Reddit Reddit reviews Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

We found 17 Reddit comments about Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.

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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
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17 Reddit comments about Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder:

u/illisson · 31 pointsr/ftm

Oh jesus christ. I am so, so sorry that your mother is pulling this manipulative and abusive bullshit.

And that's exactly what it is: manipulative and abusive bullshit. I don't know if anyone's recommended you check out r/raisedbynarcissists yet, but please consider doing it. You'll find a huge community of people with parents who have Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders (among others), sharing stories and getting support for situations very much like yours. This whole "I'm going to kill myself because of you" scheme is a common one. My grandmother is Borderline, and she royally fucked my family with these kinds of threats and other abusive, manipulative behaviors.

One thing that's helped me significantly (both to understand how my grandmother's mind works, how to deal with her, and how to navigate the fuckery she's made of the family) is reading books like "Understanding the Borderline Mother" and "Stop Walking on Eggshells." I've also been in therapy with someone who specializes in dealing with borderline people, even though I'm not borderline myself. I 100% advocate doing research and seeking advice from therapists about your situation.

And please know that nothing your mother does is your fault. You don't deserve this kind of treatment, and you shouldn't let her convince you that everyone would be better off without you. Because she's absolutely and completely wrong.

u/sethra007 · 29 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL
  • Read Stop Walking on Eggshells and Disarming the Narcissist
  • Read about natural and logical consequences, which is a child-raising concept, but works well with selfish jerks.
  • Decide how much time you will spend with/ near her; reduce it if she's a jerk, expand it if she's nice.
  • If she says something unkind, label it: "That's harsh" "Why would you say that to my child?" "I don't like it when you say hurtful things." And remember what Louis C. K. says: If someone tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't. If your MIL hurts you, she doesn't get to decide that she didn't.
  • She'll escalate. Leave the room, leave the house. Do not tolerate crap. She's a holy terror because it works, and when it stops working on you, she'll escalate (search this sub for 'extinction burst'). Be prepared.
  • She has positive qualities. Look for them, praise them. Encourage any good behavior.
  • Teach your kids to be respectful, to see her good points, and to forgive her when she's a jerk, and also to not accept crap by walking way from it.
  • Tell your husband that you will be enforcing good boundaries with the MIL, that you understand that he wants to be close to his family, and respect his choices.
u/kerrielou73 · 7 pointsr/exmormon

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells

I haven't read the second one, but they are by the same author. He gives a lot of very useful and practical advice on dealing with a borderline family member.

u/barnetto · 4 pointsr/Parenting

Some subreddits to check out:

/raisedbynarcissists

/rbnchildcare

/BPDlovedones

I think you can find information about going NC (no contact), LC (low contact), or SC (structured contact) with your parents from posts. I also recommend the book Toxic Parents for validation. I liked Stop Walking on Eggshells for setting limits/boundaries, though that is primarily aimed at people whose loved ones have BPD.

u/anewvogue · 4 pointsr/TeenMomOGandTeenMom2

Yepp, I didn’t want to get into the various examples of how my mother was like amber but, it’s amazing after being diagnosed with ptsd as well due to my childhood that was like shocking to me... my psychiatrist diagnosed it and pointed out my triggers whereI would start shaking and crying talking about memories, I just always had a drawer in the back of my mind I’d stow them away in. Case in point of how BPD is and how I also related to the Amber/Andrew situation... amber tore down a door with a machete? MY MOM did it with a BUTCHER KNIFE. And I have a scar on my upper arm from where I was holding the door shut absolutely fucking terrified of this monster who, like you said the next day act like it didn’t happen.

Oh and the fun part of bpd, it’s narcissism. I was the only girl, I was competition to her. Once I got to be a teen I was “ugly, no one would ever want me” etc.... then when I was an adult? Those men she’d see hit on me when we would try to go along and go out for a couple drinks? She would return to those bars and sleep with them. Or a guy messaged me on fb and I show her laughing at what a tool they are to think that I would fall for some random messaging me? Oh she slept with them to. The final straw was she slept with a guy I was dating‘s friend and him messaging me she left the bar with said friend. I moved out after that one... There was 4 men in a span of a year she did this.

On my wedding day, she refused to take photos with family, she didn’t say one word to me at the reception, screamed at my dad and my grandma (my dad obviously divorces her) so I stomped up and said she can stop it right now or she leave.... no apology, I just check my phone after she goes to the parking lot telling everyone how she’s gonna kill her self and I find a text from her “to never contact her again”, it’s been a year and it feels so fucking good I obliged on that request.

Edit: idk if you have but read Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder ... it made me cry and say that was me! I couldn’t believe other people understood and experienced the same things.... I have it as a pdf if you want it, I can pm you the pdf of it 💕💕💕💕

u/saricher · 3 pointsr/Divorce

California Family Law attorney here.

I guess the question really is - does it matter? Your wife's behavior has an effect on your children; that it might - MIGHT - be Narcissistic Personality Disorder really is irrelevant. If it were to have some bearing in a custody case, a judge is less likely to be interested in whatever label a psychiatrist might assign, and more interested in what she is doing and the impact on your children.

However, if you would like some piece of mind, may I recommend a book to you? "Stop Walking On Eggshells" is an excellent resource and was recommended to me by a counselor whose opinion I value. You might want to get a copy.

Best regards,
Stephanie A. Richer
Author of "California Divorce: Plain and Simple"

u/myexsparamour · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

Please find and read some articles about living with a person who has borderline personality disorder or a narcissistic personality. Your husband may or may not have one of these disorders, but he is controlling you with his negative emotions in the same way that people with these disorders do.

Family members of people with these disorders find themselves walking on eggshells, believing that if they can just be careful, quiet and kind enough, they can stave off the person's angry moods. Well, you can't. You can never be good enough, and he will always find something to be angry or upset about and to criticize.

Here's an article, and a book that might help you understand the dynamic you're facing.

u/JViz · 2 pointsr/answers

This sub is usually for single questions that have definitive answers. You're asking multiple complicated questions that don't have definitive concrete answers. For subs that deal with borderline, you could check out /r/bpd and /r/borderline. You might want to encourage your sister to get dialectical behavior therapy. Be warned though, it's basically group therapy that revolves around teaching her how to not be an asshole by telling her not to be an asshole. If she's not receptive walking in the door, it isn't going to work. The first step in her fixing her borderline is her acknowledging that she has borderline. You also might want to check out the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004DNXGFQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

u/raven4277 · 2 pointsr/raisedbyborderlines

I'm just finishing Stop Walking on Eggshells. Not everything in the book is focused toward children of those with BPD, the authors include info for parents and SOs of those with BPD as well. They also provide the perspectives of those with BPD, via anecdotes sprinkled throughout the book, common situations you might find yourself in with someone with BPD. It's the only parts of the book I didn't love, but I felt like the book still explained that understanding why they do what they do doesn't absolve them of responsibility for their actions. Overall it's been an excellent source of information for me, as someone who had never heard of BPD until earlier this year (I especially appreciated the chapter on how to communicate with people with BPD). I'd recommend it if you want a starting overview of what BPD is, because it definitely covers that part well.

u/PrincessPi · 2 pointsr/BPD

Read this. But don't let her read it. For me, I found it upsetting (I'm borderline) but I've heard it's immensely helpful to family members of borderlines.

u/madprudentilla · 1 pointr/BPD

If it hasn't already been recommended to you, grab yourself a copy of Stop Walking on Eggshells. It's a great book and gives great advice on how to navigate relationships with BPs.

You can't force her into therapy, but have you considered seeking therapy for your anxiety? It may be helpful for you.

u/DILGE · 1 pointr/Advice

I'm no psychologist, but it sounds like he has underlying issues that need to be addressed. Acting that angry 100% of the time is not normal. At the very least he should be seeing a therapist who can help him work out his anger issues.

Borderline Personality Disorder is one possibility. See if your local library has this book and see if he fits the descriptions in there. This book was immensely helpful to me when I was dealing with a person like that.

u/Hammer466 · 1 pointr/Divorce

Read stop walking on egg shells: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004DNXGFQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
It describes living with a borderline personality disorder partner -which yours sounds very much like in a lot of ways. She has some sort of mental issue, has she ever had counseling / therapy? Either way, even with therapy and medication (which she likely won't stay on, in my experience anyhow) your life won't become livable. Don't wait, start the process now. Perhaps explain to your folks that you hate to cut the visit short, but some things have arisen in your relationship that need to be sorted out, I really doubt if it is news to them. Make your escape plan, then execute it. Get a lawyer, file for divorce, start therapy to get your mind straightened out from all this abuse, get moved out, then go no contact so she can't continue to abuse and torment you.

u/iriantuu · 1 pointr/BPD

Several members of my family have read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" in our efforts to support a close family member with BPD. I'm not sure what people in this forum think about it, but we've found it immensely helpful, and very easy to read.

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality-ebook/dp/B004DNXGFQ

u/1mca · 1 pointr/OkCupid

I have a huge history of surrounding myself with people with BPD and bi-polar disorder. Most my family has it(I do not. Yet.) It's not a fun ride sometimes. Sounds like her trauma is pretty recent as u/OKAmores illustrated very well.

But if you insist on continuing to date her then you may need to read this. Be very careful. Continuous contact with these type people takes a special approach as to not pick up their tendencies. I am very wary about it and I now push as many of these people away as I can. It's simply not healthy for some people.

https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality-ebook/dp/B004DNXGFQ?ie=UTF8&btkr=1&ref_=dp-kindle-redirect

u/mfskarphedin · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

Now I'm not diagnosing your wife with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder,) but as someone that has it, that sounds familiar! Maybe you might d/l this book to help you cope while your wife hopefully gets some help.

There's a workbook for it, too, but that's kinda...obvious to be reading around the house. :/

Also, my hormones went screwy about that age. If she hasn't been this way her whole life, she could look into going on the pill. It helped me a lot!