Reddit reviews The Happy Satanist: Finding Self-Empowerment

https://www.amazon.com/Happy-Satanist-Finding-Self-Empowerment/dp/1501021737

this book might be helpful , the author was addicted to drug and she found her inner strength in satanism. i think you are going through some similar situation.

These are copied from her site: "When she met her future husband Uruk Black in 2010, she had given up on life after 15 years of addiction. She had tried for 9 years to get clean and sober in Narcotics Anonymous, but their God-based program actually made her use more, convincing her that she was powerless and that only God could step in and save her─except that she was an atheist with no belief in God.

No matter how many times she did the twelve steps, no matter how hard she tried to quit, the addiction returned, bringing more depression. She had finally resigned herself to a slow suicide with the drugs, hoping to withdraw far enough into isolation that she would minimize the damage to others.



But meeting Uruk changed everything. She fell passionately in love with him, and suddenly she had something to fight for. Starr picked up her husband’s Satanic Bible (by Anton LaVey), and found that the philosophy resonated strongly with her. It was this Satanic philosophy of self-reliance and self-empowerment that gave her the strength to eventually beat the drugs for good and build a new life with no room for addiction."

i remember offhand the happy satanist was mentioned in this sub before. haven't read it. know there are other tst members who've written stuff.

Sounds like you're looking for The Happy Satanist by Lilith Starr.