Reddit reviews The Compassionate Mind Workbook: A step-by-step guide to developing your compassionate self

Where to begin with the emotional work? I would like to suggest a journal. Make a list of the topics and aspects you want to work on. Then do a little bit of writing every day. With the writing, many helpful realisations will come. Talking to a therapist is pretty much the same. Only that a therapist can teach us to deal with stressful situations in a way that is full of self love, self compassion and self care. This is very, very powerful and can help heal emotional trauma. Basically like an emotional hug that makes all the terror go away over time.  There are fantastic books on amazon about Compassion Focused Therapy that helps with trauma, for instance this:

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https://www.amazon.co.uk/Compassionate-Mind-Workbook-step-step/dp/1472135903/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1UZMA2S748WGK&keywords=compassion+focused+therapy&qid=1557083380&s=gateway&sprefix=compassion+%2Caps%2C228&sr=8-1

I don't think a therapist could do a better job than the work you can do with this workbook. It is wonderful.

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You see, regarding your SO, I think communication is key here. First, is there a way you could be sexual in other ways, either blow jobs or hand jobs or phone sex when you are apart...? I am not saying you should do something that repulses you, but if you understand that the revulsion possibly comes from said protection mechanism, it may be easier to deal with. Sometimes one has to "fake it till you make it". It is very possible that over time you start to reclaim and feel your desire and sexuality again after a while if you practice it in a way with your SO that is not directly connected to your body, so your brain has a chance to re-associate sexual things with something that is not a threat to your body.

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All fear has the function of protection. Fear of heights for example: it serves the function to keep us safe from a height that may be dangerous for us. If this fear becomes irrational, there is only one way to overcome it, like with all phobias: repeated confrontation, so that the brain has a chance to learn that if one is exposed to the situation one perceives as threat, nothing bad actually happens, and so the fear disappeared more and more. I have done this with my fear of bugs: when you see one, don't run and scream, walk closer. Next time, a little bit closer. Next time you gently want to touch it, etc... Before you know it, you see a bug and think: Oh, look, a bug, it must be spring. lol ;-)) It does work. If you want to try having sex in a non PIV way, just make sure that you don't develop an aversion - this may sound paradox regarding what I wrote, but I believe it is all about the balance, about being courageous as opposed to forcing oneself. Does that make sense...? Plus, I believe the idea with sensate focus exercises is fantastic.

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Also, please talk to your SO and if you think that my idea with the subconscious protection etc is right, then let him know because he would understand this, and if you tell him that you want to work on it and want to take care of his needs in other ways until then, this would help a lot, I'm sure.

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I know you feel as if your accident has ruined everything, but I don't believe this to be true. The conductor Karajan originally wanted to become a concert pianist and was heartbroken when a hand injury made this impossible. He had a stunning career and found his true vocation in conducting. To think he would have stuck to his previous dream is - well, it's something many people wouldn't even want to think about, lol. Or take Gordon Ramsay - he wanted to become a professional football player and his whole heart was in this idea. He struggled with so many injuries that he had to give up this career. If he hadn't done so, he would never have discovered his passion for food and what a great talent he had for cooking.

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I am not trying to make the dream of your career smaller than it is. I am just saying that, even though this is something you may not be able to imagine yet, there could be something great for you in the future that makes you just as happy or perhaps more. I am sure there is. First, don't worry about this too much and trust in life a bit, you are an intelligent person with many talents, and it will come. Right now, all that matters is that you start to feel better for your own sake, and that those wounds that one can't see with the bare eye have a chance to heal as much as the physical ones.

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Here are a few trauma related books that are excellent, I hope it helps. Never forget that you are not a victim, you have been incredibly strong, you are a survivor, a warrior, having been through all this and sitting here talking to us. You are amazing. :-)

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https://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Keeps-Score-Transformation-Trauma/dp/0141978619/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=trauma+book&qid=1557083667&s=gateway&sr=8-1

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https://www.amazon.co.uk/Compassionate-Mind-Approach-Recovering-Trauma/dp/1849013209/ref=sr_1_17?keywords=trauma+book&qid=1557083751&s=gateway&sr=8-17

CBT is great, but it's sometimes not effective for people with high levels of internalised self-criticism (or shame). Check out Compassion Focused Therapy as a good stepping-stone from CBT (https://compassionatemind.co.uk/). For something like the Feeling Good vibe, the Irons book (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Compassionate-Mind-Workbook-step-step/dp/1472135903) is probably the most similar to the stuff you've done.

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Good luck!