Reddit reviews Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked, Revised Edition

>I don't feel that "love" that you're supposed to give to a child.

You're a good person, and you're doing your best. Expecting yourself to feel unconditional love for a kid on par with a biological parent after 3 (stressful, hectic, full-time) weeks with your SD is a totally unrealistic benchmark to place on yourself. Let that go, first of all, and know that as long as you're doing parenty things like feeding and transportation and showing affection, that's enough. And if you never LOVE love your SD, but instead feel very fond of her in a vaguely parental way, or if you feel more like an auntie than a mother, or you feel sorta distant and can't relate but still try to be a good parent-- those are all totally acceptable forms of stepparenting, because there is no one "right" way to feel or be.

>Will this get any easier?

This will absolutely get easier, especially since the school year's just around the corner. Summers and breaks will be harder, but as she settles in, makes friends, and gets older, she'll become less dependent on adults for companionship.

>My SO thinks I don't want her around but it's not that, I just feel out of my element and dammit I want some me time.

This is a massive lifestyle change for everyone involved; your SO might want to rethink his traveling job so he can be at home with his kid more (and take some of the pressure off you). It's possible your pre-kid life is no longer tenable as-is, so be prepared to adapt and think of creative solutions that will help you keep your sanity. This is your life too, after all. If you and your SO expect your lives to continue normally, just with the addition of a full-time kiddo, you're gonna have a bad time.

>I feel so selfish for wanting to kick them out every time a weekend comes along just so I can recharge enough for the coming week's meltdowns.

Don't. Tell your SO "I need time alone to recharge" and don't feel a lick of guilt over it. You're an essential part of the picture. The family doesn't function without you. He needs to respect that and step up, just like you respect that he needs someone to take care of his daughter while he's at work and have stepped up.

Finally- even though your transition sounds rougher than most, I don't think you're feeling anything that any stepparent in this sub hasn't felt. Read up on being a stepmom (Stepmotherhood and Stepmonster are both great places to start) and you'll see just how very not alone you are in feeling all of this.

edited for formatting