Reddit reviews The 5 Love Languages Military Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts

mil-spouse about to be on 7th underway in 3 years. Married going on 8 years.

A) You can't go back to "where you were", because you are both different people now. Does it really matter what happened in the past? The future is where you have control. That said you do have to evaluate the past so you can learn how best to avoid those situations

B) You have to lay out what you expect from the relationship, and own up to what you did wrong

C) You have to ask her what she wants / expects out of the relationship when you are gone. This may mean you get to wake up an hour earlier than usual so you can talk to her when you are already limited on your sleep. This may mean emailing more than you care to etc.

D) Both of you take that 5 love languages test (I think it's ridiculous but has merit). It opens the door to discussing what the other one needs/wants out of the relationship. I recommend the military version but it only comes in book form. Long distance book club can help you out as well. (Both get a copy and read it). I also strongly recommend both of you reading the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work These books can help you set up a framework for better communication long-term.

E) If opening up the communication doesn't work, then it may be time to contact www.militaryonesource.mil for some couples counseling. Ain't no shame, and don't let your unit give you shit. Working on your marriage will make you look better. Getting your shit together in this area can actually make your work life easier. Having a true partner at home who has your back can make deployment 12 billion times easier than either not or having to go through a divorce.

Hopefully she is open to some of this. Good luck either way. Fixing this takes maturity on both parties, so hopefully she is on board.

My girlfriend (of eight months) is at Basic right now. Then she has advanced training. Then she has airborne training. Meanwhile I'm graduating from college and moving across the country. We're dedicated to each other though. We see life as an adventure and while it may be difficult for a time we'll get through it together as partners.

Your college classes will keep you busy. Finding a Summer job (or taking classes) will keep you busy. Spending time with friends will keep you busy. Just make sure you talk with him about how much time he expects from you. It's not healthy to wait around all day for each other. It's also not healthy to feel ignored. Communication is vital in all relationships but especially so in long distance ones because many of the nonverbal cues are missing.

One of the biggest hurdles will be the time zone difference. While he's in Korea he'll be between 13 and 16 hours ahead of you (assuming you aren't in Alaska or Hawaii). You can still do things to feel close to one another. Reading the same books or watching the same TV shows are things you can work through and talk about without necessarily doing them at the same time of day. If you want to talk on the phone or Skype or whatever it'll be early morning for one of you and late at night for the other.

I'll also recommend a book: The 5 Love Languages Military Edition. It was highly recommended to me despite being unmarried, nonreligious, and relatively new to the military SO life. The gist of it is that people feel love most strongly in one of five ways. By learning the specific way that your SO feels love you can really improve/strengthen a relationship (because what makes YOU feel loved doesn't necessarily make HIM feel loved). The military edition has a lot of testimony from military couples and gives tips for dealing with deployments and whatnot.

/r/usmilitarySO has been really helpful and supportive and informative (just all around great really) so feel free to introduce yourself over there as well :)

Link the thing, we're lazy! The 5 Love Languages Military Edition

Or if you want the regular version: The 5 Love Languages