Reddit reviews The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is well-established as the most effective treatment for anxiety disorders, including social anxiety. I would look for a therapist specializing in CBT; it may be a good idea for him to go back on medication to augment the therapy, but it also may not be necessary. In the meantime you could check out a CBT-based workbook such as The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook for Teens, or if you think the anxiety issues are more general, you might try The Anxiety Workbook for Teens, The Anxiety Survival Guide for Teens, or My Anxious Mind: A Teen's Guide to Handling Anxiety and Panic. He will have much more success though working through something like this with a therapist, so I would suggest looking for one as soon as possible. It sounds like he may have some work to do rebuilding his self-esteem as well, which makes sense if he's been so isolated.

The other issue though is that it sounds like your son is reluctant to seek treatment. Do you get the sense that he's just given up because the meds didn't help, or he doesn't think this is a big deal, or he's gotten comfortable with the way things are and isn't motivated to change? He needs to have some autonomy in this and be invested in his own treatment for it to be effective. I would tell him you've heard about a very well-researched treatment that helps a lot of teens deal with their anxiety (CBT), and that you'd like him to try seeing someone who specializes in it a few times and see what he thinks. Find a few CBT therapists in your area (you might try the Psychology Today website directory or findcbt.org), ideally ones that specialize in working with young adults, and let him choose who he'd like to try seeing. If he doesn't click with the therapist after 3 or 4 sessions, he can try someone else.

You may also need to step back a bit in terms of the ways you're enabling his avoidance behavior - things like driving him everywhere so he doesn't have to get his license. You can point out to him that he won't be able to live at home forever, so you'd like him to start working on some skills for independent living. A therapist will be able to advise you on finding a balance between pushing him a bit while staying supportive. And of course keep making it clear to him that you're proud of his academic achievements and many other great qualities, so that he doesn't start feeling like too much of a failure or disappointment to his parents. Good luck to you and him!

Does she like to read? Is she trying to figure these things out on her own? 14 years old is tough on its own with the hormones, but adding anxiety and depression she is likely just a whirlwind of emotions and life probably feels very chaotic for her. I can tell you what I wish somebody had done for me at that age- books, a nice journal with a nice pen, and a creative outlet of sorts.

Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul might sound a little cheesy but those books are full of inspirational stories that she may or may not relate to. If she is wanting to try to figure a lot of this stuff out on her own, there are workbooks for depression and anxiety that may help. I would have loved to have some of those back then. A quick search on Amazon found this and this.
A journal to write out her feelings privately. And find out if she is into drawing, painting, beading, something like that.... something she can focus on when she is overwhelmed.

Other than that, don't smother her, let her know beyond a doubt that you guys are there for her when she is ready to reach out, and otherwise give her the space she needs to deal with everything on her plate.

What a great thing for you to be so supportive. That's the most important thing right there, unwavering support.

It is possible to do some modified CBT work with this population if they will write. They could start with a book such as The Anxiety Workbook for Teens. I've also had kids who, as long as they can identify the problem they're having, can make progress toward fighting anxiety in a functional way. I had a student with SM who would freeze and refuse to engage in any part of gym class, which they had daily. It followed the same structure each day (line up, change, warm up, activity, cool down, change), and the activity changed weekly. We broke it down where I asked how anxious he was on a scale of 1-5 about each step of the class, and all he had to do was hold up his fingers to give a number. Turned out, he was totally fine with most steps except for changing in front of others, which was an easy fix (allowed him to change in the bathroom) and the actual performing of the activity. Through lots of yes/no questioning we figured out that he was worried because the activity changed and he didn't feel like he knew what to expect and was afraid he would make a mistake. By working through that, he was able to start participating in everything (changing, warm-ups, cool-down), and when it came time for the activity he would watch the first and second day, and try to participate the last few days. It didn't always work, but it often did. The problem is, this approach takes a LOT of intensive work, and most school-based mental health personnel either aren't trained or don't have the time to put in this kind of work.

I also had some success with a lower functioning teenage student with SM and anxiety who wasn't great with writing. We created a simple worksheet where he would circle how he felt that week out of a bunch of Boardmaker faces, write down something he did like and something he didn't like from that week (with a separate sheet with prompts for location, people, and other things that could help him find the words, and sometimes he'd just point to one and I'd write it for him), and then circle a strategy that could make him feel better in a situation like that.

What about a mental health workbook aimed at teens? Like this? That series also has one on stress reduction.