Reddit reviews The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls

Yes to this! It's a great intro to pretty much anything that could be tricky development-wise! There's two versions: one target for girls 8-11 and one for girls 12+

> I don’t want her to hate her period or to be miserable.

yeah. that's going to happen regardless.

> her doing things like sleeping lots, barely eating, having cramps in her back, crying and other above mentioned behaviors are normal or if I should be worried

That all sounds normal to me.

Take a picture of her preferred brand and put an emergency box of pads and tampons in her bathroom, just in case it comes out of the blue. Check her bathroom regularly and make sure she's stocked up on supplies.

Yes, I inferred from your post that she uses pads, but if she needs tampons, then she'll have them.

Has she found a pain medication that works for her cramps? For me, Aleve was the only thing that worked.

Get her a book if you haven't already. This one is great.

My daughter was only a few months older, and i was caught off guard. I was 13 when my period started, so the thought that she would be starting at 10 had never occurred to me.

A book I thought was great was "The Care and Keeping of You 2". Well written and helpful.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580427/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ktQMDbJ6F11NQ

Aerie might have something that will fit her and that she likes, have you looked there?

As far as books, I don't recall the name offhand, but I think there was one like what you're looking for published by American Girl. I'll see if I can find it.

Edit: Found it! http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Younger-Revised/dp/1609580834/

http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Older-Girls/dp/1609580427/

http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/1609580834

This was a great one. It's made by American Girl, and it's for younger girls, but talks about periods and all that. :)

http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Older/dp/1609580427/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_y/188-6395898-6290800

That's volume 2, for "older" girls. It might be better? Maybe just get both and let her peruse.

My sister is the same way, a very young 12. We gave her this book and it was gentle enough that she could read it without crippling embarrassment. It's also American Girl, which means it's "cute" and "cool" for a young-hearted girl that age!

I work at American Girl and they have this book called "The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls"

Also on Amazon for a lot cheaper... http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Older/dp/1609580427

One of the most popular books that we sell, and it's really helpful all around. 5 stars on amazon, even read the reviews! Awesome book, for a great price.

It's a little cheesy, but I love this book:

The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580427/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_OKYXCbGS01X9Y

It is geared toward kids a bit, but it's a perfect comprehensive guide on all those little things you should be doing. Don't get hung up on using the right nighttime eye cream. Just get all the basics down and you're good to go!

When I was around that age my mom had gotten me a book that had lots of stuff about periods, how to use tampons, and other puberty/changing body/general health stuff. It was great because I felt so awkward about talking about it, so I could just read it in private. There may be something better out there but I believe it was some version of this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1609580427/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=1944687662&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1562476661&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1WNWA8PSZM2G3FR8VAKQ

Also if she is worried about bothering her aunt/female relative or embarrassed to talk about it, maybe you could help set up a time for them to just hang out or get lunch or something? Like, not framing it as a time for her to ask questions or anything, just to spend time together, and then she might feel more comfortable as a resource.

I think you did fine, but leaving the onus on him to come to you with questions might not work out. I suspect that a lot of kids aren't very comfortable or very willing to come to their parents with embarrassing questions right out of the blue. And lecturing doesn't do much good. The best approach, in my opinion, is to have short, ongoing, regular conversations about sexual and reproductive health, especially as his development continues and the conversations need to get more specific about some of the details. The more you talk about it, the less awkward it gets, and he'll be more likely to ask questions when it just becomes part of a normal conversation. Also, there are tons of great books about sexual and reproductive health and puberty out there. Get him three or four books and let him read. Get him the girls versions, too, so they're not a complete mystery. I'll include some recommendations below.

Here are some of the things I've added to the conversations I've had with my kid, specifically about porn:

-Pornography only shows actors performing sexual acts for the camera. Typical intimate, physical, sexual relationships between two people don't look very much like porn, so don't be fooled into thinking that's what a sexual relationship really looks like.

-Whether or not watching pornography is ethical or moral is something I think people need to decide for themselves. A lot of people think it's unethical for the following reasons: a) it doesn't show realistic relationships and distorts people's sense of what sex should look like; b) the actors, especially the female actors, are often exploited because they were in a vulnerable position and were taken advantage of; c) there are problems with things like human trafficking; d) some of the actors are underage; e) it can cause problems with addiction and desensitization; f) how would you feel if it was your daughter or sister performing? Do you think you should treat other people's daughters or sisters any differently?

But other people would say there's not a problem with looking at porn, especially if you're careful about the above problems. And a lot of people watch porn, so it's not weird or unusual. But deciding if it's right or not will have to be up to you.

If you do decide to watch porn, I would say -- as with anything else -- do it in moderation, and make sure it's not affecting your ability to have healthy relationships in real life.

Good books on puberty and reproductive and sexual health:

American Medical Association Girl's Guide to Becoming a Teen
by American Medical Association et al.

American Medical Association Boy's Guide to Becoming a Teen
by American Medical Association et al.

What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys: Revised Edition
by Lynda Madaras et al.

My Body, My Self for Boys: Revised Edition by Lynda Madaras et al.

The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls
by Cara Natterson et al.

What's Happening to My Body? Book for Girls: Revised Edition
by Lynda Madaras et al.

When she starts to get body odor, when she starts to develop, when hair starts coming in, and/or when blemishes start you could sit with her and talk about hygiene, menstruation, feminine hygiene products, bras, etc.

Maybe 10 or 11 unless she develops earlier. I started shaving, wearing training bras, and using deodorant when I was 9.

Some of the discussions should be ongoing as her body changes and discussion of birth control could be discussed by middle school. It is important she knows she can come to you and ask questions with out judgement.

When she starts middle school you should also discuss peer pressure and pressure in relationships. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to, it's okay to say no. Discuss drug abuse, how it'd make you feel if she used drugs, reprocussions, etc.

Book 1

Book 2

I would definitely recommend this book for her. I had an older edition but my sister and I found it really helpful growing up.

You don't have to have all the answers but it's important for her to feel comfortable talking to you about things and you being worried about her is a good sign IMO.

Second this - never hurts to have a reference she can look through with you and later on her own. Also The Care and Keeping of You 1 is a good basic intro for younger girls (and later, book 2 for older girls).

Check out http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-Older-Girls/dp/1609580427/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1395121650&sr=1-2&keywords=american+girl+body+book . I haven't seen this one yet, but the one for younger girls was pretty good. Also, this is a good resource http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/sexual_health/development.html. There's tons of information online about normal sexual development, and it's good to teach your girls about "good" touch and "bad" touch - especially since a bunch of idiots have had sex ed removed from schools. You need to get your wife on board with these things - she'll be at least as big of an influence as you are in terms of comfort with their bodies and development. Your job is mainly to treat your wife well, be respectful towards other women and to not freak out when they start dating. The not freaking out part will be hard since you know how teenage boys think and you know damn well they will go as far with your daughters as they can and half of them will run if things get rough. Teach your daughters that they should never go farther than they want, that they should not always be pleasing others and that they need birth control and condoms when they start having sex. And also teach them that sex is an intimate act that is beautiful but will also leave them vulnerable (at least in the beginning). It should be enjoyable but shouldn't be shared with everyone.

Kids are exposed to things much earlier than they were in the past. And way before their emotional development is ready for it. So watch for signs that your daughters are asking questions or learning things from other kids. Have private talks with them to give them information when this happens because you don't want them learning about sex from the wrong people. Put secure settings on your computer so that they don't see porn because a lot of it can get rough and violent, and they will never be able to un-see it. Girls are not empowered by looking sexy. They are empowered by being strong and confident and being loved as whole people - not sexual objects. If your girls are valued for who they are, they will be comfortable and confident and they will grow into their sexuality on their own.

My parents gave me two books called The Care and Keeping of You and The Care and Keeping of Me pre-puberty. They were very helpful, and written a level little me (9 year old, maybe?) understood.

I just looked, and it seems they've revised the two books into one for younger girls, and one for older girls. I haven't read these, but they're probably still great. They answered a lot of questions I didn't even know I had, and prepared me for stuff I would have been scared of. In fact, I was so well prepared I was excited for my first period, not freaked out at all. I'd highly recommend getting one for your daughter.

The Care and Keeping of You for Younger Girls

The Care and Keeping of You for Older Girls

Congrats on your 39 days!

What kind of resources and support system do you have available right now? Other family members? Regular therapist? Insurance? Inheritance?

Just the cleanup must be a huge process and I bet it would help if you could get some professionals in to help.

I’ll link you to appropriate resources...


Some good books to start with:

The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580427/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_B3-rDb9D8J3T3

Personal Hygiene? What's that Got to Do with Me? https://www.amazon.com/dp/1843107961/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_C5-rDbWSY6ZK3

Hygiene and Related Behaviors for Children and Adolescents with Autism Spectrum and Related Disorders https://www.amazon.com/dp/1934575429/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_b6-rDbM1213Q1

Taking Care of Myself: A Hygiene, Puberty and Personal Curriculum for Young People with Autism https://www.amazon.com/dp/1885477945/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_F6-rDbC0SF8R2