Reddit reviews The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

You should show your GF:

>The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

>"David sets out to understand Asperger syndrome and learn to be a better husband with an endearing yet hilarious zeal. His methods for improving his marriage involve excessive note-taking, performance reviews, and most of all, the Journal of Best Practices: a collection of hundreds of maxims and hard-won epiphanies, including “Don’t change the radio station when she’s singing along” and “Apologies do not count when you shout them.” Over the course of two years, David transforms himself from the world’s most trying husband to the husband who tries the hardest. He becomes the husband he’d always meant to be."

What you did is actually very thoughtful and a hopeful sign for the relationship. You want to make her happy, and you're studying how to achieve that goal.

Betcha she'll never find another teenage boy willing to work on a relationship THIS much!

There's a book written by a married man with Aspergers, about the challenges he's faced and the ways he's dealt with them, called [The Journal of Best Practices] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage/dp/1439189749/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=undefined&sr=8-2&keywords=best+practices). It sounds like it has a lot of good, practical advice. Good luck!

OP, you might be interested in reading the book The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband. It was written by a man with Asperger's who got married and realized that he needed to develop "best practices" for dealing with and understanding his spouse and family.

https://www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/406180/

You are not defective. That would imply that being neurotypical is better. I don’t believe that, except that society’s constructs make it easier to be neurotypical.

One of the coolest guys, who designed the guitars for the rock band Kiss was autistic with Asbergers. You have hidden talents and ways that your brain can organize information that are superior to a neurotypical. You just have to find the way that works for you and train yourself to do it. These books are Asbergers related, I’m not sure what kind of autism you have but they are a good read.

https://www.amazon.com/Look-Me-Eye-Life-Aspergers/dp/0307396185

https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749

Good luck and feel better!

I'm late to this, but I've got to tell you; he's not ever going to change in the ways that you need him to, to be the partner that you want. And I say that as the aspie in a marriage of twenty-one years.

My first husband was an abusive prick; and being young and naive, I thought we could make it work, because I just loved him so much. But it doesn't work that way. Love does not conquer all. Eventually I got to the end of that proverbial rope, and I'd advice anyone in an unhappy relationship not to try desperately to make it work, for years, like I did. All it does is make you more miserable, fighting to mold something good out of garbage. Trust me, it's not worth it.

Having autism, (for a lot of people, anyway; not for all), means that physical contact, and eye contact, are both genuinely uncomfortable. I've been with my partner for two decades. About the only time I look him in the eye is when I'm telling him that I love him.

I would compare looking at someone's eyes to the feeling you get when someone sees you going to the bathroom. It doesn't feel good. Full stop. And that won't ever go away. - I would agree that looking at his phone is rude, but if he's looking at your shirt, or the couch, or the wall; that doesn't mean he isn't listening to you. That's as good as it gets for some of us.

And physical closeness is downright unpleasant. It just is. Personally, in our relationship, we have a set schedule for intimate time. Something that works for both of us. I do it to make my partner happy. He knows it's obligatory for me, and he's fine with that. - And that's something that's never, ever, going to change, either.

No amount of therapy will ever get rid of his autism. "Love" as you define it, will never come naturally to him. If he really wants to keep you, he'll do things to make you happy anyway. We don't feel things the same way you do, but he should be able to understand the concept of necessary maintainance to keep something that he wants. Pets need food, a house requires the taxes or rent be paid, cars need gas, and relationship needs time spent paying attention to the other person.

If he's not willing to set aside a couple hours a day just to talk and/or have sexy time with you, (which is what we do, every night, as part of my daily routine), then I would say you're not important enough to him to justify keeping him as your partner.

That's not autism. That's just him being an ass.

I haven't read it personally, but I hear good things about this book. I gather it was written by a guy with ASD about how he saved his marriage: https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749

David Finch was diagnosed as an adult. He wrote a novel about his relationship with his wife and while it's a limited topic it's still a good novel. link

I am all about tools. While i do not believe this all on yoyr husband, the below book will give him tools and you insights on how high function asp operate.


I will add the authors wife could be a good resource to you.


Be wary to your nature as well. Dominance, selfishness, narrcicsm and other manipulative traits result from relating to kindness and equality. You may not be seeking control, but you likely have it and why you do not trust him. I have found some unexpected dynamics that i can use as tools that emulate confidences. And still working in it.


Good luck....


https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

> https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Can you give a quick synopsis of the book, and what you found valuable?

NAH. I suggest you check out this book: Journal ofBest Practices

NT with aspie bf here. As others have said, journal articles have the most recent stuff. We both liked reading Temple Grandin's books, but those are definitely subjective accounts. Same with this one - http://www.amazon.com/The-Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage/dp/1439189749 - but it made me die of laughter because it remined me of my bf trying to improve and be a better partner :)

As for positives, there are many! Different does not mean deficient. I think the strongest positive for professional life is atypical ideas. The aspies in my life often have radically different ideas of how something should work. This leads to unexpected improvements in design and utility. Another is an idealistic passion for improvement. If something is wrong, they fix it even if it isn't their mess necessarily.

In personal life, definitely some positive examples I have seen are loyalty, exceptional capacity for love, and desire to improve. My personal favorite is the weirdness... I am pretty weird for an nt, but my bf is another whole level of oddball and it is awesome. We laugh a lot :)

You feel that your coworkers don't like you because you have convinced yourself that it is true. You can't read their minds, so it isn't true. You are torturing yourself by focusing on a perceived inability to make small talk, along with a demonstrated pattern of poor impulse control (causing you to overshare or "blurt out" inappropriate things).
Here's the thing: for most jobs, it doesn't really matter whether or not your coworkers like you. All that matters is that you are good at the job. I sense that the real issue here, then, is your sense of social rejection. But please please ask yourself, if this is the case, whether or not it's reasonable or even necessary to be well-liked in the way you want to be.
It sounds to me like you would be better off at working on the issues you know about...when you get excited about something that you are sure interests you and only you, you can excuse yourself with "sorry, I'm probably boring you." For your impulse control issues, the this: every time you want to say or share something, suppress the urge. Give yourself a point each time you are successful. Try to treat it as a game and go for the highest score you can achieve. To get better at small talk, practice asking people questions and listening closely to their answers, so that you can ask follow up questions.
You may suffer from Asperger's and ADHD, but they do not define you. I'd recommend this book, written by a husband who discovered he had Asperger's. His solution to acting inappropriately in social situations was to study people who were good at talking and imitate them (he created a persona called "interview guy" who was based on Howard Stern, who, despite his popular image as a "shock jock" is actually an amazingly talented interviewer. If you don't like that kind of humor, you can do the same with someone else who you can tolerate better.)

You might like this book. I have a son with Asperger's. We both enjoyed it.

https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481746795&sr=8-1&keywords=best+practices+for+marriage

I recommend you read The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch. It helped me feel better because it gave me permission to be myself, and helped my spouse to understand what’s in my head better than I could ever express.

There are several books on this subject
https://smile.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749?keywords=aspergers+marriage&qid=1536111382&sr=8-1&ref=mp_s_a_1_1

Read this one.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage/dp/1439189749

You basically just described my last serious relationship to a tee. Being understanding of one another is very important. Especially being understanding that you are both trying to make it work. If you stop being able to take each others' word and aren't trusting each other, that's when things go down hill.

Bad news, that relationship did not work out. In the end, I grew a lot and figured out a lot of ways of dealing with my disorder but it was not enough to overcome a lot of the pain we'd caused each other. Good news, it can work. I'm in a much healthier relationship these days (4 years later) Just keep working on yourself and growing as a person.

Book recommendation:
This book helped me a lot in understanding what we could have done better.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439189749/
The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

This book was helpful for me and my wife.

> I'm unable to even try to get a diagnosis. Yes, try to get.

You won't actually be able to get a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (AS), it doesn't exist anymore. AS was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in May 2013, I covered some of this in a reply to the post on WHO removing some gender based disorders from the ICD.

In Australia the removal of AS has led to people who would be otherwise diagnosed with AS be diagnosed as having social communication disorder. As social communication disorder isn't recognised as an autism spectrum disorder, there isn't any funding or additional support available to those diagnosed as having it.

> Oh and, the HUGE absence of resources for aspies over 18. It's as if the system assumes it's a "kid thing" and that you either die as a kid (like a lot of orphan diseases) or that symptoms no longer exist as adults.

As someone who wasn't diagnosed with AS until I was 30, this is a big issue. While I am successsfully able to manage without needing professional support, there are aother people I know who can't.

That said, there are a lot of good books and other resources out there. Two that I have found invaluable are Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome and Ashley Stanford's Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships. Being a partner and parent with AS has it's challenges but being a good partner and great father is well worth the effort.

For a more light hearted look at things, David Finch's The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband is a great autobiography which I also learned a great deal from.

If you have any questions or want someone to talk to, you just need to ask.

I'm on the hold list at the library for this book, so I intend to read it but can't recommend it, per se. https://www.amazon.com/Aspergers-Love-Maxine-Aston/dp/1843101157
But I can definitely recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511109289&sr=1-1&keywords=journal+best+practices&dpID=41D6MtJJxDL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

I know you don't realize this, but it doesn't matter if you are tolerant or not. You haven't learned how to behave in public.

When someone posts about their horror movie, you don't post saying horror movies suck. No one at all cares what you think about that and didn't ask for your opinion.

People told you that on that thread, but you still didn't get it.

Maybe you should read this book?

https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749

I know it isn't directly on point but maybe it will teach you how to deal with others more effectively.

The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch. Aspergers isn't necessarily classified as a mental illness, but without some coping strategies it lead to some dysfunction in the author's marriage and other relationships.