Reddit reviews The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
We found 37 Reddit comments about The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
7 Habits of Highly Effective People is by far the best self improvement book I've ever read. With Models and How to Win Friends and Influence People second and third.
Comprehensive List of Books Relating to Music Production and Creative Growth
***
On Composition:
Making Music: 74 Creative Strategies - Dennis DeSantis
Amazon Link
This is a fantastic book. Each page has a general idea on boosting creativity, workflow, and designing sounds and tracks.
Music Theory for Computer Musicians - Michael Hewitt
Amazon Link
Really easy to digest book on music theory, as it applies to your DAW. Each DAW is used in the examples, so it is not limited to a specific program. Highly recommend this for someone starting out with theory to improve their productions.
Secrets of Dance Music Production - David Felton
Amazon Link
This book I recently picked up and so far it's been quite good. It goes over all the different elements of what make's dance music, and get's quite detailed. More geared towards the beginner, but it was engaging nonetheless. It is the best 'EDM specific' production book I have read.
Ocean of Sound - David Troop
Amazon Link
Very well written and interesting book on ambient music. Not only does David go over the technical side and history of ambiance and musical atmospheres, he speaks very poetically about creating these soundscapes and how they relate to our interpersonal emotions.
***
On Audio Engineering:
Mixing Secrets for the Small Studio - Mike Senior
Amazon Link
In my opinion, this is the best mixing reference book for both beginners and intermediate producers. Very in-depth book that covers everything from how to set-up for accurate listening to the purpose of each mixing and mastering plug-in. Highly recommended.
Zen and the Art of Mixing - Mixerman
Amazon Link
Very interesting read in that it deals with the why's more than the how's. Mixerman, a professional audio engineer, goes in detail to talk about the mix engineer's mindset, how to approach projects, and how to make critical mixing decisions. Really fun read.
The Mixing Engineer's Handbook - Bobby Owinski
Amazon Link
This is a fantastic companion book to keep around. Not only does Owinski go into great technical detail, he includes interviews from various audio engineers that I personally found very helpful and inspiring.
***
On the Industry:
All You Need to Know About the Music Business - Donald S. Passman
Amazon Link
This book is simply a must read for anyone hoping to make a professional career out of music, anyone wanting to start their own record label, or anyone interested in how the industry works. It's a very informative book for any level of producer, and is kept up-to-date with the frequent revisions. Buy it.
Rick Rubin: In the Studio - Jake Brown
Amazon Link
Very interesting read that is a semi-biographical book on Rick Rubin. It is not so personal as it is talking about his life, experiences, and processes. It does get quite technical when referring to the recording process, but there are better books for technical info. This is a fun read on one of the most successful producers in history.
Behind the Glass - Howard Massey
Amazon Link
A collection of interviews from a diverse range of musicians who speak about creativity, workflows, and experiences in the music industry. Really light, easy to digest book.
***
On Creativity:
The War of Art - Steven Pressfield
Amazon Link
This is a must-read, in my opinion, for any creative individual. It is a very philosophical book on dealing with our own mental battles as an artist, and how to overcome them. Definitely pick this one up, all of you.
This is Your Brain on Music - Daniel S. Levitin
Amazon Link
A book written by a neurologist on the psychology of music and what makes us attached to it. It's a fairly scientific book but it is a very rewarding read with some great ideas.
***
On Personal Growth and Development:
How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
Amazon Link
Although this seems like an odd book for a music producer, personally I think this is one of the most influential books I've ever read. Knowing how to be personable, effectively network, and form relationships is extremely important in our industry. Whether it be meeting and talking to labels, meeting other artists, or getting through to A&R, this book helps with all these areas and I suggest this book to all of you.
7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey
Amazon Link
Similar to the recommendation above, although not directly linked to music, I assure you reading this book will change your views on life. It is a very engaging and practical book, and gets you in the right mindset to be successful in your life and music career. Trust me on this one and give it a read.
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Amazon Link
You know the feeling when you're really in the groove of jamming out and all worries tend to slip away for those moments? That is the 'Optimal Experience' according to the author. This book will teach you about that experience, and how to encourage and find it in your work. This is a very challenging, immersive, and enlightening read, which deals with the bigger picture and finding happiness in your work and life. Very inspiring book that puts you in a good mindset when you're doing creative work.
The Art of Work - Jeff Goins
Amazon Link
A very fascinating book that looks at taking your passion (music in our case) and making the most of it. It guides you on how to be successful and turn your passion into your career. Some very interesting sections touching on dealing with failure, disappointment, and criticism, yet listening to your intuition and following your passion. Inspiring and uplifting book to say the least.
***
Happy reading!
Hello dear friend and welcome to the club! Hopefully this reply will help you out.
First, and solely based on what you've asked, you're not ready.
But that doesn't mean you can't be ready sooner than later. I am assuming that by freelance you desire to make a full-time income, grow you income over time, and possibly even leave a legacy for loved ones. My answers reflect that assumption and are not geared towards somebody interested in freelancing as a side-gig or just for some extra cash.
1. How do I know I am ready?
I'm not going to say "you'll just know." Anybody who made the full-time jump into freelancing as their main source of income never felt ready. Frankly, it's pretty scary to think about getting off your employers teet and being responsible for your own income. At a conference table a multi-millionaire business owner once said that regardless of his time owning his business, the processes in place, the great employees, and his confidence, sometimes the scary thought would still enter his mind that it could all just come crashing down. Being responsible for yourself, your own income, your quality of life and possibly of others is no small task. It takes guts, confidence, patience, and thoughtfullness. You can do it if you believe in yourself though.
Here's some advice...
Being ready has nothing to do with your skillset in design, development, writing or whatever craft you're involved in. Absolutely zero. Calvin Coolidge said "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
Here's a few reason why your skillset is not a significant factor in your preparedness to freelance:
a) Our industry changes faster than we can learn. By the time you start feeling confident in a specific skill, you've already got 10 other things on your radar that you would like to learn. It never stops. You just accept it and choose which skills are the most important to focus on. Anywhere you decide to draw a line in the sand and say "that's what I need to do to be ready" is just arbitrary. You made it up and there is no logic or metric to base it on. It is actually an avoidance technique. It reflects a lack of confidence. You will soon find out though that this too is just in your head. Every single job in freelancing is a new challenge. You don't need confidence in your ability - you need confidence in yourself.
b) Success in freelancing or running an agency boils down to people skills. Communication, soft skills, time management, and networking are the factors that determine your success as a freelancer. There are freelancers with skillsets that haven't been updated in a decade who are very successful because of people skills. There are also extremely talented people on the cutting edge of their skillsets but lack people skills and therefore never become successful freelancers. Some people can sell water to a whale while others could't sell water to a millionaire dying of dehydration in a desert.
If there is a catalyst for feeling prepared to jump into the world of freelancing, it's improving your people skills. This should be practiced as much, if not more, than learning your tools.
Here are some resources to get you going and I'll keep it short because actually using these resources is more important than just collecting them:
Books:
How to Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie and
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Steven Covey
These two books cover what makes people trust and how you can change the lens through which you see life plus much, much more.
The Game of Numbers: Professional Prospecting for Financial Advisors - Nick Murray The title says financial advisors but the content applies to anybody who is prospecting for clients. Nick Murray is very candid and direct. There is zero sugar coating and he will instill confidence in you to get past rejection and to embrace what prospecting really is - a game of numbers. Murray also covers avoidance techniques - like thinking that just one more javascript course is what you need to feel confident to start prospecting.
Team Treehouse (I am not affiliated in any way):
These courses provide some of the highest value I've ever received for each dollar spent. The section you should look at is the "Business" section. Don't get sidetracked by all the other "skillset/tools" content just yet. In the business section, take the courses on "Soft Skills," "How to Freelance, "How to Run a Web Design Business," and "How to Market Your Business." These courses will provide enough information for you to assimilate the big picture of what freelancing is and will help instill confidence in you.
That's it for the resources. It's not much and if you dedicate some time and focus on these resources you will know where to go to continue building your people and business skills. Once you are engaged and truly understand that this business is about people, you will have the confidence to carve out a path towards full-time freelancing.
2. When you submit a project to a client what files do you give them?
There is absolutely no hard and fast rule to answer this question. This is between you and the client and will often be handled on a case by case basis.
It is common for contracts to stipulate that the client owns the rights to everything you have created but they do not own the unique design you created. To wit, they cannot turn around and sell your design to other people. But again, this is not a hard and fast rule.
Here's what is more important regarding your question - WHEN do you give the client whatever files you agreed to give them? The answer: After the final payment. It doesn't matter what the contract says, who said what, how much has been paid, if the client is your own mother or if you have a check in your hand already - you do not give the client the final product until there is money in your bank account or hard cash in your hand. This is a simple concept observed and accepted in almost all other businesses but people get screwed all the time in freelancing. Even a drive-thru worker holds the food until they have your cash. There is not logical reason for doing it any other way. Any client who is proposing otherwise is not a professional business-person.
3. Can I start freelancing as a front-end developer without knowing backend? (I have recently started learning Rails)
This is very similar to number one in that it doesn't matter. If you don't know the backend, then you say you're a front-end designer. If you also know the back-end then you do both. If you can write a sentence you can call yourself a copywriter. If you can build a site in Wix or Weebly you can call yourself a developer. If you can draw a box in MS Paint you can call yourself a designer. There is no line in the sand that you cross over to be an "official" freelancer, developer, designer, or copywriter. Anybody telling you otherwise is mean, ignorant, not a professional business-person or some combination thereof.
From Wikipedia, "A freelancer, freelance worker, or freelance is a person who is self-employed and is not committed to a particular employer long-term." If you're not committed to a particular employer long-term and you make money through short-term contracts scooping up dog poop at corporate campuses, guess what? You're a freelancer.
What matters for obtaining clients is that you can sell yourself. What matters for keeping clients is doing a good job.
4. Should I freelance under my real name? Or incorporate?
Your business name is a matter of personal preference. The only question to ask yourself is "if I grow a lot and hire employees, do I want the business to still be my own name?" It's your call whether you'd want employees working for Joe Smith LLC or whatever it might be. But keep in mind that it can be a real pain and very costly to change business names several years down the road.
What's important here is regardless of name, what business entity are you set up as? You can read about those by Googling "business entity." Sole proprietor, LLC, C-Corp etc. There are no hard and fast rules. The implications of your choice affect how taxes are paid, what happens in a lawsuit, etc.
If you aren't comfortable digesting that sort of information then a couple hundred bucks spent on an attorney is in order. Depending on which entity you choose, you might be able to fill out and submit the registration paperwork yourself.
Why do you want to be more social? What do you want in life? Specifically. Write down the reasons, and write down everything you want for yourself - all the things you'd like to own, all the skills you'd like to have, all the people you'd like to meet, all the characteristics you wish you embodied.
Done? No, because you're an asshole. Go back and write them down. Seriously. I spent a fucking long time writing this post for you - I explain my point in several different ways, from different angles, because it's fucking important to me that you get the help you seek - you can take four minutes to write down some reasons. Open up your text editor and get to work, reddit will still be here when you get back. Don't get distracted. Do not trust your memory - write them down.
Okay. Look at those reasons. It's a list of things you want to be, do, and have. Ask yourself: Do you have the freedom to become, achieve and obtain those things, through your actions?
You were afraid to write some things. Maybe you thought "fuck a thousand people" was unrealistic. "Become emperor of my own country". "Go to space," "Own a castle," "Fly with the Blue Angels," "Be a real life James Bond," "Write a novel," "Be able to talk to anyone," "Start a religion," "Meet Daniel Craig." You're wrong, go back and write your "unrealistic" things down too. People have done them, you are physically capable of doing them. But are you free to do them?
Right now, you've decided to believe the answer is "no". If it were "yes", you wouldn't have posted, you would have just gone out and done them. Let's change that "no" to a "yes".
If this problem is the one you truly want to solve, you must focus your attention on it and let nothing distract you. All things which might get in the way of you solving your anxiety and inferiority problems must be ignored, including some of your own beliefs, and including some things like Netflix and Reddit you would rather be doing because they're comfortable and easy. This will be hard work. You will feel incredible after it is done, and it will be done soon if you work hard. Do not waste time. Only through discipline can you achieve freedom - if you are spending time looking at cat videos, understand that you are removing the freedom to spend that time elsewhere. You will not get that time back. It is forever chained to cat videos.
You must not fear. There is nothing on the other side of fear except failure. Failure of inaction is much, much worse than failure through action: you learn nothing when you do nothing. Make every attempt to socialize in every situation, even if it hurts, and even though you will fail many times. Experiment until you figure out, trust that you will figure it out.
Optimism will not help you, neither will pessimism - if you believe things will work out okay no matter what, or that things will go to shit no matter what, you have resigned yourself to the whims of a random God and decided not to act. Only activism will help you - the belief that your actions will affect positive change on the outcome. This is true for all things you want in life, including "how do I make friends", "how do I start a business", "how do I become President", "how do I get a job," "how do I get an A in this class," and so on. Strengthen your belief that your success relies entirely on your actions. Strengthen your belief that you have the ability to make good decisions in the future. Strengthen your belief that the worst that could happen is something you can handle. Do not fear boredom, isolation or embarrassment if they are in service of your growth as a human being.
Seneca recommended taking brief periods of time to deliberately live in rags and eat very little, to steel oneself against the fear of poverty. In our modern era we have developed many new fears, all of which can be eradicated in similar fashion. Fear of boredom. Fear of isolation. Fear of missing out. Fear of hunger, fear of gaining weight, fear of being unattractive, fear of looking dumb, inexperienced, uncool, fear of not being happy enough, not having enough interesting Facebook posts, and on and on. If you have these fears, face them. Physically write them down, then write down ways to mitigate or prevent them, and ways you could recover from them if they come to pass. Realize that these fears are controlling you and limiting your freedom.
Then it comes time to face these fears. Go out and talk to people. Find people that know things you want to know, ask them questions. Find people that do things you want to do, admit your inexperience, and ask for their help. Offer them something in return, and get creative - "I'll <help you with your math homework / trade you a bag of chips / get you that girl's phone number / level up your WoW character> if you show me how you <do this problem / throw a perfect spiral / make those cookies>". Do this with as many people as you can find, do not worry about making friends with each one, do not worry if they make fun of you, do not worry if they hate you - the goal is quantity. Learn from your mistakes, learn from your successes. Every time you fail to take the action - going to a meetup, going to a party, talking to a stranger, joining a group activity - you are restricting your own freedom.
Understand: you are on your own. You can build yourself to do and be anything you want, it is up to the rest of the world to try and stop you, and they will fail because they are uncoordinated and lack self-awareness. The more you realize this, the freer you become.
Further reading:
Amazon.com links provided:
1 The Slight Edge
2 Mastery
3 The 4-Hour Workweek
4 The Art of Power
5 Thinking, Fast, and Slow
6 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
7 The Power of Now
8 The Power of Habit
9 Whatcha Gonna Do with That Duck?
10 The 48 Laws of Power
11 Your True Home
12 Ego Is the Enemy
13 The 4 Hour Body
14 The UltraMind Solution
15 The Dip
Two main elements, here:
First, set SMART goals for yourself.
Any goal must be:
Specific - Focused on one thing you want to accomplish.
Measurable - It must be clear whether you succeeded or failed.
Achievable - This is where most people screw up. Don't pick something huge. If you want to lose weight, don't start with, 'I will lose 50 pounds.' Humans are driven by short-term rewards. Set a goal to lose five pounds, not 50. If you accomplish that, set another goal for the next five.
Relevant - Pick something that you actually want to do or accomplish. something that will be meaningful to you and will make you happy, make your life better, or make someone else's life better.
Time-related - Specify when you want that goal to be accomplish. (When developing your timeline, remember to stay realistic.)
Set the bar relatively low to start.
Good examples:
Start small, start simple, and start one goal at a time.
Buy a whiteboard, stick it on your wall or fridge where you have to see it every day, and write your goal on it. When you achieve that goal, cross it off and write a new one underneath it until you fill up the board.
---
The second element is similar to the first, but a little different.
Keep commitments to yourself and others. Do what you say you will do, and abstain from what you've said you will abstain from.
Keep SMART (above) in mind, and make commitments sparingly. Your word is your bond. If you don't want to do it, don't say you will.
The most important person to keep commitments to is you (you cannot hide from yourself, and you are your own most ruthless judge). If you keep commitments to yourself for a while, you will begin to respect yourself (just like you would anyone else who kept their commitments to you).
Then treat others similarly and move forward one step at a time.
You can do this.
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EDIT:
While I'm not usually big on self help books, you may want to check out the following books, which will help you in precisely the way you seek (I think):
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
The Speed of Trust
Both books deal extensively with principles of integrity and self-respect, and contained what I found to be extremely valuable information that helped me to determine what's important to me, why, and what I can and should do about it.
Off the top, I have to say that I really don't like the tone of your post, it shows a lack of respect and ignorance for how much work and capital the owner of a company has to put in. Being good at business doesn't mean that you're the best technical carpenter or even a carpenter at all. It's like the typical restaurant feud where the kitchen staff doesn't appreciate what the wait staff do and visa-versa, while not realizing that one would not exist without the other.
Sales and dealing with clients is much more difficult than most give credit for. Knowing how to price things to make money, being able to work with all different types of personalities and keeping a level head under very stressful situations are skills we don't learn in the field. Not to mention the financial risk on every project, accounting, advertising, driving all over hells half acre to price jobs you might not get...etc.
All this to say, take a little time to research and learn what goes into the front end of a business that is successful. A few books you might want to check out:
1)Markup and Profit: A Contractors Guide by Michael Stone
2) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey
3) Profit First: Transform Your Business from a Cash-Eating Monster to a Money-Making Machine by Mike Michalowicz
4) Running a Successful Construction Company by David Gerstel
5) How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Most important though is to find an accountant and learn what goes into accounting. Of all the things that I've seen take down really good carpenters going out on their own, accounting is #1. They don't put money away to pay taxes end up in a robbing peter to pay paul situation, or just don't know what their overhead is to charge appropriately to cover it as well as make a profit and cover their own wage.
As far as how much capital to start out with, I'd say 6 months salary. It's always a good idea to have a least 6 months worth of operating expenses as a capital reserve even while operating. It makes you less likely to be put in situations where you HAVE to work and end up taking jobs you shouldn't.
I've read a lot of business books in the past year. These include:
7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Rich Dad Poor Dad
Think and Grow Rich
How to Win Friends & Influence People
Secrets of Closing the Sale
How to Master the Art of Selling
The E-Myth Revisited
The Compound Effect
The Slight Edge
The $100 Startup
The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur
I have 4HWW waiting to be read, in addition to about 15 other books that are sitting there, waiting to be read.
The $100 Startup is very inspiring, especially for people who have no chance at securing a "normal" job (I dropped out of college). The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur is also very informative. But out of this list, by far, my two favorite books are The Compound Effect and The Slight Edge. #1 going to The Slight Edge. Read this book. Maybe it won't apply to everyone as much as it did to me, but it totally changed my attitude towards life.
Some suggestions for when you have urges: think about how it would feel after you finish. I always felt depleted and gross.
Get a book to read before bed. I recommend
http://www.amazon.com/Triggers-Creating-Behavior-Lasts--Becoming-Person-ebook/dp/B00N6PEN0Y/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1452601148&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=triggers
And
http://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/1451639619/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1452601256&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=seven+habits+of+highly+effective+people
But could be anything. That will keep you occupied, help you wind down the brain to fall asleep, and it's a healthy habit.
You could also pursue a hobby like art or a musical instrument, try some guided meditations, a cold shower, or some light exercise. I would look for something that doesn't involve a screen for your evening activity since that will help you get to sleep and it will remove you from a major source of porn.
Good luck and stay strong.
Maybe some of these might help
I second /u/nathanaherne's list - especially E-Myth.
In addition, I'd recommend:
Really, beyond the advice I gave, I would strongly suggest you read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I linked to his website, which does a good job of providing a 2-3 paragraph summary of each of the habits, but the book is definitely worth it. It is the most grounded self-development material I've ever read. The habits are not gimmicks or tricks, they're more like... mindsets/approaches. One quote from the book:
>Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it's holy ground.
Right now, I am working on Habit 1 -- Be Proactive. What that means is that in the long list of things that you care about and that impact you (e.g., what your peers think of you, what the weather will be like tomorrow, what state your finances are in), you should focus your energy and attention on the things that you can take action on. Don't imagine yourself as a victim.
>Anytime we think the problem is "out there," that thought is the problem. We empower what's out there to control us.
and,
>Blaming everyone and everything else for our problems [...] may provide temporary relief from the pain, but it also chains us to these very problems.
He also says:
>Proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli, whether physical, social, or psychological. But their response to the stimuli, conscious or unconscious, is a value-based choice or response.
In other words, yes, things can be shitty. There can be stuff outside of your control that makes life hard or unpleasant. However, you always have the power to choose your own response. This is not to say that you do not deserve to be sad, or to have regrets, etc. It isn't, "put up and shut up." It is more that internally, you will be more empowered by focusing on what you can do something about.
As an example in my life: I sometimes have trouble not staying up late on the internet. Now, it might be the case that due to the perseverative hyperfocus of ADHD, I am not in a position to consciously decide to get off of the internet. And yet staying on the internet late is messing with other aspects of my life. Now that is not fun, and I think it is fair for me to have some sympathy for the position I'm in. At the same time, I always have the power to choose my response to that situation. So, now -- away from hyperfocusing on the internet at 11:30pm, I am seriously considering finding a way to make my internet shut off every night at a given hour. Because while my ADHD symptoms may not be under my direct control, I can still choose to respond to the fact of their existence by finding and using more tools to compensate. I always have that power.
>For those filled with regret, perhaps the most needful exercise of proactivity is to realize that past mistakes are also out there in the Circle of Concern.
(The Circle of Concern is the things we care about, but can't affect, like the weather. I might care if the weather is good tomorrow, but if I tie my happiness to the weather being good, then I am making myself a victim to my environment.)
I am still working on Habit 1 because I still catch myself all of the time, thinking sad things like, "I bet my advisor is sick of me by now. He's probably still helping me out of politeness... or maybe dealing with me has drained his energy so much that he can't deal with the process of trying to kick me out of the program. There's no way he doesn't dread another year of dealing with me."
Boy, I start to feel small, and worthless, and discouraged, and like giving up... I start to stir up all of those hurt feelings from my childhood -- of feeling like a grand disappointment to everyone else. Of testing and always breaking the patience of everyone I knew.
And I'm starting to get better at noticing that small feeling and taking it as a cue to step back. Wait a second, am I doing this program for my advisor? No. Sure, he has supported me more than any other authority figure in my life. His support is a big part of succeeding in my program, and I do truly want him to be able to be proud of my accomplishments rather than worried about my struggles. I do think he is still a caring person who would be happy about my success.
But sitting here, dwelling on how he feels now...? I can't control how he feels. Whether it is as bad as I imagine in my darkest hours, or whether he is not at all as upset as I am picturing... either way, it is entirely out of my control. And laying myself down as a victim to how he may or may not feel is not what success in this program is going to look like. I am in the driver's seat. I can continue to take action to move myself forward -- and a lot of that is figuring out my symptoms and how to manage them better. That is my job, and that is what is within my power (my Circle of Influence). I can learn from my mistakes (and sometimes it will take repeating them to find the lesson they hold), and then I can do better next time.
TL;DR -- The advice that is having the strongest effect for me right now, was stolen from a longer work that is well worth reading -- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey (this is the Amazon link this time).
That advice is to always put yourself in the driver's seat, and never surrender to things outside of your control. You can always choose to respond. If tomorrow brings rain, it will do so whether you worry about it today, or mope about it tomorrow. But you can still choose to make different plans or bring an umbrella. Focus on what you can do if it does rain -- don't make your happiness dependent on there not being rain.
Something like ADHD would be just like the rain. It may restrict what you can do in certain circumstances -- you can't sunbathe in the rain, and with ADHD, there are symptoms that may affect your life in a way that you can't control. However, you can always bring out the proverbial umbrella -- reminders, clocks that vibrate every hour, medications, a whiteboard for brainstorming, pomodoro techniques for pacing, etc. That is what has helped me the most is seeing ADHD like the rain -- and right now, a lot of how I am choosing to respond is just studying myself and ADHD so that I can design myself one kick-ass umbrella.
Hope this helps :)
Edit to Add: One more useful tidbit.
Covey also discusses the balance between your production (e.g., doing work, chores, good parenting), and your production capacity (e.g., your ability to produce). Basically, while he is more articulate about it, you may end up with more product if you stay up all night working, but you damage your production capacity -- your ability to produce work the next day. If you do this often enough, you may damage it more seriously (or even permanently), in the form of illness or injury.
Basically, if you don't take care of yourself -- your physical, emotional, interpersonal needs (or any other needs you have) -- you will eventually not be able to create the product that you want to put out into the world. Taking a break to do something that makes you smile and happy is not intrinsically being selfish and greedy when you're behind on your work. (It can cross that line, sure, but it is not inherently bad.) In fact, keeping yourself happy, engaged, and content is part of taking care of yourself, and making it so that you can work. That has helped me decide to go to bed more often, even when I haven't gotten everything done that I wanted to. Taking care of myself is as much a part of the work I want to produce as the product of the work itself.
Sorry to hear, but don't lose hope. I'm 49, my stbxw has left our marriage for the second time, I'm still healing, but I have a lot of hope for my future. You should as well.
She cheated one you, and that is a big reason to let her go. That violates a trust that you may never have been able to restore.
Right now you're wallowing in your pain, and I get that. You need to do the following: exercise, take up a new hobby, read self-help books, spend time creating new memories, take time to heal, learn your lessons from your failed marriage and don't repeat them, and most importantly, be patient with yourself.
I recommend you read these books:
The Robert Glover book is like a kick in the pants, or at least it was for me. Regarding my own situation, I'm deeply saddened by my ex wanting to leave again. I was very much in love with her, but she was not in love with me. She wanted to explore "feelings" she had for another woman, and I wasn't the guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. That really hurt, and it sill does, but well... let's just say that while I own my mistakes, my ex's romanticizing of life and need to sustained highs to make her feel happy was impossible to meet. I wish her well, but I have my own life to lead now.
You do too. It will take time, but you'll get to the other side of hell. Follow the advice I and others give you, and see what works for you. Remember rough moments are just that... moments to get through. Life will get better and you'll see light in the darkness again. Stay the course.
As my favorite book says, "“It's not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us.”
We can choose to be offended by things or choose to ignore them and be positive.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey
Models - Mark Manson
The Bible Project
First book will teach you how to set goals and values for your life and to interact with people without being an ass.
Second book is about dating and will teach you how to be the type of person that attracts others without being an ass.
The last is the Bible project series of youtube. Watch everything they have to reorient yourself to what Christianity is truly about, I'd recommend reading your Bible while following along.
Read the first two books through the lens of the values and messages you get from the Bible/Bible Project.
Lastly, Stop being so emotional and blaming God for stuff that is completely in your own control.
OMG yes.
Two big themes I'll discuss:
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Before we get into that, I highly recommend a few good books for you to read NOW so they can sink in:
The first book will teach you essential study techniques that you may have forgotten, or that your schools up until now have not emphasized.
To add on to that, one of the huge concepts you hit when you enter college, which is very likely to hit you like a ton of bricks like it does most people, is that college is harder, a little bit more "dry" and less "fun" like high school was, it's a bit less light-hearted, and it asks you to suddenly grow up fast and take on challenges that aren't as straightforward.
The second book talks about skills and principles that would you do well to start thinking about and working on now. Things like "be proactive, instead of of reactive", "start with the end in mind", "seek first to understand, then to be understood". These are hugely beneficial ideas that will help you become a person that others want to be around and can depend upon, but also someone who can lead themselves through life and commit to their own vision for where they want to go instead of being led through life by others.
One other book (that I don't recommend buying) is "How to read a book". I would instead find a summary online. He drones on and on and repeats himself a lot, but the concepts are fundamental. The basic idea is that there are four levels reading. The first is just being able to read the printed words on the page and decipher grammar and symbols and what not. The next step is being able to inspect a book in, say, 15 minutes - what is it about? What are you going to get out of it? What's in the Table of Contents? What's the overall message - can you tell? What does the intro or preface say? The third level is analytical reading - being able to get the most out of the book and get the author's overall message, exactly what points they are making and how they are back it up, etc. Only when you have "come to terms" with a book and understood what's being said can you make a serious judgment about the book. The fourth level is called "syntopical reading" and it's an essential activity right from the beginning in college, but especially later on if you pursue a master's, PhD, or post doc - it's the ability to analyze several books on a subject and take in the opinions, views, facts, and theories established by many people. What you should learn in college is that the stuff you read isn't gospel - one PhD paper may be very intelligent and well-researched, but humans are also fallible - so, 1) if you wanted to get to that level you can, researchers are not gods, and 2) you shouldn't take any one person's research as automatic truth. At the same time, don't let your skepticism fool you into believe you already know enough. The mark of a mature mind is the ability to entertain a thought without automatically believing it.
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Back to the themes.
Sitting through lectures and taking notes will be much easier and more laid back if you've already read and understood the material.
DON'T treat lecture like it's where you're actually learning anything. Treat lecture more like a [mandatory] supplement to your reading. The instructors will often go over concepts in class, as a way to bolster your understanding and also help answer questions that may have come up during your reading or homework.
It's a bad feeling you get when you haven't read the material, and you're sitting through lecture scrambling to take notes on things you maybe half-understand. Even worse... when you start slipping behind on homework and not doing well on tests, because you didn't overwhelm the task with your sheer amount of reading and independent learning.
Oh, I forgot one thing: From 7 Habits..., this is an example of his "Time Management Matrix". Really useful mental model for how we can spend our time. Some of the stuff we don't want to do but have to do is Q1. The stuff we really should be doing whenever possible is Q2 - but often times it's put on the back-burner because Q1. Q4 we usually make excuses for ("I just want to get a little further in Dark Souls 3 and then I'll start studying.") - take caution, reduce but don't feel like you need to eliminate completely and live like some sort of monk. Q3 is sometimes stuff we do for others that they are trying to delegate to us (their Q1 stuff, sometimes).
The Disciplined Life by Richard S Taylor
Celebration of Discipline by Richard J Foster
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R Covey
Stop Walking on Eggshells, if you count that as self-help.
Also The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
This has happened to me too. Its time, in my opinion, to stop, and to focus on the hard work of walking the path towards elevating your normal mindset closer to the altitude of the one you experience when you do drugs.
You might be interested in this comment that I actually just wrote right before I wrote this one. Especially my latter response.
The thing is, drugs open your mind to see the possibilities. But then you come back. Back into the world, where mundaneness rules, where you have many personal flaws, where life hits you with problems, and where its often hard to see the light.
Drugs are like a helicopter ride to see the path and the endpoint. But in reality, you have to walk the path. And walking the path is hard. It takes daily effort against the powerful forces of habit. Look to the Buddhists. They are the only ones I know of who are actually walking this path. Meditation and a continual focus on building positive mental qualities are key here.
My blueprint is sort of based on two books. One is Buddhism without beleifs, and the other is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which despite the title, is actually about developing qualities in yourself such as honesty, courage, patience, and others.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
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Description|In Today’s video, we will be diving into the habit of Begin with the End in Mind which is the Habit 2 of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This habit has helped me find clarity in both of my goals and Life. I will provide you the key takeaways from this habit and a powerful tool you can start doing daily.⤶⤶You can check the book here: https://amzn.to/2PlUR6P (Amazon Affiliate Link)⤶⤶Background Music:⤶Campfire by Scandinavianz https://soundcloud.com/scandinavianz⤶Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0⤶Free Download / Stream: https://bit.ly/_campfire⤶Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/9Rfykh-YzCc⤶⤶Graphics and Art:⤶https://www.canva.com⤶https://www.pexels.com⤶https://www.freepik.com⤶⤶Programs: VideoScribe and Photoshop⤶⤶#beginwiththeendinmind #7habitsofhighlyeffectivepeople #habit2 #stevencovey
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This!
In my startup, I get every member on my team to read this as required reading. It's that good (methinks).
That said, the relevant part to your question (that you'll learn from the book) can be summed up by the Eisenhower Matrix. There's lots of articles about this concept (just Google it), but one article that explains this well is from James Clear (he write well and gets to the point quickly).
See: http://jamesclear.com/eisenhower-box
This, if done correctly, is enough to help you with your time management issues but if you're inclined, you should still check out the book. Here's the Amazon link.
Read the 1★ reviews here - https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/cr/1451639619/ref=cm_cr_arp_mb_hist_1?filterByStar=one_star&amp;pageNumber=1
Most of these self help garbage aren't backed by any science. They're just a load of shit wrapped in a nice cover. But, if it helps you, then that's not my business and you shouldn't listen to me
Take a break from games over the weekend and read this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/1451639619/
Then go back to gaming, school and whatever else you do.
The position was actually created for me. I've worked here since I was 14 on and off. They needed a safety manager with all the new paperwork so I was offered the job.
I'm one of two people that use the office. All of my coworkers know I'm on the spectrum and don't give a crap about it. We're all friends here.
It's a unique situation and I couldn't explain it in full without an enormous wall of text. I've worked in the corporate office, designed spreadsheets that corporate still uses, etc...
I would recommend a book if you get the chance to read it. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People was a great read and gave me a new outlook on work. I have it on .pdf as well.
As a scrum master, you are a servant leader. Understanding what that means can take time. It's more than a facilitator and more than a rule keeper for scrum. It may depend on your background on how your first approach to SM will be. You may be experienced managing people or you may be experienced managing projects.
In my experience I found the role of SM put me in the place of a silent observer (or maybe just less loud). I watch the team, I listen to how they talk to each other and I look for areas of conflict. Sometimes you may have to come up with creative ways to get a team to discuss their communication problems.
I try to hold off on my opinion and instead guide the discussions. Encourage the team to challenge each other. Often I can see a solution that will work but I allow the team to come to the same conclusion on their own without forcing things.
Understanding the scrum guide and the rules of scrum are expected, however here are some resources I've found useful over time that go beyond enforcement of the scrum guide:
Five dysfunctions of a team There are also workbooks available for this book that may help you identify where your team fits.
People styles at work or other similar resources and / or workbooks that focus on how people talk to each other. Some others I've spoken with also use Disc or Myers Briggs personality styles. These can be expensive however and usually require a professional to help you in understanding and following though. I found the people styles a cheaper option.
Also I want to add for yourself, you may find 7 Habits of highly effective people to be useful in developing leadership.
I would recommend reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
The money issue seems to be a symptom of a more deep-rooted issue. The anger, feeling of helplessness, and negative attitude that you harbor (which is largely reflected in your post) may be the reason why there is such a disconnect between your actual lifestyle and your goals / productive lifestyle.
I think the first step is to spend some time building a healthy mindset and lifestyle before venturing deeply into the FI world. Your 20+ jobs portray a lack of focus and attempts at quick fixes, and I suspect that your OP is just another attempt at a quick fix. The reason why I emphasize the importance of building a healthy productive lifestyle is because achieving FI will require a long-term mindset which you currently don't seem ready for.
Here is a summary of the 7 habits:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktlTxC4QG8g
If habits 1-3 seem like something you can work on, I highly recommend that you read the book.
The Giver series - Lois Lowry - Mainly just the first book (The Giver) - Taught me that not everyone sees the world the same way. You can not know something until you see or learn of it.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Learn about great habits that will help you fall in line with your goals. Become a robot, but not for the system, more for yourself :)
Think and Grow Rich - I am by no means an entrepreneur or salesman. I do enjoy finding motivation in reading. In this book, it teaches you that seeking motivation is one of the best motivators for making things happen.
Lastly - How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie - Not about manipulation, but how to deal with people. I am not a very social person, and this book helped me tremendously. Basic conversation, and thinking about other people in a more human sense (knowing that they may not have had to best day, or they may be insecure themselves, etc.) Being thoughtful to them while still fulfilling your own needs.
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I hope these help
Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg
7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey
The Millionaire Next Door - Thomas J. Stanley
How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
How to Get Rich - Felix Dennis
The Lean Startup - Eric Ries
Never Split the Difference - Chris Voss
The Richest Man in Babylon - George S. Clason
The Intelligent Investor - Benjamin Graham
*****
You can look at these books if you like. The Millionaire Next Door would probably be the one I would gift him first.
I think I know what you are going through because I have the same thoughts. What it really boils down to is your value system. Right now, you put higher value in short-term stimulus' like video games and and things to keep your mind stimulated, like YouTube, and now you realize that only doing these things gets you nowhere. So why would anyone NOT just play video games all day? Its the same reason why you shouldn't eat nothing but junk food, I'm sure you already know this. So where do you start? The first question you should be asking yourself is "Are my studies important to me? Maybe they aren't. Maybe you were forced into them by your parents or caretakers. If you truly do not want to do something it is very hard to get it done. But I suspect this is not the case with you. From your wording it seems that you want to study but you lack the discipline. It may be helpful to write our the Pros & Cons of studying. I think you will find that the Pros vastly outweigh the Cons. You can use this knowledge as fuel to keep you on track by reminding yourself that it is important to YOU that you study.
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Ok, so you want techniques. Unfortunately there are no quick fixes. You need fundamentally change the way you see the world and replace it a whole new way of thinking, which is no easy feat. I know it sounds corny, but i like to listen to motivational clips from people i respect. I find that it helps me to see things from a different viewpoint than mine. It also gives me an extra push because it reminds me that the struggle to accomplish my goals is not only hard for me, but for everyone else too...but it's worth it. Here is one that is relevant to your situation:
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29oD-AeDwrk
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Also, check out Jordan Peterson's & jocko willink's videos..I mean, your already on youtube all day right!
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I also like to read books about how I can improve my life. One of my favorites is this one:
https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/1451639619/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1536593013&sr=8-2&keywords=7+habits+of+highly+effective+people
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Make an agreement to yourself that you will invest time and energy into improving yourself everyday. Start formulating goals that you truly want, formulate a plan to achieving them in a specified time.
Looking at your post; One thing that I thing would be beneficial would be to try to wake up earlier everyday & going to bed earlier as well. There is a lot of research on the benefits of having a consistent sleep schedule as well as productivity benefits for waking up early. A quick google search will guide you on making that transition.
Other than that my only recommendation would be to start small. You cannot expect to will yourself into fixing your problems overnight. Expecting perfection will guarantee that you will fail, give up, and go back to your bad habits. It takes time. So start small. Set yourself up for success instead of failure. Instead of a goal of 2 hours of studying every day, maybe start off with committing only to 10 minutes per day. You will probably find that just starting is where 90% of the effort comes from. Often it is very easy to keep going once started. You also build a series of 'wins' under your belt in which you subconsciously learn that you can trust yourself that you CAN accomplish what you set your mind to. Then you can slowly slowly SLOWLY start to incorporate other healthy habits such as scheduled exercise, healthy eating habits, meditation..things like that. Good luck.
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A few books that I absolutely love are; Good to Great, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (this isn't exactly a business book, but a lot of the principles in it help you be a better leader/person which is extremely important when running a business) and Rework
Here are some links for the product in the above comment for different countries:
Link: 7 Habits
|Country|Link|
|:-----------|:------------|
|UK|amazon.co.uk|
|Spain|amazon.es|
|France|amazon.fr|
|Germany|amazon.de|
|Japan|amazon.co.jp|
|Canada|amazon.ca|
|Italy|amazon.it|
|China|amazon.cn|
This bot is currently in testing so let me know what you think by voting (or commenting).
A reading list...
The Myth of Sisyphus
Fight Club
The 7 habits of Highly Effective People
The games people play
Have you ever read any books on ideas for how to interact with people?
I mean stuff like these books:
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034
http://www.amazon.com/The-Laws-Power-Robert-Greene/dp/0140280197/
http://www.amazon.com/The-Habits-Highly-Effective-People/dp/1451639619/
Depends on how old you are.
I haven't read this book myself, but it has a lot of positive reviews.
http://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/1451639619/