We found 98 Reddit comments about The Feeling Good Handbook. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Dude, I created a reddit account just to write my first comment here and I really hope it helps. I have a lot to say and I hope I can express it in a understandable manner. Here I go :)
I was also depressed. And it is not entirely gone. I have good and bad days too but at least now I can somewhat control it. You have to realize that your mood is directly connected to your thoughts. i will not go into detail about it but If you sit by yourself thinking all the negative things that you can muster up it will bring you down, you will go into this dark tunnel of negative thoughts, that usually are illogical, but at that point seem true as fuck and it will be very hard to climb out of that dark hole. At least that's how it happened to me.
Of course it is easy to say that you have to realize this and that than to do actually it. I was unable to do it by myself, that why I looked for help from a professional psychologist. Only medication will not be as effective as an actual advise from a professional. I think the best thing is a combination of both. I know you said you have financial struggles, but I believe you can find organisations that provides such service for free or at least cheaply. And trust me, it helps. There is something about hearing things from a person who spent big part of their life studying your condition that gives a sense of hope, that this is an illness, just like any other and it can be cured with help of others, medication (if necessary) and personal effort.
Other thing that helped me massively was reading. Previous to that point of my life, I always thought that all these books that thought you how to be happy and such was a big pile of BS, and then my doctor advised me to read https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326 . Buying this book was the best decision I made during my recovery process. This book, together with my doctor, who based her practice on his theories helped me understand all my mistakes in thinking that eventually led to depression. This is called - cognitive theory - please google it when you have a spare moment. It is very practical and very detailed and I cannot stress enough how important it is to read to every person suffering any form of depression and/or anxiety!!! THIS IS A MUST. PLEASE BUY IT ASAP AND READ IT!!!!
Besides that, I see a lot of people suggesting taking up some activities and they could not be more right. Dota is a great way to escape negative thoughts, as you get immersed into the game and the only negative thing for another hour are the 9 other people :))) But when you take up an activity, it brings purpose and a sense of achievement. Let me give you an example. I worked at a big corporate firm, I was overtiming like crazy in order to show my superiors that I was worth promoting but everyone was busy with themselves and never noticed my efforts, over time it got so frustrating that one thing at work could determine my mood for a whole week. And then I started working out. Every evening after work I would go to the gym and work out, I also started eating healthy, I lost a bunch of weight and every night after my workout I would feel good (I wrote "great" at first, but good would be more fitting) even if before I felt like doing nothing and not going anywhere (just generally empty inside, I believe you are familiar with that feeling). Same goes with playing sax I guess. Even if the day sucked at work, after working out or playing an instrument for a while you fell like you did something for yourself, you improved, you were active, healthy and busy and this is great. Eventually I changed my job too and everything got better. I was very happy even though before I thought I would not find such a good spot money wise and I was afraid to leave. I found one even better in every aspect and my colleagues are great!! I would strongly suggest to start looking for another job while still working at current place. It can only get better. If your job sucks so much, it can not be any worse, right? Worst case scenario, you will end up at the place just as bad, but it will not be worse, so the chances are on your side. No need to be afraid, trust me (trust a random guy on the internet, yeah right :)).
In conclusion, every time you find yourself in a black hole of emptiness thinking all kinds of negative shit about yourself and how this is so bad and it will never end - remember - depression is causing it and DEPRESSION IS AN ILLNESS, it CAN be controlled, it CAN be cured and you CAN fight it! You will need help so don't be afraid of asking for it. Please see a psychologist and read that book (I promise I am not a sales guy :) that book helped me so fucking much and I sincerely believe it can help you too). Once you realize that your thoughts is the main reason causing the depression it will be much easier to fight it. If you have any additional questions let me know, I will try to do my best to help! I believe in you, we believe in you - stay strong and beat this shit!!!!
I wouldn't really say Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is based on Buddhism, and doesn't really teach meditation, mindfulness and loving-kindness the same way as Buddhism.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is based on the principle that your feelings have a lot to do with how you think, and that negative feelings often come from irrational thoughts. CBT provides a toolkit of techniques to help critically analyze thoughts, for example see Dr. David Burn's Feeling Good Handbook.
For example, when you feel down, you can use the triple column technique, writing down your negative thoughts in column 1, identifying the pattern of irrational thinking in column 2, and writing down the more rational thought in column 3, while measuring your mood before and after the exercise to gauge its effectiveness. This practice of inquiry and measurement lets you experimentally determine the CBT technique which is most effective for you.
Thus, CBT is a practice of rational inquiry into thinking patterns, using rationalizing techniques to achieve objectivity. Meditation and mindfulness don't really seem like a CBT techniques, although they do achieve similar effects by using objects of meditation (such as the breath) to allow more objectivity over our thoughts, another way to break the negative feedback loop of negative emotions.
You have already identified this as a jealousy issue. Jealousy comes from insecurity, comes from fear. You are insecure and irrationally fears that she will leave you or doesn't love you or you are not good enough or something. You suffer from negative thinking patterns. Are you by any chance identifying your thought patterns with these mindtraps?
This is a personal issue of insecurity combined with depression. If it wasn't jealousy, you would have found something else to be upset about. Ignore all comments telling you to "get over yourself". It doesn't work. You need cognitive therapy. You can look up self help books like the feeling good handbook, but proper therapy is absolutely recommended. If you just look into options, you can probably find something. Not sure if video calls are an option, but you could look into that.
Not the same as face to face therapy but "Feeling Good" by David Burns is generally regarded as the CBT Bible https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0452281326/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=0PF37X037RKQCZ26N22H
Helped me a massive amount.
Your situation sounds incredibly similar to mine - except I'm a few years down the road from you.
I've now graduated from both college and from law school, and have been working as a lawyer for about 6 years. I still procrastinate far too often. (Right now is a good example).
Anyhow, about your question here's what I've done. Hopefully some of it is helpful to you.
Read up on procrastination - it's kind of fascinating. You know what you should be doing, but there's a disconnect between intention and action. Work isn't rewarding (short term). Not working is rewarding (short term). It'll be exactly the opposite down the road, but intellectual self can't convince emotional self to suffer the difficulty of work to experience the reward of having done something well and on time. And the reward of maybe playing some guilt-free video games or whatever else.
Cognitive behavioural therapy is also a very good idea, but I had difficulty finding a counselor and, once I found a good one, part of the difficulty in treating chronic procrastination is the fact that you're gonna want to procrastinate on the work you have to do to deal with the procrastination.
What's been very, very helpful to me is mindfulness meditation. 99% of the time I was just reacting without really being aware of the underlying difficulties that I was facing. Mindfulness can help start to untangle reactions and emotions and can help you start to see more clearly where the breakdown between intention and action is happening. You can find some good intro to mindfulness meditation lectures at audiodharma.
For CBT, in addition to finding a good counselor, the Feeling Good Handbook was recommended to me and is quite good. It has a terrible, cheesy title, and that's just life. The content is excellent.
Anyways, long story short, like someone else here said, willpower is a muscle, and you're going to have to exercise yours. Some of the tools I've listed above will make it easier to figure out what is at the root of your personal struggle and that, in turn, will make it easier to see when you're making that choice to procrastinate. But the simple answer is that there's nothing but hard work that will ultimately solve this for you, and I'm right there working hard with you.
The fact that you can change your behaviors, attitudes, moods, and beliefs means that you are not those things. You are not your behaviors, skills, beliefs, or attitudes. Then who, after all, are you? You are the creator of your thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs. You are the creative force behind the ability to change those things about you. Congrats for realizing that the old depressed you was never really who you really were anyways, and neither is the new you. Sometimes you will feel depressed and sometimes you will feel happy - these states don't define you as a person, but by experiencing both of them at times you get to be a whole human being.
I think you may want to check out CBT as others have suggested. Try this book for starters: The Feeling Good Handbook.
You can also check out NLP as someone else suggested. The main difference is that the aforementioned CBT has many studies proving it's effectiveness, whereas NLP does not. That doesn't mean NLP isn't effective, just that it hasn't been studied as much. You're likely to learn very similar concepts and techniques either way, so either one is good depending on personal taste.
Oh man, that’s really hard. I wish I knew more, I wish I could be more helpful.
There’s a book a got in lieu of therapy called The Feeling Good Handbook that I bought because of its section on communication, but the rest of it was great too. Maybe give it a shot.
Good luck out there, I truly do hope you find happiness.
The fact that it's mentally taxing and time-consuming means that it's likely working exactly as intended!
CBT saved and changed my life when I was at my darkest about six years ago. I've gone through some CBT here and there since then, but a lot of the lessons I learned the first time around have stuck with me and have helped over the years. To my understanding, CBT at its core is ultimately about learning to identify, catch, and fix your distorted thinking as it's occurring. This can be quite uncomfortable and exhausting at times, but it's 100% worth it in the end.
Also, if you aren't clicking with your therapist, find a new one! If you don't click with them, try another. That's not to say that you haven't found a great one already - just don't get discouraged if you don't feel like you mesh well. That's just part of the process, and therapists truly want clients they think are the best for each other.
Finally, I would really encourage you to stick with it for at least 8 sessions. It's tough but it's worth it if you really need it! (Although, I firmly believe that anybody could benefit from CBT - even perfectly healthy people who don't have any mood disorders.)
If you're looking to learn more about CBT and maybe try out some therapy in conjunction with what you're doing with your counselor, I would highly recommend The Feeling Good Handbook. This book is all about working through CBT on your own and provides a ton of extremely helpful exercises and overall informs you very well on the whole process. Keep in mind it's best used in conjunction with an actual therapist, especially if you're going through an episode of particularly bad depression or anxiety.
Welp, this ended up being a lot longer than I expected - I guess that's because CBT is very important to me, scientifically proven to work very very well, and I'm super excited for you to begin your journey with it. Keep at it, friend! In any case, good luck with your endeavors, and feel free to ask if you have any other questions. :)
I’m so, so glad for you. I know what it’s like to shrink the world down to a tiny, bleak, manageable place and it is so awful to be there and not know how to get out. Or even if there is an out.
Honestly, the main reason I browse this sub is because I see a lot of people in a lot of pain, without the internal or external resources to get help. Sure, there are the psycho shitheads, but most are just in a pit and only have anger and self-loathing for company.
It sounds like you have a lot of negative thoughts around women that you can’t shake yet. One really great resource for that is CBT, which you can do on your own. There’s a book called The Feeling Good Handbook which helped me out a ton. You have my full permission to roll your eyes at the incredibly dorky cover image and his goofy stories, but the exercises and the vocabulary were incredibly helpful. The only thing I don’t love about it is he’s somewhat discouraging about meds.
The other one I’ve had recommended to me by several professionals which I haven’t read yet but mean to is The Upward Spiral
The other other online resource I can recommend is this dating advice site geared towards guys. There’s a lot of good advice on building confidence and how to make conversation, and the author thinks women are people.
Also, just watch some women-made stuff: movies, TV, blogs, etc. It’s easy to think of us as an exotic species but we’re just people. Stuff like that can help humanize and make it easier to empathize with us.
Speaking of meds, I didn’t get a good sense of whether you struggle with anxiety or depression. If you do, you can go to a regular ol doctor and talk with them about it. They can prescribe basic stuff that will work for most folks. Meds won’t change you or fix your problems or forcibly make you happy. They will make that spike of fear less and lift a lot of the crushing weight of anxiety/depression.
If your doctor doesn’t take you seriously, find a better fucking doctor.
Therapy is great but it can take a while to find somebody that clicks that you can also afford. I highly recommend it if you can, and also be persistent and don’t settle. There’s a lot of terrible therapists out there and a lot of amazing ones.
>In that year alone, I must have rejected/turned down at least two dozen different women. I'd usually feign interest in them, then ignore/dump them quickly thereafter. To this day, I have no idea why this is. I don't know why I felt so angry towards women.
I wonder if it's because you view the world through a framework of hierarchies and inadequacy.
You've put yourself under tremendous pressure to excel, to be worthy, only to repeatedly fail to reach your own standards. So along come these attractive women who want to be with you, which must feel very validating. Also, they're more or less strangers, so there's no consequence if you dick them around. Basically, rejecting these women gives you the opportunity to be the one doling out disapproval rather than the one experiencing it. Instead of feeling contempt for yourself, you can project it onto others and then watch from a position of emotional safety.
>Oh, another thing that I enjoy doing is hating myself, or self depreciation. Again, I don't know why I do this. But when I try to answer these questions, I'll tell myself things like: "You'll never get married, nobody could ever love you the way you are. You're a loser, you can't do anything right, you fuck everything up, just fucking kill yourself".
I used to verbally beat up on myself when I was younger. It's fucking miserable but it's also very satisfying. Plus it even feels virtuous in a sick way - look I'm not being a jerk to others, I'm being a martyr by being a jerk to me!
One of the most useful things ever said to me was by my ex boyfriend after witnessing me berating myself again. He looked me dead in the eyes and with a voice that was gentle but also clearly over my shit he said
"You know, when you beat up on yourself you are the most self important person in the world." It stopped me cold because I immediately knew he was right.
To be frank, there's a lot of ego involved in self hatred. Casting someone down in a ditch is just the flip side of putting them up on a pedestal. Seriously, compare the following:
Let me assure you, this self-hating issue you describe is common to human beings for a lot of reasons (and commonly for your reason) and YES, you can overcome it, absolutely. Therapy will help, but until you can afford it, you will have to work on it yourself.
Healing these sorts of things really is a process, and consistency (working on it every day, for a short time) will likely work best.
I am not a therapist, but I think it's pretty obvious when you are fed guilt and shame messages about being gay all of your life, there's a big buildup of emotional baggage that weighs you down. By 'weighs you down' I mean causes you to have automatically negative thoughts and feelings (e.g. guilt) to your own natural gay feelings and desires. Judgmental religious environments will, in a sense, train you to feel this way through explicit and non-explicit signals and messages they give you about homosexuality.
Your job is to recognize and challenge these automatic responses. Every time they happen, you should be prepared to slow down, pull the thoughts and feelings apart and have better, positive messages to replace them. At least, that's a start.
I would recommend The Feeling Good Handbook as a very good guide to this process and for other ways to combat your guilt and self-hate feelings. You are likely to find it in any decent library, so should cost you nothing to obtain, but if you can't find it, PM me and I will buy you a copy.
Don't limit yourself to this, though, find other reading recommendations and learn all you can about how to help yourself, if you are so inclined. Positive Psychology is one area to look into. In any case, don't hesitate to get a therapist once you are able to. I'm sure you can improve your mind on your own, but I think most research ties the best outcomes to having a caring therapist... and once you can, shop around for one - don't just take the first thing you can get!
CBT is THE recommended treatment for depression, anxiety and OCD, and numerous studies have proven it is EQUALLY as effective for treating depression as SSRIs/anti-depressant or anxiolytic drugs.
(However, for severe depression, SSRIs PLUS CBT therapy is the best treatment).
If you can't afford CBT, start by buying the books Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns. They are the CBT Bibles.
And make sure you actually do the little work assignments in the book. Just passively reading will not help you.
I'm compartmentalizing my sexual needs while unwinding any cognitive distortions that come from the fucked up situation I find myself in. This isn't a destructive use of CBT. This is me finding meaning in my own choices and not trying to read her mind or let the static I get from her guide my own self-evaluations. No black & white. No all-or-nothing. No overgeneralization. No emotional thinking.
It took me way too long to unwind myself from the destructive mental loop I had going: she's not happy, so I take it personally, so I feel like shit, so I act worthless, so she acts like I'm worthless, lather, rinse, repeat. Working through Dr. Burns' Feeling Good Handbook -- Amazon link, no kickback -- was a lifesaver for me.
Nothing is stopping her from seeking treatment. We're trying her on a new round of meds right now, in fact. But I have to be responsible for me first. Put on my own oxygen mask, so to speak.
I hear you on so many levels. I HATE cleaning but I like a clean house. I've been doing a purge and repainting for about a year and a half. Slow steady progress because like anything else it's one step forward two steps back. Good on you for finding a list that works for you! I made a weekly schedule a long time ago. It's pinned to my fridge but I don't use it. Daily goals is the way to go. Take it easy tho you're growing a baby and nobody could fault you for doing what you can. And your husband? He's a damn champ!
And yes that negative self-talk is a bitch. My issue is with anxiety and a little depression (about being anxious mostly). This might sound crazy but what works for me is using that bitchy voice to tell my anxiety to fuck off. It's the enemy not you.
Been in counseling about four years now for this and before I even had my first appointment they recommended me this book and about a year later therapist recommended this one. They're both great in that they have those checklists you were talking about. The second one is a bit daunting. It's about as thick as a Stephen King novel but they're not meant to be read cover to cover. I skipped around finding chapters that applied to me. They're both quite helpful if you're looking to do a little "homework" on your own.
And yay for cleaner! Someday I hope to be able to have everything in order and just have someone come in to maintain the clean. One mess at a time :)
Attached and The Feeling Good Handbook. As she handed them to me, I just kind of thought to myself "really?" She chuckled and said to give it a try. I left her office and purchased those two books from a local bookstore around the corner from her office and they were honestly great.
Oh, I see. I'm glad to hear he's gotten better!
I'm sad to hear his insurance doesn't cover it. Makes me grateful to live in a country where we have more or less free health care...
I have a tip which won't cost a penny: Borrowing self-help books at the library and/or looking into some websites with suggestions on how to understand himself and rationalize anxiety disordes like OCD. As far as I've heard, there's a lot that can be done with just your own effort as well as with the support of a signifigcant other. Regrettably, I don't know any good books on the subject, but I imagine they'd easy to find (reading reviews on Amazon, for instance). The only book I know of which I have myself and which is quite good is "Feeling Good". It covers negative thoughts well as catastrophe thoughts, and has a lot of practical assignments. As far as I understand, OCD is an expression/a type of catastrophe anxiety ("I have to check the stove/plugs/wash my hands 123 times to get rid of bacteria ... Or else I will, in the worst case, die or at least end up badly damaged/see my loved ones suffer that fate").
I've realized that a lot of my own OCD/anxiety thoughts stem from my childhood, mostly both my mother and grandmother (who both suffer and suffered from sever anxiety) more or less brainwashing me into thinking that mostly everything is very dangerous. If your husband hasn't looked into his childhood for possible reasons for his OCD, I highly recommend it. I have another friend with severe OCD, and sadly, his treatments are mostly very short-term, seeing as the sessions mostly consist of him and the therapist touching the sink, the toilet etcetera to "prove" that it's not dangerous -- instead of discussing why he is so afraid of bacteria, and what he thinks will happen if he touches bacteria ("Catch HIV [and die]," he's told me himself), and what these fears are rooted in before learning how to rationalize them.
Incidentally, both my friend's mother and father are extreme worriers who will text him a lot when he's here ("Did you there all right? When are you coming home?" (This was when he lived at home, but he recently got his own place (He's 28). His parents live 5 minutes away, though, and visit him constantly...))
Sorry for the long rant, this (reasons for OCD and the treatment people get) is something that's been rattling in my mind forever, and I haven't had a chance to put my thought into words until now.
Feel free to visit those of us in /r/bipolar2, it's a supportive community.
I'm newly diagnosed but I've been dealing with the symptoms for a very long time. I use a combination of medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, good habits, lots and lots of data, and self-awareness. It's a defense in depth. Each one is a layer and a safety net.
Mood stabilizers reduce the highs and lows. If you start slipping, you might need to get some medications adjusted. Recommend having a specialist for this.
Antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds can deal with depression or anxiety that can come from bipolar.
Helps combat negative thoughts. If I know I'm getting stuck in circles of bad or stressful thoughts, I pull out a worksheet and spend 15 minutes identifying what's wrong with my thinking and come up with positive thoughts to counteract the bad. It doesn't make depression and anxiety go away but it does lighten my burden significantly.
The book I'm learning this from is called The Feeling Good Handbook. I strongly recommend having a therapist as a guide.
I go to sleep at the same time every night, as much as possible. Sleep is absolutely critical to maintaining stability, so I make it a priority.
Routines are extremely helpful when you're not 100%. Relying on your brain's autopilot really helps. If you're not too depressed, keep up your exercise.
My best habit is to not let failure stop me. I have bipolar, I will fail and I will fail hard. Failure does not mean I give up. If I can salvage a victory, I better damn well try. This mental illness will not control me.
On my phone, I have a bullet journal (stored in Apple Notes) and a mood tracker (Daylio app). Both of these things help me get stuff done and keep track of my life. Every important detail of my day is recorded. Every month I review both of these and look for patterns. What are things that affect me? How can I make my life better? And most importantly, what good things have I done?
This last one is critical to my success. There are so many good things my memory misses. Bipolar lies to me and tells me I'm worthless. My journal tells me I'm awesome.
I also use calendar alerts and timed reminders, to combat my time blindness.
This is where routine, good habits, and data meet. Because I'm constantly checking and measuring myself, I always know what mood I'm in. I know what I'm capable of in each mood.
I know that when I'm manic, I overestimate my own ability. So my good habit is not allowing myself to commit to anything beyond what I can handle when I'm mildly depressed. I allow myself 1 weekly obligation outside work plus 3 bi-weekly ones.
If I'm heading into depression, I cut everything optional from my schedule and buckle down for a long, difficult road. I plan to do a lot of housework and reading. I plan meals with good friends at least once a week so I don't isolate myself.
This is a lot of trial and error but eventually you figure out what works and what doesn't.
Right now, I feel really good and I'm thinking that I don't need meds or therapy anymore. THAT IS A LIE. Routine saves me. I am not allowed to skip meds or therapy homework because I don't think I need them. I have seen what happens to my uncle when he skips meds. It's not pretty. I WILL NOT BE HIM.
Treating bipolar is like treating diabetes: take your meds, sleep, and eat right. Do not ever think you will not have it. It is life long and requires constant maintenance. The good news is it gets easier.
Congratulations to you on what you've accomplished - your story is very inspiring. I was diagnosed with social anxiety about 5 years ago and went to therapy for 6 months. During that time I worked through The Feeling Good Handbook, which was very helpful, and I thought I was "cured" for almost a year. I have since relapsed and I feel as bad as ever, so your story gives me hope that someday I will be able to get through this. Thank you.
It sounds like you're in therapy and taking meds. I would continue with this if it's working or work on finding something else that does (new meds, new therapist). You'll need even more support now than you did before. If you feel you're in a crisis, don't feel ashamed to call a suicide hotline or your therapist. This stuff is terribly tough to deal with and there is no shame in getting help. Be gentle with yourself.
By the way, if you didn't already know this, suicidal ideation is normal for those with trauma in their backgrounds and PTSD. I know this because I'm being treated for this myself. If your therapist doesn't have experience with trauma and PTSD specifically, you might want to find someone who does. There are specific treatments for this.
My therapist just gave me materials last week that say that people with trauma and PTSD symptoms tend to feel suicidal and hopeless, believe that it'll never get any better, and can be VERY pessimistic about the future (this is my experience exactly). Just know these thoughts and feelings are symptoms of PTSD and depression and are NOT true. You CAN take actions to make your life better.
As far as the relationship goes, it might be best to just accept that it's over and focus on yourself right now. It sounds like you have enough to deal with and a relationship is probably not the best thing to be in right now anyway. I wouldn't try to get him back as it sounds like he made it clear that he was done and this going back and forth business never seems to work out in the end. Even if you do get back together, some time apart might be best at this point.
I always recommend Getting Past Your Breakup to people as well as the author's blog (which I'm reading right now in fact). These resources helped me tremendously with my last breakup.
I also recommend books like Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook, which have helped me tremendously as well. If none of this appeals to you then know that there are many resources available and I'm sure you can find something that does.
Journaling those raw, painful emotions helps too. My first therapist told me to do this for years and I never did. I do now and just getting that shit out really DOES help. It helps if the journal is secure, like if you use a software journal there are ones with encryption. In Feeling Good he really pushes you to journal and do the exercises, and not just read the book. He also says that people tend to benefit from ANY act of self-help.
Anyway, I know this is tough stuff and probably more than most people could ever bear. It sounds like you've dealt with a lot so you're probably stronger than you realize. Good luck to you.
I will take a shot at answering your question. I think there are some strategies to make it better. Not everything is going to work for everyone.
The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns
It's a non-meditation suggestion, so I'm not sure how well received my suggestion will be, but this is the sort of thing CBT is really good at conquering... While it covers a lot more than just habitual negative daydreaming, getting in the habit of that way of thinking will just naturally cause those to lessen...
I'd suggest starting with either of David D. Burns MD's "feeling good" books http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1404226616&amp;sr=1-1 or http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1404226705&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=feeling+good+handbook
I've never been shy. But one thing you said made me compelled to comment. "Because I was afraid they didn't actually want me there."
I think everyone has this fear, not just shy people. I'm always terrified of this. And part of it is my depressive mindset. I started cognitive behavioral therapy a year ago, and it's really helpful for exactly this kind of scenario. What you're doing, according to CBT, is fortune-telling and mindreading. You're assuming people don't like you. You're predicting they will dislike you. You don't have real evidence to support these ideas, but you keep telling yourself them over and over again, right?
There's a book I'd highly recommend you read called The Feeling Good Handbook. It's a primer in CBT and helps you talk yourself out of these kind of moments where you're shutting yourself down and thinking negatively about yourself ("No one here likes me.")
NeverHappy aside, if you are ever in a slump and having a hard time digging yourself out, I have had really good results with the Feeling Good Handbook my shrink recommended me (I'm not much for most self-help stuff; this is the only real book we ever talked about). I have dysthymia, which is basically the opposite of yours, but a lot of the cyclical thinking of depression is universal. It's essentially the basics of modern Cognitive Behavior Therapy, outlined with worksheets and practical exercises, by the psychologist who pioneered it. I go back and flip through it every once in awhile because I find I have lapsed, and I take away something new or that I totally forgot about every time.
I am SO glad she is that much less of a contributing factor in your life, though. That is definitely a win! 2 years is amazing!
Read the Feeling Good Handbook if you can get it. One particular thing that helped me from that book was learning that emotions are a byproduct of our thoughts, not just the other way around. You have to catch your negative thoughts and let them go without letting the chain of negative thinking continue as best as you can. Seems impossible at first, but keep trying. It took me two weeks to stop this negative spiral of thinking and emotions.
Our unconscious mind takes cue and find pattern from our conscious mind. How I see it, is that generally the brain likes to be as efficient as possible. So if you regularly think negative thoughts, it knows to expect that state of mind so it creates it unconsciously for you. That can also be a powerful tool used partly for memory techniques as well btw.
First step is to catch yourself thinking negatively, then try to see the positive version of anything you were thinking about. At first it might feel like you're lying to yourself, but eventually the negative side of your thoughts eventually become the non-truth. Kind of difficult to explain I think, but the problem with depression and negative thoughts is that we believe the negativity. The negative future, no hope for ourselves, etc. And any positive thought is just bs. But we can retrain our mind to think positively and be on that side of the same coin.
Good luck to you.
/u/nezxmi call 1-800-273-8255 if in the US and read this book:
And please report back and pm me if you want to talk to someone.
I'm not OP, but I certainly do. This book helped me out immensely.
You're drowning in negative thoughts and self-hate, but there IS a book I've read that helped me with those same issues.
The GOOD book. Have you accepted Jesus Ch--nonono I'm just kidding.
There is a good book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that turned a lot of things around for me. Here's the link to it on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
You DO have it within you to become loveable, smart, successful, beautiful, and wanted. Definitely not all at once, and a lot of those aspects will need to begin inside of you. You need to love yourself before others will see how much there is to love you about you, too. You can do this. It takes work and commitment. Learning to love yourself when you've got a past as dark as yours, a past that didn't teach you HOW to love yourself, is a hard road to walk. I'm walking it still myself and I'm nowhere near the end, but I do know I'm better now than when I started, and tomorrow I'll be a little bit closer to the end of the road because I'm not done walking, I'm not giving up.
About the book: it's cheesy as fuck, and the author (if you see his picture) has a seriously disturbing abundance of forehead...but what he says about depression, and how it's primarily driven by our own negative thoughts, is just completely mind blowing. I understand the exercises may seem silly at first, but do them exactly as he says to do them and you may be surprised at how light you feel afterwards.
PM me if you feel you need any help with the book, or anything else. Hope things improve for you, stranger.
Right there with you. About 3 weeks ago I had a full head of hair. Fairly certain that most of my office has noticed that something us up, I didn't just spontaneously gain a bald spot in that time frame. Sucks but all I can do is try to stay mindful.
My psychiatrist recommended the book The Feeling Good Handbook and it's being delivered today. He mentioned this when I asked about cognitive behavior therapy as any and all medicinal routes I have undergone have proven ineffective for me. If you'd like, I can update you as to my thoughts after having read it.
Take care and don't beat yourself up. You're a human being deserving of love, respect, and happiness. We're all flawed, our's is just a more visible flaw!
Nice try, Mr. Burns. Just kidding. Here's a link on amazon:
The Feeling Good Hand Book by David D. Burns, really helped me a lot. It's based around journaling when you have an episode and rationalizing these kind of statements out. He goes over a ton of common mental traps, how to identify them and how to best combat them).
For example, "Im sure my boss is going to think I'm a fool" is mind-reading and labeling-- In reality you don't know what your boss thinks of you unless you ask, he probably doesn't actually think that based on good work you've done before, and making a mistake does not make you a fool- it doesn't make you anything except a person who made a mistake.
Most of all I really do appreciate his discussion on "should" and "should nots" I'm not even sure I can describe how much my thinking was changed by this book.
>might not follow through with the lessons in the book.
This seems like the obvious avenue for improvement. If a lesson seems promising, try it.
Maybe it would help to try books that are more like workbooks? This is one of the best ever written.
Something that I think is unfortunately not discussed as much as it should be is how to find the RIGHT therapy and therapist for you and what to do before the first session. After working unsuccessfully with a few therapists, I was lucky enough to find one who speaks INTP. :) That obviously makes a HUGE difference. I think him being male helps too (I suspect a lot of other women would prefer to see someone of the same sex, but seeing a male worked well for me). I had worked on myself for years, but by finding the right therapist, I found myself making progress at the pace that I would have expected to given the amount of effort I put in (which was a LOT). Suddenly I went from feeling like I was spinning my wheels, putting in tons of effort for very little progress, to feeling the happiest I'd felt in years—DESPITE the fact that I was experiencing emotional trauma the whole while. Here are some things I wish someone had told me before I started looking for a therapist:
Understand what you do (and don't) want to accomplish, determine what you are and aren't willing to do, and communicate that to the therapist. I Googled what I should expect in an evaluation appointment. You may need to prepare nothing—I was merely told to show up. But being me, I printed some things out beforehand to hand to the therapist. I included present and past diagnoses and treatments (so the therapist had a starting place), my symptoms, my goals (alleviating the symptoms, but also essential for me is understanding and solving the root problem), and desired approach (analytical). The therapist read it and chuckled. He said, "Well, that answers everything I was going to ask you," and then we took a few minutes to clarify some points. He briefly explained his approach to me and what I could expect. I was out of there in well under an hour.
Understand what approach you want to take. Some people want emotional validation and are annoyed when the therapist offers advice. That approach may work for them, but it doesn't work me—I'm not there for emotional validation, I'm there because I need someone else's help to find an effective solution to a problem I can't solve on my own. If exploring my emotions is part of the process, then I will gladly do it, but that's not WHY I'm there.
Understand that a really great therapy/therapist for one person will be an abysmal therapy/therapist for another. I currently see a therapist who, when I cry, does nothing more than wait and listen. He doesn't frown or make soothing sounds/statements or do anything at all to make me FEEL better. That works great for me (he is the only person on the planet I actually don't mind crying in front of and it's BECAUSE he doesn't try to comfort me), but I completely understand why that would instantly turn others off. Likewise, his approach (CBT) worked great for me (I suspect it's easier to work with your thoughts when you're already hyper-aware of them), but it doesn't work for everyone.
Understand that your problems may take some time. Don't go in thinking you'll have two sessions and wham, bam, thank you ma'am, your problems will suddenly be no more. That likely isn't realistic. If you feel knowing the information would make you feel better in some way, ask how long/how many sessions they estimate it will take to effectively address your issues—and understand that it's just that, an estimate, and may change as they uncover more. They're unlikely to even be able to answer that until you've had at least a few sessions. So understand that there is a time factor involved. (One of the most helpful things the therapist has said to me about changing behavior is this: "We severely underestimate how entrenched we are in old behavioral patterns. And we severely underestimate how long it takes to establish new ones." It takes practice, practice, and more practice to override old, maladaptive behavior patterns. Did I mention practice? Basically a lot of what I had been doing in the past would have worked eventually, I just haven't given it enough practice yet.)
Understand when to walk away. If you've given it a fair chance and things aren't working for you, TALK to the therapist about it. They're trained professionals, but they're not mind-readers. ;) If after discussing it they do not change their approach and do not tell you why, tell them you need to know that or you'll walk. (On the other hand, understand when an approach is not working for you vs. when you merely dislike it.) If the therapist or therapy isn't working for after a reasonable amount of time, find someone else who is better for you. Finding someone/something that works for you is huge, so don't be afraid to go through a few therapists before you find what you need (I don't think this is discussed very often).
Understand that the therapist holds the map, but you're in the driver's seat. You select the destination, you choose whether to follow the route you're given, and you do the driving. The therapist can only show you the way there, you're the one who is responsible for taking yourself there. Be willing to do the work and commit to it. The therapist may give you assignments, and they may or may not be unpleasant. Be ready to follow through. Have a buddy help you if you think you need it. I set alarms to remind me.
Extra credit: be willing to do work on your own as well. When I learned my therapist used CBT (an approach that worked fantastically for me because I'm very in tune with my thoughts), I did some research on it and purchased the book The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns and worked through the book on my own even as I was working with the therapist. I think therapy was more effective and efficient because of it. I also found a daily mood log worksheet (oddly enough, through an article about Overwatch) which I found particularly useful here:http://jameslstolz.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Dailymood.pdf
My therapist also pointed me to PsychologyTools.com:https://www.psychologytools.com/download-therapy-worksheets/
Meditation helped me quite a bit too. There are free apps, but I found the Waking Up app to be worth the price if you can afford it. And if you can't, check out "How much does the app cost" under FAQs for how to get a free subscription:https://wakingup.com/
Taking notes during sessions were useful to me because I remember them better to begin with, and have something to refer to when my brain can't retain it all. Taking notes outside the sessions helps me record my discoveries and allows me to remember any questions to ask in pending sessions. And taking notes as I was working through some outside materials was also useful. I know note-taking won't help everyone, but I've found them indispensable.
Metrics were also really useful to me. Periodically taking an inventory of my symptoms over time helped me see that I was improving much more rapidly than what it felt like. I was too close to my problems to be able to see it objectively, but numbers don't lie. And seeing the numbers fall in the recurrence and severity of my symptoms gave me hope (which was huge).
I wish you the best of luck. Don't wait a minute longer to get help than you have to, otherwise you may find yourself mourning the years of your life that feel like they were lost because you didn't take action when you could have (I lost two decades that might have been the best years of my life if I'd sought a therapist earlier). Your life can be so much better than it is. Make finding help to get there a top priority. :)
Feeling Good and Don't Panic are both well regarded books that focus on cognitive behavioral therapy.
The author of Feeling Good also made a workbook to help people process their reactions and feelings.
My husband has chronic depression, and highly recommends both.
Jeg har ikke gjennomført CBT-behandling hos psykolog, men jeg vil sterkt anbefale boken "The feeling good handbook" av David Burns, som gir en lettlest innføring i CBT og inneholder øvelser/"hjemmelekser": https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
Den finnes også på norsk under tittelen "Tenk deg glad".
I haven't found out how to channel anxiety into confidence.
But what I have learned is that there are "mental tools" that will transform the way you think.
This is something I learned once I began seeing a therapist (rough breakup and I wanted to bounce back healthy).
Here are some recommendations I have:
Thank you for your openness. You've taken the first steps into changing your life. NoFap is an essential part of this process, but your depression should be directly addressed by additional means. I recommend reading Dr. David Burns's "Feeling Good Handbook" (http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0452281326/ref=mp_sim_p_dp_1?pi=SL500_SY125)
Well, at least you have this subreddit, and your loved ones. I know I feel the same way; my house is my sanctuary.
I'll just say to keep therapy as an option, because I prevented myself from going for the longest time, but your mind lies to you. Therapy isn't what you think it is. It's whatever you need it to be. If you want to sit in the room and just gather your thoughts, it's okay to do that. It's a safe place with someone who is qualified to guide you through these worries, or anger, or discomfort, whatever you want to work on.
edit: since a lot of the stuff we go through is in our own mind, my therapist recommended this book to me. It's scientific, (which is what resonated with me the most) and it makes a lot of sense. How we process these events are not common sense, believe it or not. :)
CBT would be the therapy that you would switch to?
you should take a few minutes to learn something about it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy
this is the handbook for CBT (cheap) http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
I did CBT and read the book. it helped me get about 25% of the way back to level. I switched over to Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). I found this book to be extremely helpful http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindful-Way-through-Depression/dp/1593851286
my problem with CBT is that I already overthink pretty much everything. CBT is about monitoring your thoughts and then using it's various mechanisms to change those thoughts. For me it just added even more mental gymnastics. MBCT basically means meditating every day and letting your mind heal you. There's no special method or gimmicks. you just meditate.
Feeling Good and The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns are really good.
I highly recommend the feeling good handbook for instructions on how to do this. It teaches you how to write out your thoughts in a productive and structured way and identify any distortions or solutions.
Well I'd suggest talking to the counsellor and before saying anything else, ask if it's confidential.
Another thing that might help is this book: http://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
This book is the bible when it comes to dealing with anxiety and depression. Hope this is helpful.
Many, many things actually. I like the following books. They contain tons of helpful information and techniques without fluff:
Some therapists and psychiatrists offer lower prices for people with low incomes. It's worth checking around to see what the real prices are for your specific circumstances before deciding that you absolutely can't afford it. If you have health insurance at all, check how much that covers as well.
There are a lot of things you can do on your own to help deal with anxiety and depression. It's easier if you have a professional to help guide you, of course. https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326 - this book is a really good guide to the psychological and behavioral techniques you can use. Some people can get huge benefits out of simple lifestyle changes, while others will need more coaching and possibly medication, which means seeing a professional.
It sounds like you are struggling with both anxiety and anger. Any depression involved? You might look into therapy if that's a viable option. If not, you might consider CBT to help with the anxiety and negative interpretations of people. Here's a good resource for that.
I used to walk around with a very negative perspective about people and the world in general. I also hated myself quite a bit, which was a bit ironic given the undeserved sense of superiority. For many, feeling connected with the world is a prerequisite for feeling happy, and happiness is a skill we can cultivate. Here are some other resources that you might find interesting.
All the best!
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/psychcentral I think this one is a good choice.. Or the sane new world
" I'm not taking any medication because I'm not sure if I can afford it."
I get generic Ritalin that's not covered by my insurance; it only costs me $15 for a month's supply. I'm thinking it might be less if I fill the prescription at a Walmart.
Cognitive behavioral therapy has good techniques for dealing with the kind of issues you describe. Have you ever looked into that? Feeling good is a good introduction to it. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
Of course, medication can help with anxiety, too.
"According to Paul Hauck (1974), the two most common fears that people have are a fear of failure and a fear of rejection." So just know there isn't anything that unusual about your fears. However, that doesn't mean it's not a good reason to seek therapy. Here's a brief article on the topic:
Albert Ellis actually encourages people to go out and purposely get rejected so they learn that it's not going to kill them and the fear will stop controlling them. I can't say I was ever able to do that though!
I'm not qualified or experienced enough to give you advice. I didn't start smoking until it was legal here.
I do however recommend buying a book called Feeling Good or The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. It's been translated into a bunch of languages, so it may be in your language. It was published in Norway as I understand.
It will help you with your anxiety. Used with cannabis, I find it very helpful. Even when I couldn't use cannabis, it's still very helpful.
I just wanted to pass that along since no one else is commenting yet.
Hi friend. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. As someone who has experienced a period of depression and anxiety, I can imagine your pain in an all-too-familiar way.
Others have posted prayer as a means by which to overcome your mental health issues. I wholeheartedly agree. Faith and prayer is what kept me anchored in my struggles as well.
In addition, if you find your therapist is not helping, try to find another. There are many, many great psychologists and counsellors out there. You deserve the best possible care you can get.
Finally, look into workbooks for Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy. The ones that come to mind, as there were particularly helpful for me, are David Burns' "Ten Days to Self Esteem" and "The Feeling Good Handbook"
God bless. I will keep you in my prayers, anonymous reddit friend!:)
When I was married, everyone thought we were a 'power couple' -- but only a handful knew how miserable I was. One benefit to being an ENTP is that we tend to have a built in lie detector -- so we can witness genuine joy or sub-par acting.
I keep lists in a plain-text editor. One trick I learned from The Four Hour Work Week is to break everything down to 5 - 10 minute tasks. This works well for me since I respond well to marking things off a list. But you'll have to sort out which system for tracking works best for you.
If your frustration is mood related, you should check out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy -- and specifically The Feeling Good Handbook, by David D Burns. Since you're an ENTP, you might suffice with this very brief summary - http://web.mit.edu/kdrinkwa/Public/splash/cognitive_distortions.pdf
As a total long shot, I get extremely frustrated and angry if I have red food dye. Might be something to consider.
Cognitive behavior therapy for him. There are self-help books too, check out http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326 for a start.
Can confirm, CBT therapy is amazing.
If you want to try the "self help" method look into the "Feeling Good Handbook" [ https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326 ] it helped me tremendously. If you are serious, DO the exercises by hand, don't do them in your head.
I'd you choose to see a therapist (which I highly recommend) please don't be frustrated if you don't have a connection/it doesn't work. Just like any relationship it can take time to find the right one for you.
Most will do a free consultation where you will talk a bit about themselves and they will offer some advice/ideas on how they would treat you and you take it from there.
The success of your therapy will boil down to how comfortable you are around the therapist, and how trusting you are that they know what they are doing and what they say is TRUE.
If you don't believe your therapist, or what they say doesn't resonate with you, then it won't be effective and if anything, it will increase your anxiety because you will assume you are untreatable.
Hope this helps!
I cured my depression by meditation -- I found a good system that helped create spiritual experiences, and whenever I felt down I could meditate and connect with a higher consciousness and feel uplifted.
Meditation is truly powerful -- it's like weightlifting for the brain. You can take a person who has a sickly body and make them strong and healthy through exercise, and meditation does the same thing for the mind.
This book is what got me started, and the author wrote a 3-year meditation / yoga / spirituality course that really worked, and helped me have higher experiences.
Meditation is scientifically proven to lift your mood and increase the activity in the "feeling good" parts of your brain, reduce stress and anxiety, and lift the immune system, so even if you don't believe in spirituality there is still a scientific basis for why it works. (Like weightlifting for the brain). It also gives your mind the extra strength to fight off negative thoughts and focus on relaxing, happy thoughts.
The Feeling Good Handbook is about "cognitive therapy" -- finding the errors in your thoughts and fixing them so they don't get you down as much. It has helped many people and is worth checking out.
Finally, go exercise -- exercise is proven to increase the brain cell growth in your brain, and one theory about depression is that prolonged stress stops new brain cell growth in important mood areas. Both exercise and anti-depressants (IIRC) help stimulate new brain cell growth, which some scientists think is what helps alleviate the depression. In any case, exercise works to lift moods and lower stress.
So, just some thoughts to hopefully help -- Good Luck!
I'll refrain from saying more , because it's easy to make your issue about me, just going to suggest one small thing , if you really keep struggling with these feelings , do yourself a favor and get this book . I had a lot of very similar thoughts and struggled with a lot of the same stuff , but that book helped me a lot :)
Good luck mang.
haha yeah, my ex-wife has this book, and it looks amazingly cheesy what with the Dr. Burns's creepy smiling face on there... but never has the phrase "don't judge a book by its cover" been more apt.
EDIT: I guess this is a supplemental book to Feeling Good. I don't know. Most of the self-help I learned was from Dr. Leary.
Note on worrying
For some reason Feeling Good doesn't tackle anxieties and worrying. I remember that Dale Carnegie's How to Stop Worrying and Start Living deals with it effectively.
Anxiety attacks are terrible, they are probably worse than usual procrastination binges. I hope cognitive therapy has something in its arsenal against anxiety attacks.
Actually, David Burns has a book When Panic Attacks published in 2006. He also tackles anxiety, fear and phobias in part 3 of Feeling Good Handbook.
I found The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook and The Feeling Good Handbook helpful.
It's super easy to feel alone in the wilderness, but lots of people realize how fucked up this world can be. The real challenge is not letting that realization destroy you. It doesn't have to. You can harness the pain in your heart, move past the despair, and become a force of good. I know this is all easier said than done. But it is doable, which means there is always hope.
From just the littlest bit of your personality I've seen, I already have no doubt that you're capable of being such a force of goodness. In fact, you've probably already contributed many positive things to the lives of other sentient beings.
We tend to be very hard on ourselves. If I said "think of something bad you did, some failure," you could probably conjure up a lengthy list of minor mistakes. But if I said "think of something good you did," you would probably be very critical about what would make the list. Maybe you'd think of something small, like choosing to recycle one day or petting your dog or complimenting a friend. But then you might think "no, that's not big enough, so it shouldn't count." And yet all the little mistakes count, somehow. Our selection processes and cognitive biases tend to work against us, as people with depression. It's a good thing to appreciate the little acts of kindness you do, because often it's the little acts that make the most difference. And once you accept that some of your cognitive processes are working against you, distorting how you see yourself, you can take steps toward correcting these self-defeating processes. You might find this book useful toward that end: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1368751982&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=feeling+good+workbook
I'm glad you enjoyed Hyperbole and a Half. You may also like the works of these artists, all of whom have struggled with depression:
Again, grain of salt, your mileage may vary, I'm not qualified to give professional advice and all that. If you get use from any of these things, excellent. If not, there are plenty of other helpful things out there. :)
Check out the book Spark which goes into the data on exercise and depression. The tl;dr is that aerobic exercise is as effective as anti-depressants in clinical trials.
But I'd also include some CBT (especially the book The Feeling Good Handbook), and some mindfulness meditation, both of which have also proven helpful in treating depression, and can be done for free on your own.
If you're not willing to go to therapy to explore some of these things, at least read this. This will help you to explore the root causes behind your emotions that are bothering you.
You sound exactly like me (24/m). In social situations, i'm tense and fiddle with my shirt, shake my leg (if sitting), or some other nervous habit. Many of my friends are by internet association only, because of fear of judgment, and the allowable time lag in conversation. I often suffer from excessive rumination as well.
I've found "the feeling good handbook" helpful (based around principles of CBT). However, i am still very much of a recluse, and at this juncture find it enormously difficult to believe i could ever have meaningful relationships (whether romantic or deep friendship)
Try this: The Feeling Good Handbook https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452281326/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_rXrGzb36BH3BE
I saw a recommendation on Boing Boing years ago and it helped me a lot. I had a lot of anxiety and a was having panic attacks. I didn't even read the whole book...I just focused on the anxiety section and it helped. I still get anxious now and then but haven't had a panic attack since. It completely changes my relationship with anxiety.
I'd also recommend meditation. Headspace really got me into it although I don't keep up like I should. Probably why I'm feeling more anxious lately!
Best of luck!
I recommend The Feeling Good Handbook and The Bipolar Workbook.
Congratulations! You suffer from Clinical Depression!!!
The good news is that the little voice often lies. If you want to learn the ways the little inner voice distorts reality cannot recommend this book enough. It looks like a cheesy-ass self-help book, but it is actually extremely useful for analyzing your patterns of thinking.
This book has an anxiety diagnostic test ( among many others )
Anxiety always depends on the situation and it's definitely something you can manage as you get better at handling your anxiety. It doesn't ever go away for anyone, it's a natural feeling.
Okay, I know where you're coming from. I'm 23 and I've only been coming out of it in the last 2 years or so. First of all, I highly recommend this book.
As for dealing with the loop of pointlessness, I've been there too.
It helped me to directly confront it. Existence is absurd. There is no meaning or point to anything. But that fact is not something to mourn or lament, it is a great thing--it is so freeing! There's no way to mess up life because you're not being judged and there's no way to fail.
Actually you've way ahead of the crowd! Most people never realize this and squander their lives thinking they have to fill roles or acquire certain things or compare themselves to the people around them. They try to fill their lives with consumerism and possessions without even realizing it or why.
Everyday is hilarious if you take a step back and pretend you're hiding in a bush to make a nature documentary on humans. One thing is people take themselves way too seriously. Go to a store and watch some.
Another thing is that feeling depressed makes me feel more unhappy because I don't feel like I have a reason to be unhappy. It's okay to feel feelings. Moreover feelings are feelings--they just happen and they aren't always logical.
Something that definitely helps me feel better is exercising, which can be as simple as going for a bike ride for an hour.
A big thing that makes me feel bad without realizing it is stress. When I get stressed out, if I don't realize it, I start to feel especially nihilistic.
Do you know if you have something like social anxiety? I didn't realize that I did. Once I confronted that, lots of things got better as well. The level of alienation I felt greatly diminished.
Lastly, the economy is crappy. Might as well not worry about things you can't control. Volunteering is a good suggestion. Is there something in your town you can get into? Something I unexpectedly fell in love with was making newspapers. I got into a student newspaper for a few years and I was a generic engineering student amongst a bunch of poly-sci's. It could be as simple as photography--does someone have a camera you can regularly borrow? You can learn about the mechanics of cameras, which are everywhere, and then go for walks and find some cool photos.
Finally, 99.999% of humanity has been little drops, but the amazing thing is that the complex and productive world that we find ourselves is the result of thousands of years of their everyday decisions.
Hopefully you wont miss this (and I don't know if it has already been mentioned) but have you considered a bit of cognitive behavior therapy? From reading over what you wrote, I think it could possibly help you get out of your mindset. I sometimes feel really socially inept and stupid but now I realize a bit of this might be in my head.
I'm currently reading "Feeling good handbook" http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
And so far it's really kinda helping how I think it situations. Usually I would find that I get in negative mind loops but now my way of thinking is a bit changed. This could possibly help your confidence.
The other reason I suggest this is you seem to doubt yourself when you are with new people. I do this too... however this may be a bit in your head "thinking" its awkward etc...
Anyway, hope my rambling makes sense, and hope this may help you a little.... get you in a better mind set =) Feel free to message me if you have any questions on anything or I could give you a more detailed insight...
Feeling Good is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy primer.
Feeling Good Handbook. It's known for depression recovery but has great chapters on anger and dealing with people and relationships.
Why do you think being a controlling bitch is such a bad thing, for that matter? I'm married to a controlling bitch and I like it.
Granted, if I were rich people would call me "eccentric," but since I'm not they call me bonkers.
I know it may sound like I'm making light of your situation, but I'm not trying to be rude. I have battled depression for my whole life. I used to hurt myself, too. One day, I made a conscious choice to get better, and this book helped me do it. It's a little goofy, but CBT saved me.
If you need to talk and think I could help, don't hesitate to send me a message. I'm a good listener!
A lot of good suggestions here, but I recommend working on yourself from the ground up. Specifically, addressing your depression and low self-worth. Your parents have seemingly caused you a great deal of pain and muddied your self-perception and your perception of the world. Counseling is a no-brainer. But what I have found to help me most significantly is reading self-help books that help you work through the challenges of your toxic way of thinking. The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David D. Burns goes into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and teaches you to overcome the warped thoughts that plague many of us. Formal therapy can absolutely help, but for me self-education and working through the concepts described by CBT on my own were extremely beneficial to me in my 20s.
lolol oops. I meant this.
That dog is always a relevant expression of my personal experience, however.
The DBT book mentioned below is a good one. I'd note that it's a LOT of different exercises so it may seem kind of overwhelming at first, so maybe just try some and focus on a couple that work for you. Not everything will work for everyone, but do try to practice and experiment and I think you'll make some progress. I find many of the mindfulness techniques helpful in bringing the focus to the present moment, instead of worrying about what may happen in future or feeling sadness and regret about bad experiences in the past.
For CBT, I always recommend The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. Robert Burns. Basically what it helps you do is to reframe your thinking, identify distortions in your thoughts, and allow you to kind of 'talk back' to your negative thoughts. I recommend the handbook because it really helps to put pen to paper and go through the steps in the book.
With both these books, you'll get out of them what you put in. If you just sit and passively read it, you won't get much out of it. But if you really WANT to change and try to follow through with what it says, I think you will see improvements.
Work through this book. It is based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Me too! There is a really good basic CBT book, ages old, called "the feeling good handbook" - it's a really good go-to self help book if you're so inclined.
it's super cheap on amazon:
I've heard 'What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't" by Dr. Novotni get recommended at least once on this sub, and saved it for later consideration/purchase. It is a social skills book specifically designed for adults with ADHD. Haven't read it yet, so I can't personally speak to it beyond to it being exactly about this topic, and liking the title.
I am sure there are also other social skills books that might not be specifically geared to ADHDers that would be good -- maybe even better?
I was scanning some papers I still had laying around, and that included some copies of chapters from two separate books that I remember thinking of as being potentially great resources. The first one is 'The Assertiveness Workbook' by Dr. Paterson -- which I suspect would be targeted more towards social anxiety, but might be helpful in that it would be explicit about how to assert yourself without being too submissive or too aggressive. Though, a potential drawback is that it might assume basic social skills -- though it might not, given that social anxiety would potentially cause one to doubt their understanding of social skills, thus making a review of social skills more defensible. The other was 'The Feeling Good Handbook' by Burns, a psychiatrist, specifically a chapter on "five secrets of intimate communication" -- I am not sure that would be worth buying the whole book or not, but the chapter looked good to me.
Note, I linked to Amazon on all books because it is a fairly standard, mainstream place for reviewing and purchasing books via the internet, and because it often includes previews of books -- it might be worth googling any one of these titles if any of them seem interesting enough. The lattermost one, for instance, is from the 1980s, so I am not sure what else you could find on it at little-to-no cost, and certainly local libraries may have one or more of these in stock as well. I was surprised to find my college library has some workbooks online for unlimited viewing (though limited copying/saving) through their website.
Hope this helps!
You could try this for starters. More affordable than therapy, and lots of therapists recommend it anyway.
You're welcome and "oh dear", I didn't mean to frighten you about taking Efexor. I get so passionate on any subject involving mental illness, that I forget to take a breath and temper myself a bit.
Please be mindful of the fact that everyone is different and so are their experiences. What I experienced on this drug, or any other for that matter, is not to imply you will experience the same.
Knowing as much as you can about a drug ahead of time, prepares you if so you do have side effects, you know what you could expect were it to happen. I like to know because I don't want to be freaked out if something does happen.
The only effect I experienced from missing one dose, is dizziness the next day. Shortly after taking it, dizziness gone and I'm good. I have never gone longer than missing one dose, so I've no idea what other symptoms I might have if I missed more. If you need to stop taking this, your doctor would titrate you down. That's common procedure with a lot of drugs anyway.
No one likes the idea of having to depend on medicine, but I have to and it's a fact I had to come to accept. I can function now and be content with my life. I have things to look forward to. Returning to the way I was before isn't an option - I'm not going back there. So you have to ask yourself what's more important. Feeling miserable or great? Of course we're going to pick the latter, so we do what we have to make that happen.
Taking a little white pill is only one part. Eating healthy and being active is a very big part. Picture the food pyramid. At the bottom is eating healthy. Middle is exercise, and believe it or not, medication is the point at the top.
FYI: Studies show that processed foods, refined sugars etc., can make depression worse.
This is a good article on the causes of depression.
The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns contains lots of good tips for managing depression. He claims that a lot of people who follow his method live a healthy life without anti-depressants. However you will see in the article from WebMD, that there are a lot of factors involved in depression and I would never even hint that someone stop taking their meds. That being said David Burns' method has a lot of merit with or without medication. You might find it an interesting read.
As for alcohol....that is a depressant! So please be mindful of that because what is a depressant going to do? Counter the effects of an anti-depressant!
I like beer myself and alcohol is definitely counter indicated with all the meds I take. I choose to have a beer now and then, and drink wine with dinner on occasion, but I know what and how much I can tolerate. And to be clear, I don't advocate drinking while medicating.
This time I hope I've been able to ally your fears. :-) And always, always, always discuss these with your doctor.
Many therapists will work on a sliding scale. I pay $14 per session. My Zoloft costs $5 for two months (I cut the pills in half as per my doctor's instructions). I pay about $35 (factoring in gas to drive to the pharmacy and therapist's office) a month for my mental health. It's not nothing, but it's less than I pay for my phone, my Internet, my food, or my rent - by a long shot.
I let myself believe that it was too expensive to get help for far too long. I was actually telling this to myself because I didn't want to have to get help for a lot of other reasons. I keep this all very private - literally no one in my life knows that I go to a therapist or that I take medication - and you also have that option. Keep it to yourself if you're ashamed or embarrassed, but also realize that you shouldn't be embarrassed - you should be very proud of yourself for recognizing that you feel something that you don't want to feel, it's impacting your life negatively, and you want to do something about it. That takes a lot of courage.
I also have found the book The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook to be a really good resource for me to work through my anxiety. Your local library may have a copy that you can check out. The Feeling Good Handbook might also be helpful for you.
You don't have to feel this way. Take care of yourself.
There are things you can control and then there are things that when you try to control them, you are being manipulative.
After the complete physicals I mentioned (hopefully done together so you can be a part of hers and she yours and get some shared advice):
CBT is known to be very effective for treating depression and anxiety. But the therapist needs to be trained on it, and more importantly practice it. Most psychologists / psychiatrist do learn about it as it is taught as part of their course while getting their degree. But all they learn is the basics, along with the basics of all the other different therapies. So unless they take additional training specifically on CBT, they won't apply it effectively while treating someone.
Speaking from personal experience - I did one of the exercises mentioned in the "feeling good" book, and identified a root of a dysfunctional thought I had, and when I explained and outlined all the weirds thought behind it it to my therapist, she didn't recognize that I had had a breakthrough and instead said. "Wow, you really have low esteem to have such thoughts and we need to work on it." She was a good therapist, and that's when I realised that while she knew the basics of CBT, she didn't know the current techniques of CBT, and was still treating me mostly with behaviour psychotherapy (that she was comfortable with and understood well).
There is a book called the "Feeling Good Handbook", by Dr. David D Burns that can be used with your therapist. (But be sure to read the first book I recommended, from the same author, first to fully understand CBT). See if your therapist would be willing to use that with you - it requires a little bit of commitment from the therapist too as she will have to read the book, to understand the exercises that you will have to do.
> Have any of you been in this situation?
> How did you pull out of the slump? What can I do as a woman to embrace and feel better about myself?
Therapy. If you want a simpler answer I can recommend this book. My therapist made me use it and it's actually been very helpful whenever I have had the patience/will to use it.
COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY
also probably norepinepherine reuptake inhibitors, as per recent studies.
also exercise for an hour a day. if your therapist doesn't suggest this, drop him/her and move on.
also get your thyroid checked out. all it takes is some quick blood work.
CBT has the most peer reviewed research in its favor of any non-pharma therapy.
get this book and go here to find a qualified therapist.
I will recommend, that if you have the means, try out new therapists. Make that a goal for yourself. Some therapists are shit, some are mean, some are weird, some smell bad, some have smelly offices, but I've learned that like any other relationship, there is the right therapist for you. I would not write them off entirely, because a GOOD therapist WILL get your brain to walk down the right path, for you.
It's funny because I went through severe depression, and in the end the only thing that helped was a book The Feeling Good Handbook, that was recommended by my therapist years ago. It showed me that I am in control of my emotions, that no person or statement can affect me, only I can.
You can do it, just like I can tackle my next goals, good luck!
Sending you lots of love and support across the miles ❤️❤️❤️ I know you’ll get through this as a strong, happy woman at peace with food.
Also, I definitely second the suggestion for CBT (cognitive behavior therapy).
Edit: If cost of CBT is prohibitive, perhaps start with The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns? It’s a workbook you do on your own. Help from a therapist would be ideal, but I know people who are in rura areas with no CBT therapist within 200 miles who have had great success with this approach.
Your topic says it all -- your stress levels seem really high, and given the number and severity of your stressors, that's not surprising. Anxiety can bleed over into all aspects of your life - sleep, sex, general health, mental health. My instinct is that if you can get your anxiety under control, other aspects of your life will follow. Take a look at this and this. I've been working with them over the past couple of weeks for anxiety issues and they're very helpful. Second the motion re: meditation/breathing exercises. Communicate with your SO about your anxiety - make sure she knows it's not her that's the problem! Let her in on the process and let her be part of your solution.
Hey there again, I figured I would share a few more things that have helped me out a ton.
The Feeling Good Handbook - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is gaining a lot of traction as it focuses on directly what we discussed: thoughts leading to negative experiences. Having a book like this is huge, and great for "Bibliotherapy", especially between sessions. It's been great for me to realize when I have been focusing on something negative or blatantly unrealistic (going crazy, having a heart attack, etc) and being able to look at what I'm experiencing more realistically. Realizing that anxiety and panic are not you, and don't define your experience is huge! I'm not sure what type of session you're going to next week, but it could be worth mentioning CBT if it sounds like something you think would help.
Headspace - This app changed my life - daily meditation (even as little as ten minutes) has significantly lessened panic/anxiety's impact on my life, and I cannot recommend this app enough for that. Before Headspace I don't think I had ever developed a 'practice', even in things I love, and now I'm more confident that I can apply these mindfulness concepts to all areas of my life, especially panic and anxiety. While it is subscription based after you get through the first three packs, it is (in my eyes) highly worth it, and if you're interested I have a code for a free month I would love to send to you. There's a specific pack they have called 'Managing Anxiety' that has helped me immensely as it focuses on 'noting' (acknowledging anxious thoughts for what they are - anxiety - thus helping us be able to let things go), and understand when I might be letting panic take the wheel. There's also a single "Panicked" meditation that I have found helpful, though I think that one is much more impactful once you have a firm foundation in some of the other concepts.
The last thing that comes to mind is pretty simple, but really difficult because I know how terrible panic is - telling panic and anxiety to fuck off (literally, I have found myself telling anxiety to f off out loud), and telling yourself/saying outloud "I can cope. I have been through this before, and I have survived, and I will survive again, so come at me anxiety, I can take it". This took me a long time to build up to, but once I stopped letting the fear of panic induce panic in me by accepting it, I noticed a significant drop off in the intensity of the emotions, and sometimes that has been enough to alleviate my panic/anxiety in the moment.
I believe in you, and it sounds like you're doing all of the right things to work through this. I know how difficult this all can be, so you are incredibly brave for starting the process of speaking with someone. It will get better and easier to manage in time. You're not alone in this. Panic and anxiety - for better or worse - are part of the shared human experience, and that can often be a comforting thought when experiencing those heavy emotions. I have found some relief in reminding myself of that.
DM me if you're interested in that month of Headspace, and thanks again for sharing your experience. :)
Not a situation I've dealt with personally, but some friends have been helped by going to Al-Anon. It's free and great if you think you'll be helped most by talking and listening. Not every alcoholic is a narcissist, but many are.
If you're looking for more cognitive-behavioral guidance on identifying and eliminating/controlling negative thought loops she's set up in your head, this is a pretty cheap alternative or supplement to therapy.
Get and read and love Feeling Good by David Burns. It's fantastic for dealing with shit that you worry about that you don't need to actually worry about.
Actually, start here with the larger Feeling Good Handbook. Well worth the few bucks and the time. http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326
After a decade and a half of chronic depression, I finally broke the cycle through regular exercise, self-administered cognitive therapy, and mindfulness meditation. I still get depressed sometimes, but the difference now is that I notice it right as it starts to happen and have a few different effective methods to stop it from sucking me in too deep or for too long. I'd encourage you to give it a try!
Antidepressants such as sertaline (Zoloft) and fluoxetine (Prozac) will help as long as she stays on them, but often times it takes numerous tries to find the right medication for each person. In many cases it helps but will make the patient zombie-like; in some cases it may worsen depression and/or anxiety.
Benzodiazepines such as alprazolam (Xanax), clonazepam (Klonopin), diazepam (Valium), and lorazepam (Ativan) are only a temporary solution. They are also addictive, and benzodiazepine addiction and withdrawal can be worse than recreational drugs such as cocaine and heroin. A psychiatrist may prescribe one of these medications on a use-as-needed basis, but I personally advise against benzodiazepines.
Her best bet is regular therapy. Unlike medication, therapy will help her make progress and deal with her issues as opposed to suppressing them and allowing her to avoid them.
Get this book as well. It may not work for everyone, but a friend of mine who suffers from anxiety recommended it to me, and it's been helping me as well. You'd be surprised as to how much reading a book can help with such issues.
A good psychiatrist will use a combination of medication and therapy to help treat your girlfriend. However, the weight of this rests upon her willingness to be treated and to take the therapy to heart; if she isn't willing to deal and cope with her issues and continues avoiding it, there isn't much that can be done. If she is in the right mindset, however, she needs to find a doctor who knows what they're doing (look up reviews on the web) and make it clear that she seeks therapy and desires to truly recover, and isn't just look for a prescription.
I suffer from a lot of what she seems to suffer, and I am somewhat of an expert on benzodiazepines and GABAnergic medications, along with drug addiction and withdrawal. If you have any questions feel free to shoot me a message.
I've heard good things about CBT and two books: rational living and feeling good
Good luck to you!
This book (ignore the super doofy cover) is fantastic if your anxiety has particular triggers or situations that set it off. It teaches you CBT and it really, really helps me out. One of my anxiety triggers is being afraid somebody I care about is mad at me (love me them family issues) and CBT helps reset jerkbrain and get me through it.
r/depression, r/depression_help, r/EOOD, The Upward Spiral Workbook, The Feeling Good Handbook
Yeah, I'm going to focus on my strengths, not my weaknesses.
And I'm sorry your health care is garbage there :/ There are a lot of ways to start on your own! "Self-help" books (I say "self-help" because they aren't like shitty self-help books lol), online sites, worksheets, workshops.
You can try and see if there is a CBT work group in your area run by a therapist. They might be free or charge a slight fee. If you're not interested in that you can find tons of websites that are free.
[This site] (http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/step1.htm) is great because it has a guided program type thing and it has a toooonnnn of worksheets for all sorts of problems. It might be a little overwhelming at first so I would suggest following the steps and taking it slow.
Also, not exactly CBT but [The Feeling Good Handbook] (https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1483808657&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+feeling+good+handbook) has a lot of steps and helpful exercises to help with procrastination, depression, anxiety, anger, etc. You might also look at [something like this] (https://www.amazon.com/Shyness-Social-Anxiety-Workbook-Step/dp/1572245530/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1483808741&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=cbt+for+social+anxiety) (though I've never read this exact book myself, it looks good).
I've also used the CBT for Dummies book, surprisingly a good introduction.
Definitely give it a try! CBT has helped me so much with my SA. If you have any other questions feel free to ask :)
(for what it's worth I'm going into therapy as a career so I've researched this shit a ton, beyond just my own interests lol)