sex drive (beyond the normal efforts of just making sure you are healthy, happy and passionate). Maintaining ones sexual health is each individual's responsibility.

Honestly, the thing I would investigate is the following:

>He loves to look at naked pictures of me, but doesn't seem to care too much for porn

[emphasis mine]

There are two big possibilities here:

  1. He has some kind of medical/mechanical issue which is preventing him from achieving/maintaining erections. This has in turn led to a cuckold fetish (he is eroticising the insecurity generated by his lack of ability to perform/'please you' with penetrative sex).

  2. More likely, I think he has/still does consume a lot of pornography.

    The symptoms you are describing (lack of interest in sex, difficulty in getting/maintaining an erection, lack of chemistry in bed, intense cuckolding fetish) seem to match up quite well with a lot of the symptoms of overconsumption of pornography (check out the /pornfree subreddit and sidebar, also google 'your brain on porn'). The cuckolding fetish specifically seems indicative of porn consumption as this is a pretty specific genre of pornography and not something you are likely to encounter outside of a personal experience (getting cheated on and subsequently turned on by it) or seeking it out in some kind of sex club environment. There are some dudes in the /r/pornfree sub who develop really intense/uncharacteristic fetishes (straight dudes getting into gay porn, intense rapey porn, bestiality, etc.)

    The protocol I would suggest, regardless, would be to do the following:

  • Have him see a GP and urologist if necessary and describe his erectile symptoms. As an aside, if he can masturbate to a full erection, he does not have a medical issue.
  • Stop all porn use and intentionally avoid seeking out sexually arousing content immediately and indefinitely (30 days would be a minimum time frame)
  • Engage in 20 minutes of non sexual bonding behavior every day for at LEAST two weeks (no sex allowed here, just slow kissing, caressing, hugging, cuddling, tickling, massaging, etc.)
  • STOP all orgasm or masturbation (sexual stimulation) for two weeks. After this time you can re-introduce sex gradually (while continuing the bonding behaviors separately), but limit your and (especially) his orgasms. Emphasis here on the sex being incredibly slow, soothing and about connection. Even if he still has trouble maintaining an erection, try having him just be inside of you while you kiss deeply and caress one another.

    Note: the last two points are derived from a practice called 'Karezza'. Google that too.

    Finally, I would get and read (or at least google) the following books:

    Sex at Dawn

  • Describes the sexual practices of traditional hunter-gatherer tribes. Suprise, they include pair bonding but sexual polyamory and partner sharing/orgies. Explains (or at least theorizes) the roots of the popularity of gang-bang porn and why many guys (often secretly) find stuff like cuckolding so arousing.

    Your Brain on Porn

  • Describes (hypothesizes) the neuroscience behind pornography addiction, and why/how internet pornography can produce such potent changes in male physiology including a large number of cases of erectile dysfunction

    Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain

  • More of the above

    Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

  • Describes the practice of karezza, slow sex and how to rescue relationships from the ''Coolidge Effect" (i.e. the 2-3 year mark where the natural 'chemistry' begins to wear off and partners start to lose sexual passion)

    Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality

  • More of the above.



u/energirl · -24 pointsr/badwomensanatomy

Man, I know I'm going to be downvoted to oblivion, but more than that I hate having to agree with something on here. There has been research into primate sexual behaviour. It has been found that female vocalization has been connected to primates whose females often openly have sex with many males (i.e. bonobos but not mountain gorillas).

Researchers have tried to find out why this is and one of the hypotheses is that it gives a vocal cue to nearby males that a female is good to go at the moment. It is also interesting that human penises are shaped in a way to scoop out another man's sperm and that a woman is more likely to conceive if she has an orgasm. These all lead many to believe that humans are naturally pre-disposed to mating with multiple partners.

There have been many (and continue to be a few) human cultures that are very open about sex between multiple men and women. It is also thought that gang bang and cuckhold porn is a psychological remnant of that natural instinct.

Now, are we uncontrolled animals who must follow our base instincts? No. Of course not. But there is some research data that can lead us to believe humans are predisposed to open sex with multiple partners. For more information, check out Sex at Dawn.

Edit: I wrote the above information after having only read the first part of the OP and thought you were all misinterpreting it. That was lazy of me. After reading the whole thing, I'm shocked at how those posters misunderstood the research and drew false and deliberately misogynistic conclusions from it. Sorry about that. I'll be more careful about reading the whole post in the future.