Reddit reviews The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism
We found 18 Reddit comments about The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
I just started reading this book: The Charisma Myth: How anyone can master the art and science of personal magnetism. I'll reply back in a few days when I'm done. In fact, I'll do an AMA: How I read a book and bagged Angelina Jolie. /s
Read The Charisma Myth.
The equation that produces charisma is actually fairly simple. All you have to do is give the impression that you possess both high power and high warmth, since charismatic behaviors project a combination of these two qualities. “Fight or flight?” is the power question. “Friend or foe” is the warmth question.
To be charismatic doesn’t require that one be naturally outgoing, physically attractive, or need to change their personality.
Possible to be a charismatic introvert.
Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation:
This is good advice. Feeling Good (the original book that the above-mentioned Handbook is a companion to) is the classic of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is a systematic, proven way to manage the cognitive distortions /u/natetet referred to. It's one of the fastest growing therapy approaches because it's so practical. No 'Tell me about your mother...' just real tools to fight your bastard brain.
You could also check out the precursor to CBT, Rational-Emotional Behavior Therapy, by Albert Ellis. If you have insurance, you can probably find a therapist to guide you through the process. If not, there are actually websites and apps that you can look into. Some paid, some free. The key is to not just read the literature, but have the discipline to make habits out of the tools you learn there.
This book is also good not just for fighting cognitive distortions, but also for building up an image of confidence and charisma in a natural, not feigned way. Deals with the imposter syndrome (look it up, so many people suffer from it).
You can do it, swamp.
Source: 36-year-old who feels like a 23-year-old.
As you realize becoming great at social skills is just like training any other skill. Realizing you can train it will allow you to build the skill stronger than others who stumble into it. So many will say you can't get better or amazing by reading in a chair. They're right. Read a little, apply a lot, take notes, then review what you did right and what you did wrong, repeat. Get a mentor or training buddy if you can, it accelerates learning, because we can't see ourselves the same as those outside us can. Make a regimen to go out, greet and meet people every day. Or at least three times a week minimum, make it a habit.
I can tell you that I've been in customer service and sales jobs, they taught me nothing because my skills were garbage and sub-par. So I didn't have a paddle for my raft in the world of social interaction. All I got was "people get irritated if I cold approach or try to sell them. Or worse I have to dump mountains of information to make them feel safe." So after studying for the better part of a decade, here's some points that got me to the basics and more advanced subjects. With the basics under your belt, then a job or daily practice will get you understanding and results.
First, learn how to steady yourself mentally, breathing exercise here. Breathing is important as we seem to be learning your heart rate and beat pattern determine more about our emotions than we'd like to admit.
Second, Accept and love yourself, (both those terms may be undefined or wishy-washy to you at the moment, defining them is part of the journey.) Because you can only accept and love others the way you apply it to yourself first.
Third, pick up and read the charisma myth. It has habits/meditations that will be a practice you use every day. I'd say a basic understanding will happen after applying them over three months. Never stop practicing these basics, they are your fundamentals. They determine your body language. The difference between a romantic gaze and a creepy stare is context of the meeting and body language, especially in the eyes.
Sales or cold approach networking will do the same for practice. If you do sales or meeting new people, it is a negotiation. You're trying to trade "value" (safety + an emotion). So if you figure out how to make yourself feel emotion, then inspire emotion in others, mutual agreements happen. Start with Why is a good reference. Here is a summary video. Chris Voss will help you find out that you don't tap into people rationally, you tap people emotionally, big think summary video. Or the full book treatment, Never Split the Difference. The supporting book for Chris Voss' position can be helped by reading Start With No
For training habits and understanding how we execute behaviors, Thinking, Fast and Slow
For dealing with hard arguments and heavy topics both Nonviolent Communication and Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Learning what listening is, instead of "hearing" people. Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone is a good book for that. This is touched on in Never Split the Difference and in the Charisma Myth because true listening, making the person you are speaking with feel "listened to and understood" is most of what makes a charismatic person work.
A couple that might be useful for you are:
To reframe your self-accessed predicament, being shy is on your side here. Learning to shut up and listen to the other person talk is one of the best things you can do. When people talk about themselves and someone is listening (I mean really listening, not pretending to), they get a good feeling. That feeling they get becomes attached to being with you. That is, they think you're great and sociable when in fact you haven't even said anything!
People love to talk about themselves - we are always seeking to be accepted among our fellow human beings - we are a society after all. We need to feel loved, wanted, respected etc, and the best way you can give this to another person is to just let them talk about themselves and be genuinely interested. Faking interest will not go un-noticed and it will work against, rather than for you. Ask questions about why they do the things they do and make them feel as if you want to know the answers. In this context they are the interesting people, not you. Then sit back and see how this moulds their perception of you - they will love you.
Splash some knowledge of body language into the mix and you will understand more about how you are being perceived and also be able to control your own non-verbals to give messages to others.
The key you seek is in understanding how other people work, not yourself!
Take this with a grain of salt because I'm about to recommend a book which I haven't yet read.
The press and some reviews for this book claim that it can be learned. Perhaps those who are "born with it" were really just raised in a way that those charismatic traits were more likely to be developed.
Anyway, I know thats not a great help but as I wondered this very thing a few days ago, my search led me to this book which I'm about to read. Hopefully my reply was not a total waste. Good luck!
People use "brain washing" too freely.
My opinion is, people are too ashamed and scared to admit their own weaknesses.
Let me give you an example;
Bill Clinton. People love the guy. But here's the thing, a ton of people very much dislike his politics.
I forget the exact quote, but one of those people said, "You hate Bill Clinton before you meet him and after he leaves, but while he's there talking to you, you like the guy."
People can blame Scientology all they like, but I think it's exactly what the name sounds like; it's the religion of science. And it uses the science that everyone claims isn't a science, psychology.
Having a degree in psychology, and having had more people than I can count tell me I "should have picked a real degree," I can't help but feel a guilty twinge of happiness when I see people say things like "Scientology brainwashes people!"
No; they're using psychological principles to make you not only accept and like any horse poo they spout, but they change your beliefs. Brain wash? Pfft. They're doing what Bill Clinton does in his interviews.
It actually helps them that you claim they're brainwashing people, because it keeps people from learning the science behind what they're really doing (which just so happens to be my "worthless" degree). Words like brainwashing might as well be the modern day word for "magic," because 99% of people don't actually know what that means, or how people really change other people's minds. Another modern-magical word is "hypnosis." Everyone knows the word, and people are like "Oooo, magic..." but again, 99% of people don't know what it is or how it works. There are literal "magic shows" that have hypnotists, and people call things like that "mental magic."
Calling it brain washing is basically telling 99% of people, "It's not your fault. You couldn't help it. They used magic on you!" And for the people saying they were brainwashed? You notice how they never give real details about what the people actually did to them to "make" them want it? They might as well be saying "They used voodoo on me! I couldn't stop myself!"
Well you can stop yourself, it wasn't "brainwashing," and people want what Scientology has to offer because they're using science to make people want it (like Bill Clinton can control an interview on a supposedly Republican television network, and manage to look good, and make it look like everyone there loves him and he's in control). Even if they crash and burn as a religion, which I doubt, they'll make a ton of money in marketing.
If you're interested in the science, I'd recommend:
http://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Master-Personal-Magnetism-ebook/dp/B005GSZZ24/
and
http://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Robert-Cialdini/dp/006124189X/
and
http://www.amazon.com/My-Voice-Will-Go-You/dp/0393301354/
and
http://www.amazon.com/Sleights-Mind-neuroscience-reveals-brains-ebook/dp/B003ZDNZYM/
It is absolutely meaningless. I finished law school in 2011, made no friends, I am now happy and successful.
The only downside is that it does help to "network," depending on what you will be doing after you graduate.
Read this book, it will help you "fake it till you make it": http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005GSZZ24?btkr=1
Check this book out.
And do the exercises.
Dating is a skill, just like any other.
Suggested reading:
The Dummies books are actually very, very good. Dating for Dummies http://amzn.com/B004HD69O2
A classic: http://amzn.com/B003WEAI4E
Charisma: http://amzn.com/B005GSZZ24
There is also a Relationships for Dummies, but I would start with dating.
Wow, that book looks great! The top review on its Amazon page is downright glowing. Thanks for the recommendation!
Make some personality gainz
The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane
Get this book:
The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005GSZZ24/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_x.JFAbA6R95VK
It's on sale today! Huge sale too for the Kindle version. I paid $15 last month!
I highly recommend the exercises in this: https://www.amazon.com/Charisma-Myth-Science-Personal-Magnetism-ebook/dp/B005GSZZ24/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1523905583&sr=8-3&keywords=the+charisma+myth
Oh and another thing that could help you become the best version of yourself is to study books on how to be more charismatic.
The Charisma Myth: Master the Art of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane is a great book.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005GSZZ24/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane
I would ditch the flirting and learn how to just confidently hold a conversation with anyone.
https://amzn.com/B005GSZZ24