Reddit reviews Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

When I was reading your description...

>My son said Ant Man - which wasn't even an option - and so I asked my SD (6) what her choice would be. She chose Spider Man. So I picked Spider Man since it actually WAS an option. Well, my son didn't like that.

...it seemed pretty obvious to me that, unless you left out a lot of intermediate steps, from his perspective you asked him what he wanted and then immediately and unilaterally dismissed it. You didn't even attempt to explain until it was too late and emotions were boiling over. He didn't understand why it happened, he had no opportunity to correct and choose an existing option, and he had no opportunity to collaborate on a solution with his sister.

If you can imagine your husband asking you and your daughter your opinions on where to eat out, then simply saying "Ok, we are going to Daughter's restaurant" without a hint of discussion, you can imagine how dismissed you would feel. It would have been nice if he'd simply said, "the Italian place isn't open on Sundays, do you have another idea?"

Ignoring harmless "bad" behavior whenever possible is one of the primary strategies recommended by behaviorists (it is well supported by research; even negative attention works as a reinforcer), so the latter part of your interaction was perfect from that perspective. One of the issues I have with behaviorism, though, is that it is primarily reactive and doesn't do anything to address underlying causes. In this case, the tantrum could have been easily avoided to begin with. If you're curious about strategies in that vein, you should take a look at How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and (in regards to cooperating on choosing a story) Siblings Without Rivalry.

Read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-Together/dp/0393342212/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451064311&sr=8-1&keywords=siblings+without+rivalry

Everything you describe is normal for a pre-school aged kid grappling with sibling rivalry. Think of it this way: your husband brings home a new wife who is younger and prettier than you are. You have no say in the choice, and are expected to share all the attention, all of your physical belongings, all the love. You still might be a "baby" in some ways (your son was when your daughter was born) but are told that you can no longer get your emotional needs met because you're a grown-up now and just need to deal.

Who cares if he baby talks on occasion or sometimes signs? Lots of kids want to "play" baby when there's a baby around. Let him climb into your lap, say, "Oh, I love my big baby," and give him a snuggle. I get that you're torn in two directions with one preschooler and one toddler but nothing you describe about his behavior is worth yelling at him for.

Read Siblings without Rivalry. Seriously.. This book is great.

"Siblings without Rivalry" is a good book by Faber/Mazlish
amazon link

I second "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen." The authors (Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish) also have an excellent book called "Siblings Without Rivalry"

http://www.amazon.com/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-Together/dp/0393342212/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418149953&sr=8-1&keywords=siblings+without+rivalry+how+to+help+your+children+live+together+so+you+can+live+too

I recommend the book Siblings without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live too. It's an easy read.

http://www.amazon.com/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-Together/dp/0393342212/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414118779&sr=1-1&keywords=siblings+without+rivalry