Reddit reviews Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things

I would describe myself and my situation very similarly to how you've described yours. Perfectionist. Messy. Random collections. I self-medicated with shopping.

Here's how my realization went...

1. Several years ago, I visited my parents in another state and my mom said she had DVR'd an episode of Oprah that I just had to watch. It was about a woman with a hoard up to the ceilings in her home. My mom said, "that's you." I was terribly offended because I certainly did not have stuff up the ceiling (I didn't). I rolled my eyes and went about my life.
   
   
2. For my birthday a couple months later, my mom got me this book. I was once again offended. I put it on a shelf and forgot about it.
   
   
3. That's about when all the shows about hoarders started. I watched Hoarders because it's interesting and I think I liked to say to myself, "See, mom? I'm not a hoarder. I'm not these people living in piles of garbage."
   
   But then...as I watched Hoarders and listened to the hoarders talk about WHY they didn't want to give up one particular item or another, I realized I understood them and I felt their pain. OMG. Do I understand them because I am one of them?!
   
   
4. I dug out that book my mom gave me and read it. I also read this book. They explain in detail a few different thought patterns that contribute to hoarding and I definitely saw myself in a couple of them. I was definitely a low-level hoarder with the potential, as you said, to slide down that slippery slope to disaster. I guess the realization itself was a slippery slope. ;-)
   
   Since that time I have been able to recognize those wrong thought patterns and get things under control before it became a real problem. I give a lot of credit to my SO for helping me channel my energies into productive pursuits.

> It’s possible that higher-income people are more able to conceal and mitigate their hoarding, by having multiple homes and storage units.


Came here to say this.

In the book Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things, Randy Frost talks about his attempt to treat a wealthy hoarder who had filled his townhome with priceless art. Other known wealthy hoarders include Ida Mayfield Wood, Bennita Grossman, andKevin McCrary.

Wealthier hoarders have an easier time hiding their disorder for a few reasons. As /u/emeraldcat8 states, wealthy people can conceal their hoarding with multiple homes and storage locations. They're also more likely to be perceived as merely "eccentric", due to cultural bias that favor the wealthy.

While I haven't dealt with this myself, after watching Hoarders, I became interested in the subject and researched it a bit.

I came across this website and this book. I admit I haven't read it yet, but the authors, Gail Steketee and Randy Frost, have great credentials.

What you must know is that your father cannot change on his own. He needs psychotherapy. Also, you and your brother need to go to counseling to undo the psychological damage done by your parents.

Also, as others have pointed out, you have to move out, regardless of whether your folks sell the house or not, because even if the deed and mortgage were in your fathers name, the house would still have to be cleared and fixed so prospective buyers could see it. But, why are you waiting for the house to be sold? What relevance does your dad's house have to you moving out?

Get a job, just any job and rent a one-bedroom apartment. Or find a two bedroom apartment and take your brother with you. And keep on applying to colleges. You have to do this, because you deserve a clean and healthy place to live in. A place to call a home, a place where you can feel relaxed and where you can invite friends. You deserve it and so does your brother. And you have the power to make it happen. You don't have to wait for your parents to do anything. You can do it on your own right now.

How about instead of:
>I aim to live somewhere that is clean, in good condition, where I can find everything and not trip over stuff, and looks like a house rather than a storage unit.

You would say:
> I will live somewhere that is clean, in good condition, where I can find everything and not trip over stuff, and looks like a house rather than a storage unit, and I will do it by september.

Make a plan and stick by it. And once you are out of the house you will also be able to help your father. Psychotherapy really works if he also agrees to go through it.

I think that you will have more strength in confronting your father, more energy, both physically and mentally to do so if you move out first. You said it yourself that the house is a drain on your health (due to allergy and asthma) and on your mind (because it is depressing).

Take care of yourself first and then you will be able to take care of others.

All this being said, a big internet hug and I really hope to see a positive update in a few months.

I found the book Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things to cover the psychological roots of hoarding more than the others. Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving, and Hoarding is more of a workbook for groups to go through. I haven't seen Treatment for Hoarding Disorder: Workbook (Treatments That Work) yet and am surprised I hadn't heard of it.

Here is the OCD Foundation's main page for hoarding They have support groups listed somewhere on the site. Clutterers Anonymous also has good literature. We use things from both groups at our meetings. CLA has online and phone meetings IIRC.

We like Cindy Glovinsky's books a lot too. She has a good sense of humor. One Thing At a Time: 100 Simple Ways to Live Clutter-Free Every Day is short sections of tips and how tos for overcoming the issues. I also really like her Making Peace with the Things in Your Life: Why Your Papers, Books, Clothes, and Other Possessions Keep Overwhelming You and What to Do About It.

I haven't spent much time on the hoarding subreddits. One of them tended to be more people asking for help dealing with their hoarding relative. The other was geared more for the hoarders. IIRC, one is r/hoarders and the other is r/hoarding. There's probably more.

I just finished "Stuff", a book about hoarding. It gave me some perspective about why people hoard, and some treatment plans therapists have used effectively.

For all the people who have clicked on this just to say "Me too" (or "my mom/dad/SO/child/friend"):

Go read this INCREDIBLY PERCEPTIVE ENLIGHTENING HELPFUL BOOK called "Stuff"

I have a deep distrust of most selfhelp books; this isn't one. What it is is a collection of case histories and a ton of thoughtprovoking commentary. IT WILL HELP.

This is a throwaway account that I will never use again. If y'all upvote this post, people coming here in trouble with hoarders of their own will see it and quite possibly find a valuable resource.

A couple of my recent favourites:

Neurotribes by Silberman - interesting and easy read on the history of Autism/Aspergers

Stuff by Frost - entertaining book around the history and current theories of hoarding

It's called STUFF. Here is the Amazon link.

I finished the book in a day. Unlike the shows you see on TV, the authors really dig deep into the psychology of hoarding and how trauma, anxiety, OCD, etc. play massive roles... it made me cry a few times.

(Edit: OCD, not LCD...)

Hoarding is very closely linked to OCD and depression. If hoarding and hoarders interest you at all you should check out the book Stuff:Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things, its amazing and scary at the same time.

Me too.

Fuck items.

Have some stuff.

If you're interested, there's a book called "Stuff" about hoarding that's full of good information and incredibly readable.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0547422555?pc_redir=1409968651&robot_redir=1

Made me really feel for hoarders, but also have a glimmer of hope about treatment.

This?