Reddit reviews The Female Brain

Women bond by gossiping/sharing of information. It's wired into them. I read a book about all this once called "the female brain". Quite interesting.

Guys on the other hand bond via experiences such as playing sports, or working on the same job together, and pretty much anything that qualifies as an experience or an adventure.

This is why men can feel as fulfilled playing a game of football and pretty much no talking as women do with like an entire day of talking about each other's lives/feelings/issues etc.

> You need a counsellor.

I agree. And/or learn to be more mindful, because our brain to a large extent has a mind of its own which can cause problems in many respects, not just regards romantic aspects /r/mindfulness

You will probably also find The Female Brain by Brizendine helpful.

A book recommended to me by my colleagues because I teach AP Psych - The Female Brain. Really good so far.

The basic premise is that a lot of the research in neuroscience was always done on male brains, and it wasn't until the 1990s that we started to explore the differences in the female brain. The book discusses how hormones and our brain affect us at each stage of the lifespan. There are also chapters on specific topics such as emotion.

The Female Brain
and The Male Brain by Louann Brizendine was a really good book that I didn't feel like it really needed much knowledge of neuroscience to understand.

I read that in high school because it was in the library, and I was interested in the brain. I might have been 14 or 15 the time, and both books kept my ADD teenage brain interested long enough to read it before I got distracted by another book, video, or something else on history, biology, chemistry, astronomy, science fiction, eta.

It is about gender differences in the brain, behavior, and psychology.
It is has both psychology and neuroscience in it. This is something that might be more interesting
then a general book about the brain.
By reading it, I definitely learned about at least the macro level of the brain. You have to talk about the general in order to explain the differences well. If I read a book about the differences between red wolves and gray wolves, I will learn a lot about wolves in general, too.

>I don’t regret having one, just extremely ashamed of being sexual and communicating it to girls and also showing it to the world. Attracting girls’ attention and whatnot isn’t very hard but progressing things to dating, holding hands and eventually sex is impossible. I can’t even call them or message them on Facebook or Whatsapp because I just feel like an idiot for doing so. Making a move in clubs and bars is also difficult although I once got close to leaving with a girl but she didn't want to. I got made fun of a lot growing up for not having a girlfriend and this made me feel like i do not deserve one. It doesn't matter if I've got the green light to go ahead I just feel really ashamed do it. Even something like looking at a fit girl wearing a short skirt makes me feel bad for checking her out and that I shouldn’t be doing it.


I know what you mean. I've been there myself, but even when I was there I was entirely self-aware of my shame and I was skeptical of the validity of my emotional reactions; I realized they were ingrained. Being aware of your emotional reactions allows you to be emotionally proactive. Your sex-negative problem is mostly an emotional issue, and not much else, right? I've been there. I wouldn't doubt that you are also decent looking and have both latent and actualized social skills. Most intelligent introverts have a lot of potential to be who they want to be because they know themselves more deeply than others. You must use your introverted nature to your advantage and recognize the differences in others and yourself. In all honesty, there are an infinite number of unwritten rules; everyone's abstract/emotional logic is different. Many of them are foundational and predictable, however; including yours and mine. Like anything else, being emotionally predictable is not a black/white issue. It is a grey area, and you have to balance your reliability with creativity.


Being made fun of for not having a girlfriend is just as sexist as being made fun of for not having a boyfriend; gender equal too. Were you ever shamed for not having a boyfriend? It's clearly a matter of groupthink and extroverted style; not for everyone. Dating relationships, for extroverts especially, are often attention-getting and showy. They wear their relationships like trophies won. Usually introverts prefer a more private relationship because they have less social desire and are often shamed because of it. Introverts are “themselves” more often in private. Extroverts are “themselves” more often in public. There is no shame deserved either way, regardless of popular opinion. Both styles have their strengths and weaknesses, and you should try to introject some of the traits that you enjoy in others; regardless of type. That is how you become balanced.


>I’m receiving counselling from a pastor who advocates the whole “no sex before marriage” thing and believes that people should only date to get married and sex is only for making kids which is stupid IMO because I do not plan on getting married anytime soon.


Counseling from a Catholic pastor? Watch out, that is one of the most notorious sex-negative societies out there. They own the abstinence-only charade while they parade horribles. Marriage is not the answer to anything; it is an institution of the state. Anything else attached is sentimental.


If you haven't already, I recommend doing an in-depth study of animal sexual behaviors; especially the most intelligent animals. All animals have sex for pleasure, but some animals are only driven to have sex at certain times of the year; humans are on a 24/7 system.


>I’ve tried the no fap route and gotten very high days counts but that hasn’t really helped me at all.


Sexual frustration doesn't help anyone. If you are mindful, then you can use your libido to further your goals, but it is not an all-cure.


>Got any sources to help overcome sex-negative perspectives? I’m interested in recreational sex not baby making sex.


Absolutely. I recommend starting with actual sex science and learning about male and female psychology and neurology. Then work your way into reading about sex culture. You should also study developmental psychology as you will probably need the clinical context in order to objectively self-evaluate your childhood influences; it is necessary for self-therapy. The best therapy will always be self-therapy; no one will ever know you better than yourself.


Evolutionary Science and Morals Philosophy:

The Selfish Gene

The Moral Landscape

The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined

Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do?


Sex Psychology, Science, and Neurology:

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

The Female Brain

The Male Brain

Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love

What Do Women Want

Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)

Sex: The world's favorite pastime fully revealed


Behavioral Psychology and Abstract Economics:

How Pleasure Works

Freakonomics

Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking

Thinking Fast And Slow

We Are All Weird


Developmental Psychology:

Nurture Shock

Hauntings: Dispelling The Ghosts That Run Our Lives


Empathy Building:


Half The Sky

The House On Mango Street

Me Before You

The Fault In Our Stars

Also check out James Hollis' Understanding The Psychology of Men lecture if you can find it.



Movies: XXY, Tom Boy, Dogtooth, Shame, Secretary, Nymphomaniac, Juno, Beautiful Creatures, and The Man From Earth.



All of these things are related, but it is up to you to make the connections; pick and choose which material suits your interests best. These are the things that came to mind first, and they have all influenced my perspectives.

According to this book, not too much of a big deal. Having a nurturing mother is more important for girls.

This is some of the best advice. I know you miss your wife, but for her to up and leave, she is truly gone. Don't beg, plead, or otherwise try to win her back at this point. I would try to talk with her about her intentions moving forward with regards to the marrige.

Take this as a learning experience (although a tough one) and use it moving forward. I would not focus so much on sex but more on how to build a good relationship. Learn about how women think and speak, it is not the same as men. I found the book "The Female Brain" an excellent read to get you started. Once you kind of understand what drives the thinking, read more on relationships on how you can contribute to a healthy one. This will help you moving forward.

Realistically, you first need to focus on the future of you and your kids right now. Your marriage is most likely over and you need to prepare yourself. It is a big deal and you need to be ready emotionally as well as physically. You kids will have a tough time as well as you. Get them counseling to help them through, as well as your self. Try to eat right, get some exercise, and try to keep everything together. You can get through this, but it will take time. Heal from this relationship, learn about your contribution to the ending of your marriage, and fix those items you can to potentially have a better relationship down the road.

You also need to prepare for a divorce. Use the internet and learn your state statutes. Develop a plan for custody and division of assets. Speak to a couple attorneys (most have a free or low cost consulation) and get an idea of what you can expect. Then execute your plan. Also use the r/divorce subreddit for some advice.

This is a process, be prepared for the long haul. As they say, time will heal all wounds. It will get betetr.

Try reading The Female Brain. Females are massively influenced by their hormones. Males are as well, but we don't have nearly the amount of fluctuation. Medication that alters your hormonal balance will almost definitely influence your thoughts and emotions.

If you really want to get into this topic, go read The Female Brain. They think differently than we do. Keeping that in mind, that pic of you with friends at the cooking class is Straight Up Gold.

Well I don't agree with hate crime legislation because I don't think we should be legislating people's thoughts.

No that isn't what I meant about thought processes. If you read a book like The Female Brain you will see that the brain functioning and development of women is different from that of men. Neither is "better" but it is clear that they are different. So expecting them to have the same thoughts, emotions, reactions, etc is ridiculous at face value.

Being a male does mean something and hormones do effect our minds and behavior. There's pretty solid research on the topic, though you'll never hear it brought up in a gender studies course.

The Male Brain

The Female Brain

If you're interested, check out these books. They're easy but very interesting reads, and I was astonished by some of the differences between men and women.

The Male Brain: http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767927540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373722766&sr=8-1&keywords=the+male+brain

The Female Brain:http://www.amazon.com/The-Female-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767920104/ref=pd_sim_b_1

According to Louann Brizendine, the super qualified (just ask her), totally not biased neuropsychiatrist, it is verbal, emotional, and addicted to oxytocin. But don't worry, that actually makes us better than men (wink, wink).

Not sure if you want books for daughter or you. I have two boys but picked up The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine to try to understand what pregnancy and motherhood was doing to my wife. It won't really help you be an awesome Dad. You don't need to read it cover to cover but it's pretty solid stuff and very illuminating. Spoiler: girls are different than boys.

https://www.amazon.com/Female-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767920104

On being a positive presence, a friend of mine who has raised two amazing daughters told me: raising your kids up right is simple. You just do it by example. Simple...but not easy!

Louis CK has this advice...warning, it's not a fun prediction:

https://youtu.be/RTrCBcrFMCI

I am waiting on my gender scan to decide which book to buy, but there's an author named Louann Brizendine who wrote a book on the female brain and one on the male brain. You mentioned knowing how boys' minds work, so maybe reading her book on the female brain will help put you at ease.

Here is the link. Good luck, you'll do just fine!

Sorry brother. It's amazing that she did this, and for so long. Don't worry about the marriage thing - you'll find someone - it'll work out. It will only take a little bit of time. Have you read this book? http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0767920104
Now, what this person did to you is not normal. But I highly recommend reading this book - it will provide you with some insight that may lead to a stronger process of healing. It's a very quick and enlightening read.
Everything will work out man.

> There are differences in brain structure even at birth.

Are you referring to these books by Louann Brizendine? Because her books theorize the brain structures are different, they do not prove that clinically. However there are plenty of studies which show men and women do act differently, we're just not sure if the physical brain structures are different.

• The Female Brain (book)
  
• The Male Brain (book)
  
  I'd be happy to see studies that do prove brain structures are physically different if you have them.
  

Actually the correct idea is that the female brain matures faster then boys at this age. Not that socially they are more mature.

You should read female studies such as The Female Brain, It illustrated that girls that age are EXPONENTIALLY more mature then men except this is often negated by peer pressure and society norms depending on which culture you look at. In the U.K. and the U.S. the girls were shown to be as or less mature as their male counterpart (on average, basically the dumb of dumb really bring it down) especially when it came to dating since commonly they play the field. The biggest case was the pressure to be accepted by their peers is much stronger in girls then boys at that age.

Actually this is just how the female brain works. Not because she is a princess. Obviously some people are different, but this is pretty typical. This is a good read and pretty short. Also I think it's important to consider that she never said there's not the occasional BJ even when she's not in the mood, she was just saying that's what it takes for her to get actually turned on.

Not that I'm saying you should change your mind about the hookers, I'm sure your money is very helpful for them.

This, albeit being a cliche, is quite true in my opinion. I'm a woman myself, and I really do think that most women operate this way. If you men (and women) out there want to learn more about this - I recommend this book - [The Female Brain] (http://www.amazon.com/Female-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767920104/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311958698&sr=8-1) - that actually talks about why women are more emotional, men are more logical - and want to fix everything. There's more to the book than just that, but it does cover this issue and it will hopefully help you understand the differences.

The Female Brain

I will edit my post to clarify some things you are presuming.

>anti-Mullerian hormones have anything to do with this sort of gender based behaviour, at all.

I'll have to address this in a separate post in the future. It's very hard to argue because this is fairly mundane in neurobiology. "Everybody knows" that spicy foods cause ulcers, except that they don't, it's helicobacter pylorii. "Everybody knows" that sugar makes kids hyperactive, except that it doesn't. "Everybody knows" that gender is a social fiction and there are absolutely zero differences between boys and girls, except that there are. Not a lot of people are interested in science reading and don't really want to hear about it example 1, example 2

A while ago I read a great book called The Female Brain that specifically goes through hormones and the effects they have on our brains (there is a male counterpart as well that I recommend as well), that book helped me stop a lot of this behavior. I have messed up hormones as it is, and yeah sometimes I am hormonal and looking at me the wrong way will trigger a really deep and ultimately not rational anger, but I am working on pinpointing that and separating it from anger that has to do with the other person being an asshole.

It's a hard lesson to learn, and sometimes I still freak out but, for me, it was at least nice to know that there is a difference and I am not always just "emotional"

*formatting edit

> Young girls talk a lot more

You could have stopped right there. I'm going to throw a recommendation for this book as its a good read:

http://www.amazon.com/Female-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767920104

Again a teenage girl's desire for communication and social bonding is very well documented. They even have that saying "Talking on the phone like a 16 year old girl".

> caused by societal pressure

I have an issue with this as well. Over the last few decades we have been playing with this idea of "societal pressures" shaping people. I'm on the other side of the fence with the idea that our nature is what shaped our society in the first place.

Throwing out another recommendation on your second point, also a great read.

http://www.amazon.com/Blank-Slate-Modern-Denial-Nature/dp/0142003344/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368644663&sr=1-2&keywords=blank+slate

You are welcome to challenge any of my opinions but calling them "simplistic" seems rather dense on your part.